Adjust to life away from Home, at University.

RemadERemadE Global Moderator
edited September 2011 in Life
So you have moved out of your home. Flown the nest. Left behind your family but realise they are still there to help you.

I am writing this guide in response to two things.
Firstly, a close friend I know is adjusting to life at University, and secondly, I realise this mindset is not just confined to him. In fact, there are many people who move to University and feel homesick, but hopefully this Guide will impart some of mine, and others, experience.
It is a collection of strategies and observations I have learnt through attending courses and working with my University, and experiencing it myself.

So without further-a-do...
Contents.
  • The week before.
  • Moving in, and the first few days.
  • The first week.
  • Is this normal?
  • Am I normal?
  • Conclusion.

The week before.
If you were anything like me, you were full of a mix of excitement, dread, curiosity and "ohgodwhatthefuckhaveidone?". It's normal. Think of how many people are at your University, in your year. If you are reading this guide then well done, you have made it this far and you are enlightened enough to have found this corner of the Web. You are now more intelligent than the majority of those you will come across at University.

So you've packed, prepared, had some sleepless nights and said the awkward "good luck and goodbye" talks to the Family. Chances are they know of your emotional rollercoaster, and you aren't attending University for them. You are doing it for you.
Everything you do. Every decision you take. Every decsiion you don't take. It's for you. Don't let your Aunt Mavis blackmail you into finishing because she wants you to. If you can't do it for yourself, you can't do it at all. It's like kicking a drug habit.

So, the day is rapidly approaching whereby you have to move in. I can tell you now that you're not alone, and things will go smoother than anticipated.

Moving in, and the first few days.
Moving in is always a muddle. Cars and gawping Students everywhere, combined with some moron wanting to leave already. Follow the Grey Man guide I wrote earlier and just get on with it. The more attention you pay to idiots, the more their emotions will effect you. If you can, notice a hot chick moving in, or get talking to members of Staff. University can seen a dauntingly huge, open place where you don't know Lecturers or Staff as they are just a name behind an email, so when you have a free minute, get talking. It will help you to no end.

Once you have moved in (I'm not telling you how to move boxes here, but remember to use your knees, not your back), spend some time with your Parents if you want. Go for a meal, walk round the City or just, if you were like me, tell them to sod off and smoke a joint. Do what makes you happy. This is your room now. This is your world, and soon to become the place you do everything in.

Over the course of the next few days, if they haven't moved in already, you will soon meet your housemates. If you haven't already found them on Facebook, now is a good time to get talking to them as they are, I guarantee it, feeling just like you. Imagine a flock of sheep turned loose on the world with no Shepherd. Pretty funny, but it's true.

"OMG, I have to do my own laundry"
"Fuck, what about shopping?"
"How do I know what my timetable is?"

All these questions. The most standard ones asked by Students to break the ice is a combo of
  • Name
  • Age
  • Where you're from
  • Subject they study

It gets repetitive as fuck, and sounds like a cheesy dating show, but hey. If you can ask something different, then it will make you stick out.

The first few days will see house parties and Security doing their rounds. If you fancy going to one, chances are you won't be turned away as you can buy people with beer and tales of life. Just be sociable if you want. If you don't, then feel no pressure to be. If your housemates are the sort to go clubbing and you aren't, then so be it. The worst Students I come across are those who live the life they aren't used to as they end up depressed, injured and tend to leave.

Bear in mind this is your first year as well. It's hard to fail, and keep it clear in your mind that there is more to your new world than booze, loud music and late nights. Shit, I used to go for walks round the fields here and trip on mushrooms and meditate when I found the perfect spot. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Isn't that the point to life? DO what makes you happy? And you aren't annoying other people - unless it's cooking stinky shit or having insanely loud sex which gets you a noise complaint.

The first week.
You will meet your lecturers, more First Years and Staff in this time. Prepare yourself for embarrasing, cringeworthy shows about coping with loneliness, depression, drugs, bullying and other crap. That's what it is - because as someone who has lived with Students for 2 years, those who have issues tend to leave them behind once the shock is over.

In my training I learnt of the 4 stages of Student life, mostly aimed at Foreign Students, but it applies to everyone.
  • The honeymoon stage. "Shit, it's awesome, I love everyone, I'm in heaven!"
  • The withdrawn stage. "Ok fuck this, I hate these people. I'm gonna sit in my room and play TF2/American Psycho until it all blows over, not realising it can make the issue worse"
  • The anger stage. "Seriously, fuck these idiots I have to live with. It's 1am, they won't shut up, I want to get some peace and quiet. I know - I have a corkscrew. STOP. This is only temporary. At least I'm not depressed."
  • The reintegration stage. "You know what? Maybe the world aint too bad. It's been a few weeks and I'm getting used to it."

The first week will see you wondering what your timetable is, who these lecturers are and what it's all about. Just take it in your stride as like I have said many times before - you are not alone in feeling like this. The most worrying sort of Student is not the one who you see crying, but the one who does not leave their room!. Believe. They may be playing WoW, or they may be crying themselves into dehydration. In this respect it's good to keep a friendly rapport with your Housemates. You may not get on with them, but you've gotta live with them.

The next weeks will see you get emails, so check them, and just make a note of your lectures and times by checking the University Intranet and your own Faculty. Lecturers won't scream at you if you're late. It's expected. The first year is essentially a practice run.

Is this normal?
Unfortunately yes. This is the world we live in and these are the people you are put with. the best way to cope is to realise they are all feeling similar but won't admit it.
The lectures and timetables are confusing, but this is all new to you. The best way I can sum University up is to say
"Imagine you are on a diving board, and you're pushed off. You have to fall as gracefuly as possible and get the best grade despite everything moving at such speed and unexpectedly around you."
As for the people, they are a cross section of Society. Some you will hate, some you will love. The best thing you can do is just reassure yourself you aren't even at University for that long. It will fly by.

Am I normal?
Yes.
I don't know why you would think otherwise. If you don't think you're normal, then at least rest assured that there are people out there worse off than you.
The best advice I can impart is to utilise the Services offered by your University (Support in the form of Counselling, Doctors, Lecturer Tutorials) as these will give you a breathing space. If you have an assignment you don't feel confident doing, then talk to your Lecturer. It's best to do that than to leave it until 3 days before, talk to them and get no support at all.
Counselling is not for nutjobs. If anything, everyone uses it at University. Not everyone takes to it like a duck to water, and it's a great place to get the emotional crap off your chest.
The Doctors are also a good place if you are having panic attacks or just feel like shit physically. I never got Freshers Flu, but if you do, then just sleep it off. If you can blag valium, then all the power to you :hai:
If you aren't the sort to go to Nightclubs, then don't feel forced to. Instead save up and go out with your mates at home if you can. Failing that, I'm sure you'll meet people who hate clubbing or drinking. They are becoming more common these days (no joke) so you're not a weirdo. Try not drinking for 2 years at University. I did, and people rarely asked why. I quite like remembering nights out. Maybe for better of worse ;)

Conclusion.
In summary, University is a king-Hell bastard of a change to your life. Prepare to live with idiots, but you will learn to cope or get on with them over time. I know that by you already reading this that you are above regular intelligence because &T is a place to discuss things like this. Don't let the bastards get you down, and fuck feeling selfish. If you need help, ask!. if you need an escape, give your mates at home a call. If you need support, seek it, or chat to your Family.
Nothing is impossible. If anything, it's all possible here. It's up to you to open your mind and accept it, or at least explore it.
V1.0
18/9/2011
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