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Nurse Jones posts blind
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
From: [email protected]
Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
Subject: Nurse Jones posts blind
>From Nurse Jones,
Before I start, I want to say something. Public thanks to the
wonderful person (whose name I probably shouldn't mention
publically, but you know who you are) who got me back in touch
with my IRC friends last night by giving me an acct. Pookie and I
had a, well, touching reunion. Thanks. There are some very nice
people on the Net.
And I'd like to extend my warmest finger to the bluenose that
made the decision to kill ASB on the freenet I use.
So I'm posting blind now, but that should be a temporary
situation.
So anyway.
I have had an epiphany. Or is that one of the seasons of Easter?
A Big Realization. That's what I've had.
About my favorite subject: Me.
Those of you that read what I was writing a year ago are invited
to answer this question, please: Did I come across as more
serious, "responsible" and reserved at first? Have I loosened up
a bit since I wrote The List?
Sorry. I'm always talking about myself.
But I have a reason for asking and it has general implications.
The thing is, I think the *reason* I've opened up is related to
my experimentation with submissiveness. I have, in a way -- a
psychological way -- made Jay responsible for me. This allows me
to relax and do whatever I want because I know he is there in the
background setting the rules and he'll tell me if I screw up. And
within those limits I don't really care very much what anyone
*else* thinks of me.
Is there a paradox here somewhere? The old "Bondage Will Set You
Free" routine?
I used to watch what I said much more carefully for fear of
committing some gross social transgression and making a fool of
myself.
I suppose that kind of caution grows out of uncertainty about
where the limits of social interaction are. Now I'm worrying a
lot less about that sort of thing. I figure Jay will set a limit
for me if I goof.
Pookie wrote a very touching post recently in which she commented
that she wanted to be controlled. Maybe she meant she wanted
someone else to take responsibility for her. I was amazed to hear
her suggest -- to me of all people -- that maybe this is
selfishness -- something she should be embarrassed about. Not
around me. I'm self-absorbed to the point of autism. I mean,
c'mon. Being selfish around me is like belching at a bikers
convention. Who's gonna notice?
The point is, I feel the same way Pooks does: I want to be
controlled. I am, in fact. I feel as though I am imbedded in Jay.
As though I am a subset of him.
Does that make any sense?
I guess that's what submission is. Funny I don't think of it as
submission. Maybe I'm rationalizing. I don't think of it as a
loss of status. I don't think of it as degrading or humiliating.
I see myself as swimming freely in him. Within his limits.
This is silly, I know, and it's not logical, and I should be able
to think for myself in this regard, but I don't *want* to think
for myself. I *like* the freedom to be socially irresponsible. To
say what I want. Having a clearly defined personal relationship
in one part of my life seems to give me a kind of freedom of
movement that carries over into the rest. Jay sets the rules.
Blindfolded, I don't have to be embarrassed about what I look
like.
Gagged, I don't have to worry about what I say. I can let it all
out.
Restrained, I have the freedom to fight back to my utmost. Ergo,
no guilt.
And controlled by Jay, I can go as far as the reins will allow,
do whatever I want within their limits.
Find the right top, and you are free to be the most selfish,
spoiled person on the planet.
I keep asking if this makes sense. Does it? I know I'm abdicating
responsibility for myself. Not all the time, not in everything,
but still I do it. You might not approve of that kind of
irresponsibility. But it feels good.
It's sort of like having a designated driver for your life.
-*-
On another note, I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this
year, mainly because I'm perfect already. Well, almost. I'm still
about five pounds over perfect (Okay, six. Seven, tops...), so
I don't yet quite have the figure for a bikini. Just the nerve.
Jay's going to let me out of the chocolate deprivation chamber
in another week or so. Heh. I have a secret box of milk duds
behind the frozen peas in the fridge. He'll never look in the
freezer. And certainly not among the vegetables. Besides, there
are *lots* of perfectly rational explanations for Milk Duds
in the freezer.
Speaking of which, *anything* would be easier than explaining the
*candles* in the freezer to my mother-in-law. Gawd, that was
embarrassing. This was last Xmas. I had forgotten they were in
there and when she asked I just panicked and froze. "Uh... I
dunno..." was all my brain could manage. It seemed so obvious to
*me* why they were in there that I was sure she had deduced the
Awful Truth About Her Daughter In Law. But no. For someone who
eats broken glass and can open an oyster by squinting at it, she
is awfully trusting.
It was bad enough when she found the moldy dinner plate in the
chest of drawers in the guest bedroom. At least now we have the
complete set again.
Thank God *I* was the one that found the vibrator in the vase of
dried flowers. I'm gonna get Neets for that.
In fact, that's two I owe her, counting the plumber's helper.
Important Safety Tip: Never invite anyone to join you in a shower
if they are smiling and holding a plumber's helper.
But that's another story.
Is it any wonder I'm so jumpy around my in-laws? It's like a
macabre easter egg hunt around our house whenever they visit.
Every time I turn around I'm afraid I'll see her standing there
with a ball gag or a fluorescent Emperor-sized dildo and that
what-kind-of-person-did-my-son-marry? expression on her face.
Every time she goes to open a drawer or a closet I dive to get
there first. "HERE, LET ME DO THAT!!! (ahem) I mean, er, let me
do that... sorry about your foot..."
Sorry to *still* be going on about my inlaws.
You know how I get.
The emperor-sized dildo was a joke gift from Neets, BTW. It's
ridiculous. I'm thinking of having a lamp made out of it. I'm
definitely *not* Emperor-sized.
Even king-sized is a little too ... monumental ... for me.
Still, one can wonder. King ... Emperor ... what's next? Any
verified sightings of the next larger size, or are we dealing
with a theoretical -- possibly theological -- concept here?
We need to do research on this.
Nurse Jones,
Wondering if
there is a
loincloth of
Turin...
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