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Nurse Jones having a bad week
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Subject: ARCHIVE: nj.leotard.Z
Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
Subject: Nurse Jones, having a bad week
>From Nurse Jones,
First of all, does anybody know what's happened to Westmark? I've
only had about 2 days of access since before Xmas and the BBS at
UNC (my only alternative account) has its disk full and is
turning away mail. I'm starting to experience Net Deprivation
again. Do I have to find anothr account?
And now for the news.
Oh, Gawd. You won't believe what happened. Just now. It is my day
off and I was just on the way home from the fitness center --
really, just now, not even a half-hour ago -- in the bondomobile.
By the way, I went back to the old fitness center -- the place
where the ASB lurker asked me if I was me and I chickened out and
ran for it. Poultry in motion, that's me. Anyway, I went back.
Haven't seen him yet.
Anyway, there I was in the bondomobile at a stoplight wearing nothing but
my leos and I'm absolutely starving to *death* so I pick the lint off a
Starburst (tm) that I found in the bottom of my purse and go to pop it in
my mouth and I miss. (No cracks about moving targets, Chet.)
The thing was, well, you know how you have to sit with your legs
in a less-than-ladylike position when you have a clutch to deal
with... the candy fell on the seat between my legs and sort of
slid down, and there I was fishing around trying to reach it and
I look over and see these three construction workers in the front
seat of a truck pulled up next to me at the stoplight.
They are climbing all over each other like the Marx brothers
leering down at yours truly, making animal noises and seductive
tongue gestures out the window. Obviously I was expected to rip
my leo off in some kind of frenzied hormonal response to this
behaviour.
Gawd. I shut my eyes and rested my forehead on the steering wheel
while praying for the light to change before the candy melts, and
one of them shouts at me do I want any help. So I'm thinking I
would honestly rather have Captain Hook as my gynecologist when
the light changes and I rev up the bondomobile for a fast getaway
and it lurches and stalls.
So there I am trying to start it and the free-range turkeys in
the pickup decide that maybe they would like to jump start me and
start strutting around their truck putting on a stunning display
of secondary sexual characteristics -- tool belts, beer bellys,
that kind of thing -- while the entire rush hour behind us tunes
up for the 1812 Overture.
The bondomobile had mercy on me and started just in time. I was
afraid it was going to exact revenge for the newspaper stand
incident last week. I was on the way to work and ran over one of
those boxes you put quarters in and a door opens for you to get
your newspaper out. It wrapped itself around my wheel and got
jammed inside the fender and all these so-called gentlemen stood
around watching yours truly in the rain flapping her arms and
kicking at the tangled wreckage while bits of bondo fell off the
fender and newspapers blew everywhere and got stuck in puddles.
And before you ask, this was not my fault. Some idiot left it in
the middle of the sidewalk.
I was making a left turn.
Well, I *had* my turn signal on. And I have *no* idea what the
IRC crowd found so funny about this. I mean, I *ruined* a
perfectly good uniform and was late for work. Finally a
*gentleman* rescued me.
At least I wasn't wearing my leos for that little scenario. And
thank God I didn't have to get out of the car in *that* leo in
front of *those* construction workers.
[Nurse Jones places hand on copy of "More Joy of Sex."]
"I swear I will never ... ever ... again drive in rush-hour
traffic in clothing that came in an egg."
Gawd those men were awful. It's hard to believe that evolution
didn't have something further in mind for them.
The world is fraught with danger. Positively fraught. Sometimes I
just don't know how I cope.
Nurse Jones,
Maybe I'll
just stay home
till my agoraphobia
goes away...
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