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Immortal Beloved(weird Star Trek fantasy), Part Th
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
IMMORAL BELOVED (A Love Showdown starring Kes, Neelix, and the Doctor)
Part 3 - The Importance of Being Neelix
Word had spread to every deck, to every person be they Starfleet
or Maquis. Some found derision in the news. Others were totally disgusted.
Few showed any actual concern in the matters, except of course that all
were pulling for Kes to come through safely no matter what.
Ensign Geron wondered what this would mean in relation to
Neelix's criminal culinary capers. No more green stuff for dinner?
The Delaney Sisters, always in the center of a spotlight, began
the betting pool, with replicator credits as the booty. The house odds
were not favorable for a Neelix victory. In fact, some more adventurous
gamblers placed side bets that Kes and Kalaxis would walk off together
instead!
While her crew found diversion and amusement in this matter,
Kathryn Janeway found a growing headache burrowing under her cooly coifed
hair bun. This was one occasion she where she was glad Fleet Command was
70,000 light years distant. If the admiralty found out she was allowing a
"Love Showdown" to take place aboard the Voyager, she could kiss her
career and her captain's pips good-bye.
But it was all set.
Kalaxis, the vengeful ex-flame of Neelix, Voyager's own Morale
Officer Supreme, had come to reclaim her man's manhood, and to do away
with the "pallid bit" who had usurped her place at Neelix's side: the
sensitive and attractive Kes of the Ocampa.
But Kes was not about to let that happen. Words were exchanged and
the deal was made: To prove that Neelix loved Kes more than Kalaxis, the
star-crossed lovers would have to copulate while Kalaxis looked on,
judging. If the sexing was true, than Neelix and Kes could fly off in
bliss, never to be bothered by the lady Talaxian ever again. If the sexing
was not true, then once more would Neelix would be the unwilling betrothed
of Kalaxis, daughter of Galax.
The time and place of the grand "coming together" had yet to be
set, and Kal had been gracious enough to leave it up the lovers since they
were the ones on the spot.
As lunch time on the second day of Kalaxis' arrival rolled around,
crew men and women gathered in the mess hall to dine.
Neelix was nowhere to be found.
"If you ask me, Neelix is fried one way or the other. Even if this
Kalaxis is satisfied that the Talaxian Terror is hot for Ocampa Kid, she'll
probably turn around and cut his thing off, then feed it to him!"
Just as Tom Paris was uttering this phrase, Ensign Harry Kim
self-consciously took a bite out of replicated foot-long hot dog. He
chewed uneasily and swallowed hard. "Tom, please. Some of us are eating
here, okay?"
Sitting at a table in the corner of the mess, Tom, Harry, and
Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres were having their usual lunch time date.
It had been a ritual for the trio to spend the mid-day break in one
another's company.
"You might be right, Paris," B'Elanna spoke before taking a long
sip of pajuta. "Kalaxis is unarmed and Tuvok's security goons have been
all over her since she came aboard yesterday. But when Neelix and Kes..."
B'Elanna shrugged. "You know... when they take the test... they're gonna
be locked in a room with just Kalaxis and no one else. It's part of the
deal."
"I thought the captain had to watch as well," Tom pointed out.
"Ah man, I was hoping she'd have to watch. That would've totally freaked
Janeway out."
Harry wiped a napkin over his mouth. "She does have to watch. But to
make sure that nobody else can, any sensors or monitors in the room
where... " Harry began to glow crimson in his cheeks. "You know..."
"Neelix sharpens his pencil and Kes opens her book?" Tom smiled.
B'Elanna and Harry exchanged a sour look before the ensign went
on. "Yeah. Anyway, all the sensors in the room have to be disconnected so
they'll have privacy. Kalaxis will be the only one able to control and
activate any monitor in that room."
"Tuvok must love that," B'Elanna imagined the reserved reaction of
the anal Security Chief. "I still can't believe Kes is actually risking
her sex life for Neelix. I mean, we are talking about Neelix here, aren't
we? What could be so special about him?"
Tom grinned slyly. "You've never seen him naked before. I have."
B'Elanna arched a brow, making her crested Klingon foreskull rise
as well. "Really, Mr. Paris. Under what circumstances might I ask?"
Tom shrugged off the humorous intimation of cross-species,
homosexual hanky panky. "When I was working with the Doc and Neelix's
lungs were stolen by the Vidians. You don't think he was lying in that
diagnostic bed fully clothed, do you?"
"God, Paris, you are such a pervert," Harry dismissed the
lasvicous lieutenant.
"You're telling me that Neelix is a prime specimen of manhood?"
Torres smirked, totally in disbelief.
Just then, Kalaxis strolled into the mess hall, sans security
guards. Tuvok must have softened up on the "guest."
"Almost as good as I am," Tom stated with pride, leaning back in
his chair and folding his hands behind his head. "Yep yep. Me and Neelix
both belong to the genetically gifted group."
Paris had his back to the door and was unaware of Kalaxis'
presence. B'Elanna's mind took an evil path when she saw the love
challenger walking aimlessly closer towards their table. The engineer and
Kal had exchanged words before. Torres knew that the woman was a blowhard
really, but Paris had yet to see Neelix's ex-flame in action.
Putting on a coy smile, B'Elanna leaned forward, elbows on the
table. "So you think you're just as good a lover as Neelix, eh?"
Kalaxis' head spun around, locking onto the words. Her eyes
flashed with anger at first, preparing no doubt to match up again with
the tempestuous Torres.
Thankfully, the none-the-wiser mouth of Tom Paris saved the day.
"Nah. Other way around, B'Elanna. Neelix is ALMOST a good a lover
as ME!" he beamed with boyish glee.
Kalaxis' expression and gaze shifted: from anger towards Torres
to interest towards Paris.
Harry Kim saw what was happening. He really should warn Tom, his
best friend aboard the ship, about the large pile of manure he was about
to stick his foot into.
But Harry didn't.
B'Elanna licked her lips. She knew how to keep Tommy on his track
to doom. Men like him were so easily to manipulate. "Do you think you
could go the distance with Neelix's girlfriend? I think she's out of your
league, Tommy boy."
Tom licked his teeth. "Are you kidding? Once they've been Paris,
they don't wanna go nowhere else!"
Kalaxis smiled broadly as she came up right behind the unawares
human.
"Man, I'd have that chick moaning so loud and shaking so much you'd
think the ship was under attack and we were at red alert," Tom oozed with
slimy slick machismo. "She'd forget all about Neelix. Probably even her
own name. Yeah. That's how much she'd like it!"
"Uh-huh," B'Elanna suppressed her laughter.
Harry bit his tongue, also straining to keep control.
Tom smiled, cock of the walk.
Then he sniffed.
There was a funny smell in the air. Sniff sniff. Hmmm. Alien, but
sort of like the warm synth ale they serve on Debtter's 6.
He became aware of someone looming behind his chair.
Tom cranned his neck back as far as possible to look.
In an upside down perspective, the ruddy and chubby features of
Kalaxis smiled down on him.
"Aggggghhhh!" Paris screamed, almost tumbling from his chair.
It was a good think Kalaxis was there to snatch him up.
"La! What a catch!" the woman churned as she manhandled Tom's body
like it was a side of beef. "You're fair of form and feature, dearie
child! And the superior of Neelix in the arts of love to boot! My my! What
a boon for me - Kalaxis!"
Paris was about ready to throw up his lunch and evacuate his
breakfast. He shook and trembled as his pupils dilated to mere pinpricks
in his blue eyes. "I... I... I...!"
Kalaxis hugged him closer to her body, forcing her mountainous,
leather clad breasts to bash into his neck and jaw. "La! Most egotistical
you are, Tommy boy! But sufficiently enough have you intrigued my
curiosity. What say we retire to your chambers and see how much of a man
you really are?"
"Oh God!" Paris pleaded for divine intervention. "No! Please!
Harry! B'Elanna!! HELP ME!!!"
"He has to be on the bridge in three hours," Harry smiled
jovially at Kalaxis. "Til then, he's all yours."
"BASTARD!" Tom sneered.
"And just to let you know, Kal, human men will beg you to stop
loving them, but what they really mean is that they want you to go on,"
B'Elanna informed with such delicious malice that she was almost ashamed of
herself.
Almost.
"BITCH!" Tom screamed.
But he was in position to enact vengeance on either of his dining
companions/betrayers.
Kalaxis hefted him over her shoulder.
"Come then, Tommy child! As we wait for time of Neelix's testing,
let us see how you fare in the ring!"
Throughout the mess, crew men and woman shouted and hooted rudely
and supportingly to the desperate Paris as he was carried forth to be
conquered.
"No! Help me! Oh God, somebody help me!" he begged, condemned.
"Go get her, Tom!"
"Make her beg for it, baby!"
"Woooooo, Paris!"
"Par-is! Par-is! Par-is!" some chanted.
As the quirky coupling of a Human male and Talaxian female exited,
Harry and B'Elanna fell against one another, hysterical with no sign for
an end to their laughing fit in sight.
He wandered the lower decks.
Every other minute he stopped and addressed the computer.
In fact, it was time again.
"Computer," Neelix lowly called to the omnipresent, almost
omniscent machine which governed the systems of Voyager. "What is the
location of Kalaxis of Talax?"
The female vox of the computer politely responded, "Kalaxis of
Talax is on Deck 7, corridor 21A."
Neelix sighed once more. Five decks and twenty meters of corridor
stood between them. It was barely enough to keep him safe.
"Oh Gygar," muttered the Morale Officer as he shuffled through the
empty halls of the unused deck. "I can't do this! She'll kill me! I know
it. If I don't prove my love for Kes, I'm shackled to Kal for life. And if
I do prove that I love Kes, Kal will probably kill the both of us anyways!
Oh the pain, the pain."
There had to be some way out of this, some loophole that would
let him... and Kes of course... escape free from harm and banish Kalaxis
forever and ever. He had been wracking his brains all night for a
solution. Nothing presented itself.
Usually he'd find solace and comfort in the company of Kes
herself. But she was still smarting over the discovery of Neelix's
duplicity. She ordered that until they were ready to commence the Love
Showdown, they would remain apart for best measures. Hopefully both male
and female sex drives would benefit from extended absence.
It sounded good in theory, but in reality...
"That's my problem!' Neelix conceded. "Reality! If all this were
unreal then none of this would be happening. If it was all just some sick
fantasy or holodeck romp..."
He stopped.
He cocked his head in thought.
Holodeck.
"No," he dismissed. It was too obvious. Kalaxis would see through
that quicker than a Dravian night cat prowling the Dark Fields of Kobos.
No. No holodeck for him.
He walked on, still dejected.
"Besides, Kes would never go for it. The only hologram she likes is
the electronic man in Sickbay."
One foot in front of the other.
Endlessly walking.
On and on.
Closer to destiny.
No avoiding it's steely...
Wait a minute.
He stopped again.
The Doctor.
Neelix put a hand to his mouth.
"The Doctor," he breathed.
Why hadn't he thought of it before?
The Doctor.
Slowly, ever so surely, s smile crept into the doomed man's
features.
"The Doctor!" he exclaimed.
THE DOCTOR!!!
A bellow of laughter, joyous and abandoned.
No more walking for him.
(The Doctor! his chittering mind chirped!)
Time for action.
Neelix tore off down the corridor, faster than he had ever run
before in his life.
Salvation had presented an opportunity.
"And that is my plan! What do you think, hmmm?"
Neelix leaned forward on the balls of his feet, waiting for a
reply from his audience.
Starring back at him, twin masks of disbelief and mouths parted so
wide that Neelix could almost see down their throats, the Emergency
Medical Holographic Program and Captain Kathryn Janeway remained mute, and
for Janeway barely breathing. Both human and hologram had glassy,
unfocused eyes and slumped shoulders. They looked like a pair of morons.
"Well?" Neelix prompted again. "Say something!"
The Doctor's lazy eyes, slowly drifted to the left, to look at
the still fixed Janeway.
Neelix twittered anxiously.
Kathryn reached up and touched her comm badge.
"Lt. Torres, report to Sickbay.... IMMEADIATELY!"
"What?" Torres almost laughed as she heard Neelix's grand master
plan relayed to her by the still shocked Kathryn. "You want me to
re-program the Doctor's imager so he'll look like Neelix. That way he can
impersonate said Neelix in the Love Showdown, in case Kalaxis decides to
kill the cowardly toad even if he wins?"
"Yes," sighed Janeway, eyes closed. "That's Neelix's plan."
Standing next to the Doctor in solidarity, Neelix nodded
earnestly with an expression full of life and pleasure. "It certainly is!
And it's brilliant! Isn't it, Mr. Doctor?"
The EMH said nothing, did nothing.
Neelix patted the stunned hologram on the back. "He's too thrilled
for words. I can tell! But what do you think, Chief? Can you do it?"
B'Elanna paused, trying to find the best way to answer this...
unexpected twist in an already twisted situation. "In a word, yes. I can
easily add your profile and features into the Doctor's holo-imager system.
Temporarily, of course," she aimed at the Doctor.
Who closed his eyes in relief.
Kathryn rubbed her throbbing temples. "Neelix, I am not sure this
is such a good idea. I'm not sure exactly what the hell this is in the
first place!"
"It's genius, madam!" declared the thinker. "Ad it's so obvious
too! Kalaxis is a proud and volatile woman. Most Talaxian women are like
that really. I guess it's what you'd call a racial trait, much the same
way you Federation women are more docile and complacent than Federation
men."
"Excuse me?" Torres breathed fire.
"Neelix," Kathryn re-directed the man testing dangerous grounds.
"Please don't make more members of the 'fair sex' angry with you."
"Fair? I'd hardly call you women very fair. You're usually very
deceptive and vindictive."
"Excuse me?!" Torres spat acid.
The Doctor decided it was time to add his voice to the matter.
"Um, captain? I... well... I am not sure this is such a good idea myself.
I am just a medical hologram. I... know about sex and its features but...
I was not programmed to act as a sexual surrogate in any sense."
"Psah!" Neelix dismissed with a wave. "It's like walking and
chewing barka weed at the same time. Anyone can do it! Gygar, can't you
people understand the subtle majesty of this plan? The Doctor pretends to
be me. Kalaxis won't suspect a thing. The Doctor is just a hologram, so
if she tries to kill him, she'll fail! And if Kal tries to harm Kes, the
Doctor can defend her easily. He wouldn't feel a six inch dagger
puncturing his lungs because he doesn't have any!"
"Six inches?" the Doctor echoed, absently touching his chest.
"Or you could use your hypnospray and knock her out!" Neelix
chortled, almost reveling in the idea of Kalaxis being unconscious.
Or dead!
"That's hypospray, you moron!' corrected the crossed B'Elanna.
Oh, she could easily do what Neelix asked. Question now, did she WANT to
after the chauvinist's statements? "This is risky, Neelix. No. It's worse
than risky. IT'S FRIGGIN' INSANE!"
"Oh," Neelix sniffed, offended. "Insane, eh? What say you,
captain? Is poor Neelix ready for the padded cell then? Hmmm?"
Why am I always put on the spot? Kathryn bemoaned her fate.
"Neelix, you have to see our viewpoint on this. And quite frankly, I'm
not comfortable with this bending of the rules. It's supposed to be you
and Kes in the spotlight, not Kes and the Doctor. As a matter of fact,
it's not very fair discussing this matter without Kes' input." Kathryn
tapped her badge again. "Janeway to Ke-..."
"No!" Neelix lunged for the captain, slamming his mitt firmly
over the comm badge.
As well as Kathryn's left breast.
"You pig!" B'Elanna seethed.
"Neelix!" Kathryn cried in anger.
"Me and Kes," the Doctor wondered, trying to see it.
The flushed and heated Talaxian shook his head. "No, captain!
Please don't drag my beloved into this. Please!"
B'Elanna folded her arms and snorted. "You piece of work! Kes
already has been dragged into this, you free floating perv! If you had
been more of a man and less a spineless jackanapes in the first place,
none of this would have happened!"
"Oh. You have a point," Neelix shrugged in agreement. "But I
still don't want Kes to know about this! And you have to admit, the less
number of people who know what we are planning, the better the chances of
success will be. Correct?"
Tuvok might argue with that logic, thought Kathryn. But Neelix
did manage to touch a human note with the statement. "Perhaps. But even
if we do use this plan... and I'm not saying we are going to... we
shouldn't heap on more lies and falsehoods than necessary. To fool
Kalaxis is one thing. To fool Kes... that's another." Kathryn looked down
at her chest. She had almost forgotten Neelix still hand his hand cupped
over her port side. "Uh, do you mind, Mr. Neelix?"
"Hmm? Oh! No. Sorry, captain," Neelix withdrew. "Still, I'm not
willing to let my dearest in on this. If she thinks that I'm the Doctor...
or rather that the Doctor is me... then she'll act more natural and
freely. She won't be forced to act. It's already risky enough with the
Doctor trying to immitate my personality. After all, I'm so alive and
vibrant, while he has no more personality than a stale piece of toast."
"Thanks," the medico droned.
"Welcome! Surely you see, captain, that Kes should not know
before hand what we're doing. Surely you can see that."
Kathryn's eyes narrowed on the lover. "But you would tell her
afterwards then? Is that what you're saying?"
Neelix bobbed his head in non-committal meaning.
"I still would like to address MY part in these proceedings,"
the Doctor piped. "None of you has asked whether or not I want to take
part in this perverse plan in the first place."
Kathryn cursed herself. Once again she had underestimated and
taken for granted the Doctor's position. He may not be alive, but he does
have his own rights to think about. "I'm sorry, Doctor. You'd be perfectly
within reason to say no to this plan. Although you would be doing Mr.
Neelix, as well as Kes, a favor. Kalaxis is a rather explosive woman.
She's unpredicatable in my eyes. And Neelix is the only person aboard who
knows her intimately."
"In more ways than one," interjected B'Elanna.
"If he's afraid she'll go ballistic, she just might. Neelix and Kes
can both be hurt if she attacks. But you wouldn't be. You'd be able to
stop her, at least till proper help arrived. You'd be able to protect Kes
above all else."
"Kes," the Doctor said with affection. The warm and wonderful young
woman had opened his eyes to the world outside the walls of his universe,
this room called Sickbay. She made him realize that his patients were more
than just patients, but living, thinking and feeling "people." And she had
also encouraged him to think of his own program and routine as sentient
and capable of free will.
Just days ago, he had confronted his own limits and life. And in
the course of the harrowing ordeal, his attraction towards Kes had become
apparent to her and others, save the ignorant Neelix, who was now asking
him to sleep with the Ocampa.
Only on the Voyager could something like this happen.
"I must admit," the Doctor stated in his normal, airy voice, "that
your complete turnabout on the matter of Kes' relationships with others
has taken me by surprise. You are normally loathe to let her out of your
sight, for fear she is fraternizing with male members of the crew. Your
willingness to thrust her into my arms is most odd."
Neelix did not react at first.
But when he did, it was with laughter.
"Oh, Mr. Doctor!" he guffawed. "That's a good one! Heh heh! But
it's not the same thing at all! I would never ask someone like Tom Paris
to do this deed! He's too handsome. But you?! HA!"
"I see," the Doctor self-consciously swallowed.
"Jerk," was B'Elanna's final criticism of the Talaxian.
Kathryn was at wit's end. Desperate. This insanity had to come to
an end, the sooner the better. And since this kooky plan would hurry that
outcome... "Very well, all right then. Torres, take Mr. Neelix down to
the holo-imaging chamber. Scan his profile and features and prepare to
load them into the Doctor's imaging system. We are of course going to
have to find some excuse as to why the Doctor... or should I say Dr.
Neelix... can only.... perform in Sickbay. Kalaxis did say you and Kes
could choose the where and when, but still... Sigh. I need a drink."
"Me too," Torres chimed.
"Me too," the Doctor ironically added.
And Neelix?
He was happy as a Vidian with a new set of gonads. He hugged the
stiff as a corpse Doctor with all his might. "Then we're all set! Let's
get to, my friends! Love is waiting!"
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 4 - "Doctor Neelix"
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