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When to insert the Penis
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:: WHEN TO INSERT PENIS?
:: QUESTION: I'm a 22-year-old
man and pretty inexperienced
sexually.
One of my problems is
technique.
In particular,
I'm afraid I won't know the
right time to put my penis
inside the woman.
How can you tell when it's
the right time?
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
ANSWER: Many people think of sexual intercourse as a silent dance that's
been choreographed for them.
What they have to do, they think, is to somehow intuit the right moves at
the right times to make it all happen in the right way.
:: An Improvisation
It's much better to think of sexual activity as a mutual improvisation.
You and your partner are together working out your own variation on a
theme.
Don't worry about "technique." It's simply not true that good lovers have
to master some specific technique.
Experts agree that the best technique is affection for the sex partner and
the wish to give pleasure while receiving it.
Instead of concentrating on sexual skills, couples are best off
concentrating on having fun, on being caring and involved.
:: "Sex Is Like Eating"
"We don't think sexual technique has any importance at all," compared to
"getting across to the general public that sex is a NATURAL FUNCTION," like
eating, says noted sex researcher Virginia Johnson.
"Some people are hungry at different times, some people eat for different
reasons, at differing speeds, in different amounts."
The same is true of sexual appetites.
:: Intercourse Just One Aspect
It's also best if you think of penetration -- the penis entering the vagina
-- as just one aspect of a range of enjoyable sexual activity you and your
partner engage in.
If you consider penetration the only "real" sexual event, you're likely to
have a lot more anxiety about your sexual performance.
:: How To Know If She's Ready?
In practical terms, penetration should occur after the woman has been
sufficiently sexually stimulated so that her vagina has lubricated, and the
penis can glide in with ease.
The amount and kind of sexual activity necessary varies considerably from
woman to woman.
How can you tell what is right for your partner?
ASK! In words, or gestures, or both, communicate your sexual preferences,
and encourage her to communicate hers.
Remember that lovers are not mind readers. Each partner must let the other
know what is most pleasurable, without insisting on sexual activities the
other feels uncomfortable with.
:: A Signal For The Right Time
Many couples evolve a signal for the time penetration should occur -- a
whispered "Now," for example, or a change of position that shows readiness.
Or the woman may simply guide the penis into her vagina when she feels
ready.
In new relationships, if you're unsure of her readiness you might ask,
"Now?" or "Ready?"
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