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Ioseph of Locksley's Handy Guide to Cavalier Hand-
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HAND-KISSING
Contents: 1. Ioseph of Locksley's Handy Guide to Cavalier
Hand-kissing 1993
2. Hand-kissing Two by Fredric L'Avarre 1993
IOSEPH OF LOCKSLEY'S HANDY GUIDE TO CAVALIER HAND-KISSING
-Ioseph of Locksley
© copyright 1993 W.J. Bethancourt III
Hand-kissing is a wonderful means of greeting a
lady. It is very common, and unfortunately very commonly
abused, in the SCA. Hopefully, this short article will help
us do it right.
First of all, one kisses the hand in only two social
situations:
1) If you already know the lady, and she offers her hand, or
2) If you are being introduced to her, and she offers her hand.
DO NOT run around grabbing any lady's hand, and
kissing it, at random. They might just eviscerate you on
the spot, and any person witnessing said evisceration will
only point and laugh at your social faux pas. Or help out
by handing the lady a dull knife or two......if she offers
her hand to be kissed, kiss it. If not, DON'T!
(You can "cue" her to offer her hand by extending
yours. Be prepared, however, to convert the extension into a
flourish of your reverance to avoid the embarrassment of
standing there with your hand out looking like a beggar
asking for alms......)
There are several degrees of hand-kissing:
1) With -dry lips-, bend over the hand in a courtly manner, and
make the motions of a kiss over the back of the hand. Do
NOT touch the hand with your lips. This is correct when
first introduced, and is always correct in any situation.
2) With -dry lips-, bow as above, and kiss the back of the hand,
GENTLY. This is correct if you know the lady already. It is
NOT correct if you have not been introduced previously.
a) You can express "I am overwhelmed by your beauty" by
not simply bowing, but by -kneeling- before you kiss
her hand. This gives a good opportunity to look
longingly into her eyes. Make sure her arm will reach
you as you kneel....if you yank her over on top of
you, you will need to move to another planet and
change your name. Remember the axiom: "The Society
never forgets!"
Or, if you are lucky, accept your evisceration stoically.
The above forms are the generally accepted means of
hand-kissing. What follows are more intimate kisses that
should NOT be done simply whenever you want to, but ONLY to
those ladies that would enjoy it........and be ready to
apoligize PROFUSELY if they take offense! If you are unsure
AT ALL of the lady's reaction, DON'T DO IT. You don't know
her well enough to do it if you can't be absolutely sure of
her response. (Don't let your own ego get in the way of your
analysis of her possible reactions!) And, needless to say,
(but it must be said) these last three are extremely off
limits to ladies under legal age!
3) Bend over the hand, gently turn it over, and, with dry
lips, kiss the palm. This implies extreme admiration for
her beauty, and adoration-at-a-distance. Close the
lady's hand on the kiss, afterwards, and murmur something
nice, like "I pray you, keep this as a memory of me..."
4) Bend over the hand, gently turn it over, and with as dry a
tongue as you can manage, lick it. This implies extreme
admiration for her beauty, and a wish for a more....
ah....intimate aquaintance.
It takes a great deal of sprezzatura ("cavalier
attitude") to carry this off well. Don't try it unless
you are confident of your ability to deliver on the
implied promise.....and you are very confident the lady
will not kill you on the spot. Don't try it if you can't
"play Cavalier" very well indeed, because you will only
come off as a lout otherwise.
The last form might be considered offensive by some. DO
NOT try it unless you are on very intimate terms (not
necessarily sexual!) with the lady. I have made Duchesses'
knees buckle with this one:
5) Bend over the hand, just a little, so you can look into
her eyes (you will need to raise the hand a bit to do
it), gently spread the fingers apart, and, with a dry
tongue, and using only the tip, lick gently between two
of the fingers, on the web. This is an obvious
promise....DON'T do it unless you are willing and able
to keep it.
Notice that I have always specified "dry." Wet, sloppy
kisses are Not Appreciated.
The practice of sucking on fingers is gauche, and the
business of kissing the hand, and continuing the kisses up
the arm is simply stupid, or good as a comedic turn. Clicking
the heels as one kisses her hand is out-of-period.
When saying farewell, one may kiss the hand if it is
offered. If the lady offers her cheek, kiss it as in (2)
above, gently and with dry lips.
Hand-kissing is an art form, and should be used along
with courtly bows, flourishes of one's hat, and all the rest
of the "bells and whistles" that go with courtly behaviour.
But......tread lightly! When you kiss a lady's hand, you
go where even angels fear to tread.
And: NEVER EVER force your attentions on the lady in ANY
manner. Such an action is the mark of an uncultured boor,
and places you in the category of "waste of food and air on
an overcrowded tourney field."
Permission is granted for this article to be reprinted in SCA
and SCA-related publications. Send a copy of the publication
to Joe Bethancourt, PO Box 35190, Phoenix, AZ 85069
* Origin: TIDMADT 703-370-7054 Woad Warrior! (1:109/120)
HAND-KISSING TWO:
by Fredric L'Avarre 1993
A small point on the etiquette of hand-kissing: there is a
proper part of a Lady's hand to kiss. This is the upper
finger-bone (closest to the wrist) of the ring-finger of
the left hand. A gentleman will lift a Lady's left hand,
(being VERY sensitive to ANY hesitation on her part, which
if seen turns this motion into a hand-shake), with his
right. The reason for this should be immediately clear. In
kissing the part of the hand where tradition places a
wedding and/or engagement ring, the gentleman implicitly
acknowledges the Lady's status as declared on that finger.
To kiss a wedding ring is to recognize its presence, and to
accept it. To kiss the same place unadorned, is to declare
that one is aware of such absence. This latter state does
not excuse the Lord from on-going sensitivity to the Lady's
reaction to any potential suit, but it may grant at least
prima-facie permission to try his luck.
Fredric L'Avarre
* Origin: The Homestead * Brampton, Ont (416)458-4812 (93:9630/0)
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