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My Neighbor
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
My Neighbor
It was such a lovely day that I decided to take a walk through the
neighborhood. It wasn't just an ordinary day, no, it was a special day!
That's right, "special." It was the day we were all going to meet our new
neighbor, Mrs. Sleazebottom. Her husband is a salesman. Can you say that,
"salesman?" Sure you can. He drives all around the country, knocking on doors
and selling things to people. That's his special job.
We walked along through the neighborhood, singing "it's a beautiful day
in the neighborhood...." until we got to Mrs. Sleazebottom's house. We walked
up the front steps - she has three front steps; one, two, three - and we rang
the doorbell: "ding dong." I like the way Mrs. Sleazebottom's doorbell rings,
don't you?
"Hello Mrs. Sleazebottom," I said as our new neighbor came to the door.
"Welcome to our neighborhood!"
"Thank you," she said, "and please call me Gloria.".
Did you notice how Gloria said "please" and "thank you?" Nice people
always remember to say "please" and "thank you."
"Come on in" she told us.
"Come on in, everybody," I said. "I have a special new friend I'd like
you all to meet."
"I have some special friends I'd like you to meet," Gloria said as she
slipped off her blouse.
"Uh...hello," I said as she gently placed my face between her two
special friends. You know, it's always nice to meet new friends.
"I want you all to get better aquainted, she said as she slipped out
of her skirt and panties and began to unbutton my shirt.
"My shirt has seven buttons," I remarked. "Can you count to seven?
Sure you can. Let's all count to seven together, okay? One, two, thr-"
"R-R-R-I-I-P-P-P!"
I guess one of these days we'll have to teach Gloria how to button and
unbutton.
"We were just talking about your husband," I said.
"He's out of town this week," Gloria replied, "and I get so lonely
without him here."
Poor Gloria. It's a good thing she has neighbors like us to keep her
company. Remember, you should always try to be a good neighbor.
"I mean, we were talking about how your husband is a salesman," I
continued, "and how that's his special job."
"Would you like to know what my special job is?" she asked.
"Tell us," I said. "We'd all like to know what your special job is."
"Fellatio," Gloria replied. "Do you know what that is, 'fellatio'?"
"No," I told her. "You know, even grown-ups learn new things,
sometimes. Sure they do. Why don't you show us what that is - fellatio."
She unbuckled my belt - my belt has a shiny new buckle on it, see? -
and began to gently lick Mr. Happy. Can you say "Hoover automatic vacuum
cleaner?" Sure you can.
"I like the way yo do that," I told her. "It gives me that sort of
special feeling." Then she climbed on top of me and squeezed Mr. Happy between
her moist thighs. Can you say "trampoline?"
"Oh...ohh...ohhhhhhhh," she moaned.
"I like the way you say that," I said to her, "did you know that?"
"Ohhhhhh!" she replied.
"That's the fifteenth letter of the alphabet," I breathed. "Can you
think of any other words that begin with the letter 'O'?"
"OHHHHHHHH!!" Gloria panted.
"That's...not a word, that's...a letter" I reminded her. "Let's try to
think of...some words that...begin with...the letter 'O'. Like owl. And orange.
Those begin with the letter 'O'. ...and orchestra. That begins with the letter
'O'. ...Can you say...'orchestra'?"
"OHHHHHH...OHHHHHHHHH........ORGASM!!" she screamed.
"Orgasm! Very good! Orgasm begins with the letter 'O'!" I heaved.
Suddently I started to get that really special feeling, the kind of
feeling that comes from being with a special neighbor, and I started to sing:
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day...."
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