Benzo withdrawal...?
So here's the deal. Up until about... a couple months, maybe three or four... I think it could maybe even be six now? I had been a long-time user of Benzos. I started taking Klonopin years ago, probably two or three years now...maybe even four? I got prescribed Klonopin to start off with, I took that, in increasing dosages, over the course of maybe one and a half years, maybe two years? maybe more, fuck, I don't even know.....actually, now that I think about it, it was probablu upwards of three years. ending my dosage in 2mgs of Klonopin every night before bed.
Eventually, I got upped to Xanax. I was on it daily for a couple months. I think my doctor started me off on .25MG pills and then upped me to .5MG after a while. At the end of my stint, I was taking two 5MG pills twice a day, equaling 1MG a day, usually I would take 5MG when I woke up, and then 5MG at night, or sometimes I'd take them both at the same time.
Anyway, eventually I grew tired of taking these drugs. I was on an SSRI (forgot which one... does it really matter?), a sleeping pills, and 1MG of xanax a day. I started to grow a resentment towards my doctor because I felt that he was not helping my situation, and felt disgusted in myself for taking these drugs on a daily basis for so long. At this point, I had been using an SSRI, a sleeping pill, and Xanax/Klonopin for about 3 or 4 years... honestly, the time is a complete blur in my mind. I really can't put my finger on how long I was on the drugs for. I also can't put a finger on when I started working at my first job, when I got fired from that job, when I started my second job, when I got fired, ect. It's all really just a blur. I'm not completely sure if this is natural for me, or if it's a result from being doped up most of the time.
I also got heavy into opiate use for about a year. I was doing Oxycodone/Hydrocodone and other opiates on a daily or almost daily basis. The withdrawal from them was so apparent and physically debilitating that I believe it may have blinded me from the effects of the Benzo withdrawal... which is what I'm working on getting to.
I didn't think the Benzo withdrawal effected me. I didn't think it was happening, I thought maybe I was immune to it or something. My doctor told me I wasn't going to withdrawal, and I didn't feel like I was withdrawing at the time. However, now that I look back retrospectively over the past few months, I have become increasingly anxious and withdrawn from my friends and society. When I'm around my friends, I no longer feel content and ease like I once did... not that I even felt THAT content and at ease to begin with, I was stuff suffering from severe anxiety when I stopped taking Benzos, infact, I stopped taking them because I felt they weren't helping.
IDK how big of a tolerance I really had. I guess 2mg of Klono a night and 1MG of xanax a day doesn't really sound like much... but I remember when I was still taking K pins I was at my aunts house, and I was sneaking around looking for PKs but all I could find was Klonopin. I took a handful and popped them on the spot, and I also brought a bunch home with me. I believe I took about 10-13MG over the course of an hour, and I felt no effect from it all, that's how large my tolerance was after taking a steady dose for so long.
Anyway, I'm starting to think maybe the stoppage of these Benzos is/was affecting my life more than I really noticed or thought. I'm scared my friends don't want to be my friends anymore, even though my good buddy still calls me on an almost daily and at least weekly basis. I usually ignore his phone calls and send him to voicemail, and he will usually leave me a voicemail. I hardly EVER answer my phone unless it's work calling. The only times I really feel comfortable around my friends is when I have money or drugs, otherwise I don't feel I have a reason to be around. It was not like this when I was on the Klonopins, I at least felt I could be around without having to be spending money or doing drugs with them, we all used to be good friends.
I never really stopped and look at how this shit might be affecting my life. I just assumed it was all nature happening around me, and everything that happened was just the natural progression of my life. Maybe I was wrong?
Anyway... sorry for the TL/DR and the mishy mashy post. Can anyone chime in with their thoughts on this? As you can see my recollection of time is completely fucked. IDK if that's natural or what.
Eventually, I got upped to Xanax. I was on it daily for a couple months. I think my doctor started me off on .25MG pills and then upped me to .5MG after a while. At the end of my stint, I was taking two 5MG pills twice a day, equaling 1MG a day, usually I would take 5MG when I woke up, and then 5MG at night, or sometimes I'd take them both at the same time.
Anyway, eventually I grew tired of taking these drugs. I was on an SSRI (forgot which one... does it really matter?), a sleeping pills, and 1MG of xanax a day. I started to grow a resentment towards my doctor because I felt that he was not helping my situation, and felt disgusted in myself for taking these drugs on a daily basis for so long. At this point, I had been using an SSRI, a sleeping pill, and Xanax/Klonopin for about 3 or 4 years... honestly, the time is a complete blur in my mind. I really can't put my finger on how long I was on the drugs for. I also can't put a finger on when I started working at my first job, when I got fired from that job, when I started my second job, when I got fired, ect. It's all really just a blur. I'm not completely sure if this is natural for me, or if it's a result from being doped up most of the time.
I also got heavy into opiate use for about a year. I was doing Oxycodone/Hydrocodone and other opiates on a daily or almost daily basis. The withdrawal from them was so apparent and physically debilitating that I believe it may have blinded me from the effects of the Benzo withdrawal... which is what I'm working on getting to.
I didn't think the Benzo withdrawal effected me. I didn't think it was happening, I thought maybe I was immune to it or something. My doctor told me I wasn't going to withdrawal, and I didn't feel like I was withdrawing at the time. However, now that I look back retrospectively over the past few months, I have become increasingly anxious and withdrawn from my friends and society. When I'm around my friends, I no longer feel content and ease like I once did... not that I even felt THAT content and at ease to begin with, I was stuff suffering from severe anxiety when I stopped taking Benzos, infact, I stopped taking them because I felt they weren't helping.
IDK how big of a tolerance I really had. I guess 2mg of Klono a night and 1MG of xanax a day doesn't really sound like much... but I remember when I was still taking K pins I was at my aunts house, and I was sneaking around looking for PKs but all I could find was Klonopin. I took a handful and popped them on the spot, and I also brought a bunch home with me. I believe I took about 10-13MG over the course of an hour, and I felt no effect from it all, that's how large my tolerance was after taking a steady dose for so long.
Anyway, I'm starting to think maybe the stoppage of these Benzos is/was affecting my life more than I really noticed or thought. I'm scared my friends don't want to be my friends anymore, even though my good buddy still calls me on an almost daily and at least weekly basis. I usually ignore his phone calls and send him to voicemail, and he will usually leave me a voicemail. I hardly EVER answer my phone unless it's work calling. The only times I really feel comfortable around my friends is when I have money or drugs, otherwise I don't feel I have a reason to be around. It was not like this when I was on the Klonopins, I at least felt I could be around without having to be spending money or doing drugs with them, we all used to be good friends.
I never really stopped and look at how this shit might be affecting my life. I just assumed it was all nature happening around me, and everything that happened was just the natural progression of my life. Maybe I was wrong?
Anyway... sorry for the TL/DR and the mishy mashy post. Can anyone chime in with their thoughts on this? As you can see my recollection of time is completely fucked. IDK if that's natural or what.
Comments
"Oh fuck was it 3 years? That sucks. Oh no it was 4! Oh no..." blah blah...
Best thing to do is, if you can't handle it by yourself, notify close family and see a specialist. It seems the pussy way out but I abused them for a few years and it was getting to me. The anxiety came back with a fucking vengeance and life was overbearing, not least the girlfriend, my Crohn's and college. It sucked.
I replaced them with opiates and I now get prescribed them for my Crohn's, but it didn't solve the problem. Talking to (close) people about it did help, however. I know the withdrawals can kill, so if things get too shit, make sure you can get a release and see someone. Say you have stopped but the withdrawals haven't, therefore they cannot put you into some kind of rehab.
All the best, bro.
stay away from those evil pills man. I used to do meth alot, my nose is really fucked up from snorting it too much, but i would rather put an 8-ball of prime crystal through my body than a bottle of xanax bars anyday.
Anyway,
Best of luck to you bro
I used to "self-medicate" on opiates. I even told my Doctor about it, he said he couldn't prescribe me opiates because insurance wouldn't cover it... I'm not completely sure on what the deal with that is.
The thing that trips me out the most on my anxiety trips is that I think everyone does it, I think people are constantly analyzing my actions just like I myself do, I always work through it of course, but it still sucks to have to deal with it. Smoking bud either makes it worse or it makes it go away, it's a crap-shoot. Opiates obviously completely wipe the problem off the face of the earth.
Honestly, it's hard to give you advice on your situation. I know for a fact that you could easily get prescribed Benzos for the long-term just from reading what you posted. If you tell that to a Psychiatrist he will drop a script right in your hands. The problem comes in the fact that I would never really recommend someone start taking Benzos or other drugs to deal with anxiety, but sometimes it can be useful for different phases of ones life. I guess it's really in your hands.
Also; I'm a huge fucking hypocrite when it comes to this, so keep that in mind.
Thanks for the replies. I have to go to work but I will try and reply again.
Any benzo, even at low doses can be VERY addictive. So just be careful I guess is all I'm saying. You DO NOT want to have to withdraw from these fuckers. It's worst than opiate w/d by far, I know from experience. SO be careful. Benzos are evil IMHO. There are better ways to deal with anxiety than taking a chemical to mask it. I'm just now realizing this 5 wasted years later.
JUST BE CAREFUL. Even if a doctor is willing to prescribe them, they don't always know what THEY are getting YOU into.
I can only say thank you for the posting. It once more reminds me never to lose respect from this drug and never to get addicted.
I have anxiety too. It's worse with me ... I don't just believe people are constantly analyzing my actions, it's worse. It's already a paranoid state where I think that this is some sort of conspiracy, that people know of something that I don't and their actions are proving that they do. I know it's just my mind and I have been learning to check signals of coming paranoia so that I don't fall for them. But once in a while it gets me and I need a benzo to stop them. It's worst when I need to fly with an airplane. Can't do that at all without benzos.
But I swear, I'll try what I can that benzos stay my last possible escape and that I take them only in absolute emergency situations.
I wish you the best, guys...