Killing Canines the Coven Way

by Mephisto

It's Saturday morning... 4 AM... You were supposed to be in 3 hours ago, so you are sneaking in... And no matter what you do, whether it is try to quietly open a window or slowly open the door, the damn dog your mother loves so much starts barking like hell. Parents wake up, and you're busted. They finally go to bed, wake up the next day, and find Fido splattered in the Microwave. Damn mutts.

Has that ever happened to you? Well even if it hasn't and you just hate the little fuckers, here's a file to give you some ideas for getting rid of them and having a helluva time, too.

It's the middle of summer. You're going to the mall to laugh at old people or something, when suddenly you notice that SOMEone has left a dog inside their car, but with the window down. (You grin evilly and head for the target!) Ok, if the window is down enough and the dog isn't a Pit Bull or something, pull the little bastard out of there, tie it to your bumper, and Head Out To The Highway. Window not down far enough? Smash it. Or, you could feed the little bone-chewing bastard a bag of chocolate chip cookies. (A chemical in the chocolate is poison to them.) If you want, feed the thing a penny minted after 1982 (embed it in something), the Zinc will drop the mutt. Of course, if you just want to harrass it, throw things at it from outside the car, swat at it with a broom, shoot it with a BB gun, throw a cat into the car, throw another DOG into the car, etc etc etc.

Do you have a neighbor who really pisses you off? Do they ever tie their dog up outside? Well if they do,and it's nice and hot outside,put Anti-Freeze in their water-dish. (The Dog's dish for you dump asses). They like the taste, but it kinda kills them. You could always take off it's dog tag and release the POOR creature, then call the Pound. If you think you can pull it off, put some Quick-Dry cement and some Flour into a bowl and put it where the dog can eat it They eat it, get thirsty, drink water, get stoned.

It's night-time. You're bored. Need something to do? Go out and find a dog somewhere, it oughtta be easy enough. You hate the little shit. You want him dead. But you want to have some fun first. Ok, be nice to him for awhile, get him to be friendly to you...The pour gas all over him and light the fucker up! Flaming dogs running through the streets, oh what a feeling. Of course, you could just our Sulfuric acid all over it instead of gas...

It's your little sister's birthday. She gets a stupid ass puppy. What's it gonna do? Lick your ankles and shit on the carpet. You're going down the highway with the 'family' which now includes a puppy which also wants to ride in your lap. (Probably wants to piss on you, right?) Well,the puppy looks bored, so you're gonna roll down the window so it can see outside better and get some wind in his face. Then throw that son of a dog-bitch out the window. If you're going fast enough they'll skid around on the highway for awhile before someone makes a spot out of Spot.

Got some rope handy? Got a dog handy? There are lots of things you can do... Tie the rope around the dog's lower half and hind legs. Holding the other end, twirl the mutt around and around over your head! Look! Up in the sky! It's Super Puppy flying through the air when you let go of the rope! Of course, if you can spin fast enough you could slam the poor shit's body into a tree trunk, or throw it out onto the highway at the Big Rigs. (50 points for each Truck you hit, see who can get the most point!) Or, instead of throwing the bastard into trees, throw an end of the rope (or the dog) over some high object like a tree-limb or swing, or any other 'bar'. Pull the shit up so his feet can't touch the ground and tie off your end. Hey! It's a rope swing! Grab hold of those legs and see how long it takes them to pull out of his body! (Or if it's near a road,see how many cars you can hit). Or if you just want to have fun with him while he's hanging there,push him high and higher,see if you can make him do a complete loop. Fun, huh?

Well, you hate dogs, but you aren't really into creative slaughter... So, just take a shotgun and blow the fucker to pieces. Or run over the shit in a car. (Chasing them through their owner's yard is always a fun thing to do) If you're good with a lasso you could snag the mutt while driving past him, then see how many mail boxes you can hit with him.

I hope this has been informative, and may all your problems with those fucking canine hell-hounds be easily solved from now on. Happy dog killing!

Mephisto

(Thanks to Omegan and Orcus for some of the ideas)

The Coven are Mephisto, Omegan, Dissident Agressor, The Jackal

More files soon.

Chaos rampant.
An age of distrust.
Confrontations.
Impulsive sabbath.
On and on, south of heaven.