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Being Assertive

StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
edited March 2011 in Life
It was 6 years ago this summer that I moved into my first apartment. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Before too long the place became a haven for drugged out teens. There were at least 8 people living there 3 of which were supposed to and 2 of which had a job. I took a second job to help make ends meet. I would come home around 1am and more often than not find people I'd never met passed out on the couch, floor, my bed and once in the bathtub. At first I would be angry about these sort of things and the state of the apartment as it was always trashed. I would yell at people and kick people out but eventually gave up and began a laizzes faire life style. I didn't care who was where or what was happening around me. I simply went with the flow, hardly considering anything anyone else said. Sometimes this would bring me into situations I didn't really want to be in but then I would simply shrug it off. "Whatever" became my catchphrase. Now I am living in an apartment with my girlfriend and roommate. He is disrespectful toward her often when I am not around but recently has started to get ballsy about it.

We had a some friends over earlier this week and all was going well. I was high and getting drunk and enthralled in my chess match when my dickface roommate snatches my girlfriends bottle from her hand and they begin arguing over it. Somehow I was completely oblivious to all of this. Had I actually noticed I would have given him a good what-for until he cowered in the corner as he is one to do. I didn't find out about it until last night.

Last night he was being generally disrespectful and this time I wasn't distracted so I put him in his place. I wanted to hit him but it wasn't warranted.

Now I am on the lookout for more ways to be assertive. Im a pushover and that needs to change. What are some things I should look for? I don't want to just fly off the handle over any little thing but Im tired of being the guy who doesn't care about anything.
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Comments

  • PsychoDelicPsychoDelic Regular
    edited March 2011
    I need to stop being a pushover as well. I use 'whatever' or 'I don't mind' more often than any other fucking word.
    But it's strange as people are scared of me, as in they wouldn't like too fight me, but they're all too happy to take advantage of my often nice nature and probably ridicule me when I'm not there :mad:
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  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited March 2011
    Stick your foot in his ass, it really is that easy.
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  • princessprincess Regular
    edited March 2011
    Your roomate should be respectful to your desire not to live in the party house and not to start shit with your girl. Basicly, you are not the asshole, they are. The people who take advantge of you are not your friends, but in fact your enemies. You should not feel bad in the slightest telling off people who do not respect your property and rules governing it. Basicly you have two obvious solutions, grow some balls and clean house, or move to a new place with your girl, and not accept the assholes who fucked up your old place in.

    Oh, I guess you want to know how to grow balls. Well it is not something that can be taught really. You just have to be a man and figure out what you want and make it happen. Chicks really dig this too. Honestly, you will never be happy in life till you assert yourself. Also, most folks are cowards, if you tell them strongly how things are, not ask them, tell them, they will back down. Now, don't think this means you can whoop everybodies ass, cause you will get put in your place eventually, but do fight for what you think is right for your life. Generally, unless your dealing with a major asshole, they will see you are right and either conceed to your demands or realise the party is over and it is time to move on. Those who move on are not your friends, and should be treated as such.
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  • Native ReserveNative Reserve Regular
    edited March 2011
    To get respect you need to put in a system of respect, Also the environment one is in may effect their mood as well so you will need to put this into consideration. Consider trying to create some general rules for the house and some boundaries you want to lay out to them in a calm collective manner as you don't want them to take it personally. If it really starts to get terrible I would consider moving out as that doesn't seem to be the most healthy atmosphere for maturative growth for yourself and your girlfriend.
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  • TraumTraum Regular
    edited March 2011
    Try making a set list of things that you wish to stand for. Perhaps even write out said list. Prioritize certain aspects that you wish to not be pushed around over. Once you have made the list, refine it even more so until you have found what truly matters and what is truly worth standing up for. Keep in mind these are things like could turn to potential fighting so make them worth fighting for. There is a huge difference in being assertive and being outright violent. Getting angry over every little causes nothing but harm to yerself. The way you defend the things important to you should be thought about before hand. No situation regardless of how small should be handled with a mind clouded with emotion.
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  • GardnerGardner Semo-Regulars
    edited March 2011
    Hello guys....!
    Thanks for sharing useful information ....I really like this kind of informative post...Please keep sharing like these information with us...!
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  • rogermarion007fanrogermarion007fan Regular
    edited March 2011
    Don't go back to the angrier attitude from before -- take on a new one, where you take pleasure in doing whatever the fuck you want and laugh when other people don't know what to do about it. Not saying you should be hostile or anything (unless warranted), or oblivious like they are, but just approach assertiveness like a game and be curious about the effects of what you do, rather than emotionally invested in them.
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  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited March 2011
    Well the douche roommate has moved out. He didn't even have the balls or respect to tell us. He simply packed half his shit and took off while we were at work. He left because he couldn't pay his share of the bills which was pretty minuscule. I swirl with him and the jackass can't even look me in the eye. I go out of my way to avoid helping him at all. Im waiting for him to say something so I can snap but if he doesn't before my last day at work (I pit in my two weeks a couple of days ago) I'll just let him have it.
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  • TraumTraum Regular
    edited March 2011
    I was serious about what I said on the phone to you the other night. I still offer to fuck him up if you can find out where he is.
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  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited March 2011
    LOL I think he is living in his van down by the river.... no seriously.
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  • JustAnotherAssholeJustAnotherAsshole Regular
    edited March 2011
    MissingMuse wrote: »
    LOL I think he is living in his van down by the river.... no seriously.

    Smash his windows, then.
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