Oh my god, I'm going to be a dad. — Totseans

Oh my god, I'm going to be a dad.

edited June 2011 in Spurious Generalities
So here I sit, about 5 hours after hearing the news that my girlfriend is pregnant. I am much less distressed than I would have thought, there is a numb spot in my brain, some mental novocaine is keeping me from freaking out too much, but I am poking at it waiting for it to regain sensation, so as I can either blow up or break down.

I have been with my woman for all of 7 months, and was planning to ask her to marry me after we had lived together for a while. I knew she wanted kids, and I was prepared to go down that road after the relationship had been tested for a couple of years. A few weeks ago we had unprotected sex, and a little of my jizz leaked out before I pulled out. I was not tremendously worried as it was only 4 days after her period had ended, theoretically I was still pretty safe.

Let me tell you a little about my luck, I have survived car crashes, bar fights, overdoses, and a bunch of moments where I could have come eye to eye with oblivion, if you believe in angels, I have one looking out for me, I don't, I figure I was just lucky. But give a half assed dribble of jizz one shot at making me a daddy, and the boys march like troopers, wait in ambush in the fallopian tube, and with their little tails hardly wiggling, manage to accomplish the mission. I am a little proud of my boys, given the circumstance.

Oh hey, that numb part in my brain just let loose.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Okay thats done, time for reality. I need to get my shit straight, my hard drug days are done, and I can no longer be a drunk. Fuck me if I am going to be some derelict piece of shit father, we might still be the baby stroller on the bus type, but I have spent the last 20 years criticizing other people for being shitty parents, and I am going to nut up, shut up, and do what I can do.

So as topics of discussion;

For those who see doom, tell me why, I cannot afford to ignore any criticism. If you know me a little from my posts here, all the better.

How important do you think financial stability is as opposed to commitment and parenting. I could take steps to make more money in the future, but I figure I make enough to get by, and I have an inheritance, and family support. I would rather spend my time being a part of my child's life than working my ass off making enough money to afford a bunch of shit we don't really need. There will always be a roof, food, and love to spare, my friends and family will help, things won't be comfortable or guaranteed, but I am smart, resourceful, and devious as fuck, when I turn all I am to a goal, it happens. I just hope I can keep it up for the next 18 years.

Any advice from anyone who has been in my situation would also be appreciated.

The way I figure it, I will always have totse, food, weed, video games, and a bunch of other good things, what I will have to leave behind are mostly some things I should have left behind ages ago.

C/O
"making new members, the hard way"

Comments

  • BigHarryDickBigHarryDick Cock Bite
    edited June 2011
    now you can celebrate fathers day! :)

    dont worry dude, having a kid is easy :rolleyes:

    and very fun :rolleyes: and life has a whole new meaning to it with a child in the pic :rolleyes:


    goodluck!
  • ducklipsducklips Regular
    edited June 2011
    Wow...That is some serious news. The way I see it and from experience a roof, food and love seem to me, to be better. I had everything I always I wanted when I was growing up but My hard working single Mother wasn't there, ever. Right now I've got two of my children and the love of my life. we don't have much. We probably never will (according to most people's standards). I'm good with that. Sure, I want that diamond ring and fancy house with ten bedrooms and 20 bathrooms, filled with an endless plethora of shit I don't need but that's just not realistic and it's not what matters. All of that could be gone in a heartbeat. I tend to complain too much and worry about things I don't need to...seems to me though that you've got a pretty good thinker and one kid is fine it's when you add to that and are unprepared and don't have help when it fucking sucks.

    Honestly, babies are blessings and you'll know when you meet the little fucker. Now could be a good of time as any...never know for sure but hey a lil culinaryoverlord roaming around wouldn't be a bad thing at all :)
  • blindbatblindbat Regular
    edited June 2011
    have you thought of abortion ? is that shit even legal in whatever state your in?
  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited June 2011
    Congratulations!! Are you going to marry her sooner now?

    Everything ducklips said.
  • edited June 2011
    blindbat wrote: »
    have you thought of abortion ? is that shit even legal in whatever state your in?

    Abortion is always an option, and if I pressed for it, and made it clear that I was unwilling to be a proper father, it would happen, and I would lose my girlfriend in the process. There is also the possibility that she would just ditch me and keep the baby, even less attractive. I have pretty much committed myself at this point, in so much as a person can commit to something that just came up 8 hours ago, and lasts for the rest of one's life.

    C/O
    "choose life, or don't, I don't care, I have my own problems"
  • edited June 2011
    Congratulations!! Are you going to marry her sooner now?

    Everything ducklips said.

    Yes, and for some very perverse reason, the idea of streaming the wedding for everyone on totse to see seems like fun. I am going to propose to her on the top of a hotel downtown where I happen to know the head of security. A small table with a parasol, an August sunset over English Bay, and a gold ring my buddy is going to help me cast myself, partially from gold I have collected on panning expeditions over the years.

    C/O
    "no shotgun required"
  • ducklipsducklips Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congratulations!! Are you going to marry her sooner now?

    Everything ducklips said.
    Yes, and for some very perverse reason, the idea of streaming the wedding for everyone on totse to see seems like fun. I am going to propose to her on the top of a hotel downtown where I happen to know the head of security. A small table with a parasol, an August sunset over English Bay, and a gold ring my buddy is going to help me cast myself, partially from gold I have collected on panning expeditions over the years.

    C/O
    "no shotgun required"

    OH! it would be fun. . .Abortion though idk i have considered it really nothing to laugh about. . .i had people around me for it, not pushing it but accepting and understanding and had been there done it...She was the best thing that ever happened to me, same goes for the rest of them (3 in total)....praying for miscarriage is just shit and painful as fuck, been there too. . . sounds sweet and amazing, Do it. idk never talked to you before dont know shit but i say you're ready :o
  • PsychoDelicPsychoDelic Regular
    edited June 2011
    Good luck, if you are in a suitable situation then this could be brilliant.
    You could have a protege. The culinary underlord.
    If you are prepared then good luck and congratulations. If not then just good luck
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited June 2011
    That's some pretty sobering news man, but congrats, in a numb way.
    I don't imagine you being a shitty father. You can still let loose once in a while (of course the kid has to come first which will keep things with the lady happy). But I just don't want you turning into a nostalgic old bastard yet, like those who watch "The Hangover" and wish it was them all those years ago.
    It's just a new chapter on life. I wish you all the best, and keep us updated on the sex of the kid etc. I'd love a ToTSEan Dad :D
  • MooseKnuckleMooseKnuckle Regular
    edited June 2011
    when it comes to 3 month old johnathan, C/O, yor ARE the father!
    congrats dude, i figure you'd be a cool dad.
  • DaktologistDaktologist Global Moderator
    edited June 2011
    Congratulations mang :)
  • AmieAmie Regular
    edited June 2011
    Go for it. It will be amazing.
  • edited June 2011
    I guess that means from about Feb' 2012 onwards for the next 3 years you'll be mostly posting about screaming, crying, 3 hours sleep a night, nappies and green baby shit.

    The joys of fatherhood.
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited June 2011
    This is a pretty big deal. Imo you seem ready for it. Nobody is ever really completely prepared for a kid when they have one it seems unless they are filthy stinking rich. I think with food, shelter and love your little tyke will grow up fine. Stay strong during the pregnancy. There will be times when she will really try your patience. If you really love her, which I think you do, just remind yourself of that fact. Babies are more expensive than you may think. Definitely try to build up a sizable nest egg before she pushes it out. Staying off drugs and slowing down on the drinking is unfortunately imperative. I'm not saying quit drinking all together and I'm not saying that you shouldn't smoke pot but be responsible with both. Get ready for a long road of new territory. I think you'll do fine. Good luck and congrats.
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congrats. After 10 years, you will no longer have to do any more household chores. However, in those 10 years, you will be doing enough household chores to last you a lifetime.
  • BigHarryDickBigHarryDick Cock Bite
    edited June 2011
    Mayberry wrote: »
    Congrats. After 10 years, you will no longer have to do any more household chores. However, in those 10 years, you will be doing enough household chores to last you a lifetime.

    hahah so true.

    I'm waiting for my son to reach that age.... i have 8 1/2 years remaining :(
  • dr rockerdr rocker Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congratulations man, I knew it was not in your lifes plan, but it seems to have been in lifes plan for you. As long as you have enough so everyone but you does not feel cold or hungry, you have enough.

    Rocker the Younger should be with us come November all being well, so w can swap tips or some shit.
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited June 2011
    Congrats dude, and I wish you all the best of luck. I dont know you that well as we havent really talked, but from your posts I reckon you'll do a great job! :)

    To answer your question, I am still of the traditionalist view that the father goes out to work and the mother spends most of her time at home. The reason why is because it works, and thats how my mother and father brought me and my sister up. Which means you do need to be in a stable job with an income that you know will be paid to you every month, but with enough time to spend with your child (thats why we got weekends lol!! :) )

    P.S the initial investment will be high, as you've got allot of childrens stuff to buy (clothes, pram, etc) so now is the time for saving all the money you can.
  • AverageAverage Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congratulations, hope the baby turns out healthy. You seem like you'd be a good dad, with a lot of life lessons to teach.
  • thewandererthewanderer Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congrats dude.
    (Does this mean no more epic drug binge stories?)
  • LostInTheWoodsLostInTheWoods Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congratulations and best of luck!

    I have just got to the age where i can´t log on to facebook anymore without finding out some old classmate or childhood friend got a kid and it´s starting to freak me out, must be getting old. :eek:
  • RogueEagle91RogueEagle91 Regular
    edited June 2011
    Congrats C/O!

    I'd say don't worry, you'll be a great dad, but i think telling you not to worry is an exercise in futility. Just stick to your guns on providing a good home. Food, love, and shelter are what the kid needs more than anything else. Even if your respective families are helping provide that, it'll be no less of a good upbringing.

    Also, I don't think a live stream of the wedding will be sufficient. We also need a live stream of the birth. :D
  • edited June 2011
    Congrats- I would not be pleased if I were you however...
  • LouisCypherLouisCypher Regular
    edited June 2011
    My only advice would be don't have this kid because you think it would be good for you, or good for your relationship. Have the kid because you want it. Are you ready to change your life? Will it make YOU happy? You and your GF had an accident, it seems a little sketchy to me that you think she would break up with you if you told her you weren't ready to be a father. Are you sure your relationship is solid enough to withstand the pressures of parenthood?

    Anyway, good luck man.
  • TackzoTackzo Acolyte
    edited June 2011
    Don't sweat it, just drug her with an abortion pill(s)
  • Rumple ForeskinRumple Foreskin Regular
    edited June 2011
    I would just save yourself the trouble and od.

    Just kidding but seriously think things through. Its a lot to handle. Ducklips said something about money not being an issue and to some degree thats true, but it certainly does help and a child is a huge financial responsibility. You do seem to be a smart guy and have your head on straight so Im sure you can handle this. Best of luck to you.
  • FONFON Regular
    edited June 2011
    Shit man, good luck with it. I thought my girlfriend was pregnant a few months ago and it was NOT cool...But that's just me. I personally got shit to do in my life before I can get someone knocked up. Hope you got all your immediate goals outta the way.

    I sincerely hope it goes well for you...And if not, you can always abort. Reminds me of a friends t-shirt actually. Might come in handy later on.

    Extortion5%2Bcoathanger.jpg
  • BigHarryDickBigHarryDick Cock Bite
    edited June 2011
    ^^^ lol bad ass shirt.

    Real men have babies and raise them to be assholes!
  • edited June 2011
    Thank you all for your responses, both the encouragement and the reality checks. I am worried about a lot of shit, but things are going to happen regardless of whether I worry or not, so I am slowly tuning out the worry and turning myself to some creative planning.

    Being a bit of a bastard, I am noticing some plus sides to the situation, for one, although marriage and children are expensive, there are a fuckload of programs, tax incentives, and flat out hand outs to help out. Some of my relatives are well off, not rich, but comfortable, and they will surely pony up a chunk of change to help things along. The long term is more uncertain, but the short term should be a cakewalk, financially that is. Never mind my GF's union benefits.

    Another plus, I have just been given the ultimate trump card when it comes to dealing with family and friends. For the most part I have always leaned towards self interest in certain matters. Self interest now includes my child and family, and if anyone thinks I am being a prick, they will at least have to stay shut the fuck up about it.

    I have a bit of a laundry list of personal habits I have to work on, smokes, hard liquor, hard drugs, and about 50 lb of excess weight have to be dealt with if I am to stay healthy enough to see the brat through to it's teenage years. No, there will be no more epic drug binges, :sad:.

    I figure I can still indulge in weed, beer, wine with food, and maybe an annual mushroom trip or two, more than that would be destructive, less than that would make daddy go crazy.

    Hopefully I will still have totse time as well, so as I can drag you all along through what should prove to be an interesting couple of years.

    C/O
    "operation culinaryunderling is in progress, live in fear"
  • edited June 2011
    Well, might as well post this here.
    I am not going to be a dad. We have decided to terminate the pregnancy.

    I just deleted the post I was going to submit, usually writing here helps me sort shit out, but not this time.
    Thank you all again for the responses in this thread.

    C/O
  • edited June 2011
    Oh man, seriously? :( Mind telling us why you decided to make that decision? You seemed pretty happy to begin with.
  • kfc v lotkfc v lot Regular
    edited June 2011
    Serious? Oh wow.

    Was just going to write that you've done the right thing in more ways than one staying with her quitting your lifestyle etc.
    Still if you think that it's the right thing to do then I am sure you have thought this through :) I am sure it was a tough decision, but you know what's best. To be honest you still made a good decision no point raising a kid if your not ready.

    Good luck.
  • AmieAmie Regular
    edited June 2011
    As much as I'd like to scream "NO ABORTIONS!", if the parents are convinced it's for the best, it usually is.

    Hang in there, dude, this must be tough on the both of you.
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited June 2011
    Damn, I was very excited for you. You seemed like you guys had everything in order or were getting things ready. What changed your minds? You seemed so happy about the concept before.
  • MooseKnuckleMooseKnuckle Regular
    edited June 2011
    did y'all decide or stairs decide? .......too soon?

    sry to hear that. i'm sure the swimmers will find their way back one day
  • edited June 2011
    Well, it's what I would have done....

    Sorry we weren't useful C/O
  • BoxBox Regular
    edited June 2011
    Well, might as well post this here.
    I am not going to be a dad. We have decided to terminate the pregnancy.

    I just deleted the post I was going to submit, usually writing here helps me sort shit out, but not this time.
    Thank you all again for the responses in this thread.

    C/O

    :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
    Real men say FU to babies
  • edited June 2011
    I am having trouble dealing with this, on one hand I am relieved as fuck that my life is not going to change drastically, and I can still be a reprobate dumbass and drink and drug as I see fit. On the other hand, once I got my head around the idea of having a child, I became quite attached to the idea in a very short period of time.

    My girlfriends reasons for now wanting an abortion are clear, she is scared as hell. She is scared that we are not financially prepared, and scared that the stress of having a baby so early in our relationship will make us break up. I think that when she was late and we did the first pregnancy test she was looking at the situation through rose colored glasses, and had visions of glorious mommyhood tripping through her brain. Once we confirmed the pregnancy by blood test and got some info on pre natal classes and medical stuff, I think she saw the situation for what it was, a step we both wanted to take, but were not yet prepared for. Hence the 180 on the subject.

    I am a little bummed, things were finally going to be different, a massive change was on it's way, and when I looked inside myself I was surprised as hell to find that I had no doubt in my ability to meet the challenge. But hey, now we get to stick to the plan and have kids after marriage, and after testing our relationship for a few years, a logically better path, and better for the child too.

    I consider access to abortion to be a human right, denying women access to legal, safe abortions is against the interests of public health. Pennyroyal tea anyone? The current situation is straining my views a bit, that little ball of cells dividing away is half mine, and something about not letting it have a chance at life feels very wrong. I will never look at the issue the same way again, but my support for planned parenthood still stands, and god forbid some cunt gets in my womans face with a picture of an aborted fetus on the way to the clinic, I will be spending the night in jail, for fucking sure.

    Thus Baked; Sorry, I did not mean my last post like that. What I meant was; when I write about personal problems on totse, it is both the act of writing my post and the responses that help clear things up a bit. I started a post a lot like this one last night, but I was still very confused, so I deleted it, posted just the facts, and slept on it.

    If anyone has ever gone through something like this, I would love to hear what they have to say. If any of our female members have had an abortion, I would appreciate any advice on helping my girlfriend deal with what is about to happen.

    C/O
    "nothing comes to mind"
  • RogueEagle91RogueEagle91 Regular
    edited June 2011
    Though I've never been faced with such nigh-certainty that I'm going to be a parent, I've had my fair share of pregnancy scares. While stressful in somewhat different ways, it's still relationship stress.

    Clearly you've discussed prolonging parenthood til after marriage. While discussion is great, actually take some steps towards maintaining that. Use the pill, condoms, etc. something form of birth control. If it's initiated on your end, I've noticed it gains you some brownie points by showing you care and that you've gained some sense of responsibility.

    Post-procedure, she'll probably be a bit of a wreck. Just be there for her. Don't try to "fix" her. Lay around and cuddle with her. Let her know you're there. It'll go a long way for both of you.

    Good luck, C/O.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited June 2011
    It's more intense for females, so don't fuck up, C/O :) just do what she needs, other than knock her up :thumbsup:
  • skyclaw441skyclaw441 Regular
    edited June 2011
    I know that while everyone else has said "congratulations," I want to be the first to say "I'm sorry." I mean, you're going to be a dad, which is fundamentally great news, but I'm sorry that it has you so horribly distraught and caught between a rock and a hard place. This is a huge change for you, but I think you're ready to accept it and not look back. Be strong and rush into it head on. Accept the child, give it love and affection, nurture it, and when it gets to be of age, make sure to raise it. I know it will be rewarding in the end, and you have the mindset to make it happen. Aside from that, I don't have a lot of advice to offer (being only 18 and never having been through a similar experience, but I have had acquaintances who have been), except be strong and know that it is a privilege to bring life into the world.
  • Rumple ForeskinRumple Foreskin Regular
    edited June 2011
    who didnt read the whole thread? this guy ^
  • edited June 2011
    who didnt read the whole thread? this guy ^

    Yeah talk about a thread doing a 180 halfway through, but his heart is in the right place to so I will just mentally change some words in his post, and say thank you for the kind words skyclaw.
  • jamie madroxjamie madrox Sith Lord
    edited June 2011
    Tell your girl you don't want her to get an abortion, then celebrate the baby with some heavy drinking at the top of some stairs. Then use the abortion money you just saved for drugs and CONDOMS
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