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The new Penthouse PC
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
A New Personal Computer
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The personal computer industry was shocked recently when Penthouse merged
with Commodore and entered the PC market. The venture will be introducing the
Penthouse Pet, a VERY personal computer designed to satisfy a variety of users'
needs.
Planning a new line of velvet and satin soft-wear, the company's Times Square
R+D facility is working on applications packages for the home entertainment
market. One of the niftier applications is a word processing package called
SLEAZY WRITER, which can generate an almost infinite number of Penthouse Forum
letters using a vocabulary of only fifty words. Other packages include
Accounts Painable, Visi-Crotch, a Eunichs Operating System, Electronic Male,
and a graphics package featuring 200 different shades of pink. A user-friendly
language called VIRGIN will guide first time-timers every step of the way.
One of the main research thrusts is to develop a warm man-machine interface.
According to Penthouse sources, "erotica is simply an extention of ergonomics."
The Pet terminal has been designed with a ribbed exterior and comes in a
variety of tropical colors. California publisher Blue Boy is offering an AC/DC
power supply. A company spokesman also lauded the Pet's portability. "With
Moisture-resistant packaging, you can take your Pet anywhere -- you can go
swimming with it, take it into the Jacuzzi, or even go to bed with it!"
In addition, the Penthouse Pet will be able to interface with the next
generation of interactive videodiscs. Users will be able to pick from a wide
variety of fantasies with the aid of a groan-activated selector. Of course,
the system comes with a joystick!!
For the party market, Penthouse has developed a Local Area Network called
ORGYNET, which the company claims is a breakthrough in compatibility. With the
ORGYNET input-output port, you can stick your plug right in. A cluster
controller has also been designed to satisfy the interactive needs of up to
four users at a time. Unlike other LAN's that use a single coaxial cable,
ORGYNET features a tangle of coax (OEMed from Cox) and uses TSMA (tactile sense
multiple access) to allow up to 69 users to interact with the system and each
other simultaneously. Although Penthouse reports that ORGYNET can sustain
prolonged interactive sessions, insiders report that the throughput peaks after
about 30 seconds.
The Pet will be distributed by Frederick's of Hollywood, local newsstands,
and Sears. Penthouse is also strong in service and maintenance; S+M will be
handled by a nationwide fleet of vans equipped with a variety of whips, chains
and other tools.
The new generation of personal computers was totally anticipated by the
Yankee Group. From a limp beginning, the erotic information processing
market has been rising in recent years and is now quite firm, although the
recession has created some soft spots. Penthouse's strategy is to use its
solid orders to enter the soft markets, jack up production when things get
going, and pull out just before competitors come rushing to the market.
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