How Not to Make Meth the Nazi Way

by Joew

HOW NOT TO MAKE METH THE NAZI WAY

Having read over the posting “How To Make Meth The Nazi Way,” a few specific comments come to mind that I think might benefit any would-be chemical chefs, as well as a few more general comments that apply to “How To Make Meth The Nazi Way,” and other postings of a similar nature. Usually, these postings include no explanation- not even a vague one- of exactly how this mess is supposed to react and yield an amphetamine analog, PCP, Big John’s Barbecue Sauce, or what have you. So you say, “Hey, we’re not chemistry professors, and who wants to read pages of equations only an Einstein could figure out?” I say “Baloney.” Most of these “recipes” could be described in a couple of short formulae- and with a paragraph or two of explanation, they’re nothing the average guy- who took high school chemistry, maybe- couldn’t comprehend with a little effort (provided there’s anything to comprehend- that is, meaning the recipe’s not a crock, or perhaps it’d be more accurate to say, “a beaker” of bull.)

I’m not a chemist- I have a science education, with some background in chemistry. Yet I’ve read numerous postings of this kind in the past, and even when the relevant formulae are included, amazingly often I’ve said to myself, “Gee, this doesn’t seem to make sense,” or “Even if these reagents could react in such a way, the conditions described are so sloppy that it would seem the blindest of luck if this worked,” or “I don’t understand how adding this alcohol could speed evaporation.” And all too often, somebody with more depth of chemistry background than I have would thereafter post a verification of what I suspected, or they’d otherwise say, “This won’t work.” I’m sure many of the rest of such recipes posted are flawed, as well. The shear proportion of misinformation on the Internet, along the lines of such “recipes,” amazed me- I wondered whether law enforcement does some of this to sabotage the stew of information for would-be chemical chefs (not a bad tactic.) Or on the facetious side, whether there are gullible people out there who blend together these potions (along with an “Eye of Newt” for cosmic effect, maybe) and imagine that they “get high.”

The posting “How To Make Meth The Nazi Way” meets the criteria I mentioned of a recipe that’s awfully suspect, at best. No formulae describing how this is supposed to work. No readily apparent mode of synthesis that seems at all likely. Things thrown together so sloppily it borders on comical. A technique so simple and fast anyone could do it; no skill whatsoever- not even in accurate measuring, or solvent washing- required (I think the cliche “If it seems too good to be true...” probably applies here.) If you really want to try this (or any other such recipes... frankly, I wouldn’t bother) common sense dictates that you first try it with maybe 50 ephedrine pills (rather than a truckload of 5000, as is suggested) and other ingredients likewise downscaled by a factor of 100. I really doubt that you’ll end up with anything other than a glob of gunk. If you manage to dry this stuff out and snort some, you might experience a mild stimulant effect from the ephedrine that remains after whatever decomposition takes place, along with possibly small amounts of a few assorted ephedrine analogs that result. Whatever this concoction produces, I doubt it will be meth. As with most such questionable recipes, it’s unlikely that you’d poison yourself by snorting a little of whatever results, although a nosebleed and a nasty case of sinusitis is a more probable outcome than an “altered state of consciousness.” Evil and reprehensible as the Nazis were, they weren’t incompetent or otherwise inept.

I’m probably equally greedy as the next person, and far from being a candidate for sainthood, yet I wouldn’t engage in activities like this myself, as I consider the potential legal consequences far too great relative to the risk (I’ve heard this from a few who’ve been through it.) One probably doesn’t have much to worry about with the “How To Make Meth The Nazi Way” recipe, though, since I doubt it’s illegal to manufacture (sell?) worthless gunk, although the judge might see it otherwise (e.g. “Incompetence is no excuse.”) Anyway, unless you can afford to hire an ambulance-chaser to explain to a leery court that the cryptic and suspicious-sounding assay results from the State Crime Lab aren’t describing some bizarre and deadly new designer drug, or you can buffalo the judge into thinking you’re a great guy/model citizen who was slightly misguided, you’ll probably be on your way up the river via some obscure nuance of the law.

But, do as you must... keep a roll of toilet paper handy for your nosebleed, and put a few ephedrine aside to help with your sinusitis.

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