“I don’t care what you think unless it is about me.” ~ Kurt Cobain “
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Basically, Narcissism directly constitutes the worth that you value yourself as – better known as your ego – and how this affects how you treat those around you. While I will agree with the fact that Narcissism can be a bad thing, it can also be positive in its uses for creating self value/worth, confidence and above all a sense of pride. All 3 characteristics of a Dark Triad Personality can be crafted into a positive and uplifting mindset, but I’m going to focus on narcissism and how the trait can be used to craft an interesting and unique set of what I like to call Personality Traits – that is Alluring Character Identity, Wardrobe and Style, Culture Seasoning and Hobby/Passion development, although these are just a few of the multiple traits that define a person.
First of all, while Narcissism is usually looked down upon as focusing on ego and a preoccupation on one’s self, the fact of the matter is such are necessary in order to establish the trait I brought up earlier. To create an Alluring Character Identity you must have an understanding of wardrobe and style, along with the concepts of an Abundance Mentality and use such in your experiences in life both with game/women and with people. To have an ego is to have a sense of pride in one’s self, and to have such inhibits you to take care and caution in your appearance. The trick is learning to control your ego and using it in such a way that you focus on crafting your appearance in a way that is most desirable to both you and those around you, – through wardrobe, skin care, hair care, hygiene and proper nail care. Contrary to popular belief, getting a manicure/pedicure isn’t feminine, as long as you’re not doing it too frequently, dirty finger and toe nails aren’t healthy nor appealing, and all are key points in the basic of caring about yourself.
The trick to managing your ego is understanding the difference between harvesting the earlier stated Abundance Mentality and using it to your advantage – and being looked at as a genuine and arrogant asshole. To feed into your ego means acknowledging your assumed superiority to those around you without coming off as arrogant, however still taking great pride and care in one’s self, appearance and reputation. It’s important to note that you must tame and learn how to tame this to be able to use it effectively and positively, as no one likes an egomaniac – but someone that is confident in themselves, carries themselves with an air of self worth and swagger, and most importantly takes great pride and care in their appearance (both physically/fashionably, and in their articulation/prose) is often immediately thrown into a higher class, more sophisticated regard to those they meet than say, someone wearing street wear or more casual clothes.
Now let’s focus on the Characteristics to craft Personality Traits:
Alluring Character Identity: This may be a bit hard to understand, so I’ll try to simplify it – Hobby/Passion development ties into this, but to be an effective narcissist is to take great pride and care in one’s appearance and identity. They want to appear/be superior and have on up over the next man, they want to feed their ego with the compliments of others and the successes they themselves achieve – they have a thirst for self gratification and the pleasure of accomplishment that needs to be appeased.
Part of doing so is having a thirst for knowledge. “Knowledge is Power” rings true here, and the more you know, the more equipped and adapted you are for various situations that you will encounter in life, the better depth of response you will acquire in social interaction as a result of new found knowledge and possibly connections in certain areas.
If someone were to ask you questions like:
“What are your 3 favorite books? Authors? Pieces of Art? Places to travel? Landmarks? High Class Restaurants?”
Things that aren’t of the conventional “Movie, TV and Video Game big 3,” things that show you are connected to other parts of culture than the mainstream nowadays. Boring people usually don’t get anywhere in life, it’s just a true fact, interesting people are able to connect with others of the like because they are able to connect with each other on a variety of different topics, and aren’t regulated to meager things such as favorite movies or “Did you catch the Lakers game yesterday?”
Part of being a narcissist is once again, taking great pride and care in one’s self, and to craft an interesting appearance you must actually become interested in a variety of different topics and crafts as to add flavor and enable you to be able to relate to and engage in conversation with people on a multitude of subjects. Being seen as an Alpha in social interaction is part of a narcissistic mindset, as it the aforementioned desire for maximum self image.
Wardrobe/Style: The main thing that makes a man is his style. Your style and wardrobe is sort of like a sales pitch – as it usually determines the opinion people have of you before you even open your mouth. Now there may be other factors that affect it, like your confidence and how you carry yourself or previous word of mouth, but the fact remains that your style makes you, and it’s important to have a style that caters to your lifestyle and career. Now by all means I will not tell you to throw away all your street wear and go get slacks and blazers, nor the latter (although I do recommend it, I did for a month as a test and the changes that I observed were surprising and pleasing to say the least,) whatever it is, it important to have a defined sense of style and a basic understanding of fashion (fit, color schemes and the like) when selecting and equipping your wardrobe, and make sure it is clean. What I mean is make sure what you wear matches, make sure it’s not tacky (I.E too much floral, too many patterns, etc,) and make sure it all goes together, both with your outerwear off and on. The most important part of style is hygiene, which should be taken of the utmost importance. It literally disgusts me when I’m in a public restroom and see men leave without washing their hands, or smelling people with bad breath (like you don’t own a toothbrush and colgate?). Keeping yourself clean and smelling fresh, keeping your hair cut or styled however you like it consistently, keeping your teeth and nails clean are all essentials to making sure your hygiene is up to par, which as you know contributes to your overall health.
Culture Seasoning: The desire to leave one’s country and travel abroad is one that is becoming more and more prominent nowadays, and such is a desire that can benefit the narcissist greatly. Self Value is increased with the response to an increased depth of knowledge and culture seasoning, which can as a result make you seem more interesting, likable and appeasing to those around you and as a result will feed your ego. Self gratification is achieved with the realization of being able to go into many different situations with many different types of people of different cultures and input knowledge and come out having learned new things, and not just sitting there with a dumb look on your face confused at the language and references being spoken. I encourage you to learn new cultures, new languages, new information about other cultures as to season yourself to the rest of the world, and make yourself more interesting.
Hobby/Passion Development: ACI explained a lot of this, but one thing I want to stress – find yourself a hobby or side interest that you can use to generate income. For instance, my brother is too young to start working yet, so he customizes sneakers until he is able to get one, in which case he STILL has the side hobby to do on the side for extra income. Such is a formula for success, as side income 9/10 times is money you do not need to touch or do anything with, so it just builds over time and you get to do something you’re interested in. Ideas? Web design/Graphic design, writing, drawing or painting, cooking (writing cookbooks), making some types of jewelry, crafts or clothes – the possibilities are endless, and you may be saying you’re not interested in any of these, but how will you know unless you experiment with different things in your free time (BE PRODUCTIVE) and find out? Once you develop said interests, they can be used in your pursuit of money and also to create interesting new traits and points of your character and Identity.
Now the Dark Triad to me is an extremely interesting topic to me, both to write and read about, so there will be alot more upcoming posts on the subject, but for now I just wanted to touch on the ways to hone some traits of narcissism into positive traits of your character, and craft an interesting Identity.