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California Uber Alles - sick story
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
From alt.sex.bondage Thu Apr 9 11:13:32 1992
Subject: FUNNY STORY: California Uber Alles
Lines: 82
Hi gang!
My sweetie wrote this (with creative assistance from Yours Truly)
for the parody issue of the "New York Review of Science Fiction".
It's based on a book called "Sexpunks and Savage Sagas" by a
California New Age guru called Richard Sutphen (it's a terrible
book; don't pay money for it, but if you run across a copy, flip
through it, it's a hoot.) Anyway, I thought y'all might enjoy it,
so here it is, with permission from the author. If you like it and
feel inclined to let us know, please do so by email, as I read this
group on a very irregular basis.
CALIFORNIA UBER ALLES: Psychicpunks and Parasavages
by Bryan G. Sutphen
Marlin looked on appreciatively from the Land Rover as Jim
whipped the alligator. The fringes of Jim's leathers flipped
around in a taunting manner in the savannah wind. The gator,
manacled between two trees, flinched in joy with each crack of
the whip.
C-c-r-r-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-c-c-c-c-k-k-k-k-k-k-k!
Suddenly, a huge beast appeared behind Marlin. Eight feet
tall, rippling muscles from head to toe, chrome-studded leather
collar, and black as Marlin's best fantasies, the gorilla rushed
the pair with an enormous axe. The axe bit into Jim's head.
"A-a-a-r-r-r-r-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-h-h-h-h!" said Jim.
Jim gurgled and died just at the moment of Marlin's orgasm.
"O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h," said Marlin. The gorilla hopped into the driver's
seat beside Marlin. Marlin smiled. "H-h-h-h-h-o-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-w-
d-d-d-d-y-y-y-y, s-s-s-s-s-a-a-a-a-i-i-i-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o-r-r-r."
"You white boys sure talk funny," the gorilla observed. "My
name's Fred. I'll drive us over to my pad for kinky gross sex."
He put the Rover in gear and tore off across the grasslands.
Fred's hut was a complex of zebra-skin rugs, beaded doorways,
bean bags, mirrors, and lava lamps. He tossed Marlin down onto a
bean bag. Marlin held his knees together. "You're going to whether
I want to or not," Marlin whined.
"You're horny," Fred said.
"No!" huffed Marlin.
"Are you living with someone?" said Fred.
"None of your beeswax," Marlin huffed.
"Are you *straight*?"
"Don't *h-h-h-h-u-u-u-u-u-r-r-r-r-t-t-t-t-t me!"
Fred pried Marlin's knees apart. "You like it! Admit it! The
danger turns you on!"
Marlin had to admit it was true. He thought back to the time when
he and Jim and the pit of pythons...
But Fred was dragging him into another room where an enormous
machine sat in the middle of the room. It was a Wankel rotary engine
with a Dean Drive mounted to the crankshaft. A twelve-inch phallic
prong protruded from the top. At the sight of it Marlin's adrenalin
started rushing. He reached out to grasp the gleaming chrome tool.
"Take off your pants," Fred ordered him.
He did so and Fred hoisted him up and spitted him on the
machine like a marshmallow at a campfire. Marlin had never felt so
fulfilled. Fred climbed up and straddled him. Fred flipped the
switch and converted the engine's 6,000 rpm cycle to an equally
rapid up-and-down motion. "O-H-H-H-H-H-H-H G-G-G-G-G-R-R-R-R-R-
E-E-E-E-E-A-A-A-A-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T C-C-C-C-C-C-T-T-T-T-T-T-H-H-H-H-
H-H-U-U-U-U-U-U-L-L-L-L-L-L-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U!"
They bobbed up and down at a rate of speed never before achieved
by coupling primates. They changed colors, and spots. Smiles as wide
as the Sumner Tunnel and five inches high. Marlin tried to contain
himself as long as possible, but the gorilla was insistent.
"O-O-O-O-O-H-H-H-H-H C-C-C-C-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-M-M-M-M-M-M-M
M-M-M-M-M-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-R-R-R-L-L-L-L-L-L-I-I-I-I-I-N-N-N-
N-N-N-N!"
Marlin did. Fred switched off the machine and climbed down to
the floor. Marlin slumped over in exhaustion, propped up by the
machine's chrome finger. Fred rummaged around in a drawer, and then
clipped a small white tag to Marlin's ear.
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