Holy shit, this chick is wacky for me.
culinaryoverlord
Regular
This post will open me up for all kinds of flaming, whatever, the little heads doing the thinking right now, and it has a very narrow agenda.
So I meet this chick on Plentyoffish, a free site known better as plenty-of-flesh, and she seems a little dumb but very genuine and definitely into me. We exchange mail a little, and I am just about to e-dump her (I decided another relationship with a dumb chick would be pointless) when she includes this line in one of her letters.
"I hope your new roomates sleep well, because I am very loud during sex", the rest of the letter is pretty tame. "Grouwwff?", says little head, waking up for the first time since my last GF. Hokay, a hump and dump, just what I need, badly.
So I give her my phone#, totally the little head doing the thinking now, I have relatives that don't have my #. And when she calls, she sounds like a 17 year old on the phone, she says "like" every third word, and sounds, well, just as dumb as she came across is her mail. But after a couple of calls, she starts to grow on me a bit, I have plenty of smart friends, and maybe a somewhat vapid girlfriend is just what I need.
So I play my best game, listening well, staying positive, being genuine, and all the things that usually work. And boy howdy, did that work. Over the last three nights our conversations got heavier and heavier, usually led by her. Tonight, when I told her I was a little shy about things like this, but I felt I could be open with her, it drove her mental and she told me to hang on while she got out her toy chest. Mutual phone fappery ensued. Jesus fucking christ I want to hear her go off like that while I'm nailing her, she sounds like a goddamn porn star, a good one.
I am a man of the world in many respects, but for some reason I have always had girfriends that viewed sex as anything from a nice diversion on sunday afternoons, to a mildly unpleasant thing required in a good relationship. This chick, despite her obvious faults, promises a pandoras box of shit I have only dreamed about. Fuck, I'm 40 and I don't even have my brown belt yet. Did I mention the toybox?
It brings to mind;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHYL7axhlAM
Go ahead and post pictures of mating walruses , but any advice would also be appreciated on the following;
Big Head; this chicks a slut, and probably does this way more than than I would care to think about.
Little Head; no care, me wanty, big head insecure, no feel he can be as good as other guys, shut up and think of ways to make chick scream, big head.
Big head; one day I am going to be talking about something on the news, going off a bit, and unintentionally rolling over her attempts at relating, and she will say "are you trying to make me feel stupid", catastrophic fight ensues.
Little Head; you listen to me, you be okay, save dumb brain stuff for stupid brain friends, talk about cat, and weather. all else fails, I go in her mouth, that way she shut up, you shut up, everybody happy.
And yes, I am sure she is not a whore. They usually ask for money, I think this one just wants my cock, and possibly my soul, pretty sure she can do without the brain though. So, Little Head, or Big Head?
C/O
"sure I've thought about it, but do you really think it will fit?"
So I meet this chick on Plentyoffish, a free site known better as plenty-of-flesh, and she seems a little dumb but very genuine and definitely into me. We exchange mail a little, and I am just about to e-dump her (I decided another relationship with a dumb chick would be pointless) when she includes this line in one of her letters.
"I hope your new roomates sleep well, because I am very loud during sex", the rest of the letter is pretty tame. "Grouwwff?", says little head, waking up for the first time since my last GF. Hokay, a hump and dump, just what I need, badly.
So I give her my phone#, totally the little head doing the thinking now, I have relatives that don't have my #. And when she calls, she sounds like a 17 year old on the phone, she says "like" every third word, and sounds, well, just as dumb as she came across is her mail. But after a couple of calls, she starts to grow on me a bit, I have plenty of smart friends, and maybe a somewhat vapid girlfriend is just what I need.
So I play my best game, listening well, staying positive, being genuine, and all the things that usually work. And boy howdy, did that work. Over the last three nights our conversations got heavier and heavier, usually led by her. Tonight, when I told her I was a little shy about things like this, but I felt I could be open with her, it drove her mental and she told me to hang on while she got out her toy chest. Mutual phone fappery ensued. Jesus fucking christ I want to hear her go off like that while I'm nailing her, she sounds like a goddamn porn star, a good one.
I am a man of the world in many respects, but for some reason I have always had girfriends that viewed sex as anything from a nice diversion on sunday afternoons, to a mildly unpleasant thing required in a good relationship. This chick, despite her obvious faults, promises a pandoras box of shit I have only dreamed about. Fuck, I'm 40 and I don't even have my brown belt yet. Did I mention the toybox?
It brings to mind;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHYL7axhlAM
Go ahead and post pictures of mating walruses , but any advice would also be appreciated on the following;
Big Head; this chicks a slut, and probably does this way more than than I would care to think about.
Little Head; no care, me wanty, big head insecure, no feel he can be as good as other guys, shut up and think of ways to make chick scream, big head.
Big head; one day I am going to be talking about something on the news, going off a bit, and unintentionally rolling over her attempts at relating, and she will say "are you trying to make me feel stupid", catastrophic fight ensues.
Little Head; you listen to me, you be okay, save dumb brain stuff for stupid brain friends, talk about cat, and weather. all else fails, I go in her mouth, that way she shut up, you shut up, everybody happy.
And yes, I am sure she is not a whore. They usually ask for money, I think this one just wants my cock, and possibly my soul, pretty sure she can do without the brain though. So, Little Head, or Big Head?
C/O
"sure I've thought about it, but do you really think it will fit?"
Comments
In regards to your post, I say go for it. You can always back out if it gets too crazy. Besides, mindless banter can be fun.
First thing that came to mind.
Anyone got any ides on how to get "phone funky"?, it's all I got till I get back to the coast.
C/O
"the depths of my perversion knows no bounds, oh, hi, fancy meeting you here"
Make her put her phone in her underwear and set it on vibrate. Every time you make a call or send her a message... :eek::o
It's really quite a surprise how listening to her toy with herself is such a turn on, new to me, indeed. And hell yeah, I am going to turn her into a walking jelly donut, the little head is completely in charge now, please forward my mail until I come back.
This :fap:
Yeah, that was pretty stupid and unwitty when used once, using it in every other sentence didn't make it any better.
I'm still unclear whether he's asking for advice or just sharing an experience.
As for advice, check her ID. Make sure she's legal. Then fuck her.
The little head/big head bit was supposed to represent the conflict between my rational mind which sees problems with even starting a relationship with this person, and my dick, which sees no problems whatsoever. I was asking for advice in reconciling these two points of view, as well as fishing for props on finding such a kinky chick.:D
C/O
"they aren't buying it, what do we do now boss?, 'get the dynamite'."
Next time beat it in her bush with your point.
I may have underestimated her intelligence, despite religously only using my first name in my mail with her, and never giving away (or so I thought) any personal details in our phone sessions. She went through every person with my first name on FB until she found a photo (not in my profile, have since changed my privacy settings) that matched one I had sent her, it's not even of me, it's just a neat rock with a hole in it. The dick is still on board, but man oh man, are the alarm bells ringing.
C/O
"no, no, I didn't mean it, it, it, just {bang}"
Noted and agreed with. Fun while it lasts tho'.
Mutual phone fappery continues, and now we're "synchronized", about 11 minutes, hope it works as well is person. And yes, I still smell wacky obsessive GF, but she had the sense to tell me that even though she's on the pill, we're still using rubbers till I get tested. This is bizarro land for me, but wtf, who cares, fuck it, fuck them, fuck you, fuck me, fuck everyone. Worse comes to worst, I like fatty's option, but I think it might be her holding the gun. Eleven days till d day. (dinkin' dorkin' drupin'?)
C/O
"does anyone else smell ky.?"
Please explain this in more detail, I got confused by this part.
Are you sure she's actually dumb?
Maybe she is like Rainycity or Brandon and only appears daft for a laugh?
I like her a lot, she is so damn different from most of the women I have dated. I can be myself around her, and don't feel any pressure to be "on" all the time. I said some utterly perverted things and she just giggled, and a few times said she had similar thoughts. I'm pretty sure if it hadn't been for bad timing (ragtime) the evening would have concluded in a hotel room.
And yeah, she is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I am rationalizing this fact in the following manner;
The woman I am with does not need to be all things to me. I will appreciate her for what she can do for me, and the things we share, and that which I find lacking I will go elsewhere for. I am too damn old and too fucking horny to go keep looking for my "perfect someone", and if a compromise is to be made, then I choose Sex and Affection over all the other forums.
Especially affection, sex is great, don't get me wrong, but I have been in relationships with women where I got plenty of sex, but not much affection. And being with an ice cube that only melts after midnight is not my thing anymore. And she is very affectionate, close, and cuddly. (I'll stop before you need to get a sick bag)
If I want my intellect stroked instead of my cock(which she did at the bus stop:fap:), I have plenty of smart friends, and of course theres totse. I will miss being with someone who can appreciate a subtle turn of phrase, but someone who laughs at fart jokes will do me just fine, thank you.
Now for the gritty bit. I'm a pretty secure person, I do what I want, and don't much care what anyone thinks about it. Everyone in my life knows I smoke, drink, do drugs, etc. And they all know the price of being my friend is to shut the fuck up and let C/O be C/O. But this relationship is going to test this a bit.
I don't do "arms length" fuckbuddy relationships anymore, and I don't think this one would last long if I tried. So she will eventually meet my family, and friends. Did I mention she was not attractive, no?, hell, I could care less, the hole's in the same place, right? Hmmm, so "dumb" and "ugly" is the first impression she gives. And I will be judged, probably somewhere in the "OH my god C/O, you could do so much better" spectrum.
Stupid thing is, if she was hot, no one would question me. Most of my friends would completely understand me being in a relationship with a hot bitch with shit for brains, who sucked money from my wallet with a straw, and made me miserable for every second we weren't naked together. This is an accepted practice. Oh, or perhaps a woman that is well educated, well spoken and has all the passion of a dead minnow on a hot sidewalk, also acceptable, especially if her family has money( Yah, I dated a jew, why the fuck do you think I post on totse?).
She is neither of the above, and I am going to have to armor up, and boot my neurotic nature in the pendanglies until those around me accept that I am with her because she makes me happy. I suspect a few will have to be told to STFU, and I hope nobody needs to get punched.
Yeah, I haven't actually fucked her yet, but any chick who rubbs my hardon through my jeans till I come while we're making out in front 20 people at a bus stop MUST be fun in bed!
C/O
"oh dear lord, I can't believe I just wrote that shit, I'm so dead":fap:
1). How ugly are we talking here? Full on double-paperbag with a body like Jabba the Hutt? Do you have any pics?
2). She made you cum in your pants in public? :eek::o
Nope no pics, if I cant hide her from my friends, I can at least hide her from totse.;), her face is not as pretty as some, but nothing too nasty, better than some chicks with better looking bodies I have done, some relation to the Hutt family could be possible, but she works a factory job and is pretty damn solid underneath the fat, would have made a good biker bitch.
And yeah, we were away from the bus loop in a darker area and making out, it has been a while so I was getting a serious bone on down my pantleg, she reached down an gave be a rod job through my jeans while twenty or so people waited for the bus, good, freaky, fun, much needed, even if I did have to carry my backpack in front of me for the rest of the trip.
Fanglekai is partly right, she is very needy, and I am taking measures to make sure as shit she doesn't know where I live for a while. Aside from that she seems pretty stable, definitely not bat shit crazy, just horny as all fuck.
I'm a pretty nice guy to my women, and I suspect she has had a few really shitty boyfriends, and may be going a little over the top trying to make me happy as a result.
Oh well, stay tuned for more stomach churning, overshare filled posts, given the content of a lot of the threads here I have absolutely no problem wasting space with my little soap opera.
C/O
"oh my god, I can't believe you just did that"
Got it covered, I have a standing invite to cook at a ski resort for the winter, things go south, I go north!