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Married with Children (spoof) chapters 3- 4
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
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Married . . .With Children Part 3 - A Plan Is Born
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Kelly shook her head, her long blonde locks swinging wildly. She
half-covered her eyes and supressed a grin as she watched the grainy
video image. As Kelly watched the TV, she saw her Mom roll and twitch on
the bed.
"Hold on, let me replay that," said her brother Bud. He hit the
rewind button on the VCR for a few seconds, then hit 'PLAY'. The two
siblings watched, giggling as they watched their mother have an obviously
powerful orgasm. Bud then hit the eject button, wincing as he
accidentally moved his broken arm.
Smirking, Kelly looked at the arm Bud had in a cast. "Well,
little brother," she snickered. "Climbed any trees lately?"
"Piss off!" Bud scowled. He'd told his family that he'd broken
his arm playing a ball game; not exactly a lie. "Anyway, what do you
think of the video?" he asked.
Kelly stood up and paced the room. "I don't know," she said. "I
don't think this is enough to do anything with."
Bud frowned. "What the hell else can we get? I think this tape
is pretty hot as it is!"
The blonde teenage bimbo grinned and tapped a forefinger on her
head. "Bud, you might be the smart one in the Bundy household," she told
him, "but I'm definitely the schemer!"
Bud shrugged (and winced). "What do you have in mind?"
Kelly told Bud her idea, then watched as he shook his head and
laughed. "That'll never work! Nobody could be that stupid."
"Bud, you forget," Kelly replied with a smile. "This is our Mom
we're talking about here!"
---
Peggy Bundy sat on the sofa, stuffing white crispy kernels of
buttery popcorn into her mouth as she watched one of her favorite morning
soap operas. Mmm, she moaned to herself, popcorn. It was one of her
favorite foods, and one of the few meals she could actually cook.
As she sat and watched the soap opera, she leaned back into the
sofa. Peggy was wearing a pair of red polyester pants that itched ever
so slightly. Unfortunately, the pants were ones Al had bought for her
many years before and so were a size too small. The tight fabric clung
snugly over each of her round bum cheeks.
Peg picked up the empty bowl and walked to the kitchen to make
more popcorn. As she sashayed along, the tight polyester cloth crept up
into the crack of her plush fanny, itching at her horny seat. As she put
another bag of her snack into the microwave, Peg reached down and rubbed
the tight crotch of her pants.
"Shit!" she groaned. "I need to do it to myself again - that's
twice this morning alone!" Turning off the microwave, she started to
climb the stairs to her bedroom. As she reached the first step, the phone
rang. Strange, Peggy thought, the kids are in school and Al's at work:
who could be phoning now? She walked over and picked up the telephone.
"Hello?" she asked.
A woman's voice came over the line, sounding distant and
awkward. "Mrs. Peg Bundy? I'm, er, Susan of Susan's Escort Service.
Could I have a moment of your time?"
Peg was immediately suspicious. "What do you want?"
"Mrs. Bundy," said Susan. "I'm canvassing homes, looking for
woman who would be interested in working for our service. We provide
companionship to lonely, handsome visitors to our city."
"What?" asked Peggy. "Are you asking me to be some kind of hooker?!?"
"Oh, no!" replied the voice. "Our customers are lonely business
people who would just like the company of someone to talk with while they
visit our city, far away from their familiar homes-"
Peg snorted. "You must think I'm stupid!" she replied.
"Please just let us send a representative to speak with you-"
"Get lost!" Peggy said sternly. "Or I'll call the cops!"
"There would be a free prize," Susan quickly said. "One hour of
unlimited shopping at the Greenfields Shopping Mall."
Peg stopped in mid-sentence. "Umm, you know," she said, "I guess
I could just listen for a few minutes . . ."
---
Kelly hung up the pay-phone as Bud looked on in amazement. "I
can't believe it!" he said. "Mom actually fell for that?"
The sexy teenager grinned. "You just need to know your victim's
weaknesses," she said.
"Who are you going to send?" Bud asked.
Kelly flipped through the telephone booth's yellow pages.
"Well," explained Kelly, "I thought I'd phone up an escort service I know
of, drop off an envelope with instructions on what to say, and the rest
of our plan should happen naturally!"
Bud rubbed his arm nervously. "Umm, what escort service is that?"
Kelly blushed. "Uh, er, I um-"
"You read about it in a book?" teased Bud.
A few moments later, Bud howled in pain while clutching at his
freshly-kicked crotch as Kelly dialed a number on the pay-phone.
Married . . .With Children Part 4: A Surprise Visit
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Jefferson D'Arcy checked his hair in the rear-view mirror of his
small Italian sports car. As usual, it was carefully coiffed.
"Jefferson," he said to himself, "you sly dog you!" He exited the car
and walked to the door of the small office. He shook his head as he read
the familiar sign painted outside: "Susan's Escort Service."
"Another day, another dollar," Jefferson laughed. "I wonder what
old broad I'll have to bang today?" He stepped inside.
The attractive woman behind the desk gave him a friendly smile.
"Howdy, Jefferson!" she bubbled. "Wait'll you see your assignment today!"
she said as she handed him an envelope.
Jefferson took the envelope. "All right, Susan, what's this?" he
asked in puzzlement.
Susan indicated he should open the envelope. "A couple of kids
said they wanted to give their own mother a little surprise!" she said.
"They told me that she's lonely and they think she needs to get laid -
hell, they prepaid already!"
Jefferson sputtered as he saw the instructions inside. "Oh
shit!" he exclaimed. "I can't do this: I know this woman!"
Susan raised her eyebrows. "Well, won't she be surprised?" she
retorted.
"But I can't-"
"Oh, yes you can!" Susan said in a threatening tone. She stood
up and glared at the macho man. "I've had just about enough of your
pretty boy antics!" she thundered at Jefferson. "Get your ass over there
and do what the note says!" Susan exploded. "Do it or you'll be looking
for a new job to pay for that fancy car of yours!"
Glumly, Jefferson walked back out to his car. Sometimes, he
thought, this job really sucks. As he drove out of the parking lot,
Jefferson decided to make a short detour to a special shop in the local
Chinatown . . .
---
Peggy Bundy chewed at her bright red nails, wondering when the
woman from "Susan's Escort Service" would show up. She realized now that
it might not be so great to trade listening to a spiel on working at an
escort service for a free shopping trip (although damn it, she loved
shopping!). As she gave her middle finger another nibble, the doorbell rang.
Peg opened the door and received a startle as she looked out: it
was her nosey neighbor from across the street, Jefferson D'Arcy. "Shit!"
she said. "I'm expecting a visit from someone else: what do _you_ want?"
Jefferson was red - he was blushing! "Umm, Peggy?" he said
hesitantly. "I'm here from the escort service."
"What!" Peggy burst out. "You're going to ask me to work for an
escort service? Hell, _you_ work for an escort service?" Peggy started
laughing at Jefferson.
Jefferson looked over his shoulder and then down at the ground.
"Look," he said to Peg, "I have to tell you about our services or my
boss'll shit-can me. Just listen to what I have to say, please?"
Peg crossed her arms, hugging her large breasts. "And you'll
leave, while I get to go on my shopping trip?"
"Please let me get this over with," Jefferson begged. "I'll leave
as soon as I'm done talking, okay?"
Peg waved him in. "What the hell," she said. "Hearing about
woman paying _you_ for sex should be good for a laugh!" She opened the
door wide and let him in.
Jefferson strolled into the Bundy home, hiding a smirk from
Peggy. Easy, he thought; just like taking candy from a babe.
---
Jefferson talked to Peggy for some time. He pretended to be
giving a serious explanation of his work as an escort while the curvy
redhead listened on. At first, Peg laughed and joked, but as Jefferson
went on, she soon started to pay attention. After some twenty minutes,
he could tell she was getting excited at his descriptions of illicit
encounters with strangers. Jefferson decided to make his next step.
He cleared his throat. "Peg," he said, "I'm getting kind of
thirsty from all this talking. Do you have something to drink?"
Peggy shrugged and got up from the couch, her round cheeks making
a faint rubbing sound against the polyester fabric of her tight pants.
"We might have some kool-aid," she said half-apologetically. "You must
know I'm not very good at keeping food in the house."
Yeah, he thought, no shit. Jefferson watched his neighbor Peggy
walk toward the kitchen. You know, he thought, she's actually got a
pretty nice ass for a woman who's dropped two kids. He reached into his
pocket and pulled out a small vial of powder he'd bought in Chinatown. As
Peg made a mess in the kitchen, Jefferson unscrewed the cap of the
innocent-looking bottle and put it on the floor beside him.
Peg sashayed back with a pitcher of syrupy purple liquid. "Mmm,"
she said, "grape kool-aid: my favorite!" She put the pitcher down, then
headed back to the kitchen calling over her shoulder, "I'm getting a
couple of glasses!"
As soon as she wasn't looking, the neighborhood gigolo dumped the
entire bottle of powder into the pitcher. Jefferson grinned. The powder
was a Chinese herbal mixture; it was a very powerful aphrodisiac. Though
others might scoff, Jefferson had used the powder with great success in
the past. He knew that within just a couple of minutes, Peggy Bundy
would have the most powerful surge of lust of her entire life.
Peggy came back with two plastic cups from the 7-Eleven store and
filled them up with the grape drink. She raised one to her mouth and
toasted "Bottom's up!" as she took a big swig.
Jefferson took a swallow. Bottom's up is right, he thought; your
bottom, Peggy, in just a few moments . . .
--
Please note this note is posted from NYX at the University of Denver,
_not_ my employer's site. My opinions do not reflect those of my employer.
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