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Guidelines for a romantic date
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Some Guidelines for a Heavy Romantic Date
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1) Dinner:
It is important to have dinner in a classy, (expensive)
restaurant, and to have something elegant. Like,
walking to the 7-11 for some microwaved burretos.
2) Entertainment:
A movie that is "touching", has "warm, endearing
characters", and a "message of enduring value."
Recommended here would be "Deap Throat", or a "Best
of..." video of Letterman, or maybe a Three Stooges
film.
3) Music and/or Dancing:
Bring your Walkman.
4) Scintillating Conversation:
This should be cleverly designed to draw you closer.
Some suggested topics are
Leprosy among armadillos in the Southern states;
Iranian Politics;
How rootworms affect your food bills.
5) The 'Encounter'
This is the most important part. Be sure to have an
adequate supply of 4-foot lengths of Polish sausage, at
least one box of Pop Tarts, and some raw liver from
your local butcher would be a nice touch. For that
"really special" night, you might want to bring plenty
of shoelaces and a bag of chalk dust. Have everything
on hand and ready to go ahead of time. It is most
inconvenient to have to grope for some essential piece
of equipment at the last second, so be sure to know
where everything is before you start.
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