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Married with Children (spoof) chapters 1- 2
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
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Married . . .With Children Part 1: Bud Gets An Eyeful
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"Argh," sighed Bud as he trudged up to the door of the Bundy
home, his feet leaving prints in the cold November slush. What a life,
he thought: first a long day of classes, and now another boring and
lonely night of doing assignments. Bud had to work hard just to get
average marks in his freshman engineering classes, but it would have been
nice to have a bit of a social life. Oh well, he thought as he scratched
at his goatee, I guess I just suffer from the Bundy curse.
His father's beat-up old Dodge wasn't in the driveway, so Bud
knew his Dad was still at the shoe shop. How pathetic, he thought. His
father had been working for roughly twenty years at the mall, and had
nothing to show for it.
Bud unlocked the door and walked into the silent house, stepping
over his snoring dog Buck. Hmm, funny, he thought: usually his mother
Peggy would be planted on the sofa watching the soap operas on TV. He
walked over to the fridge to grab a snack; a Cheez Whiz and mayo
sandwich. As he wolfed down the snack, Bud let out a yawn. Geez, he
thought, guess today's classes were even more boring than usual. Bud
slowly walked up the stairs to his room. After putting his notebook on
his study desk, he turned off his bedroom light and lay on the bed to
take a quick nap.
Just as he started to drift to sleep, Bud thought he heard some
strange noises from down the hall. Worried it might be a burglar
(although why would a burglar bother with their residence?), he grabbed a
baseball bat and crept quietly out into the hallway. He realized the
sounds were coming from his parents' bedroom. Hmph; probably just his
Mom cleaning the room - what the? Bud suddenly got very worried; it was
nowhere near time for his mother's monthly housecleaning!
Bud stole up to the closed door and put his ear to it. He heard
his Mom mumbling to herself . . .
---
"Oh, it's been six months since Al has even touched me!" cried
Peg Bundy into her pillow. The forty-something woman sobbed as she patted
at her mane of bright red hair. "God, it's so-ooo frustrating!" She let
go of the tear-soaked pillow and sat up on her bed. "Why not?" Peggy
asked herself out loud, "Why won't my husband make love to me?"
Peg looked at her reflection in the mirror near the bed. "Am I
that bad looking?" she asked no one in particular. She stood up and
turned sideways to examine herself in the mirror. She was pleased with
what she saw; she still had an hour-glass shaped figure despite her lazy
lifestyle. She cupped her large bust with her hands. Her round prominent
breasts stretched the fabric on her tight cheap sweater; thank Dow
Chemical for implants!
Peg's hands moved downwards: she still had a reasonably slim
waist line. She swivelled and examined her ample rear end. For some men
it might have been a bit too well-rounded, but Peggy had caught the
occasional man still looking at it. She wondered what those men thought
of her behind; perhaps they were fantasizing, fantasizing about grasping
a fleshy cheek with one hand as the other hand slowly-
Peg burst into tears and plopped down on the bed. "What's the
use!" she bawled. "I don't think I'll ever get laid again!" Peggy
reached over to her nightstand and opened a drawer. "If you want
something done," she groaned out, "you've got to do it yourself!"
---
Bud's right eye was nearly popping out of the socket as he peered
through the keyhole of his parents' bedroom door. His mother had pulled a
small pink vibrator out of her small night dresser! After all the
complaining about lack of sex his mother had voiced out loud in front of
him, his sister and the entire neighborhood, Bud had suspected his Mom
must resort to some sort of self-abuse, but this was a shock!
Bud started to leave, but saw his mother's other hand reach down
to the hemline of her cheap polyester skirt. Mesmerized, he couldn't
tear his virgin eyes from the sight in front of him . . .
---
Peg Bundy pulled her skirt up and looked down at herself. Peg
had long slim legs; her calf muscles were well-defined from all the
walking she did when mall-shopping. Her skin was very fair-colored, and
silky smooth. She hooked her fingers into the waistband of her plain
black panties and slowly drew them down her thighs. Her flame-colored
triangle of tightly curled pubic hairs was neatly trimmed (not that Al
would ever notice, she thought crossly). Crooking her left leg, she
pulled one foot free of the panties and kicked them across the bedroom.
Peg flicked the power button of the pink sex toy and brought the small
blunt instrument toward her waiting vagina. "Come on baby!" she said to
herself with a small sardonic laugh, "Come to Momma!"
As the bedroom filled with the electric buzzing sound, she slowly
rubbed the tip of the small artificial penis against her outer love lips.
"Mmm," moaned Peggy, "this is gonna feel so-ooo good!" Working the
vibrator with her left hand, she stuck her right index finger into her
lip-sticked mouth and wet it with a mouthful of gooey saliva. Reaching
down to her waiting pussy, Peg started to rub softly at her stiffening
clitoris with her spit-slicked finger while rubbing at her labia with the
buzzing toy. As her vagina started to wet with natural juices, she
slowly worked the tip of the vibrator toward her clit.
"Oh, shit!" Peggy groaned huskily. "Sometimes I think this is
better than a real cock!"
---
Bud's mouth hung open as he peeped through the keyhole. While
the keyhole didn't offer a very good view, there was no doubt what he
saw: his own Mom was giving her pussy one hell of a good frigging!
Bud was puzzled: while he was shocked and embarrassed, he also
felt excited. He couldn't help himself; despite the fact that it was his
own mother, Bud was quickly getting a raging hard-on. What's wrong with
me, he thought. Do I really want to do it with my own Mom? Uggh!
He watched as it became obvious that his mother was working
herself to a climax. Mrs. Bundy's hands were pumping and stroking away
between her thighs as if her life depended on it. She was starting to
squirm and thrash on the bed, and she was making no attempt to keep quiet
about it. Peg Bundy's head rolled left and right, and her back arched,
causing her large tits to shake and jiggle like bowls of stiff Jello.
I oughta be ashamed of myself, Bud thought as he reached down and
grasped his swollen boner through his corduroy pants; there's no way I
should be thinking about screwing my very own mother! As he stroked his
stiff pecker through his pants, Bud peered in at his mothers' thrashing
thighs. "Oh God," he heard her half-scream, "I'd do anything for a big
stiff cock now!!"
Well, well, thought Bud, maybe I can turn this to my advantage: a
scheme had occurred to him, one that might solve two problems at the same
time . . .
---
Peg's hips were rocking and swivelling as she sawed fingers in
and out of her wet gaping cunt while rubbing the pink vibrator hard
against her clit. "OH- OH SHIT!" she yelled out. "I'M GONNA- OH SHIT-
OH! OH! I'M GONNA FUCKING CUM!!"
Her plump ass cheeks were lifting clear off the bed with each
plunge of her pumping fingers. "OH SWEET JESUS!" Peggy cried out. "I-
OH!- THINK I- I CAN SEE YOUR HOLY LIGHT!! OH YES!!"
Hot pangs of pleasure leapt out from Peg Bundy's flaming vagina
and rocked through her entire body. She gasped incoherently as she lost
control. The vibrator slipped out of her wet fingers and slid over her
thigh to the bed cover. Her legs kicked and spasmed as she drooled and
mumbled sweet nothings to herself. "Oh God! Fuck yes!" she groaned.
Slowly, Peggy calmed down and relaxed. As her breathing slowed,
she gasped and sniffed, curling up into a fetal ball. She turned off the
little buzzing instrument of love and sighed to herself, "That was a
miracle!" With a chuckle, she added sarcastically, "If my Al could do
anything like that, it _would_ be a miracle!
---
Bud watched his mother lay exhausted on the bed. Wow, he thought
as he groped at his stiff dick, that's something else. I'd better get
back to my room before I'm caught-
Bud was startled as he heard a faint cough from the end of the
hallway! Turning, he saw his sexy blonde sister Kelly grinning at him as
she stared down at his obvious bulge! She opened her mouth to say
something, but stopped when Bud frantically waved at her to be quiet.
She crooked her finger and beckoned him into her bedroom. Glumly, Bud
walked into her room and carefully shut the door behind him.
Kelly grinned wickedly at him. "Busted," she whispered
over-dramatically. "Well, Grandmaster Boner-puller, what do you have to
say for yourself now?"
Bud started to explain what he'd seen, but was stopped short
after a few words.
"Oh for crying out loud, Bud!" Kelly said as she rolled her eyes
and stared up at the ceiling. "You _just_ noticed now that Mom uses a
vibrator?"
"You know all about it?" Bud asked in surprise.
Kelly laughed knowingly and shrugged her shoulders. "Shit, yeah!
Who do you think told her where to buy- er, um-" The tall slender blonde
suddenly got a very red face. As Bud grinned at her embarrassment, she
snapped at him, "I read about vibrators in a book somewhere!"
"You actually read a book?" asked Bud in mock surprise. "It must
have been a picture book!"
Kelly glared at him. "You're a fine one to talk! At least both
Mom and I know what we're missing out on when we masturbate!"
Bud started to make a retort but then said something else.
"Kelly, look. We're brother and sister, right? We should work together
for what we want, right?"
"If you're suggesting that you and I- Uggh!" grimaced Kelly.
Bud sighed. "No, oh unnatural-blonde one! Shut up and listen: I
have a plan . . ." As Kelly listened, Bud revealed his idea.
Married . . .With Children Part 2 - Out On A Limb
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"Daddy," asked the lovely Kelly over the dinner table, "Can I
have a car?"
Al Bundy, shoe salesman extraordinaire, stared at his daughter.
Letting out a belch as he scratched at the sweat-stained armpit of his
shirt, the head of the Bundy household started to laugh slightly. He
grabbed the now-empty pizza box and heaved it at the kitchen sink as he
stood and strode over to the sofa. Flopping down in the old ratty couch,
he flipped on the television to "Wheel of Fortune" and tucked his hand in
his pants to scratch at his balls.
"Pumpkin," Al said as he looked back at his teenage daughter, "No
problem! Which do you prefer, a Mercedes or a Porsche?!?" With that, Al
started laughing and howling at his own feeble sense of humor.
Kelly looked puzzled. "Well, that's stupid!" she exclaimed. "A
Porsche, of course- they're faster."
Al Bundy shook his head and stared at the TV set. "Man," he said
out loud, "That Vanna's got some set of hooters!" Al scratched at his
beginnings of a pot-belly, and looked back at his daughter. You know, he
thought, if she wasn't my flesh-and-blood . . . He looked at Kelly in
appreciation as she flipped through one of her mother's gossip magazines.
Kelly was fairly tall, with shoulder length blonde hair. She had
a slender model's body, with small proudly-jutting breasts, long wispy
legs (currently sticking out from yet another leather miniskirt), and a
delicious-looking plum-cheeked hiney. Why, oh why, thought Al, does she
have to be my daughter? Then again, he thought bitterly, how do I really
know she is mine - that damn mother of her's . . .
"Yes, Daddy?" asked Kelly as she caught his stare.
Al shook his head. "Umm, I was just thinking of your mother,
dear. Where is that behemoth, anyways?"
Kelly bit her lower lip. "She's upstairs, again!" She glared
meaningfully at her father, but he turned and stared back at the TV set.
"Huh - she sure spends a lot of time up there," Al mumbled as he
scratched at his ear. "All right! 'Baywatch' is on now! Hooter
mania!" The couch potato father fumbled for the remote.
Kelly walked over, sat beside her father, and put her arm around
him. Uggh, she thought, I sure wish Daddy'd take his monthly shower.
"Daddy, _if_ I could afford a car, you'd let me buy one, wouldn't you?"
She looked at her father and bit her lip again.
Al looked at his daughter's face as she bit at her lower lip.
Mmm, he thought, I have something else I'd like her to nibble on . . .
"Oh yes, pumpkin," he replied in a patronizing, sarcastic tone of voice.
"_If_ you could afford to buy one!"
Kelly nodded. "Thanks Daddy," she replied. Little did her
father know . . .
"Say," said Al, glancing around the room. "Where's Bud?"
"Oh," said Kelly worriedly, "he went back to the college to get
some equipment for one of his class experiments."
---
At that very moment, Bud Bundy was struggling to climb a tree
beside the Bundy home. It would have been difficult enough to climb the
tree in the cold rainy night, but while Bud was using one hand to grasp
at the tree branches, he used the other to steady the knapsack he had
thrown on his back. The small back pack was heavy with equipment he'd
borrowed from the Audio-Visual club at the university; well, not really
borrowed, but they'd get the equipment back soon enough.
Finally, Bud sighed to himself in relief, I'm at the top. He
settled into a crook and opened the sack. Carefully he pulled out a video
camera with a special infrared lens. The lens was supposed to be used
for night-time filming of outdoors events. Heh, thought Bud, this little
camera will soon be seeing a'plenty! He strapped the camera to the
branch with bungy cords and aimed the camera at his parents' bedroom
window only a few feet away. Bud looked over at the window: the room
was dimly lit and nothing could be seen. Carefully adjusting the
night-vision lens, he peered through the camera viewfinder. Bud gasped:
he couldn't believe what he saw! The image was a somewhat grainy
monotone, but Bud could easily make out details: it was as if he were
standing in the room on a cloudy day!
Bud looked around the bedroom. His mother must be in the shower;
her clothes were laid out on the bed. Bud gazed at the black panties,
skirt and tight sweater that his curvaceous mother had been wearing
earlier in the day. Thinking back over the events of the day, Bud's
prick started to stiffen. He groaned; it figured that he would be
getting a woody while up in a tree.
Bud saw some movement as the bedroom door swung open; he quickly
hit the record button. He grinned as he saw his Mom walk into the room
wearing a satin bathrobe, with her wet hair up in a towel. Bud kept his
finger over the record button, taping any events he might see.
---
Peggy Bundy stood sullenly in the bedroom. It seemed so unfair
to her. After standing in the hot warm water of her lengthy shower, her
body tingled all over. She needed a man desperately, but her impotent
husband was sitting on his butt watching TV. As she started to blow-dry
her hair, she could her him bellowing from downstairs, "Man, that C.J.'s
got some set of hooters!"
Peg turned off the blow dryer and looked in the bedroom mirror.
What's wrong with _my_ hooters, she asked herself. She opened her robe
up and cupped her ample breasts in her hands while looking over each
fleshy hemisphere carefully. Her tits were very round and full, with
virtually no sag. Of course, she thought with a faint smirk, silicon
usually doesn't droop. She touched her large reddish-brown nipples.
Each milkbud was circled by a cookie-sized pink aerole. Peg sighed:
once upon a time, her husband Al had enjoyed "nibbling her cookies," but
not lately.
Peggy let the robe fall open and looked over her body. She
smiled slightly at what she saw: though a few pounds had settled to her
hips over the years, she knew she still had a body most men would find
sexually stimulating. A faint flush of desire swept over her. Losing
her smile, she opened up her nightstand and pulled out her small trusty
electric friend. Peg swept her robe wide and sat down on the edge of the
bed. With the flick of a switch, she filled the room with the familiar
buzzing sound.
---
"Ouch!" muttered Bud to himself as his stiff dick throbbed at his
zipper. He stared intently into the viewfinder as he watched his Mom
masturbate furiously. What a sex fiend! Peg was rubbing the pink
vibrator against her clitoris and vaginal lips as she twisted and pulled
a nipple with one hand. Bud couldn't believe the sight. Her nipples
were very hard; Bud guessed they must be as big as sewing thimbles. As
her teenage son looked on, Peg threw her head back. Her wet tongue
snaked out of her mouth as she licked and bit at the air. Peggy slowly
lay back on the bed as she continued to exercise her clasping cunt muscles.
"To hell with it!" whispered Bud. "Man, I need some fucking
relief!" He reached down and tugged his pants open. Bud's fierce angry
cock popped out of his jeans. Holding the viewfinder steady with one
hand, he grabbed hold of his boner and starting yanking back and forth on
it. His penis was as stiff as it had ever been in any high school math
class. Pounding his fist on his cock, Bud watched his mother pick up the
pace of her feverish clit-buzzing. Bud realized his Mom was very close
to cumming.
---
"Shit! Oh- oh God I'm horny!" hissed Peggy Bundy loudly. She
tried with feeble success to keep quiet as she felt the volcanic energy
of a massive orgasm building within her throbbing pussy. She rubbed the
vibrator closer and closer to her sensitive clitoris. Gasping and
groaning, she moved her hand from her pointy nipples down to her vagina.
Peg thrust her index finger into her lipped nest and rubbed back and
forth. Her knees crooked as her legs spasmed with the almost painful
sensations of pleasure searing through her entire body.
"Oh- OH GOD!" the lusty homemaker moaned out. "I'M CUMMING!"
---
Bud gasped as his cock exploded into orgasm. "Uggh!" he grunted
as his inflamed wang fired a hot salvo of white cock-snot. Ropey strands
of cum arced out through the air as his body lurched with ecstasy. Bud's
legs jerked and spasmed. "Oh shit!" Bud cried as he lost his footing and
fell from the tree.
---
In her bedroom, Peg Bundy floated down from the blissful world of
orgasm. "Ahhh," she sighed happily. Once a few moments had gone by, she
slowly gathered herself up and closed her robe. After putting the sex
toy away, she quickly changed and started to leave the bedroom. As she
walked by her window, she stopped in surprise: there were several blobs
of gooey white liquid splattered on the glass panes.
Peg shook her head. "Are those damn starlings back _again_?" she
asked herself.
---
Al turned to look at his curvy teenage daughter. "Say, Kelly?"
he asked. "Did you hear your mother yelling something from upstairs?"
Kelly's face turned red. "Uh, no, Daddy, I don't think I heard
anything . . ."
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