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A cute, mildly adult chain letter
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
Subject: Re: A cute chain letter
Followup-To: alt.sex,alt.sex.stories
Date: Fri Jul 21 15:48:20 1995
Jaws Jr. ([email protected]) wrote:
: I thought that I would pass this on to anybody who might like to read this.
: I got this on my e-mail today, hope it doesn't offend you. I also
: hope you don't mind getting a chain letter.
: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
: This paper has been sent to you for good luck. The original
: has been worn out from having passed through the hands of so many
: people. It had traveled around the world 69 times.
: The luck has now been sent to you. You will experience great
: sex within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it
: on. Since the copy must tour the world, you must make ten copies and
: send them to others. This is no joke. Send no money. Send copies
: to people who need to get laid within 96 hours.
: After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control
: Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the
: longest series of orgasms of his life. John Elliot tried to pick up
: a prostitute, but, because he broke the chain, was picked up by the
: police instead. When they searched his home, they found magazines of
: little boys which they showed to his neighbors. In a suburb of
: Paris, Don Loray's trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied erection,
: 51 days after failing to circulate the letter. However, before this
: happened, a condom machine gave him three condoms for the price of
: one. (Was this the consolation prize?)
: Do note the following: Herbert Pudstrom received the chain
: in 1953. He asked his secretary to make ten copies and send them
: out. A few days later he encountered her in a red-light district
: making more than he had ever paid her at work. General George
: Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in
: the street. When he bent down to pick it up, a beautiful woman in a
: miniskirt walked by, and he got a great view. His aide, Colonel
: Roger Bumswiver, who did not pass on the letter, tried to pick up a
: similar object but was fucked up the ass by a desperate gay when he
: bent over. Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received
: the letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours.
: His wife then went bowling with his best friend and never
: returned. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed ten
: copies. A few days later he got a wife and discovered that his old
: wife, who he thought was wonderful, had made love to him like a dead
: salmon for all these years! Alan Fairchild received the letter and,
: not believing, threw the letter away. Nine days later he spilled hot
: coffee in his crotch.
: In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was
: faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph
: applied to her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and
: send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with
: problems including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted
: in her futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar. The
: letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the
: letter and found a man with a 10-inch penis.
: You must distribute at least ten copies within 96 hours of
: receiving this letter. Those who do will find their love lives more
: fulfilling, Those who do not will be doomed to one-night stands with
: mechanical devices.
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