So here I sit, about 5 hours after hearing the news that my girlfriend is pregnant. I am much less distressed than I would have thought, there is a numb spot in my brain, some mental novocaine is keeping me from freaking out too much, but I am poking at it waiting for it to regain sensation, so as I can either blow up or break down.
I have been with my woman for all of 7 months, and was planning to ask her to marry me after we had lived together for a while. I knew she wanted kids, and I was prepared to go down that road after the relationship had been tested for a couple of years. A few weeks ago we had unprotected sex, and a little of my jizz leaked out before I pulled out. I was not tremendously worried as it was only 4 days after her period had ended, theoretically I was still pretty safe.
Let me tell you a little about my luck, I have survived car crashes, bar fights, overdoses, and a bunch of moments where I could have come eye to eye with oblivion, if you believe in angels, I have one looking out for me, I don't, I figure I was just lucky. But give a half assed dribble of jizz one shot at making me a daddy, and the boys march like troopers, wait in ambush in the fallopian tube, and with their little tails hardly wiggling, manage to accomplish the mission. I am a little proud of my boys, given the circumstance.
Oh hey, that numb part in my brain just let loose.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Okay thats done, time for reality. I need to get my shit straight, my hard drug days are done, and I can no longer be a drunk. Fuck me if I am going to be some derelict piece of shit father, we might still be the baby stroller on the bus type, but I have spent the last 20 years criticizing other people for being shitty parents, and I am going to nut up, shut up, and do what I can do.
So as topics of discussion;
For those who see doom, tell me why, I cannot afford to ignore any criticism. If you know me a little from my posts here, all the better.
How important do you think financial stability is as opposed to commitment and parenting. I could take steps to make more money in the future, but I figure I make enough to get by, and I have an inheritance, and family support. I would rather spend my time being a part of my child's life than working my ass off making enough money to afford a bunch of shit we don't really need. There will always be a roof, food, and love to spare, my friends and family will help, things won't be comfortable or guaranteed, but I am smart, resourceful, and devious as fuck, when I turn all I am to a goal, it happens. I just hope I can keep it up for the next 18 years.
Any advice from anyone who has been in my situation would also be appreciated.
The way I figure it, I will always have totse, food, weed, video games, and a bunch of other good things, what I will have to leave behind are mostly some things I should have left behind ages ago.
"making new members, the hard way"