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alt.TXT.services Bangkok FAQ 2/2
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SECTION 2 -- BANGKOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INTRODUCTION
The bar scene in Bangkok is unlike any in the world. In the
major areas -- Patpong, Soi Cowboy and Nana -- there is a
certain sameness, and some wonderful differences.
If you are looking for a list of bar names to visit, you are going
to be disappointed -- but don't worry about it. I occasionally
provide bar names in this FAQ, but bars changes names like most
people change socks. It takes 15 minutes to stick your head in
every bar in Nana. It takes 20 minutes to do so in Soi Cowboy, and
half an hour in Patpong (because of all the rubbernecking,
non-participating, tourists). Simply walk the street, stick your
head (or any other part of your anatomy) into a bar and see what it
looks like.
Typically the bar will consist of a narrow, but long, room with
a dance stage surrounded by the bar itself. If it is a larger
one it might have room for seats along one or both sides. On
stage will be 10-20 dancers wearing bathing suits or lingerie.
All will have a little number on them, just for
identification. They will dance for a set and then trot off to
be replaced by 10 or 20 more dancers. So, in a bar that might,
at best, hold 50 customers, there will be 25 to 50 bar girls.
If you like the noise level, the music, and the girls, then
stay. If not, move on down the road.
There is no "best" bar in Patpong or Soi Cowboy. In one sense
they are all the best bars because they are all there to serve
you. I'd recommend you not lock yourself into one place. Stop
in a bar, have a brewski or two, check out the talent, then
move on. The short walk to the next bar will give you some
fresh air and a chance to clear your head.
I've been reminded to tell you that first-time
visitors are often tempted to "fall in love" immediately upon
entering the first bar. From one's normal European or US
experience, it is impossible to believe that hundreds of girls
equally as beautiful are waiting next door, or two doors down.
A form of etiquette has evolved, that may or may not prove
helpful. If you go into a bar, and sit at the bar, you will be
given more "space" by the girls. This gives you an opportunity
to order your drink, adjust your vision and begin to check the
place out. If you head right to the back benches, you are
assumed to be a regular and you will quickly be approached by a
lady in search of a drink. If your network were only this
fast....
If you don't want to buy a lady a drink right then, be polite,
but firm. My experience is that they will try a little more,
frown, but leave you alone. At least until the next one tries
to get you to buy them a drink. This will vary between area and
between bars. Patpong is probably the heaviest hassle. But just
saying "No" politely, is all that is required. This is neither
the time nor the place to try and demonstrate how "cool" you
are by insulting the girls. This is when a friendly smile works
wonders.
If you decide to splurge and buy one a drink, she will probably
hustle off to get it, and a couple more little ladies will
immediately pop up and ask for one of their own. Decline
politely, and turn your attention to your chosen one. She will
be thrilled as you have helped her make a little cash (she gets
a cut out of your purchase -- usually a dollar or less) and she
hopes you will "buy her out" later.
Remember Rule #4. It is impolite to buy a lady a drink or two, and
then go and grab another girl.
Once you have decided to buy a lady a drink, you next job is to try
and make her laugh. It's easy really. These girls usually know a
little
pigin English, and with a lot of hand gestures you can carry on a very
limited conversation. Stick with name, country (note: America not USA
works best), age, etc. Thais are very open about their ages, and
don't
be surprised if she guesses your age very closely! If she has trouble
pronouncing your name, write it on a cocktail napkin.
The usual questions are:
1 - What you name? Just give her
your nickname, not your family history. And if your name is
something like Chauncy Qilbert Thingleberry, just tell her your name
is Bob.
2 - Where you from? If you want a laugh, just tell
her the name of some medium sized city in Thailand. One syllable
names are best.
3 - First time Thailand? I've been going for
20+ years, and sometimes I still answer "yes" to this one, just to
see where the conversation goes.
4 - Where you stay? More on this later...
5 - You like me? I'll bet you NEVER say "No"
6 - You buy me friend drink? Naturally, having struck
gold with you, the young lady wants to share the wealth.
In general, the girls really love the American men. They find
that American men treat women in general very nicely. In
Thailand, women in general, and bar girls in particular are
treated very lowly. With a positive, fun attitude, you
are a welcome sight.
If you go to Bangkok, sooner or later you will end up with a Thai
"remake". In Bangkok, it is reported that the complete sex change
operation costs less than $700, top AND bottom. The Thai plastic
surgeons have had a LOT of experience in this and I defy you to tell
the difference most of the time. In the US, we are use to
separating the TV/TS's by their size 12 shoes, adam's apple, 6 foot
height, and deep voice. In Thailand, even the men are very small
statured. The only "clue" that I could usually rely upon was the
typical "boob job" was a tad larger (and firmer) than the normal
Thai girl...which means it was still a small set of tits!!
There is a great bit of urban folklore that periodically makes
the rounds about a British tourist who came to Bangkok, fell in
love, got married and moved back to jolly old England. Six
months later the bride was back in Bangkok, because she was a
he. The funny part of the story is that only newcomers or
tourists wonder why it took the guy 6 months to figure it out!
Yes you will see some ugly Thai TV's working the areas, but
trust me to say that some of the "beauties" that you are also
drooling over have had the full surgery! Sooner or later,
everyone seems to end up in a hotel room and suddenly wonder is
"she" or isn't "she"? My advice, if you don't know and don't
want to know, just lay back and enjoy. Don't make a scene.
There are more where that one came from.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 1 -- PATPONG
If you go looking for Patpong during the daytime, you will find
the signs, find the street and be incredibly disappointed.
Wait until darkness falls and watch this business district
transform itself into one of the most incredible sights in the
world.
There are basically three streets here, Patpong 1, 2 and 3.
Patpong 3 is generally for the gay crowd -- but unless you are
rabidly homophobic, it is still worth a visit -- even if you
choose not to participate. By the way, stereotypes
notwithstanding, many foreign women visit the Patpong 3 bars
because, they claim, the music and dancing is the best.
Patpong 1 and 2 are where the action is. You'll find Thai
kickboxing, live sex shows, a mini-shopping mall in the center
of the street, tourists with kids in tow, bar girls and touts.
>>> SEX SHOWS
Be careful at the sex shows. Some are total rip-offs. Never,
ever believe a word that the tout says. They lie. Period. If
you want to go in and see the "beer bottle opening pussy" for
example, by all means do so. It is probably something you will
never forget. Some advice. Don't go alone. Bring a friend,
even if it is someone you just met. If you end up having a
dispute, having the word of a second person may be helpful.
Even though the tout promised there was no cover charge for the
show, there is. Before you even sit down, ask to see the
mama-san. Ask her how much the cover charge is. Ask her how
much your drinks will be. Ask here how much girl's drinks will
be. Write down the prices she tells you. Now, drink, enjoy the
show, be merry. When you decide to leave, check the check
carefully. If it matches what mama-san promised -- pay up, go
on your way, and know that you are living a charmed life.
If it is incorrect, here is the ONLY SAFE way to handle the
dispute: Ask for mama-san in a calm voice. Do not shout or
swear. When mama-san comes over, politely explain that YOU are
confused, and discuss the difference in the bill with her. Do
not raise your voice, smile a lot, and don't get angry. If you
do a nice job of sucking up, she may cut you some slack. If
not, then PAY THE FUCKING BILL WITH A SMILE. Leave the club
and go directly to the tourist police. Politely discuss
the problem with them, and they will more than likely intercede
in your behalf and get your money back. If you lose your
temper and act like an asshole, then you will be treated like
one, you will not get your money back, you might get your ass
kicked and you will have take one more step in ruining Bangkok
for the rest of humanity.
Most of the "show" bars are up on the second floor. Be
especially careful when going "up" to ANY bar or club in
the Patpong area.
In the Patpong area the Kings Group seems currently to be
running about 30% of all the bars/clubs. You can tell because
the name will be King's Castle, Queen's Castle, or similar. The
good part of this is that they seem to run a good, clean bar
with few problems. They do have a "show" bar currently called
Queen's Castle on the second floor. I recommend it for your
single visit to a Bangkok "show". There is an old saying,
"Shows are like temples -- seen one, seen them all". If you have
never been, it is a "must". I mean where else can you see
girls pull razor blades out of their pussy, open soda bottles
with their pussy, shoot darts or smoke cigarettes in a like
manner?
One of the best recommendations is to NEVER go anywhere with a
tout! Whatever they take you to, you can find on your own. In
addition, often times the "price" is bumped up to cover the
commission that the place has to pay to the tout. You will be
hit on continually, most often entering or leaving Patpong. My
technique is to start wagging my head and say "NO" firmly (or
you can say "My Ow" which is "don't want"), before they even
have a chance to start in on me. The people who report touts
following them down the street, are usually the ones who stop
and talk to them and listen to what they have to offer. Just
don't stop. Cease eye contact and move on.
Let's put it quite simply, if there is some critical piece of
information you simply must have, rather than asking a tout,
stop some random wester tourist on the spot and ask them,
you'll most likely get a straight answer and save some money to
boot.
It is also important that you don't feel that just become some
guy holds the door to a bar open for you, and offers to lead
you to a seat, you have to follow and sit down. Stop just
inside the doorway, let your eyes get adjusted to the light and
then decide if you want to stay or want to go.
>>> FALLING IN LOVE
OK, so you have finally succumbed and fallen in love with a
short, doe-eyed beauty with long hair. Welcome to the human
race. Now, what do you do?
Well, this isn't rocket science. First, ask her if she wants
to go with you. If you are bashful and wait long enough, she
will ask you. Or, she will go tot he girl's room and mama-san
will ask you.
The next question is, how much is the bar fine. It should be
300 or 400 baht, depending upon the club. I have heard some
clubs are trying to get 500 baht, but I have no firsthand
knowledge of this. Give the money directly to mama-san. Now,
you need to understand, that the girl of your dreams will not
get one penny of this money. It is all kept by the bar, and
pays mama-san's salary, among other things.
Once you agree, she will run off to change clothes while you
settle up with the bar.
The theory behind the "Bar Fine" is that the bar has hired
the girl to entertain the patrons. If she leaves with you,
the bar has lost her services for the evening. Therefore,
you need to make it up to the bar in the way of a "fine".
In the Patpong area, the typical barfine is 350 Baht.
Also, in Patpong, the negotiations with the girl, which
should be carried out BEFORE you leave the bar, are usually
around 1500 Baht for a short time. (Very Expensive for BKK)
If your hotel is not close by, or doesn't allow visitors, then
the Patpong girl will take you to one of a couple "guest houses"
right on Patpong Rd. These are an experience in itself and cost
about 200-400 Baht for an hour or so. They are safe, even if
they don't necessarily look that way.
If you are staying in a fancy hotel, be assured that they DO
NOT appreciate visitors. Check this out ahead of time to avoid
any embarassment. Don't even think about showing up in the
lobby at 2 a.m. and trying to sneak a lady in. They have seen
them all and can spot a bar girl at 100 yards I don't care how
she's dressed. Every hotel, even those that allow visitors
will charge you for a "double". I skip this hassle by
registering up front as a double when I check in!
Most Patpong girls will only want to go "short time" with you.
They hope to return to the bar and get "bought out" again. When
you arrive at your hotel, or rent-a-room, you will find out just
how shy the Thai's are. Often, she will undress in the bathroom,
come out wearing a towel wrapped around her tightly, climb into
bed under the covers, turnout the lights, and then slip out of
the towel still under the covers! Next...well, let's just say
that the shyness disappears rapidly! Afterwards, she will
repeat this procedure to avoid embarassment.
If you want to avoid this routine, ask if she wants to take a
shower, and then join her. Some will, some won't.
>>> BLOW JOB BARS
The information on blow job bars provided courtesy of:
============================================================
Caress Newsletter M-- Covering the World of Erotica
[email protected]
============================================================
Though for a unique experience, try a real blow job bar: sit close to
the
bar, sip your drink M-- talk to your companion, or the barman, or
bargirl,
while another girl kneels, out of sight of everyone, and gives you
what
you want - of course, you will be forever wondering if the unseen girl
who
gave you the blow job was actually the girl you paid for. But thatM-9s
all
part of the fun in Bangkok.
All the ones mentioned here are in the Patpong Road area.
*Star of Love* has unique seating arrangement. At other blow-job bars
you
sit on one of the seats or couches in the bar while the girl works on
you,
so even though itM-9s pretty dark, other people can watch whatM-9s
happening.
At Star of Love, you sit at the bar and sip your beer while, unseen to
everyone else, a girl crawls through an opening below the bar, unzips
your
fly and sucks your cock. This makes it more hidden than in some blow
job
bars and clubs. Prices are about the same as in the other blow job
bars,
200-300 Baht ($8-$12) but as in every sex club in Bangkok, you are
expected to haggle. If you donM-9t like haggling over the price of sex
then
take your holidays in Hamburg, Germany, where they wonM-9t cut a penny
off
the price and will throw you out if you even suggest it.
*Kangaroo Bar* is open afternoons and evenings. A beer is 65 Baht.
although not a rip off joint there is quite a bit of pressure to buy
some
cock sucking, but at 200-300 baht a throw it is the sort of pressure
you can
live with. When you sit down, you will be surrounded by 4 or 5 girls.
One
or more of them will be caressing your cock, trying to get you aroused
enough to say yes to their offer of a blow-job in the bar. Kangaroo
is
small and dark, with some dancing on the stage. In the evening there
are
about ten girls. If you donM-9t want a blow job these girls will
eventually
leave you alone to drink your beer and maybe watch the dancing or a
girl
kneeling on the floor in front of another customer, her head bobbing
up
and down in his lap.
*Lady Night* is the best of the blow-job bars. It has a dozen girls,
go-go dancing, with comfortable couches, 60 Baht beer, and not too
much
pressure. A girl or two will sit with you, put a hand on your pants
and
try to coax your cock up into the desired position, as is done in all
blow-job bars.
At the *Rose*, each time a customer comes in a couple of girls climb
on
the small stage and dance for a few minutes until the customer is
settled,
drink in hand. Then the girls climb off the stage and get down to the
real business at (in) hand or mouth.
In Bangkok, names can change overnight - for tax reasons, or simply
because the owner thinks a new name will bring him good fortune. But
even
though the names change, the locations will stay the same. Even as
this is
posted there are probably new blow job bars opening in Patpong area of
Bangkok. Just walk around there, and the beauty of it is that you
donM-9t
have to go into a blow job bar to get a blow job, for most of the bars
and
clubs there have back rooms where you can take any of the dancers for
a
short time and do what the hell you like.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 2 -- SOI COWBOY
Soi Cowboy is a short street that runs between Soi 21 and Soi
23 on the north side of Sukhumvit road. Legend has it that it
was started by a black American G.I. during the Vietnam war. I
know that I visited it during those years.
Soi Cowboy is a whole lot less frantic than Patpong, and is the
author's favorite haunt.
There are far fewer tourists, and the merchants haven't been
allowed to set up souvenir stalls in the middle of the road.
It has a much higher number of local residents and expatriates
in attendance than does Patpong.
In my opinion, the girls are not quite as strident or
aggressive here, the drinks are usually cheaper, the bar fines
are lower and it is a lot more fun.
Having said that, if you only have one night in Bangkok, go to
Patpong. If you have a week, spend one night in Patpong, one in
Soi Cowboy, the next at Nana Plaza, and then the rest of
the week where you had the most fun on the first three nights!
A couple of the smaller bars in Soi Cowboy are open during the
daylight hours.
I was in a Soi Cowboy bar one afternoon -- one of the smaller
ones that is sort-of open, with the owner and a few girls in
attendance, but no dancing.
In walked a Frenchman (no flames, the guy WAS from France!) He
came in, sat down on the bench seat along the back wall and
ordered a beer. took his wallet out and set it on the table in
front of him, leaned forward and fell sound asleep. He was
obviously in about his 23rd straight hour of partying.
The girls tried to wake him up when his beer came, but this guy
was out for the count. The waitress picked up his wallet, gave
it to the cashier for safekeeping, and went into the back room
and got a pillow. With help from some of the other girls, they
stretched him out on the back bench and let him sleep. At
about 10 minutes before six (some 3 hours later), they brought
him an ice cold beer, and gently woke him up using cool damp
towels.
Once he was awake, they brought him his wallet, he thanked them
in French (he spoke virtually no English and absolutely no
Thai) drank a few beers, paid his tab and wandered out.
I contend that in virtually any other place in the world, he
would have been mistreated or robbed, but not in Bangkok.
I do not recommend the above as a way of catching up on your
sleep.
Some of the bars on Soi Cowboy that have been around for a while
include Butterfly, Darling, Tilac and Suzie Wong. Suzie Wong has
one of the larger go-go bars, with more than 60 dancers on any given
evening. It also has some of the best music. Darling has good
music, is a bit less expensive than Suzie Wong, and has pretty good
music. Tilac has about 60 girls, great decorations (as if you
would notice) and disco-style lighting. Bbutterfly has a large video
projector, which is the exception, rather than the rule at Soi
Cowboy, along with 40 to 50 dancers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 3 -- NANA PLAZA
Nana Plaza is an old shopping arcade located just south of Sukhumvit
Road on Sukhumvit Soi 4 (Nan Tai). It is across the street
from the Nana Hotel and within about a half-mile of the Grace
Hotel (discussed in the next part of this FAQ).
Nana Plaza is U-shaped and two stories high with an open
courtyard. A legirl currency exchange booth is at the entrance, and
it usually gives the best exchange rate in the area.
Nana has a number of outside beer bars where it is nice
to sit and sip a cool one while recuperating from the noise
and atmosphere of the inside bars. The bar maids are fun
to talk to and kid with.
This is one of the newer and faster growing areas of adult
entertainment, and has about 20 different clubs. The clubs are
raunchier than those found on Soi Cowboy, and much of the
clientele is expat. In addition to the usual bikini dancers,
it is not uncommon to see a club lock the outer door and go
total nudity for a while, before unlocking and resuming bikini
dancing.
Was in one of the Nana clubs during a slow, hot afternoon,
sitting alone at the end of the bar. There were no dancers,
only 2 other customers, the lady bartender, and two
waitresses. One of the other gents at the bar asked if I
minded a bit of an interruption for some "research". I said go
ahead. They proceeded to lock the door and draw the curtains.
Some small amounts of currency quickly changed hands and all of
three of the women working there stripped naked and one at a
time climbed up on the bar, each walking the length twice.
They got down, got dressed, opened the drapes and unlocked to
door. The entire episode took 5 minutes.
A couple of the bars in Nana have "private rooms" where you can
bring a hostess or dancer. These rent by the hour, and if
there are such rooms, there is usually a sign by the main bar
telling you 1) they have them, and 2) how much they cost.
These rooms give you a bit of privacy and are quieter and less
smoky than the bars themselves. Obviously, you have an
opportunity to get "more intimate". What "more intimate" means
depends upon the establishment and the girl.
The Nana also has a couple of 'short time' hotels right in the
complex. These are available for about 200 Baht for an hour.
If you have ever wanted to go see a transvestite (katoey) show, but
have been afraid of whatever iit is people are afraid of, Nana might
be a place where you can really let it all hang out. Try visiting
Asian Intrigue where they have one of the better katoey shows in
town, and you are safe from whatever it is you need to be safe
from. Regardless of how you feel about katoeys, you'll love the
show and laugh so hard youmight just choke on your beer.
One ofthe better Nana clubs is Mon cheri, which is a
combination beer garden and go-go bard with about 50 dancers.
The Nana girls, in my opinion, are not as flashy and attactive
as the Patpong girls to a typical Westerner's eyes. They are
more natural Thais and have not all tried to make themselves
over in a Western style. If I had to rate the girls, I'd give
the usual Patpong girls 7-10's, Soi Cowboy girsl 6-10's, and I'd
give the Nana girls 4-9's. However, part of the fun is
searching out the 9's at the Nana! They are there, and anyway,
once you get over the "kid in a candy store" feeling, you look
for someone nice to be with, just not some looker! In
Thailand, lookers are all over the place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 4 -- SOI 33 -- FAMOUS ARTISTS
Just down the road from Soi Cowboy, on the same side of
Sukhumvit Road, is Soi 33. There, a new group of bars has
sprung up, serving almost exclusively the expatriate
community. They are all named after famous, dead, artists.
The drinks are more expensive, the decor is nicer, the music is
quieter, the girls are dress better and most of the customers
leave their shirts and ties on to "prove' that they work in
Thailand and are not some tourist-type.
It has been observed that many of the girls in these clubs do
not speak English all that well, perhaps because the customers
speak more Thai.
I found the women there less approachable. These may be clubs that
are not well-suited for the casual visitor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 5 -- GRACE HOTEL
OK, time to get strange. If you wander up Sukhumvit Soi 3, you
will come to the Grace Hotel on the right side. the best time
to visit is about 1 am or later. Go to the coffee shop, order
some of the worst food imaginable and settle in for the show.
The Grace hotel is primarily an Arab occupied hotel (nothing
wrong with that, just giving the background, so no flames) and
as the bars begin to close, it's coffee shop takes on unreal
proportions. It will begin to fill up with working girls,
transvestites, Arabs, more girls, Brits, more transvestites,
Americans, some of indiscernible gender, Aussies, and others
who totally defy description.
Just sit and watch and people flit from table to table --
everyone smokes by the way -- and watch the mating dance of the
horny people.
The hotel should charge admission. If you are in Bangkok, but
are not interested in "participating", then the Grace Hotel is
one place you must visit in the wee hours.
Vietnam Veteran
AC-130E Spectre Gunships
16th Special Operations Squadron (USAF)
"We were winning when I left."
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PART 6 -- THERMAE COFFEE SHOP
Lots of times when I get to Bangkok, I am coming down from
Tokyo on a US airline, which means I don't arrive until about
midnight. Figure it takes an hour to clear customs and
immigration and another hour to get to the hotel. It is now 2
a.m. In most of the world's cities, you are lucky to find a
cup of coffee at 2 a.m.
But this is Bangkok!
Grab a cab and head for the Ambassador Hotel on Sukhumvit
Road. When you get there, pay the cab driver, walk out to
Sukhumvit, turn left and go up half a block. There will be
food stalls on the sidewalk and a lot of people milling around.
Turn left and walk up the dark alley. Make sure you don't get
run over in the process. Turn right as soon as you are past
the building and look for the door where people are going in
and out. Go in the door, past the unisex bathroom, down the
stairs and through the narrow hallway. Watch out for the
waiters carrying the trays of hot food!
You are now in the Thermae coffee shop. You will NOT find a
place to sit down. Force your way to the bar and order a
beer. Mind you, there is barely enough room to turn around
with all the people. This is the main gathering ground for all
the off duty bartenders, dancers, masseuses, freelancers, and
horny guys. Do not be surprised if you get "groped". If you
do, gently grab the wrist of the groper and follow the arm
until you reach the person. If you like her, great! If not,
just smile and move along. If she is a he, don't go
homophobic. The same rule of thumb applies. If you like him,
great! If not, just smile and move along.
There seems to almost always be a group of deaf mute girls
hanging out and working the Therme. Look behind the juke
box for them. They'll be signing to each other.
Nothing beats the Therme for variety. You will find 16-40 year
olds. Beautiful to ugly. Fat to skinny. All are looking to
hook up with someone for "a good time". The "price" at the
Therme varies greatly. Of course, there is no bar fine, but
I've heard stories "long time" dates running as low as 300 Baht.
Rumor has it that the Therme is owned by the Chief of Police of
Bangkok. The bartender, is reported to be a corporal in the
police! Neither is probably true. Usually you are very safe in
the Therme, however, be careful on the streets around it late
at night. As happens anywhere, tipsy, foreigners often end up
giving up their wallet and its contents very easily.
As a general rule of thumb when out partying in Bangkok,
never carry your Credit Cards and only enough $$$ that you can
afford to loose. Standard precautions....I've never had a
problem, but you can't be too safe. Don't carry your Passport.
Carry a photo copy of the double page with your picture! Yes,
I know if you are an American it says right on the passport
that it is illegal to photocopy, but, the potential hassle for
doing so is miniscule compared to the major hassle of having to
have your passport replaced when you have a 6 am departure
scheduled.
One of the great(?) things about Thermae is the single
bathroom. It adds an all new aura to using the bathroom when
you don't know if the person in the next stall is male, female
or transvestite! It gets doubly interesting when they try and
start up a conversation with you, or when the next stall has
more than one occupant. My recommendation is if you venture
into Thermae, use the bathroom, even if you don't have to use
the bathroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 7 -- MASSAGE
This is a totally fictional (wink-wink) story about the massage
parlors of Bangkok.
The action took place in Bangkok, where I was mixing a bit of
pleasure with a lot of business. I had spent the better part
of the day stuck in the notorious Bangkok traffic in a car
with marginal air conditioning. I was pretty pooped and I
didn't want to do the nightclub scene because despite being
horny as hell from looking at the gorgeous Thai women all day,
I didn't have the energy to deal with the fast-paced action at
the clubs.
So, I asked my driver to take me to one of the better massage
parlors in Bangkok.
I went in and was greeted by one of the managers who
told me that I should go to the viewing area and select one of
the girls. Having visited establishments like this around the
world, and had every conceivable "con" run on me, I figured
that I would see if I could get the ground rules and costs
established -- before I made my selection and started thinking
with my "little brain".
The manager, who was wearing a nice suit and tie, told me that
the price was 2500 baht, and for that price I would get the
girl, the room, a bath, massage, blow job and fuck. I thought
that the price was a tad high, but figured that if this place
was one of the it might be worth it. I asked if the price was
negotiable and he laughed saying that I could pay more, but
certainly not less. He also told me that if I was not
satisfied in any way, to let him know and he would make it
right.
I figure that I had just received as much assurance as
I was ever going to get, and told him to point me to the
viewing area.
He directed me to the other end of the room where
behind mirrored glass they had at least 50 girls, sitting
around, wearing what looked like togas, and watching
television. I could see them but they could not see me unless
I wanted to step up to an area where the glass was two-way.
Each lady wore a small plastic button with a number.
God, what a selection, there were small girls and there
were tall girls, there were big tits, small tits, medium tits.
There were big asses and small asses and there were asses that
you just wanted to bite. The one thing in common was long jet
black hair and perfect complexions. There were no Harley
Davidson tattoos to be found, no needle marks, no gum chewers,
no inch-thick makeup, no old women, and no ugly women.
The deal here was to pick a lady on the basis of looks
and give her number to the manager. the ladies, in turn, use
different methods of getting attention. some just face the
glass and smile, not knowing if they are being observed or
not. Some make a point of being in the front row, others are
more content to sit towards the back. Some of the ladies knit,
others watch the television, others just talk to one another.
If someone steps up to the area where the glass is two-way,
many of the girls will try and establish eye contact while
nodding or pointing to their numbers.
After about 10 minutes of just standing there in front
of the one-way glass, staring with my mouth wide open, my dick
getting hard and my heart throbbing because I wanted them all,
I decided which lady I wanted to spend some time with. I gave
her number to the manager who went to a small telephone and
paged her. While waiting for her to come out of the room, I
paid the fee and was soon greeted by a beautiful young lady who
had a name about 3 miles long. She laughed when I tried saying
her name and said that I could call her Nit.
Nit put her arm around me and guided me to an elevator,
which we used to get to the top floor. There we went down a
long hall and entered the room. What a room! It was about 12
x 12, had a double tub, a wide, nicely made bed, a padded bench
and a large open area that was half carpeted and half done in
ceramic tile. It was also immaculate and smelled clean and
fresh.
We were followed in the room by a waitress who took our
drink orders. Nit told me to sit on the end of the bed while
she got the tub ready -- and proceeded to full the tub with hot
sudsy water. A few moments later our drinks arrived, and so
did an old woman carrying an inflated air mattress.
Yes, this was the type of air mattress you use in a
swimming pool to lie on and get a tan. The type that is made
up of about 8 long vertical tubes filled with air, and topped
by a similarly inflated "pillow."
At this point I had absolutely no idea what the air
mattress was for, but figured "what the hell, you pay your
money and you take your chances."
By now we were alone in the room, I had my drink, a
mysterious air mattress, and Nit. She turned on some music and
told me to stand up. When I did so, she proceeded to undress
me is a most sensual manner. Sensual when it wasn't funny.
Nit stood about 4'10" and I'm a bit over 6', so I had to bend
over to help her get my T-shirt off. None the less, she made
full use of her hands throughout, rubbing my nipples, caressing
my sides, tickling my balls and scratching my ass.
By now I had a raging hard-on, which she mostly
ignored, other than to pantomime that it was truly huge and
would possibly split her in half. Nit was a good actress, and
I appreciated her effort to make me feel special.
Nit had me sit down and went over to check the tub. At
this point, she slipped out of the toga and took her black bra
and panties off, while she splashed around the tub getting the
water ready for me. What a body!
Nit called me over to the tub and helped me get it.
She then proceeded to join me.
Nit then washed and scrubbed every inch of me, while I
used the time to explore every inch of her body -- a soapy tit
here, a smooth thigh there, a handful of nearly hairless snatch
in between. I figured I was in pussy heaven -- and still had
no idea what the air mattress was for.
After about 15 minutes of rub-a-dub-dub, me-and-Nit-in-a-tub,
she had me stand up while she rinsed me off. She then got out
of the tub and put the air mattress on the floor and hand me
lie down on it. She then dumped a whole bottle of shampoo into
a tub of warm water and made a real soapy mixture. Nit then
poured some of the mixture on my back and proceeded to wash me
again, this time sliding her body up and down against mine,
using the soapy water as a lubricant. She turned me into a
big, white, bald, slip and slide, where she slipped and I was
the slide. She did this on every part of my body for about 15
minutes, and it was one of the most erotic episodes I've ever
had in my life.
Alas, we eventually ran out of her soapsuds mixture, so
Nit had me step back into the tub where she rinsed me off, we
then went up to the carpeted area, where she dried me off and
had me lie face down on the bed.
Nit then went back to the tub, rinsed herself off,
dried off, and joined me on the bed where she proceeded to
spend the next fifteen or twenty minutes giving me an
absolutely thorough massage. She worked every muscle in my
body, popped all my finger and toe joints and gave my scalp a
working over that makes me tingle just thinking about it.
At this point I really faced an emotional dilemma. I
was still incredibly horny from the "slip and slide" and wanted
to fuck anything that moved -- especially Nit. On the other
hand, the massage was so relaxing that I felt like I could drop
off to sleep at any moment.
Nit, however, resolved my dilemma by giving me the best oral
sex I have ever had. After I was fully aroused, blind with
passion and ready to die and go to heaven, she climbed onto me
and we made love.
After we finished, Nit lay beside me for a while, kissing me
and playing with my balls, and then went over to the tub and
turned on the water. I watched as she washed herself off, both
on the outside and the inside. She called me over and
proceeded to give me a full shower, scrubbing every inch of me,
as if she hadn't done the same thing about an hour earlier.
She then dried me off using a big fluffy towel and told
me to go lie down on the bed again. I watched as she cleaned
up the tub area, washed off her air mattress, and put all of
her soap containers away. She then put on her toga and had me
get up then helped me get dressed.
--------------end of story------------
I have a few final notes:
First, it was not overpriced. We spent about an hour and a half
together and it was everything the manager promised. the 2,500 baht
price is the price that the average tourist can expect to pay if
taken to a massage parlor by a taxi or hired car. The walk-in
prices range from 1,200 to 2,000 baht. The better you speak Thai,
the lower the price. Mid-aftgernoon is cheaper than 8 p.m.
Second, if the service is good, tip the girl 300 to 500 baht. Don't
be embarrassed, just fold up the money and hand it to her saying
"for you". She will understand you.
Third, I'm still not sure when she slipped the condom
on me. In the last 5 years, I cannot recall a time at a major
massage parlor when condom use was not required.
Some massage parlors call the routine with the air mattress a
"tora tora" or "B Course" massage".
Don't confuse the inside managers at the massage parlors with
the touts mentioned elsewhere in this FAQ. They are totally
different, and you should work with the massage parlor managers.
Remember, this is not a recommendation for that particular massage
parlor. There are several dozen in the city that can serve you just
as well. Some of the better massage parlors are Mona Lisa, Darling,
James Bond, Chao Phya, and La Cherie. How do you find them? Ask.
Ask at the front desk of the hotel where you are staying and they
will refer you to several close by. Don't be embarrassed. If you
ask a taxi driver, the driver will take you as well, and will follow
you in to get a commission. Many of the massage parlors print
full-color brochures that the cab drivers have. If you are staying
at a nicer hotel, ask as the transportation desk. Do not get
suckered in by someone stopping you on the street and showing you
the massage brochure. They are touts and will get paid a commission
for bringing you in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 8 -- DISCOS
There are legitimate discos all over Bangkok. If you want to
hear some great music and dance the night away, by all means
head for a disco.
Most have a cover change that amounts to $2-$5, and it
sometimes includes your first drink.
This is great, you might be saying, someplace to go where there
is no sex for sale. Wrong! Freelance "entertainers" hang out
at virtually every disco.
How do you find them. First, open your eyes. Look around,
make some eye contact. If you are in a disco unescorted, they
noticed you. Some may even just sit down beside you, or even
ask you to dance.
If you are really having a difficult time with this, go move to
one of the darkest corners in the disco. True love wil come to
you.
Beware! Transvestites can and do hang out at the discos. Make
sure that the she you are picking up is really a she! As there
are no bar fines or mamasans at the discos, everything is up to
you and your powers of negotiation.
Remember also, that if the lady you picked up does not work at a
regular nightclub, she may not be getting regular, weekly, VD
checks. Hanging out at a disco does not qualify as working at
a nightclub in this context.
I've been told by some wide-eyed Bangkok newbies that they
would never go to a nightclub to met a "professional", they
would only go to a disco and meet "amateurs". Yup, they are
right, I have it on good authority that the Easter Bunny
personally delivers a dozen virgin amateurs to the discos each
night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 9 -- ESCORT SERVICES
This is quite simple. Yes, escort agencies do exist, and they
are reputable. If you absolutely hate the bar scene they are an
acceptable alternative.
Try to visit, rather than call, and you will be allowed to look
through a photo album and choose your companion. The risk is
that the photo is more than a year old, or that she speaks
virtually no English. Now, for those of you from Germany or
France, I realize that not speaking English is probably an
asset, [just kidding!] but rest assured, at an escort agency, it is
virtually impossible to find a girl who speaks anything orther
than Thai, Laotion, Khmer or English.
However, if you are a western female, and are looking for an
escort, you should absolutely call an escort agency. Call and
make an appointment for a visit. It is a safe bet that your
escort will be either the owner of the agency, or one of his
best friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 10 SHORT TIME HOTELS
Scattered throughout the city are short time hotels. These are
the places that you can rent by the hour or the evening, no
baggage is required and there is no hassle.
Don't think in terms of some seedy motel wsith soiled sheets
like you would find in the US. These are (usually) smaller
hotels or guest houses that simply cater to the "entertainment"
trade.
You can get a room for an hour, several hours or all night.
There are a great number of these hotels near Patpong because
the girls don't want to go to your hotel -- and probably can't
get in.
There are also a couple by the airport. I have a friend who
ofent makes his internatinal flight connections through Bangkok
when heading to Europe. He always looks forward to a 6 or 8
hour mechanical delay, bacause it gives him a chance to head
for one of the short time hotels near the airport.
But, you might ask, how does he have time to find the girl?
Easy, many short-time hotels come pre-stocked with a selection
for the visitor to choose from.
How do you find one? Simple, every bar girl knows where one
is. Every taxi driver knows the words "short time hotel." Or,
because this is Bangkok, just stop some tourist-looking person
in the company of a young lady and ask. Chances are that
either he or she knows, and if they know, they will tell you,
or even escort you there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 11 -- LADY HOUSES OF BANGKOK
[The following is extracted from a article posted on CompuServe that
was written by Tom Boswell and the original, full length document is
Copyright, 1993.]
I have saved what I consider best for last, the Lady Houses. These
institutions are rather like a finishing school for young
prostitutes, and I imagine that many of these girls do go on to the
other establishments as they get older. Most of them are
young -- usually about 18 to 22, and they are usually not hardened
professionals but relatively new to the business and often new to
Bangkok as well.
You are driven to the Lady House, which is located in a suburb of
Bangkok, by a taxi driver once it has become clear to him that you
are not satisfied with the places to which he has taken you in the
heart of the city. You drive up to what looks like an ordinary
suburban Bangkok home. These neighborhoods are very different from
an American suburb, more densely packed, with drab colors and high
walls that give it a slightly claustrophobic but mysterious kind of
feel. There are usually several men who open the gate for you,
although sometimes it might be one or more of the girls.
You leave the taxi and enter the main house where you are greeted by
the Mama-san. She usually knows some English, with which she
offers you a seat and asks if you would like a drink. As you wait
for the drink, young women begin to enter the room and sit down on
couches or benches around the periphery. They may be laughing and
giggling, they may be doing their nails, they may seem bored or
anxious to get back to whatever they were doing before you arrived,
or they may seem as though they hope you will choose them.
You sit and drink your drink and talk with the Mama-san while you
look back and forth around the room trying to decide which girl you
want. The Mama-san asks you how long you will be in Thailand, and
she will encourage you to take a lady for the whole trip--with the
right to exchange her for another, of course. In any case, though,
these girls never go out for less than an entire evening. They are
not on an hourly. If you just want one night, until late the next
morning, the price will be about 1500 Baht ($60) or up. If you are
interested in the whole week, it drops to about 1200 Baht ($48).
In addition, it is proper to tip these girls after the night or the
week or whatever--about 500 Baht ($20) per night will make her
happy.
[Remember, all prices mentioned are 1993 prices. Your actual price
may vary.]
Tom also asked that I mention:
COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics) is an organization that works
for the
rights of sex workers, including prostitutes. If you agree that
Prostitution
should be de-criminalized and that sex workers should have the same
legal rights
and protections as all other citizens, please make a donation, large
or small,
to COYOTE, C/O L'Ecole, 1341 Ocean Ave., #151, Santa Monica, CA
90401.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 12 -- JAPANESE CLUBS
If you are Japanese, and choose not to socialize with Westerners or
non-Japanese Asians, head for Soi Tantawan and Thaniya Road. These
two streets, which run on either side of and parallel to Patpong I &
II, feature very expensive Japanese- style hostess bars which
usually bar non-Japanese from entering. One Thai I know explained
the high pricing this way: "The Japanese think they are superior to
the Thais, so we make them pay for their superiority."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 13 -- GAY BAR LISTING
The following information was taken from a collection of
advertisements in
the "Angel City" tourist magazine, volume 8, No. 3, February 1994.
The author has no firsthand knowledge of the places listed herein, but
provide the information in the belief that diversity in lifestyles is
but
one factor in the fabric of a rich society.
Colour 645/25-26 New Petchburi Road, Bangkok
(Opposite the Indonesian embassy)
Phone 252-9221
* Open 7 p.m. to 1 a.m.
* More than 40 hosts
* VIP rooms
* Karaoke & sing along
* Thais and foreigners welcome
Midnight Cowboy Lounge 1407/13-14 Soi Laleewan, (Opposite V-Star
cafe or turn left at Stax, before the Embassy Hotel) Phone 279-5712
* Go-go dancing from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.
* Cabaret show at 11 p.m.
* 40 "Cowboys"
White Horse 645/53 New Petchburi Road,
(Opposite the Indonesian embassy)
Phone 255-2679, 252-9715
* Classic Decor
* More than 30 hosts
* Karaoke & sing along
K*Nude 11407/8-9 Soi Laleewan,
(Near Midnight Cowboy)
Phone 279-4960
* Live Music
* Electric Organ
* Go-go boys
* 30 hosts
* Cabaret show 3 times a day
* Open 7 p.m. to 1 a.m.
Stax 9 Soi Ko Toei Pradipat Rd. (5-9 Soi 20 Pradipat Rd.),
(Near the Embassy hotel)
Phone 278-4018, 278-1512
* Laser Disc system
* Open 6 p.m. to 5 a.m.
* No cover charge.
Tawan 2/2 Soi Tantawan, Suriwongse Rd.,
(near Patpong)
Phone 234-5506
* Cabaret show
* 40 hosts
* Go-go show
* No cover charge
* Open 8 p.m. to 2 a.m.
King's Heaven 235/18 Soi C.S. Apartment.,
(opposite Prasmmitr University)
(Near Julie Hotel, Asoke Rd)
Phone 258-3832
Klongtoey, Bangkok
* Open 6 p.m. to 2 a.m.
* VIP room
* Safety locker
* Karaoke
Girlaxy Boy 161-161/1 Surawongse Rd.,
Phone 233-7901
* VIP rooms
* Guide service
* Music
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SECTION 3 -- PATTAYA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This section under construction. It should appear in Version
2.0.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SECTION 4 -- PHUKET
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This section under construction. It should appear in Version
2.0.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SECTION 5 -- NORTHERN PROVINCES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This section under construction. It should appear in Version
3.0.
Vietnam Veteran
AC-130E Spectre Gunships
16th Special Operations Squadron (USAF)
"We were winning when I left."
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