What would you do if you were the last person on Earth?

McSkluvinMcSkluvin Regular
edited May 2011 in Spurious Generalities
First I would make sure everyone was gone, then I'd raid a bunch of houses for interesting and useful items. Then I would probably stock up on food from a grocery store.

I would of course also go nuts with spraypaint all over my city. :D:thumbsup:

What would the fellow Totseans do? :confused:
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Comments

  • DirtySanchezDirtySanchez Regular
    edited January 2011
    Track down intoxicants then realize I'm fucked because I have no idea how now am I capable to keep power plants and oil places going and other things like that so I would have to resort back to a primitive lifestyle. Also in this scenario have all humans dissapeared or did they die. If they died then I'd fuck hot womens corpses.
  • McSkluvinMcSkluvin Regular
    edited January 2011
    Also in this scenario have all humans dissapeared or did they die. If they died then I'd fuck hot womens corpses.

    Disappeared...... :o
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited January 2011
    I'll have to find Taylor Swift's body and rape it. Just have to do it.

    Then I'll worry about food, shelter, etcc
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited January 2011
    I'd create the perfect civilization with trained monkeys.
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited January 2011
    I am the last person on earth.
  • MantikoreMantikore Regular
    edited January 2011
    create a harem of blow up dolls
  • DailyDaily Regular
    edited January 2011
    kill myself brah
  • edited January 2011
    Find your corpse and piss on it of course, Skulvin, you pedo fuck.
  • persiaprincepersiaprince Semo-Regulars
    edited January 2011
    Get a small generator going to power my computer. Continuously work on designing AI's that would fill in the empty hole in my life.

    Or masturbate in the whitehouse.
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited January 2011
    Get a small generator going to power my computer. Continuously work on designing AI's that would fill in the empty hole in my life.

    Or masturbate in the whitehouse.

    Why not both?

    I'd find Walt Disney's frozen corpse and rape that racist fuck. :thumbsup:
  • edited January 2011
    I would turn the world into a firing range with no safety rules and proceed to borrow an Abrams, or a B2 Spirit, while on LSD and cocaine.
  • edited January 2011
    Probably rape anyone who's still warm.

    Then go around, doing everything you'd want to do. Blow shit up, steal cars, break into houses and steal things, learn how to pilot an airplane... Then steal it.

    Etc.

    I don't think I'd ever get hungry or thirsty, as food and water are available everywhere. Plus, I could steal all the cars I wanted because one person using everyone's fuel would go a long way.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2011
    This makes me want to watch The Omega Man for some reason...

    I'd rape, pillage and loot. Probably woudl walk around with a weapon on my back, powder up my nose and...fuck, I don't know. Go to Parliament, blow it up as best as possible and then attempt to travel to mainland Europe by walking through the Eurotunnel, then circumnavigate the globe, writing a book, and burying it in case evolution brings new Humans to the Earth (I am convinced there were a race of humans or other kind of intelligent life a few billion years before we came about).

    Edit/Update 7th May 2011

    My initial plan would be to secure supplies to survive. I have a fucking gash medical condition so would need to procure pills, my drinks and other meds...and drugs from Chemists. Generators would also be sought to keep the fridge running for my jabs. Loot a few houses and drive to the house of a few girls I fancied. Go through their shit y'know?

    Once that is out of the way and all unloaded from a car I stole, I would then begin the task of moving to a medium/long term living quarter. Ideally near a river/sea so I could fish, with enough space to grow a range of staple vegetables and a fuckload of weed. I'd then move to said locatuion and settle down.
    Over the period of a few months I would educate myself on various survival and navigational skills, then move around, taking a boat to mainland Europe and circumnavigating the globe remembering to keep a generator going and my meds cold. Along the way, I'd make said book above and take photos of myself around the world, writing my own beliefs down and spending most of my time in a fucked up, moral-less drug haze. Stealing planes, sliding down the pyramids, squatting on Lenin, chill in a warzone, then through Afghan and up to Russia, over to Alaska, down the West Coast, down through Chile, back up through Mexico and onto the East Coast, ending up wherever.
  • kfc v lotkfc v lot Regular
    edited January 2011
    I'd liberate myself a light aircraft and then take it from there I'd also make sure I was armed as I would be paranoid that something would turn up and spoil my fun..
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited January 2011
    Start burning anything religious and then fuck animals.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2011
    Dfg wrote: »
    Start burning anything religious and then fuck animals.

    There's a fine line with me and guys in beast movies. I'd personally hire (if there were some females left) and enslave some females to perform fucked up donkey shows. I'd be like some fucked up despotic overlord who puts explosive collars on the females (if that was possible...fucking fallout 3) to keep them in and either die alone, or surrounded by girls wearing almost nothing.

    But I see what you mean. The lack of human interaction would eventually pressure my perversity to turn to animals.
  • dr rockerdr rocker Regular
    edited January 2011
    Definately at least once masturbate over a dead womans knicker drawer while slowly mumbling to myself. Would be able to tell then if it made a difference with the woman being alive.

    I would probably get all self rightouse about my postition of being the last human being on earth, and see it as my place to give nature a helping hand in removing the scars of man - blow up buildings, dams, etcetera.

    Can you imagine how epic watching a huge man made resevior drain out would be?

    Then I would probably find some where quiet to sit and wait for the cold and the rain to take me.
  • HelladamnleetHelladamnleet Banned
    edited January 2011
    I would smoke SO MUCH METH.
  • angryonionangryonion Just some guy
    edited January 2011
    I would go too NASA head quarters and start broad casting messages too aliens.
    Shit like, hey the coast is clear you can come out now.
    Then the aliens would come down and hook me up up with a hot girl that they abducted earlier,then I could proceed too repopulate the earth with super human Aryans.
  • KatzenklavierKatzenklavier Regular
    edited January 2011
    Hmm...

    Detonate some nukes.
    Destroy a city with some heavy machinery.
    Set fire to a city
    Do every drug imaginable
    Set fire to a fireworks factory.
    Go to the depths of the ocean via submarine.
    Set all the zoo animals loose in the cities.

    Shit like that.
  • dr rockerdr rocker Regular
    edited January 2011
    And seven days in to the end of the world, the few survivors have decided to fuck animals and return the skyline to something it was like around 1430 while being high as fuck.

    Ah, what to do tomorrow?
  • HelladamnleetHelladamnleet Banned
    edited January 2011
    ^^ I highly doubt there was a field of weed the size of Rhode Islind in 1430.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2011
    I would own the internetz finally MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!
  • DirtySanchezDirtySanchez Regular
    edited January 2011
    I would own the internetz finally MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Too bad all electricity and internet would go down quick as shit dumbass.
  • electric wizardelectric wizard Acolyte
    edited January 2011
    Did OP watch the twilight zone marathon that was on yesterday?

    By the way, I have a tattoo of your avatar, minus all of the elemental shit in the middle.
  • HelladamnleetHelladamnleet Banned
    edited January 2011
    Too bad all electricity and internet would go down quick as shit dumbass.

    Not necessarily. What about places that use windmills or have power cells? If there is only 1 person consuming all of the world's natural resources they could be a complete fucking glutton for the rest of their lives without even leaving a carbon fart in the wind.
  • xxombiexxombie Regular
    edited January 2011
    The first thing I thought when I read this thread was "OH MY GOD WHO'S GOING TO FEED EVERYONE'S DOGS".

    First I'd go to all my friends apartments in my building and get all of their dogs, that's about ten. Then I'd head over to my old house and get those dogs, that's another eight. Luckily all these dogs are trained off leash and know me well. So I'd probably get a really cool outfit, road warrior style, and wander my way south with my pack of awesome dogs to keep me company. I'd hit up liquor stores along the way.

    I'd probably go crazy pretty damn quickly, but my dogs would still love me.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2011
    xxombie wrote: »

    I'd probably go crazy pretty damn quickly, but my dogs would still love me.

    Don't let them near Dfg. He'd love them too...
    Dfg wrote:
    Start burning anything religious and then fuck animals.
  • xxombiexxombie Regular
    edited January 2011
    RemadE wrote: »
    Don't let them near Dfg. He'd love them too...

    :sad:


    This thread got me to thinking, what if totseans were the last people on earth. Most awesome society ever, probably. We'd have experts in every field.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2011
    Too bad all electricity and internet would go down quick as shit dumbass.

    L2satire
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited January 2011
    xxombie wrote: »
    :sad:


    This thread got me to thinking, what if totseans were the last people on earth. Most awesome society ever, probably. We'd have experts in every field.

    It would be a utopia and everyone would be tripping balls or drunk all the time.
  • edited January 2011
    xxombie wrote: »
    :sad:


    This thread got me to thinking, what if totseans were the last people on earth. Most awesome society ever, probably. We'd have experts in every field.

    There should be a thread made dedicated to the meet-up of all Totseans in the chance of some kind of worldwide fuck up, like a zombie outbreak.
  • xxombiexxombie Regular
    edited January 2011
    trx100 wrote: »
    There should be a thread made dedicated to the meet-up of all Totseans in the chance of some kind of worldwide fuck up, like a zombie outbreak.

    Would be epic, but would never happen. We wouldn't be able to come up with a place for the meeting to take place.
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited January 2011
    xxombie wrote: »
    Would be epic, but would never happen. We wouldn't be able to come up with a place for the meeting to take place.

    That piece of land nucclearrabbit owned in Texas would be a good place imo.
  • HelladamnleetHelladamnleet Banned
    edited January 2011
    Vizier wrote: »
    That piece of land nucclearrabbit owned in Texas would be a good place imo.

    If she actually owned land.

    Plus if we're the last society on earth, why would it matter who owned anything? I say we meet up at the white house, or the playboy mansion or somewhere cool at least.
  • zeeku777zeeku777 Semo-Regulars
    edited January 2011
    First I'd steal a sick car from someone in my town, Then I'd drive around collecting all the fucking awesome weapons and jewels and shit. And then I'd go to the zoo and train animals to be my friends..

    Now.. Once that's accomplished I would train them to operate some NASA computer's, steal a space ship, And blast off into space cause it'd be the only shit left worth doing with my life. Space Pirates? Fuck yes. :thumbsup:
  • Sarahlov3lySarahlov3ly Regular
    edited January 2011
    I would collect supplies
    Find the most comfortable place to chill at
    Get comfy
    get fucked up
    touch myself
    Then i guess end things.
  • Sarahlov3lySarahlov3ly Regular
    edited January 2011
    I would collect supplies
    Find the most comfortable place to chill at
    get messed up
    get comfy
    touch myself
    Then i guess end things.
  • MasturbatronMasturbatron Regular
    edited January 2011
    I would collect supplies
    Find the most comfortable place to chill at
    get messed up
    get comfy
    touch myself
    Then i guess end things.

    Go on...:fap:
  • DNA4everDNA4ever Acolyte
    edited January 2011
    carbon fart.

    AHAHAHA
    ...anyway I'd probably do drugs til I accidentally OD'd 'cause I'm scared of going to hell for intentional suicide. But there's no way I'm stickin' around for 50+ years with no human interaction. No amount of drugs could make that tolerable for more than a week's time.

    and yeah... pretty much all power would just be done for.
  • JestAJestA Regular
    edited January 2011
    it depends . how was the end brought upon us. apocolypse,zobies,bio-warfare etc.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2011
    DNA4ever wrote: »
    I'd probably do drugs til I accidentally OD'd 'cause I'm scared of going to hell for intentional suicide.

    Let me just put my brain processes into text:-

    scared of going to hell - Sorry dude, your God just left you alone on earth. Where is he now? Hell is Earth, you are there. Death is just the means of transporting from one stream of conciousness to the other.
  • edited January 2011
    RemadE wrote: »
    Let me just put my brain processes into text:-

    scared of going to hell - Sorry dude, your God just left you alone on earth. Where is he now? Hell is Earth, you are there. Death is just the means of transporting from one stream of conciousness to the other.

    Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is. Hmmmm
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited January 2011
    Please post like that all the time.
  • DirtySanchezDirtySanchez Regular
    edited January 2011
    Gary Oak wrote: »
    Please post like that all the time.

    This. It's lulzy.
  • abrnabrn Abrn
    edited January 2011
    I would masturbate.
  • RolfRolf Regular
    edited January 2011
    Build a statue of Rolf, so the ones who come to this planet in the future know of the poetic brilliance that is the most serene Rolf. Rolf would then don the arms and armour of Rolf and sleep, never to wake. For if all but Rolf are dead, then Rolf has failed to complete the oath of Rolf, which is to make sure humanity is alive to convert to the truth, that is, the words of Rolf.
  • blindbatblindbat Regular
    edited January 2011
    I would touch myself
    i came when i read this.:fap:


    but i would go out and pump my sperm into animals . reproduce that if there's no other human females.
  • strapped felonstrapped felon Acolyte
    edited January 2011
    Does that work?
  • electric wizardelectric wizard Acolyte
    edited January 2011
    Raid libraries, pharmacies, liquor stores, and homes

    Amass firewood, weapons (hunting and recreation), and try to pick a home suitable to live in. Obviously, Id pick one with a fireplace or two

    At that point, basically train yourself to live in the moment, out of the fear of the futility of your existence. Learn to create your own meaning, essentially.
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