Lost 4 pints of blood, died once and spent 3 days in a crappy ward.

RemadERemadE Global Moderator
edited April 2012 in Spurious Generalities
So Sunday night/Monday morning around 3am I had a girl over, and after we were done fooling about I thought I'd go to the toilet.
To my surprise, there was a never-ending run of blood of all shades. Alarm bells were ringing. I stank of fags, sweat, beer, and everything else you could name. Including chinese takeaway my house ordered.

Anyways, I got her back home like the gentleman I am and went to A&E at 06:20, which was lucky as I was ballsed up to the max on beer and other drugs so could easily have a drip put in me and get bloods taken (which I hate). Cue almost 3 days of laying in a bed and having a shower after 2 days (Dfg, I now know how your bumhole must smell on a hot day) and lots of drugs later I am now out. My heart stopped shortly after I was admitted as I had no blood in me and so was on a drip constantly. As for pain relief as my gut had ruptured, it took 40 minutes for them to do the paperwork for one tablet. In short - most of the time was spent biting a pillow and cursing the ceiling...as well as shitting out even more blood in varying shades and quantities. With each passing hour I looked like death. Ironic as my heart didn't had enough blood to pump round.

However on the bright side I met a fit as fook nurse who lives near me, and is exactly the same as me in almost every way. Got her number and then went back to my University room to get my laptop and am now chilling at home as I need 10 days of rest in order for my gut to heal and the valium withdrawals to leave me (no painkillers, but lots of valium. Strange, eh?) Also had cameras and fingers up my arse which was a great topic of conversation. Here's a few photos for your amusement...
Beep%20beep.jpg

Numb.jpg

Tribute.jpg

Blood%20thinner%20%28Medium%29.jpg
I had to inject myself with this much like my other injections. Subcutaneous blood thinner as I wasn't moving for over 24 hours other than to expel blood. Walk in the park, really. Even stole one as a souvenier.

Drip.jpg

Book.jpg
Kept me sane.

You never know when life will kick you in the arse. Make the most of it. I also feel the need to say that despite my behaviour and treatment of my own body which has now been changed, my liver, kidneys, heart and all the other bits that you can tell from blood tests are fine. I was shocked, in all honesty as I take co-codamol on a daily basis which contains Paracetamol (APAP for Americans) which I don't like much due to it's Liver-killing properties. Also after being on a ward for 2 days where 3 of the 6 guys were there for smoking-related illnesses and were literally coughing up lung, I have decided to quit. Not smoked since 2am Monday and no cravings. Thank fuck, and that's that chapter closed. Yes, the odd spliff when I visit Amsterdam, but tobacco is a no-no.

In a way, this was something of a blessing in disguise. Plus that nurse quite enjoys texting me ;) might be a believer in fate. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, is from the same part of London as me, was addicted to Tramadol and hates things like Jack Wills/Abercrombie. Plus she's hot as hell. The new drugs I'm on to treat this infection are pretty good as I'm feeling normal now. Might head back to University tomorrow, but all my lectures are on hold as I had a meeting with my Faculty and Family to discuss it and although they all used to hate me, the lecturers were pretty chill.
I've learnt a lot these past few days.

Comments

  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited January 2012
    Dude, you are either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. I can't decide which. Have a good rest.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    Bro you need to get your ass in TeamSpeak so I can straighten you out. Your behavior is no small cause of concern and you need to let old uncle Beave break it down for you.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    When I have a microphone I will. I've actually been taking care of myself recently but my gut is on the point of breaking hence the surgery in the Summer. Obviously this is a pre-warning to the summer surgery I now need.
    Chilling at home now on a ton of tablets as I am highly contagious due to my Sister being in the same situation (just she was in hospital a few months ago). I wasn't even reckless with this girl, I just needed some company as I had a feeling things were bad due to me having to sleep on the floor the night before as it was cholic, chronic pain.
    Needless to say, I've learnt my lesson and assuming I am back at University on Friday evening, I'll be on Friday and therefore on Teamspeak. My laptop microphone is fecked. That said I don't have a deathwish and it seems to come along when I look after myself. Not eating anything, strict medical regime and giving up my weird moral beliefs to become well again. 5 litres of drips later and a good team of Doctors with some funny old chaps on my ward got my going. No internet connection otherwise I'd have been here.

    It may seem I have a death wish, but this flame ain't burnt out yet.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    I have a sleep study scheduled tomorrow where the VA is going to put me up in a hotel room, wire me up like Rick Moranis in Ghostbusters, and tell me to go to sleep. As if... I can't sleep in my own bed most nights yet alone in a hotel room all wired up, but whatever. The point is unless the hotel has free wi-fi I will not be online until sometime Saturday morning. In other words I may not be in TS between around 5PM GMT-5 tomorrow and about 7 AM GMT - 5 Saturday. So if you get in there during those times and I am not there for ya that is why.
  • DaktologistDaktologist Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    That sucks mang. At least you are still with us.
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    :O Mate, for goodness sake take care yourself! Im really glad your okay though, I cant believe you lost so much blood :O
  • edited January 2012
    Firstly, sorry for not getting on when you texted me to tell everyone where you were. I've just recovered from a 3 day hangover from hell after a drinking session which could have potentially killed me off, so there's my excuse :thumbsup:

    Glad to hear you're alright though. Ruptured asshole doesn't sound like something I'd ever want to go through!
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Heh, fuck you and your hangover ;) wake up on a rooftop?

    Anyways, this is what actually caused it. Turns out the antibiotics I had for my tooth infection did me a LOT more harm than good. I had always known antibiotics aren't good for Crohn's, but this one almost killed me.
    And yes I got a lecture about Chlamydia from the Doctors...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clostridium_difficile
  • ThirdRockFromTheSunThirdRockFromTheSun <b style="color:blue;">Third<em style="color:pink;">Cock</em>FromThe<em style="color:brown;">Bum</em
    edited January 2012
    Sounds like fun! At least it's something you can say you've recovered from, and you'll always technically be stronger from it. Glad to have you back.
  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited January 2012
    So you're saying the anal strap-on she used had nothing to do with it?
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    chippy wrote: »
    So you're saying the anal strap-on she used had nothing to do with it?

    That woman with the cup of tea was right, you do have cheek.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    He sure does! Shame a lady with a "cuppa" likes his cheeks more than mine ;) can't say I'm a fan of having a strap-on up my bum. I've put all sorts up there, but it takes a lot of prep - unlike when Dfg's doppelgangers finger went up there or a camera was jammed up there. Honestly, rolling over in just boxers and a gown with a lubed up glove and me going "do you get paid well? Oh god that feels...is that my prostate? *shudder*" was what got me through. Even when I feel like crap I still kept the humour going.

    Good ol' Brits ;)

    PS. Totally going on a date with that Nurse.
    Didn't know she was 19 though :eek:
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    Just slow down and you will get there bro. BTW I was mistaken my sleep study is not today it is the 20th.
  • dr rockerdr rocker Regular
    edited January 2012
    I would strongly advise you to reconsider the decision to give up smoking. Speak to your consultant about this.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    dr rocker wrote: »
    I would strongly advise you to reconsider the decision to give up smoking. Speak to your consultant about this.

    Why in the world would you advise someone to not quit smoking?
  • ArkansanArkansan Regular
    edited January 2012
    Props on not dying man, that shit sounds awful. Best wishes on a peaceful and quick recovery, I don't know how you feel about herbal medicine but I have heard good things about using Boswellia extract for Crohn's.
  • dr rockerdr rocker Regular
    edited January 2012
    Why in the world would you advise someone to not quit smoking?

    Nicotine acts as a muscle relaxant, antispasmodic, anti inflamatory and alow dose background painkiller. It also is a low level anti-psycotic amongst many other things. I had assumed he had ulcerative colitus (because of surgery planned for the future, rather than surgery now) but re-reading, its crohns, that can be made worse through smoking but it takes around a year after quitting to get the full benefits of not smoking in crohns. His surgery is in a few months so the benefit to his crohns would be pretty minimul in stopping smoking before the surgery; the relaxing and anti spasmodic effects of nicotine would benefit him IMO - conversly, in quitting smoking he is stopping a set of chemicals that help with some symptoms - this is why he needs to speak with his consultant - the consultant may be of the opinion the benefits of stopping now make it worth while but may prescribe something to take over the job nicotine was doing.

    I have known quite a few people who have quit smoking and it haas had a massive detremental effect on their health and quality of life - normally this is people over the age of 60 years. Whilst quitting smoking gave them some time they would have otherwise not had, quality of life was massivly effected by illness and disease that manifested itself due to the person not smoking.

    Most healthcare professionals will not admit to this unless pushed very hard - they prefer to parrot 'smoking is bad, no way it can help you, stop today' - one of the very general messages they give out.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    There are much better and safer ways to get nicotine that smoking.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Yeah rocker, I know what you mean but everyone is different. I actually get cramps when I smoke but I know there are studies into the benefits of nicotine (link), but if they were worth it I'd use a nicotine patch as opposed to carcinogen-inhalation. That said I know what it's like to have an addiction and I don't fancy another one shortly after kicking one to tramadol.
    As for herbal medicine, apart from good quality hash from the Netherlands, I take supplements. Will check out your suggestion, Arkansan. Will also be taking life a lot slower now as I need time for my gut to heal up. On the funkiest antibiotics ever that don't go through your GI tract. That said, after eating my first bowl of cereal in a good few years, I am no longer shitting blood. Woohoo!
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Back at University now. Managed to rid my room of over-clean Parents as I'm on a lot of drugs for the fact a long recovery and contagiousness is in order. On some antibiotics called Vancomycin which bypasses my GI tract apparently. Making me shit out the creature from the black lagoon every 30 minutes but hey - feeling a lot better and been on a lot less opiates. Life aint too shabby.

    Which is where i come onto my next subject. First off, I'm trying to grow a beard after not shaving for 4 days or so whilst in Hospital. Secondly, I had a meeting with my Faculty and Parents and I don't have to hand my Dissertation in until after the Summer if I choose to because this could be a long-lasting thing, so the Faculty said. It's odd considering how much they come across as spiteful little bastards who don't get on with me - but put my Parents and medical forms in front of them and voila! First time I've ever had to use a concessions form. Well happy.

    Oh, and the last point. Hello 5 years of unclaimed benefits for both mental health and my physical health. I am being modest though as I like my independence, but hey - can't complain. For once I can have my medical drinks by law, as they are my only nutrition, assisted travel bills and help with life in general.
    Turns out spending 4 days in a Valium-induced haze with a potentially lethal infection paid off as the right people listened. It takes all sorts.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    Yeah never know what is fortunate or unfortunate until the story is over.
    There once lived a farmer. He lived on a farm with his wife, his son and one horse that the family had raised from a colt. The family planned to enter the horse in the annual country fair and hoped it would win prizes that could lead to breeding opportunities. This would ensure a nice future income for the farmer and his family.

    The night before the fair, a violent storm swept over the countryside. When the farmer and his family awoke early the next morning, they found that the fences had been blown down. Their prize stallion was nowhere to be found. The farmer’s wife was beside herself with despair. The neighbors came and joined in the wife’s grief. “What terrible misfortune has befallen us!” cried the wife. “Yes, yes, this is most unfortunate,” the neighbors agreed. But the farmer said, “Fortunate or unfortunate, I don’t know, let’s wait and see.”

    A week passed and the farmer and his family were sitting at the breakfast table. Looking out the kitchen window they saw a heard of horses galloping toward the farm. It was their faithful stallion, leading five horses and a little filly behind him. He had found a heard of wild mares, and now he was bringing them home. The farmer’s family ran out to open the corral gate for the horses. The farmer’s wife was overjoyed and exclaimed, “What a fortune turn of events, this is unbelievable!” The neighbors rushed over exclaiming, “How fortunate you are!” The farmer just said, “Fortunate or unfortunate, I don’t know, let’s wait and see.”

    Over the next weeks the farmer and his son were busy training the new horses. One day the son was thrown by one of the wild horses. He suffered a bad fall and broke many bones. The farmer’s wife was very upset. Between her sobs she said, “We never should have let those horses in; this is a misfortunate accident! My poor son.” The neighbors came to commiserate with the wife about her misfortune. And the farmer said, “Fortunate or unfortunate, I don’t know, let’s wait and see.”

    Two days later the king’s soldiers came by the little farm. The king had declared war on an adjacent country and the soldiers had orders to draft all able-bodied young men into the army. On seeing the farmer’s son with both legs and both arms broken, not to mention several ribs fractured and numerous lacerations on his face and head, they left him home and continued on to the next family. The farmer’s wife wept with relief, crying “How lucky we are! This is most fortunate.” The neighbors most of whom had had sons taken off to war, said “You are indeed most fortunate.” The farmer said, “Fortunate or unfortunate, I don’t know, let’s wait and see.”

    Some months passed. The farmer’s son was recovering nicely; he was able to walk, albeit with a cane. A messenger from the king’s palace dropped by the farm to inquire about the health of the son. Seeing the son’s improved condition he stated that by order of the king, the son must come at once to the palace to work in the gardens and stables. There was a shortage of workers at the palace due to the war. What could the family do but let their son go? The wife was bitterly angry and cursed the king for his unfairness. “How unfortunate we surely are! We have lost our only son and there will be no one to help us with the farm now.” The neighbors came by to console the wife, murmuring, “What an unfortunate turn of events.” The farmer just said, “Fortunate or unfortunate, I don’t know, let’s wait and see.”

    The king had a beautiful daughter . One day she looked out of her window and saw the handsome new gardener. She fell in love with him and went to her father and said, “Father I have found the man I wish to marry. Please make it happen!”
    The king, unable to resist a request from his lovely daughter replied, “Of course, it shall be done.”
    The next day a messenger was sent from the palace to the farm, bearing a wedding invitation for the farmer and his wife, as well as an invitation for them to come live permanently at the palace. Can you imagine the reaction of the farmer’s wife? She was ecstatic and could hardly contain her join. Jumping up and down she laughed, “This is incredible, how fortunate!” The neighbors exclaimed “Indeed, this is a very fortunate turn of events!” And the farmer as usual, said … !

    The farmer was a yogi in his understanding of karma. He understood that it is best to stay detached and thankful for whatever happens. Life is all ups and downs. Change is the only thing we can be sure of, so why not except it?
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    That really chilled me out and put a lot of things into perspective. It's easy to take the quick (or slow) way out. I even had to have a Mental Health Crisis team in because I wanted to end it there and then
    FuckItAll.jpg

    I don't live for family. I don't live to see the world change. It's friends that get me by - either by threats (ie: If you fucking jump, I will [insert something threatening here]) and this online community. When I reach a low point I look to the future, but I never see past say, next week. I need things to keep me going like monkey bars. Something to keep me swinging along in life (no, not swingers clubs) otherwise I just lose the plot. Staying detached is a creed of mine, and I try my best never to get too involved. I have my times, but can easily pull out - including thoughts of going the same route DKR (may or may not) had. If anything this episode has made me look forward to the surgery in the Summer. At least it's planned and calculated. Not a hashed job of emergency and beaurocracy. Plus, whatever anyone says about the NHS and Socialist-leaning welfare in the UK, they have kept me alive. You may have to wait a little while, but I'm blessed I was born in the UK.

    Brohug.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Hey guess what?

    I'm heading back to Hospital. Been up since since 5am with a repeat of everything :(
  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited January 2012
    Dammit dude!!

    Keep us informed when you can, and good luck.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    I know, right? Well I was up pretty early (5am) with that horrible, warm feeling of gut evacuation many people have experienced. On Thursday I'm having an endoscopy and full colonoscopy with biopsies taken as well as some minor repair work. Of course, depending on what damage they see will determine when my full-blown surgery will be. Chances are it will be brought forward substantially as an emergency case.
    Managed to get a blood test done and have been prescribed the most potent prescription laxative to make sure I'm all cleaned out for Thursday. Just chilling at the Hospital earlier after nicking some lube for some unknown reason. Valium and me turn me into Fagin from Oliver, I swear. Any souvenier.
    Bar%20Rage%20vol%203.jpg

    Also, I was contemplating posting this for a while, but this is a photo of what I've had to endure the past week. Warning - it is a photo of what the end result is. Double spoilered for your stomach. In short, a toilet bowl full of blood (and this is only a mild one). It's not a nice photo, but adds my well-known style of no dignity and honesty to the whole affair which has been my style with &T from day one. Just to throw some realism in there. Open at your own risk. It aint nice but hey.
    Saving%20Private%20Ryan.jpg

    Plus my theme for the past week. As well as being told my University work concessions have been approved (beats the popular hangover excuses as I have never handed work in late) so that's a huge weight off my mind.
  • ArkansanArkansan Regular
    edited January 2012
    Damn man, sucks that you're back in the hospital so quickly. I hope they get you moved to the front of the line for surgery or whatever it is they are going to do, surgery sucks but perhaps afterward you will get some relief. Best of luck in all of this brother.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Yeah there will be some meddling of queues with the NHS (usually you wait between 3 and 8 weeks for surgery depending on the severity (although it's not uncommon to get rushed in if you need be). I hate people that moan about the NHS, although it's not perfect, they are always here for me and hundreds of thousands of others.
    Still passing blood but keeping the anxiety down with morphine (which lessens the frequency I have to get to the bog) and valium (as otherwise I end up panicking and that makes things worse). Plus I get lots of sedation on the day as I'm not sure if anyone else here has had endo/colonoscopies, but damn do they hurt as the person doing it has to pump you full of air to get a clear view. It's like having a fire extinguisher up your arse and you can feel your gut expand.
    On a side note, it's pretty healthy to get a regular gut check up. It's a pretty easily-repairable part of your body, but check-ups are very useful to check for any tumors, sores or ulcers.
  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited January 2012
    I can vouch for the pain of a colonoscopy having had one done twice. The worst part for me was the few hours afterwards, trying to pass the wind. Never felt pain like it. Imagine the worst gut pain from wind you ever felt.....times 10.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    Any procedure that fucks with a mans farts should be outlawed.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    chippy wrote: »
    I can vouch for the pain of a colonoscopy having had one done twice. The worst part for me was the few hours afterwards, trying to pass the wind. Never felt pain like it. Imagine the worst gut pain from wind you ever felt.....times 10.

    You got it! Last week when I had a half one I was on the bog longer than the time I was on my side biting the bed. Any more and I'd have left the gravitational pull of the Earth.
    And lol, Beaver. it is true. As if Guys aren't bad enough.

    Then again, girls farting are just wrong in every sense of the word.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    Girls don't fart, they poot.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Well I'm back at University. Good and bad news.

    Good news is that my gut isn't as bad as they thought. Plus I hold the current record for the most Entinox consumed in one sitting. Half a tank went pretty fast. The technician said "it's a lot like smoking Cannabis if you've ever had tha-"
    my Consultant (doing it all) interrupted by saying "RemadE? Of course he does...what was the best smoke in Amsterdam then?"
    It was like a super indica strain. Low voice, couchlock, shit was cash while watching my arse on screen and listening to Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" with no sense of time. They were tickling my appendix while I was rambling on about the BNP and how I feel bad for making my ex pop her anal cherry while we were coked up.

    In short, I was gone.

    Oh and the bad news, surgery looks set to be brought forward a lot quicker as my gut is twited near my appendix, so bye-bye this semester. With the amount of time I'll have off, it's not worth hanging around so today begins the culmination of University (as far as I know) which will be confirmed by a phonecall on Monday.

    Pretty hectic. Plus yes, Rodent, I was farting like no tomorrow while getting my "lower stomach" massaged by a fit as fuck student nurse, grinning like a cheshire cat. Was good.

    And some more pics.
    Irony.jpg

    Blood.jpg

    When%20I%20come%20around.jpg
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited January 2012
    That sounds like good news and better news to me.
  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited January 2012
    You know dude, you need to do a diary or a blog type thing. "A year in the life of a Crones sufferer" or something like that. And stick the pic's in.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    I have done something like that, Chippy. Can always mail it to you :) it's more of an autobiographical piece but has a chapter on Crohn's.
    I got a phonecall this morning to say the surgery will be put off until the summer as the damage was not as bad as they, or I, thought and they cannot operate when I am on steroids which I currently have 6 weeks to go. Which is great as I am now back into the University swing of things. Went to my first lecture and my Faculty are really supportive. Was getting goosebumps and massive smiles as I walked into my class today (which no other student I know would get, being that they hate having to spend 2 hours a day sitting and making notes). Proper geared up and mentally on a high note so time to get cracking on.

    Big sigh of relief.
    Wish I could have taken photos of my intestines and stuck them up here. I could just about manage the iPod to select Jefferson Airplane when on Nitrous. Good shit :thumbsup:
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Glad its all going well mate, I think once you've had the surgery it'll all go allot better :)
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited January 2012
    Yeah dude. I'm looking forward to it in a non-morbid way. I won't be getting as many painkillers which is a bit crap but hey, if I can eat food and function like a normal human being 95% of the time then all the better. My gut has more chance of rupturing if I don't have it, but I'm worried about my gut rupturing with the surgery - so I need to get my head mentally round it which is where my Social Worker and support team comes in.
    As much as I bitch and moan about my University and others, they really have helped me out lately. Communication is the key, and honesty is the hand that turns it.
  • ArkansanArkansan Regular
    edited January 2012
    Good to hear that things are looking up for you.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited February 2012
    Back to square 1.
    Went out with 2 house"mates" tonight and I was tired of being the nice guy. I've done so much for people during my last week of recovery so I thought why not? I went out to a crappy nightclub I hate but it was the company I went for. Myself and several girls.
    Most of the time I was outside smoking morphine as I was in agony. Popped 25mg of Valium as nightclubs just get to me - but I knew I was in good company.

    We headed down in a taxi, and as I'm honest I paid £2 toward the cost. If anything it was pretty much the full price as it's a popular route. So I didn't take my jacket - rather just had my Nikes, Jeans, a shirt and slip-on over it (like a wollen waistcoat) so as we were getting a taxi back, I thought it would save me a few quid on the cloakroom and I hand the "lead girl" £2 when we get into the club for the Taxi back as I can't afford to get cold and risk going into hospital again as the temperature has a huge effect on my gut and immune system. The benefits I will be receiving soon are for that exact purpose, to avoid walking and stressign my gut. I didn't even dance - I was just chilling with my house"mates" and their friends.

    Anyway, the night passes and I get left by myself, cue the drinking outdoors chatting to strangers (thanks valium) and it gets to about 00:50hrs and I go to meet them. Totally ignored.
    Go back outside.
    I check my phone

    "We got a taxi back as I'm shashedddddd" to that extent.
    I run through the club, cigarette and beer in hand as I needed to get this Taxi home but they were long gone. Cue the 1.5 miles uphill walk home, in agony, having to sit on a cold bench feeling the blood moving towards my bowels and then trotting home because I knew it was going to be violent.

    So they took my money, fucked my trust and knew I had to stay in the warm all because they were "drunk", when if anything I was by far the most intoxicated of the group. For the last 15 minutes I've been expelling blood from my lower end and if it weren't for the valium in my system I'd gladly stab whoever decided to leave me in the cold.
    Once again, back to where I began. Never trust women, never trust anyone. Not even an apology or knock on my door yet their lights are on and I can hear them walking around. Got a 9am lecture but I'm shitting blood every 10 minutes - real thick, dark blood, and I'm in agony. As well as mental angst. Even Security said "it's a shame you don't have your machete any more, because with the way they treated you - I'd fucking turn a blind eye".

    Absolutely fuming. Gonna be fun this next semester putting up with people I don't trust, owe me money and don't even have the balls to apologise even via text.
    Needless to say, a night of morphine, shivering from the cold and boredom awaits me. Might turn my anger into University work. Which is also playing on my mind. Europe is going through a huge cold snap right now, and there's me feeling it to the bone - and gut. It seems really trivial - only a Taxi home, but any exposure which is prolonged combined with the warm sensation of shitting my boxers with dark, clotted blood, is enough to make anyone go to rock bottom. And I'm not even fully recovered yet. I just wanted a nice night out with some good friends which was rather spur-of-the-moment.
    Women. Go do one. And not a penis - especially mine. Sit on a fucking machete and swivel.
  • ArkansanArkansan Regular
    edited February 2012
    Damn that sucks, shit like that is part of the reason I don't go out anymore. You should give those bitches the what for when you see them again. So if I understand correctly these are like your room mates?
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited February 2012
    Change of plans, I am going to bust my ass to meet RemadE in UK. He is my brother and fucking shame on me for not reading this thread. Bro, just hang on, *cries* (not kidding) I will do whatever it takes to reach to you man, just hang on. Take it easy don't fucking jump the gun, we love you and we fucking care about you. I mean FUCKING SERIOUSLY. I would fucking kill those cunts who left you there. Fucking asshole, keep us fucking informed. Call me any time you want, you have my Skype, hell take my real phone number, I am here for you bro.

    24/7.

    Sorry for not responding before.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited February 2012
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited February 2012

    I have a lot of time on my hands, and tonight I will be reading that and applying every single sentence to what I am going through, and going to go through. Analysis of the highest order - just like I do with books. Hang on every word and digest it over hours.

    As for Dfg, after my surgery I want to travel and believe me, the outlaw appeal of Pakistan is wanted me to go there at some point. You know I'll always keep in touch (I know, I can't always get on TS) but this place is family for me. Currently at home with my family and it's beginning to snow so maybe it will be a while before I get to Universiity again. I just need to really exercise self-control. I called my social worker and said "look [name], I am on the verge of harming others. I need an intervention. Come and take me away. You are down the end of my road and I can see you when I leave my front door. FUCKING DO IT!" but all they said was "we are meeting up next week, so watch a film and wait for your Dad to pick you up..what are you watching?"

    "American Psycho"
    "Why?"
    "Because I hate women and have homicidal urges that I hide behind my facade of sanity which is slipping at a faster rate"
    "Well at least it's a film, keep distracted"
    "You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?"
    "What?"
    *hangs up*

    These are the people I have to deal with. No wonder there are cases like Baby P. In short I'm looking at either moving at Uni or thinking of ways to cope, because if I see those people I will fuck them up. Got a "coping with emotions" group on Tuesday which I doubt will help. All that can help is me, so that's why I'm taking the time to read what Beaver posted and enjoy my family company before watching Full Metal Jacket :)
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited February 2012
    Maybe you should do Yoga, pilates, or Tai Chi :) Something to siphon all of that negative energy away and destructive emotion. At least you know a bit more about your 'friends', and more knowledge good thing. Whenever you have time or nothing to do, hop onto Teamspeak and you'll never really be alone. I'm trying to get mine working at the moment and it's frustrating me!! lol But I will have it working soon.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited April 2012
    Also, necro bump but this is my new meme...even my Parents get memes 'n' shit
    http://www.quickmeme.com/Scumbag-Intestines/?upcoming
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited April 2012
    RemadE wrote: »
    Also, necro bump but this is my new meme...even my Parents get memes 'n' shit
    http://www.quickmeme.com/Scumbag-Intestines/?upcoming

    Kind of had a hard time laughing :(.

    Hit me up on Skype bro, I got something to discuss with you.
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