My dad & I covered a cute 13 year old girl with our shit & set sail into the sunise
Dfg
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Found it on Reddit and I am still loling after reading it. IT'S GLORIOUS hahah
When I was about 12 years old my father took my sisters and me on a boat-trip. He rented a yacht we could overnight in so we would sail around for a week and sleep in the yacht, very upper-middle-class I know (papa lost his monocle on that trip). I was pretty excited about the whole prospect and as we arrived at the harbour where our rental yacht was, I became even happier because on the boat next to ours there stood what I can only describe as an absolute babe of a 13-year-old girl.
So anyway we spent that night sleeping on the yacht in the harbour and so did the family on the boat next to ours. There was only one rule when staying in harbour: you can't use the boat toilet, you must use the lews loo located on land. Now during the drive over we had copious quantities of fast food, as my newly-divorced father thought that was the best way to handle an 8-hour drive with three small children on the backseat of the car. I can't say I blame him. The result however, was that I was suffering from the most horrific episode of diarrhoea that night and could not resist relieving myself using the on-board toilet. I quickly panicked, scooped up the shit with a disposable cup and flogged it out of the tiny window the boat's bathroom was equipped with (actually flushing would have woken everyone up on such a small boat and alerted them of my refusal to obey harbour etiquette, thus invoking the wrath of my father). This ritual repeated itself several times that evening and the next day as I woke up quite early, feeling significantly better, I climbed the stairs to the deck to bask in the warm glow of the morning sun.
As I looked to the boat next to us, to my utter horror, I saw the cute 13 y/o girl sleeping on deck on an inflatable matras... she was absolutely covered in faeces! The dark brown stains on her pink nighty could only be the result of the splashes of my frantically flogged cups of diarrhoea. How this dung-covered princess had not awoken from this unceremonious shit-baptisal remains a mystery to me. What's more, I soon discerned particles of shit with a much higher viscosity in her hair and on the side of the boat, this could not be my doing as I distinctly remembered the consistency of my shit and this was not it.
Turns out my father had gone through the same ordeal and dealt with it in the same manner, throwing it all overboard to prevent us from hearing him flush and thus becoming an extreme hypocrite in our innocent eyes. As my by-now-awoken father and I came to these conclusions we decided our only course of action would be to SET SAIL THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. We were disgusted with ourselves and vowed never to mention it to anyone (our sisters were oblivious).
TL;DR My dad and I covered a cute 13 year old girl with our shit and set sail into the sunrise.
EDIT: 1) I'm really glad everyone enjoyed it, I know I had another good laugh about it as I was writing it. 2) We weren't allowed to shit in the harbour because if everyone would start doing that it would become a real cesspool. When you flush on those small boats the poo goes straight into the water. 3) It is spelled 'loo' not 'lew'. I've changed that now, especially for you. 4) Concerning the many, undoubtedly unforgivable, grammatical errors etc. I applaud your knowledge of the english language. Clearly I am not as gifted, forgive me. "I'll leave you to tidy up the woulds and shoulds, wills and shalls, thats and whiches etc."
> http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1vre14/what_is_the_most_disgusting_thing_youve_ever_done/cev5njw
When I was about 12 years old my father took my sisters and me on a boat-trip. He rented a yacht we could overnight in so we would sail around for a week and sleep in the yacht, very upper-middle-class I know (papa lost his monocle on that trip). I was pretty excited about the whole prospect and as we arrived at the harbour where our rental yacht was, I became even happier because on the boat next to ours there stood what I can only describe as an absolute babe of a 13-year-old girl.
So anyway we spent that night sleeping on the yacht in the harbour and so did the family on the boat next to ours. There was only one rule when staying in harbour: you can't use the boat toilet, you must use the lews loo located on land. Now during the drive over we had copious quantities of fast food, as my newly-divorced father thought that was the best way to handle an 8-hour drive with three small children on the backseat of the car. I can't say I blame him. The result however, was that I was suffering from the most horrific episode of diarrhoea that night and could not resist relieving myself using the on-board toilet. I quickly panicked, scooped up the shit with a disposable cup and flogged it out of the tiny window the boat's bathroom was equipped with (actually flushing would have woken everyone up on such a small boat and alerted them of my refusal to obey harbour etiquette, thus invoking the wrath of my father). This ritual repeated itself several times that evening and the next day as I woke up quite early, feeling significantly better, I climbed the stairs to the deck to bask in the warm glow of the morning sun.
As I looked to the boat next to us, to my utter horror, I saw the cute 13 y/o girl sleeping on deck on an inflatable matras... she was absolutely covered in faeces! The dark brown stains on her pink nighty could only be the result of the splashes of my frantically flogged cups of diarrhoea. How this dung-covered princess had not awoken from this unceremonious shit-baptisal remains a mystery to me. What's more, I soon discerned particles of shit with a much higher viscosity in her hair and on the side of the boat, this could not be my doing as I distinctly remembered the consistency of my shit and this was not it.
Turns out my father had gone through the same ordeal and dealt with it in the same manner, throwing it all overboard to prevent us from hearing him flush and thus becoming an extreme hypocrite in our innocent eyes. As my by-now-awoken father and I came to these conclusions we decided our only course of action would be to SET SAIL THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. We were disgusted with ourselves and vowed never to mention it to anyone (our sisters were oblivious).
TL;DR My dad and I covered a cute 13 year old girl with our shit and set sail into the sunrise.
EDIT: 1) I'm really glad everyone enjoyed it, I know I had another good laugh about it as I was writing it. 2) We weren't allowed to shit in the harbour because if everyone would start doing that it would become a real cesspool. When you flush on those small boats the poo goes straight into the water. 3) It is spelled 'loo' not 'lew'. I've changed that now, especially for you. 4) Concerning the many, undoubtedly unforgivable, grammatical errors etc. I applaud your knowledge of the english language. Clearly I am not as gifted, forgive me. "I'll leave you to tidy up the woulds and shoulds, wills and shalls, thats and whiches etc."
> http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1vre14/what_is_the_most_disgusting_thing_youve_ever_done/cev5njw
Comments
You should spread this story more, there's a change the girl will read this in facebook and tells the aftermath
This is indeed tempting