Religious Scams

tachosomozatachosomoza Regular
edited March 2011 in Man Cave
The world is full of those who have been brainwashed by the elite into believing in imaginary friends called "gods". By tricking the gullible horde into believing that they must obey their masters, whether they be corporations, governments, or people, or face some kind of hell in the hereafter, the elite of nearly every society have built for themselves a willing and ready force of SLAVES. Here's one idea to take advantage.

Fake ghost exorcisms

People, especially poor blacks and mexicans here in the US, tend to be extremely superstitious and often believe that mental illnesses/other strange goings on are really the work of some type of evil spirit.

To pull this off, you will need:
  • A bunch of morons stupid enough to believe in ghosts and pay for an exorcism.
  • A bunch of religious shit (crucifixes, "holy water", etc.)
  • A full repertoire of technological mumbo-jumbo that will convince people that their house is "haunted". Fake equipment and recordings from the "ghosts" will help as well.

Advertise your services via flyers on telephone poles, provide a phone number from a throwaway phone. Pick a nice sounding name for your "business", you can add some religious credentials if you want. The community is full of pseudo reverends and "doctors", so this won't arouse suspicion.

Calls will begin to trickle in from people for which something has gone awry. Their kids/spouse/pets may not be acting normal. They may be troubled by strange noises coming from the basement. A myriad of other things can be interpreted as being paranormal in nature.

When you go to a call, act like a stereotypical religious expert or scientist. Use a lot of big words, and have a lot of fancy looking (but fake) technological equipment that makes a lot of noises and beeps. The caller will usually tell you what's wrong with their house or their loved ones, be sure to listen attentively and examine the "victim", if there is one. Look them over thoroughly, play up any strange marks and bumps on the person as being suspicious. Scare the shit out of them, basically. Then, after a thorough examination of the victim, pull the caller aside and explain to them that the victim is DEFINITELY under attack by a malicious entity. Say that the victim's positive, vibrant energy "conflicts" with that of the evil entity. Again, you must instill a sense of FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN in the person! If you want, you can make up a story about the "demon" and describe what its traits are. If it's a house, simply walk through with your equipment, having it make as much noise as possible. Then, explain that the house/victim needs a thorough cleansing, and due to the extreme danger of dealing with these entities, you require a fee upfront. They'll pay.

Proceed to sprinkle the "holy water" around the house, wave your crucifix around, and mumble incantations. Lead a "prayer gathering" in which all residents of the house take part, which involves shouting "THE LORD COMMANDS YOU TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE!!!!" or some variant of this phrase AS LOUD AS YOU CAN!!! Then, walk around the house with your "equipment". Make it not make any noise. State that the spirit has been found, accept your thanks, and leave.

More to come.

Comments

  • DirtySanchezDirtySanchez Regular
    edited March 2011
    I see the nigger savage has made his way to totse:rolleyes: anyway on topic yes all religion is a scam. It's easy to sell because its the only product that gives nothing in return but empty promises.
  • NegrophobeNegrophobe Regular
    edited March 2011
    Churches, mosques and synagogues have always been prime places for terrorist funding, human trafficking, organ trafficking and money laundering.
  • tachosomozatachosomoza Regular
    edited March 2011
    I see my lord and saviour has made his way to totse :hai:

    Yup.
  • DirtySanchezDirtySanchez Regular
    edited March 2011
    Yup.

    STFU sambo.
  • tachosomozatachosomoza Regular
    edited March 2011
    Back on topic.

    Churches are tax exempt, which makes them perfect for money laundering and other schemes. Lots of organized criminals and drug dealers have washed money through churches, like Negrophobe said. Generally, they kick the churches back around 10% of the total amount.

    Here's a link to the Internal Revenue Service webpage that lists other organizations that are tax exempt. Veterans organizations, Social Clubs, and many others also meet the criteria for tax exemptions.

    http://www.irs.gov/charities/content/0,,id=96931,00.html

    This PDF file goes in depth on many levels, read it!

    http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p557.pdf
  • uofmcamarouofmcamaro Regular
    edited March 2011
    I'm pretty sure a guy named Jim Jones ran a decent scam on poor blacks and mexicans.

    Didn't work out to well for most of them.
  • tachosomozatachosomoza Regular
    edited March 2011
    uofmcamaro wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure a guy named Jim Jones ran a decent scam on poor blacks and mexicans.

    Didn't work out to well for most of them.

    Most scams don't work out too well for the victims. They did get to kill a congressman, though. :p
  • SpeedbagsSpeedbags Regular
    edited March 2011
    I always send checks to that guy with the weird hairdo! He saves my soul every Sunday for only $19.99!
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited March 2011
    uofmcamaro wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure a guy named Jim Jones ran a decent scam on poor blacks and mexicans.

    Didn't work out to well for most of them.

    It ididn't work out to well for the "scammer" either.
  • AverageAverage Regular
    edited March 2011
    I know you wouldn't rake in a lot of money but stealing the offering plate from many churches when its passed around. And just going to several churches.

    Also getting in good with churches and being kinda like the maintenance guy you could steal valuables from the church.
  • tachosomozatachosomoza Regular
    edited March 2011
    Average wrote: »
    I know you wouldn't rake in a lot of money but stealing the offering plate from many churches when its passed around. And just going to several churches.

    Also getting in good with churches and being kinda like the maintenance guy you could steal valuables from the church.

    I knew a guy who was "homeless", this church took him in, gave him room and board in exchange for his work as the custodian/general handyman. He slept in a room above the sanctuary. He wasn't working under his real identity, though. One night, he had a couple of his friends come around with a van, and they cleaned that fucking place OUT. Instruments, offering box (they left the shit there overnight :facepalm:), copper, every fucking thing. They made off with about $9K worth of shit.
  • uofmcamarouofmcamaro Regular
    edited March 2011
    I knew a guy who was "homeless", this church took him in, gave him room and board in exchange for his work as the custodian/general handyman. He slept in a room above the sanctuary. He wasn't working under his real identity, though. One night, he had a couple of his friends come around with a van, and they cleaned that fucking place OUT. Instruments, offering box (they left the shit there overnight :facepalm:), copper, every fucking thing. They made off with about $9K worth of shit.

    Only 9k worth of stuff?

    One of my guitars is sitting in my church as we speak and it is worth at the least 1k.
  • ImmaChrgnMaLAZRImmaChrgnMaLAZR Regular
    edited March 2011
    i knew a guy who was "homeless", this church took him in, gave him room and board in exchange for his work as the custodian/general handyman. He slept in a room above the sanctuary. He wasn't working under his real identity, though. One night, he had a couple of his friends come around with a van, and they cleaned that fucking place out. Instruments, offering box (they left the shit there overnight :facepalm:), copper, every fucking thing. They made off with about $9k worth of shit.

    what nine thousand!?!?!?!
  • tachosomozatachosomoza Regular
    edited March 2011
    uofmcamaro wrote: »
    Only 9k worth of stuff?

    One of my guitars is sitting in my church as we speak and it is worth at the least 1k.

    Yeah. It was a pretty small church that catered to a lower middle class demographic.
Sign In or Register to comment.