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The Beaver Meets Mister Ed
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
"The Beaver Meets Mister Ed"
Once upon a time in the small town of Mayfield, there lived a young
man-child named Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver. Beaver, like all children, was a
curious little cuss, and like to get into ALL sorts of trouble. One day the
circus came to town. Beaver was ecstatic. He saved his allowance up for
three whole weeks in order to gain admission to this wondrous attraction. Of
course his mother, to make sure that Beaver would stay out of trouble, sent
his older brother Wally along as a chaperone. So Wally and Beav were off to
the circus.
Upon their arrival, the brothers met up with two of Beaver's school chums,
Larry Mondello and Gilbert Smith. They saw all of the main attractions and
visited many of the side-show stands. They were having a very good time until
they came upon a secluded tent which had a sign in front of it which read:
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?"Quarantined! Rabid Horse!"?
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"Gosh guys, I think we should skip this one," Wally proclaimed in that
whiny older brother voice that he always used when he wanted everyone to
follow him.
"Ahh, come on Wally," complained Larry, "You're not CHICKEN are ya?"
"Yeah, Wally, you're not a CHICKEN!" Gilbert exclaimed. "That'd be just
awful if you were a chicken cause I'd hate to have to go to school and tell
everyone that you were afraid of a horse!"
Wally sighed.
Beaver began to plead, "Come on Wally, let's go see the horse, come on.
It'll be fun. No one will know."
"Beaver, you know dad would have our hides if he found out we snuck into a
quarantined tent at the circus," Wally rebuked. "Let's get outta here."
"You ARE a chicken, Wally," Gilbert said. "My dad would probably molest
me again if he found out that I snuck into this tent, but I'm gonna do it!"
Larry jumped in excitedly. "My dad would do me too! One time my sister
snuck into the movies and my dad found out. Me and mom could hear her
screaming from down in the basement all night long. I wouldn't mind a night
in the basement with pop if I could get a look at that nifty rabid horse!"
"Yeah, Wally, Dad isn't gonna find out. Besides, he hasn't laid a hand on
you since that time he caught you with the National Geographics in the tool
shed."
"Don't bring THAT up again, Beaver! And besides, whether he found out or
not, it's still wrong! Now I'm leaving. Is anyone coming or not?"
Everyone was silent for a moment.
"I'm staying," said Larry.
"Me too," said Gilbert. "I'm gonna get me a look at that horse!"
Wally looked at the Beave.
"Gee Wally," said Beaver quietly. "I-I'm staying too."
"Suit yourself, Beave. But don't say I didn't try and warn you."
With that Wally turned and left the three youths standing alone in front
of the isolated tent.
"Come on guys, let's see that horse!" Larry exclaimed.
Before they could answer he was under the tent.
"Gee Gilbert, I don't know if this is such a good idea after all."
"Aw, come on Beave, don't pussy out on us now! Go in!" Gilbert said.
"Welllll, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. . ." Beaver said, stalling.
"Yeah, but WHEN are ya gonna?" Gilbert taunted. "What could happen?"
"I guess you're right! Let's go."
And with that, they slipped under the tent.
The three boys stood in a dark, damp, makeshift stall. There was an
unrecognizable, yet familiar smell in the air. Before them stood a giant
seven-foot tall stallion. Its coat was as pale as bone and it snorted and
bared its square yellow teeth at their presence. It began to buck, but its
motion was impeded by a set of heavy iron chains. The boys were awestruck.
They began to back away as the horse reared, but their curiosity outweighed
their fear and they stood fast. The horse became calm after a minute or two
and they approached it slowly. They gently petted its snout and stroked its
long mane.
"Why do you think that they quarantined this horse, Beave?" asked Larry.
"I don't know, Larry."
"Maybe it's got rabies?" said Gilbert. "The sign said it was rabid."
"I don't have rabies!" the horse said casually.
All of the boys jumped back in amazement.
"He talked, Beave! He really talked!" Larry exclaimed.
"I heard him! I heard him!"
"Wait a minute," Beave said. "I heard about you. Aren't you..."
"Mister Ed, that's right, that's me."
"Then why are you all chained up? What happened to Wilbur?"
The horse began to explain.
"Well it's like this. I was framed you see. That damn Francis the
talking mule set me up. I was in my stable, minding my own business, when I
heard screams coming from the house. When I got to the house, to my horror I
found Wilbur and Daisy both mangled and molested beyond recognition and
Francis was standing over them grinning like some kind of evil demon!"
"Gosh, Mister Ed! That's terrible. What happened then?"
"Well, Francis overpowered me and knocked me unconscious. The police
found me next to Wilbur and his wife and you know the rest. They stuck me in
this lousy circus cause they have no where else to put me."
The horse began to sob.
"Ahh gee whiz, Mister Ed, don't cry! Come on don't cry," consoled Beaver.
"Yeah Mister Ed, it'll be okay," Gilbert said. "We'll get you outta
here!"
"It'll be real swell, Mister Ed," Larry said. "You can come stay at my
house after we break you out of here!"
"I, I don't know if that is such a good idea fellahs," Beaver stuttered.
"I mean he is locked up and all."
The horse began to cry some more.
"Aw, gee, Beaver! Now look what you gone and done! Can't you see that
the horse is in a jam? He's innocent! I know he is!" Larry bawled.
"Yeah, Beav! We gotta get him outta here!" Gilbert retorted.
"Please boys, help an old horse out will ya?"
"O-, okay," Beave stuttered. "I guess it'll be okay."
"Thanks, Beaver! You're a good boy. In fact, when you let me out of these
chains, I'll give you each a RIDE!"
"That'd be REAL SWELL, Mister Ed! Thanks!" gushed Larry.
"Yeah thanks, Mister Ed!" beamed Gilbert.
"No problem, boys. Now help me outta these chains."
The boys began to loosen the bonds that held Mister Ed. It was hard at
first, but after a little work, Mister Ed was free!
"Thanks so much, boys! It feels so great to be free again."
"I'll bet," Larry said.
"And how," Gilbert agreed.
Beaver was silent.
"Now, we need an escape route. Beaver, go outside and keep watch.
Gilbert and Larry will stay here and help make up a plan."
Beaver left the tent quickly. He was feeling a little nervous about the
whole ordeal. His stomach turned wildly. He didn't know if he could trust
the horse. After a while Beave began to get edgy. He wondered what was
taking them so long? He wanted to just take off, but he couldn't leave his
friends. All of a sudden Beave heard a high, shrill scream from within the
tent! It sounded like Gilbert! What was going on?!!? He ran inside the tent
only find a scene more horrid than he could ever imagine.
On the ground before him lay Gilbert covered in feces. He was dazed, but
conscious. Larry was in a far worse state. Mister Ed had mounted Larry
Mondello. His giant cock was shoved far up the young boy's anus! Beaver felt
a wave of terror sweep over him. The horse was grunting furiously as he
jammed his phallus farther into Larry. The boy's small white cheeks spread
farther and farther apart as the horse continued his deep penetrating thrusts.
Larry's fists clenched the wet ground before him. His face contorted into a
terrible mask of fear and pain. His teeth bit hard against one another, but
every thrust by the horse's relentless penis made him yelp and squeal.
Beaver helped Gilbert off the ground. With the detachment of a cripple,
they watched as the horse raped their friend.
"Golly Gilbert! What happened?!?" yelled Beaver.
"The horse lied to us! He told us that he was going to show us a neat
trick he learned in the circus! He told Larry to take off his pants and get
down on all fours. Then he told me to come over and rub his dick."
"What'd ya go and do that for, Gilbert?!?"
"I didn't know any better, and besides how was I supposed to know that the
horse was a psychopathic rapist! Anyway, Larry thought it was a neat idea."
"Yeah, a real neat idea," mocked Beaver. "Look at him now, Gilbert. I
bet he doesn't think that it's a real neat idea now."
"I'll say."
The horse was undulating furiously, faster than before. Larry began to
scream.
"Help me! Help me, Beaver! It hurts! It hurts REAL BAD!" Larry's voice
cracked.
"I don't know about you, Beave," exclaimed Gilbert, "but I'm getting outta
here!"
"You'll do no such thing you weasel Gilbert!" yelled Beaver. "You helped
get us into this, now you're gonna help get us out."
The two boys began to approach the beast. Mister Ed moved faster and they
heard a sound like paper being torn in half. It was the sound of Larry's anus
rupturing around Mister Ed's mammoth penis! Larry's eyes rolled back and he
became a motionless pile swaying on the beast's dick. Mister Ed then proceeded
to come. And boy did he come!! Larry Mondello practically shot off the
horse's member! Semen sprayed everywhere! Beaver and Gilbert fell back in
disgust. It was a sight neither of them would forget for a long time. Cum
and blood flowed from their friend's ass as the stallion shimmied and shook
himself free of Larry.
"Ohhhh, that felt good!" Mister Ed exclaimed.
"Jesus Christ, Beaver!" Gilbert shouted. "Did you see that? I don't know
about you, but I'm getting the Hell outta here!"
"Wait, Gilbert! No!"
Beaver tried to stop his friend but it was too late! Before he could grab
him, Gilbert was running for the exit.
"Not so fast, Gilbert!" Mister Ed exclaimed. "I've got something special
for you!!"
The horse galloped quickly between Gilbert and the egress. Gilbert's
retreat was blocked and he had nowhere to turn.
"No, Mister Ed, please! For Godsakes! No!!!" Gilbert shouted.
But alas it was all in vain. Mister Ed would show no mercy.
"You've been a very bad little boy, Gilbert. I'm gonna have to punish you
now!" Mister Ed said sternly.
And with that the horse darted quickly for Gilbert's groin. CHOMP!
Gilbert screamed wildly, flailing his arms in a most agonizing fashion.
Mister Ed bit squarely into his genitals. Blood spurted everywhere.
Beaver almost fainted at the site of his longtime friend being lifted high
into the air by the balls. He had read about this kind of thing happening in
newsgroups, but never actually thought that any of it was true. Boy, was he
wrong.
As Beaver squirmed within himself, Gilbert flailed violently while his
gonads were pulverized in the mouth of his captor. For a brief moment their
eyes met. The ghost white bulbs of Mister Ed peered past the tiny blood
stained face of Gilbert and into his desperate eyes. At that moment Gilbert
could have sworn that he heard a soft, yet somehow terrifying, whinny of a
laugh gurgle out of Mister Ed's mouth.
Mister Ed began to turn in circles. His hooves began to move faster and
faster until he could almost no longer maintain his balance. Round and round
they went, like some sick carnival ride that was desperately out of control.
As they spun, Gilbert's back arched farther and farther. The speed of the
turns forced Gilbert's hands from the snout deep in his groin helplessly into
the air behind his head. The siren of Gilbert's scream wailed in Beaver's
ears as he watched the pair in sheer horror.
Suddenly Mister Ed stopped. There was a curt ripping sound to be heard as
Gilbert flew across the room. Beaver let his eyes follow his friend's body
through the air and into a small pile of hay. Gilbert twitched once, and then
lay still. Beaver looked up slowly only to find Mister Ed staring at him wild
eyed. His mouth opened and bloody mass of flesh and cloth fell casually.
Beaver almost vomited at the sight of Gilbert's wrinkled penis on the ground
before him.
Mister Ed spoke excitedly, "Youuurrrr next, Beaver!"
At those words, Beaver's disgust transformed entirely into fear. Mister
Ed began to approach him. Beaver backed away very slowly. He wanted to run,
but there was nowhere to turn. Mister Ed's bloody jowls foamed at the
anticipation of the young boy's flesh! Beaver began to plead with the horse.
"No, Mister Ed, please please don't hurt me...I, I won't tell anyone,
honest, Mister Ed! Just don't molest me!"
"Oh, Beaver," the horse said as he approached the young child. "We'll
have a good time together. You'll see. I'm sure you are going to last
muuuuuch longer than your friends! They were very good, but they didn't have
much stamina!"
Beaver saw the horse's erect cock peek out from within the wrinkled
foreskin. The horse whinnied in an excited tone as it reared. Terrified,
Beaver tripped and fell. He began to scream as Mister Ed rushed him, but the
the boy's scream was quickly muted by the horse's dick which plunged deep into
his gaping mouth!
Beaver was helpless. Pinned beneath the swaying beast, he could do
nothing to alter the situation. The horse's moist penis gyrated smoothly in
Beaver's tiny mouth. Beaver could think of nothing except the thought of the
taste of Larry's anus and the horse's dick mingling together inside his mouth.
It was getting harder for Beaver to breath, and he didn't think he could last
until the Mister Ed came. Boy, was dad gonna be mad.
"If only I had listened to Wally," he thought as the horse thrust
deeper.
Just then Wally ran into the tent. He first caught a glimpse of Larry
Mondello's half naked, motionless body lying in the center of the stall. Then
he saw the Beave squirming beneath the undulating horse.
"I KNEW something crazy like this was gonna happen!" Wally said to
himself.
He cocked the shotgun that he had brought with him and charged at Mister
Ed. With the prowess of a high school track star, Wally ran across the stall
and shoved the barrel of the shotgun far into the horse's ass. Mister Ed's
head jerked up quickly and he turned to look at the new plaything Wally had
brought him. Beaver quickly rolled over to the side of the stall.
"Hmmmmm, it looks like we have a new friend, Beaver!"
Mister Ed was preparing to charge Wally, but then caught the look in
Wally's eye. He had seen that look once before -- when he crapped through the
window of Wilbur's new DeSoto. Wally pulled the trigger of the shotgun stuck
up the horse's ass. Mister Ed collapsed to the ground, then Wally walked away
casually.
"That was a close one huh?" said Wally, helping Beaver up.
"And how, Wally! Thanks for saving me!"
"Aw, don't go getting mushy on me Beave. Any how, I kinda figured it was
my fault for letting you stay in the tent. Let's go check Larry."
They quietly walked over to their friend's body.
"I-, Is he dead, Wally?"
Wally felt Larry's cold neck and said, "Yeah I think he is, Beave."
"Wh-, What are we gonna do, Wally?"
Wally stared thoughtfully at the corpse.
"Aw, Beav, I don't know", he said timidly, "I mean we can't just go and
tell Mrs. Mondello that her son got raped to death by a rabid horse at the
circus!"
"Yeah, I guess you're right, Wally. Larry's mom would be kind of sore at
us."
"And how, Beave!" Wally said. "Where's Gilbert?"
Beaver motioned to a pile of bloody hay in the corner.
"He's over there, Wally."
The pair sauntered over to their wounded friend. His body writhed in the
hay as blood flowed from his torn groin.
"Gee, Wally, Gilbert doesn't look so good," Beaver said.
"He sure doesn't, Beave. I don't think he's gonna last another hour if we
don't get him to a doctor or something."
Gilbert began to regain conciousness.
"Beaver, Wally- oh, ah, wha- what happened?" Gilbert whispered weakly.
"Your dick got bit off by that horse, Gilbert!" Beaver said excitedly.
"Larry got reamed real hard don't ya remember and then-"
"Aw, spare the poor guy the details, Beav. Can't ya see that Gilbert's
dying here?"
Gilbert became alarmed.
"Dying?!? No way I'm gonna die just because some psycotic horse bit off
my penis!"
He tried to get up but fell back into the hay.
"Hey guys, I can't move my legs!"
"Is that bad that he can't move his legs, Wally?" Beaver questioned.
"I'll say it is," Wally replied. "Your back's probably broke or
something. You might be paralyzed from the waist down."
"What's 'sparalyzed' mean, Wally?" Beave asked curiously.
"It means that Gilbert's a goner whether he lives or not."
"Don't say that, Wally!" Gilbert exclaimed. "Come on fellas, get me outta
here!"
"Nothing doing, Gilbert," Wally retorted. "You really goofed up this
time, and the Beaver and I aren't gonna take the heat for it."
And with that Wally began to cover Gilbert up with hay.
"Wait a minute!" Gilbert began to scream. "You guys can't just leave me
here! Beaver, you're my best friend! How can you do this?"
"You're only my best friend cause Larry's over there dead and anyways even
if you were my best friend Wally's still my brother and I have to listen to
what he says cause he knows what's right. He's in high school ya know," the
Beaver explained.
Gilbert began, "I know but-"
"Aw would ya knock it off, Gilbert," Wally interrupted. "Kick him in the
head or something would ya, Beave?"
"O-, Okay, Wally," Beaver said, aiming his horseshit-covered shoe at his
friend's head. "I'm real sorry about this, Gilbert."
"I bet you're REAL SORRY, Beave. Some best friend you turned out to be,"
Gilbert replied.
Beaver gave Gilbert a quick kick to his right temple, knocking him
unconcious instantly and causing fatal internal hemorhaging. Beaver decided
not to ask Wally what hemorhaging was right then. They finished covering up
Gilbert then dragged Larry's body to a corner and covered him up hurriedly.
After they were done with their morbid task, Beaver turned to his brother.
"What now, Wally?"
"Well Beave, the way I see it, eventually someone is gonna find this mess.
And when they do, they are gonna start asking some questions."
"What kinda questions are they gonna be asking, Wally?"
"Don't worry about that right now, Beave. The point is that they are and
they are gonna want to know who's responsible. And right now, that's me and
you," Wally continued. "So this is what we're gonna do. Ya see this, Beave?"
Wally pulled out a worn baseball cap with the initials E.H. sewn into the
bill.
"Yeah I see it, Wally. How's it gonna help us?" Beave asked a bit
confused.
"This Eddie Haskel's old baseball cap, Beave!" Wally exclaimed.
Beaver's face lit up as a wave of comprehension swept over him. Boy, what
a smart brother he had.
"You're the smartest kid I know, Wally!" Beaver beamed.
"We are gonna leave this here and when the fuzz gets here, they'll have a
nice clue waiting for them," explained Wally.
"Boy you sure are smart, Wally!" Beave exclaimed giving his brother a
unprecedented hug.
"Enough already, Beave," Wally said with usual modesty. He threw the hat
next to the dead horse. "Now let's get outta here."
The pair exited the tent silently. Not much was said on the way home, but
Beave eventually broke the silence.
"Wally, what's gonna happen when the police ask that rat Eddie where he was
today?"
A smirk broke over Wally's face.
"Well, Beave, when I left you guys I ran into Eddie at the Ferris wheel.
He was with Lumpy Rutherford. They wanted me to go down to Fischer's Pond
with them and jack off."
"No foolin', Wally?"
"No foolin', Beave. Anyway, I told him that I wasn't into that group stuff.
Eddie's not gonna tell the papers and the cops that he was jacking off with
the guys down at Fischer's Pond."
"Are you ever gonna tell anyone about this?"
"Are you kidding, Beaver?!?! If I told Dad about this he'd make me go down
to the police station and turn myself in! And if I told Mom, she would just
probably die or something!"
"I guess you're right, Wally."
Shortly they arrived home.
Before they entered Beave questioned Wally, "How do I look?"
Wally looked him over and brushed some hay off his brother.
"You look fine, Beave, but just don't breathe on Mom. You've got horse cum
on your breath."
"Thanks, Wally. You're swell."
"Sure, Beave, anytime. That's what brothers are for right?"
Beaver smiled, "Right, Wally."
And with that the two entered their home.
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This story came from the Byte Brothers conference. We aren't usually this
brilliant (except for Joe Bob Briggs), opting instead to say things like
"Welcome To Hell" and "Fuck You". Occasionally someone posts something really
good like this, but only when they're newcomers and haven't had their senses
dulled by our mindless drivel. Yeah, it may be mindless drivel, but it's OUR
mindless drivel, and we love it!
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