how does a person get laid

blink182blink182 Acolyte
edited April 2011 in Life
hi i have no life, am lonely and desperate so how do you get laid these days?
«1

Comments

  • edited February 2011
    Pakistanis sniff cum
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited February 2011
    Find an insecure girl and talk like a boss.

    She'll think you're good looking and spread her legs.
  • edited February 2011
    Most people get laid by date raping the girl. Give her a shit load of rohypnol in her booze, get her fucked and then, literally get her fucked.
  • LordWormLordWorm Regular
    edited February 2011
    trx100 wrote: »
    Most people get laid by date raping the girl. Give her a shit load of rohypnol in her booze, get her fucked and then, literally get her fucked.

    Lol, basically this.
  • edited February 2011
    Another method which works well is kidnapping. You must first kidnap a girl (preferably young, as they will have slept around much less and therefore have a better condition pussy). Bag over her head, throw her in the back of a van. Drive to your safehouse (a location which no one except from yourself knows about). Keep the bag on her head while you take her out of the van - no speaking, no messing around. Don't give the girl a chance to recognize her surroundings in case she makes contact with the outside world. Once the girl is in the building, take her to a separate room with nothing more than a bed in. The walls must be soundproofed - no windows either. A single door exists to the room, which is padlocked and secured from the outside. The only key to the room belongs to yourself.

    Throw the girl onto the bed and handcuff her to the framework. Make sure there is no way she can break free of the cuffs, so get them as tight as possible. Partially remove the bag from her head, gag her, then completely remove the bag. If she's an ugly bitch then you can keep it on if you want. Remove her clothes by cutting them away with a pair of scissors.

    You may now lube her up and forcefully insert your penis into her vagoo.
  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited February 2011
    When you find a girl that arouses you, stare at her for three minutes with your arms folded, grin and occasionally nod. When she is about to walk away, march directly to her without breaking eye contact. Shake her hand and say "Hello Sir or Madman, I desire to commit acts of immodesty with you".

    If all goes well you'll both me tiptoeing into your parents house trying not to wake anyone in no time....
  • Agent 008Agent 008 Regular
    edited February 2011
    First of all, are you after just getting laid? Or after anything else? Say, having the girl like you, or what not.

    If it's the former, it's really simple. The latter, not so much.
  • BigHarryDickBigHarryDick Cock Bite
    edited February 2011
    get a hammer and Gently hit her on top of head with it.

    You dont want to much blood unless

    your a sick asshole and love that shit.

    Then gently rape her, give her a swirly

    fuck it.

    get an escort
  • ImmaChrgnMaLAZRImmaChrgnMaLAZR Regular
    edited February 2011
    Say to her "Show me your genitals"
    Works every time
  • MooseKnuckleMooseKnuckle Regular
    edited February 2011
    invite her over for drinks and listen to your favorite blink 182 album.
  • LouisCypherLouisCypher Regular
    edited February 2011
    Never tell her you like Blink 182
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited February 2011
    "Pool Noodle" It's as easy as that!
  • blink182blink182 Acolyte
    edited February 2011
    never tell her you like blink 182

    fucking cunt fuck you
  • RolfRolf Regular
    edited February 2011
    blink182 wrote: »
    fucking cunt fuck you

    Rolf loves it when twelve year olds discover the internet, states Rolf.
  • blink182blink182 Acolyte
    edited February 2011
    Rolf wrote: »
    Rolf loves it when twelve year olds discover the internet, states Rolf.

    fucking cunt fuck you
  • ImmaChrgnMaLAZRImmaChrgnMaLAZR Regular
    edited February 2011
    bornkiller wrote: »
    "Pool Noodle" It's as easy as that!

    I lol'd

    Although, I am quite curious as to how it feels.
  • buddhabuddha Regular
    edited February 2011
    bornkiller wrote: »
    "Pool Noodle" It's as easy as that!

    Fucking hilarious, Best post all day.

    We need a best of Totse/post of the day/week/month thread/forum.
  • PacinoPacino Regular
    edited February 2011
    I'll lay you the fuck out with my right hand faggot
  • LouisCypherLouisCypher Regular
    edited February 2011
    blink182 wrote: »
    fucking cunt fuck you

    LOL! Sorry kid, I realize at your age you probably define yourself by the shitty bands you like, so I won't take your temper tantrum seriously and make you my bitch.
  • JestAJestA Regular
    edited February 2011
    Find a hooker if all else fails.
  • PhilosoraptorPhilosoraptor Regular
    edited February 2011
    If your in high school, where nothing but abercrombie/hollister, make friends with other douchebags wearing said clothes so you can get into their parties. Bring a flask of tequila, but don't bust it out yet.

    Proceed to get a little tipsy, not too drunk or anything, then go up to the drunkest and/or sluttiest girl at the party, ask her if she would like a secret shot of tequila, go to an empty room, take shot, proceed to be a douche, but not too douchey, then by that time the tequila will have kicked in and proceed to bang.

    If your 21+, wait til last call, then strike up a conversation with the girl who's crying at the bar. Then bang.
  • inappropriphiliacinappropriphiliac Semo-Regulars
    edited February 2011
    Make and ad on craigslist saying you need "all holes filled". You will be getting "laid" in no time.

    But really, surround yourself with chicks somehow (work/school/bar) or you'll get nowhere.
  • blink182blink182 Acolyte
    edited March 2011
    LOL! Sorry kid, I realize at your age you probably define yourself by the shitty bands you like, so I won't take your temper tantrum seriously and make you my bitch.

    yeah bro, I live my life based on the lyrics to blink-182 songs. I mean, it couldn't have just been a username I decided to use because I have been using similar ones for years.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited March 2011
    What ever you do be sure to drag her by her hair...
    Otherwise she will fill up with dirt!

    But seriously, find a girl who is attractive to you that has low self esteem. Then when you talk to her, whatever she talks about, ask her questions about it like you are very interested in what she has to say. This will boost her self esteem and she will associate those good emotions with you. The rest is child's play...
  • LethargicaLethargica Regular
    edited March 2011
    Be your fucking self!
  • edited March 2011
    Utilize alcohol.

    It may not result in a long term relationship, and you might not be proud of yourself, but alcohol has a way of helping these things along.
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited March 2011
    ^ This and a r00fie
  • uofmcamarouofmcamaro Regular
    edited March 2011
    By asking "how does a person get laid" on a message board.
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited March 2011
    In many different ways.

    3756372736_605898f679_o.jpg
  • buddhabuddha Regular
    edited March 2011
    bornkiller wrote: »
    In many different ways.

    3756372736_605898f679_o.jpg

    Where the hell did you find this?
  • PacinoPacino Regular
    edited March 2011
    buddha wrote: »
    Where the hell did you find this?

    just taking a wild guess here but id say the internet
  • buddhabuddha Regular
    edited March 2011
    Pacino wrote: »
    just taking a wild guess here but id say the internet

    That explains a lot.
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited March 2011
    buddha wrote: »
    Where the hell did you find this?
    That ones from 'flickr'
    But here's where it's originally from.
    http://www.saimanchow.com/#210018/Summer-of-Love
    The artist name is 'Saiman Chow' only an artist could get away with shit like this. :D
  • MordFustangMordFustang Regular
    edited March 2011
  • AverageAverage Regular
    edited March 2011
    Outside of high schools, go after the 16 year olds who want to seem provacotive by sleeping with a older guy. It'll really work if you're 24-25.
  • Agent 008Agent 008 Regular
    edited March 2011
    bornkiller wrote: »
    In many different ways.

    3756372736_605898f679_o.jpg

    That girl seems to be really enjoying kissing that pussy.
  • edited March 2011
    Average wrote: »
    Outside of high schools, go after the 16 year olds who want to seem provacotive by sleeping with a older guy. It'll really work if you're 24-25.

    This too.
  • lazybumlazybum Acolyte
    edited March 2011
    Step 1
    get plastic surgery to look like justin bieber
    Step 2
    walk out onto the street

    Watch as the Lg's and Hot chicks jump on u
  • lazybumlazybum Acolyte
    edited March 2011
    btw if you're asking this question
    YOU"LL NEVER GET LAID
  • ImmaChrgnMaLAZRImmaChrgnMaLAZR Regular
    edited March 2011
    lazybum wrote: »
    Step 1
    get plastic surgery to look like justin bieber
    Step 2
    walk out onto the street

    Watch as the Lg's and Hot chicks jump on u

    This might get you ghetto stomped though
  • lazybumlazybum Acolyte
    edited March 2011
    This might get you ghetto stomped though

    Whats ghetto stomped? I guess if you dont go to a ghetto that wont happen?
  • LawlietLawliet New Arrival
    edited March 2011
    That picture is gonna haunt me.
  • mynicknamemynickname Acolyte
    edited March 2011
    by not asking questions like this on site like this
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited March 2011
    First of all check your hygiene. Are you fresh? You need to be. Nobody wants to do the sex with a nasty smelly person. Make sure you smell appealing. Brush your hair and teeth. Use mouth wash that doesn't contain alcohol as the kind with alcohol will dry you mouth and make your breath smell. Keep your downstairs mixup groomed. Wear clothes that actually fit you. Now you're ready to even try.

    Once out and don't be that shy guy in the corner nursing his beer. Be energetic and sociable but don't go overboard. When you find your target girl strike up a conversation. You can say almost anything to break the ice "Do you like cats?" even works sometimes as it will catch them off guard and you can lie to make the conversation go your way if you think you have to.

    Refer to this guide for finding your target.

    Body Language

    Lots of good info in there. ^

    When talking pretend to listen. You don't have to actually listen, just say things to make her think you are. Say "yeah" "uh huh" "no she didn't!" at appropriate times.

    Alcohol helps a lot. Get her drunk! You can feel as bad as you want to about this but the truth is you both know what is going on. You have to drink too but you don't have to get wasted and in fact you need not to. You want to keep some of your wits of things take a bad turn.

    If all else fails find the slut who you know will want a good fucking and give it to her. Use a motherfucking condom! Sluts are easy to get with, you just have to play off their insecurity of being a slut. Tell her she's not if it comes up. Tell her it doesn't matter to you how many guys she's been with. Later you can tell her you were just lying to get laid. She is used to this and brings it on herself so don't feel bad. Again this is only if you go for the sluts.

    If you can't even manage to get with a skanky ho then get a hooker. Again, wear a motherfucking condom!
  • buddhabuddha Regular
    edited March 2011
    oh yes back to the original post.

    First you have to find a chicken...
  • JHGJHG Acolyte
    edited March 2011
    Don't talk about other women you know - keep the attention on her.
  • ILTST9ILTST9 Regular
    edited March 2011
    Text this to every girl you know:

    "Ay girl u lookin gud over thar. How bout u cum over 2 my place 2nite n we sip on sum henny n do da grown up nom sayin?"

    Okay, I know this looks like a joke, but for whatever reason when I texted that to most of the girls I know the other day as a joke a lot of them were all over me all of the sudden. Girls are weird man. If they get offended you can just say it's a joke and tell them to get a sense of humor.

    Work on your confidence and appearance. Get some interesting hobbies. Getting girls is easy, you just gotta believe in yourself man.

    If you're a virgin, to get over the hump just play the numbers game. Show interest right off the bat. "Are we fucking or not?" Most will turn you down or at least shittest you. You'll get one that's interested though if you ask enough of them.

    Learn to escalate physically, probably one of the most important things. Start off small... high five, playing footsies under the table, just touching her at appropriate times. Once she's comfortable with you touching her, it's easier to escalate it to something sexual. And don't be afraid to look women in their eyes.
  • ILTST9ILTST9 Regular
    edited March 2011
    #1 thing to remember when dealing with girls: SHE LOVES COCK. ALL GIRLS LOVE COCK, probably even more than we love pussy. They just aren't so open about it because people will think she's a slut.
  • Big baby jesusBig baby jesus Regular
    edited March 2011
    In layman's terms: just be yourself :)
  • BigHarryDickBigHarryDick Cock Bite
    edited March 2011
    ILTST9 wrote: »
    Text this to every girl you know:

    "Ay girl u lookin gud over thar. How bout u cum over 2 my place 2nite n we sip on sum henny n do da grown up nom sayin?"

    Okay, I know this looks like a joke, but for whatever reason when I texted that to most of the girls I know the other day as a joke a lot of them were all over me all of the sudden. Girls are weird man. If they get offended you can just say it's a joke and tell them to get a sense of humor.

    Work on your confidence and appearance. Get some interesting hobbies. Getting girls is easy, you just gotta believe in yourself man.

    If you're a virgin, to get over the hump just play the numbers game. Show interest right off the bat. "Are we fucking or not?" Most will turn you down or at least shittest you. You'll get one that's interested though if you ask enough of them.

    Learn to escalate physically, probably one of the most important things. Start off small... high five, playing footsies under the table, just touching her at appropriate times. Once she's comfortable with you touching her, it's easier to escalate it to something sexual. And don't be afraid to look women in their eyes.



    You still a virgin dawg

    what you talking about
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