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Nurse Jones and the video Anita made of her
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Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
From: [email protected]
Subject: Another old post from Nurse Jones
>From Nurse Jones,
Here is an ancient post that I don't think ever appeared.
I wrote them at the same time as the enormous one I just sent in
under subject heading: "Nurse Jones: a posted nonpost"
It makes a lot more sense now than it did last Spring. At least I
understand where Neets was coming from.
And I *have* to take exception with the person who posted that
hypnosis and sex don't work together. They do.
>From Nurse Jones, Spring, 1992
Anita made a video of me. It's weird seeing yourself like that.
Believe it or not, I've never seen myself on video except in
convenience store security systems and department store floor demos.
A few weeks ago someone wrote (after I posted a short description
of a -- um -- novelty bra (?) that Jay made) asking for GIFs or photos
that could be turned into GIFS. So anyway, I learned what a GIF is, but
(sorry) I'm not gonna do a GIF of myself, ESPECIALLY not with my face
blanked out by a little black rectangle, thankyou very much. Talk about
nazis in black socks and boxer shorts. If I ever go public it will be
because I decide to give up nursing and out myself in real style. No
black rectangles for me. Nosiree.
I DO consider giving up nursing at times --especially times like last
week, and the something wonderful happens and I stick it for a little
longer.
Anyway, I had to (gently) decline to participate in the GIF idea. I hope
my RSVP didn't get lost when wizvax went down. Some people answered
notes that had already bounced back to me. How that happened, I'll never
know. The stuff that didn't bounce wasn't answered. Some of that
probably didn't get through. If not: Whoever you were, I was flattered
to be asked, but I really can't....
But a video for Anita is a different story.
Jay used one of his little tricks on me. We still play with hypnosis on
a regular basis, you know. Nothing fancy this time, though: I just didn't
see the camera, somehow. It was right there by the bed on a tripod, aimed
right at my face the whole time, and I wasn't even aware of it. I vaguely
recollect there being flowers there. There *were* bunches of flowers around
the place. We had gone to the nursery and bought potted flowers to plant
when the weather turns warm again.
Well, SOMETHING made a video of me, and it wasn't the tulips. I bet.
Anyway, I DO remember Anita wanting me to stay right where she put me,
and I remember she had trouble keeping me there. I just don't remember the
darn camera. Weird. I mean, I feel like the entire experience was perfectly
normal. I didn't feel like my state of mind was in the least trancelike or
distorted. I felt completely, well, normal.
As porn goes, the video is actually pretty boring. The language just
happened to be squeaky clean (an accident) and the camera never moves
from my face the entire time. The first part is just me talking to the
ceiling and occasionally looking at Anita who is um, off camera. After a
few minutes I lose my train of thought and interrupt my own monologue
with a few interesting facial expressions.
I have to admit, modesty aside and ignoring the question of dramatic or
aesthetic content -- or the complete absence thereof -- I come across as
pretty sexy. During, I mean.
I've seen a couple of XXX-rated films; it was a long time ago, but my
memories are primarily of my own embarrassment at being seen watching
such things. I looked at the videos again, later, when I could watch
without the embarrassment and distraction of being observed, and still I
was unable to feel anything but embarrassment. Somehow, the feeling of
intimacy, so important to me, was missing. And the people, or the
quality of the filming, or the situation made it all seem cheap and
sordid. Nazis in black socks again.
I would hate to think that if I had been filmed doing the perverted
things that I have done with Jay I would come out looking just as
sordid. And I wonder if the actresses in thos films felt cheap at the
time, and how they percieve themselves upon viewing the film. Maybe it's
just a job.
I have come to the conclusion that filmed erotica -- if well done -- is
probably a greater challenge than many other genres. It would take a
really good director and some really good actors to keep the cheapness
out.
The only film I've EVER seen that achieved that was called "Tattoo" and
it starred Bruce Dern (one of my favorite actors) and Maude Adams. She
plays a model; he kidnaps her, drugs her, and puts a non-consensual
tattoo all over her body, knees to neckline. It fed a fantasy of mine,
one that would make me homocidal if anyone ever *really* did that to me.
But it was erotic. Better than "9.5 Weeks" even, which I guess is my
second favorite erotic movie.
So anyway, Anita made her video of me. I didn't pull sexy faces at the
camera; I didn't make seductive tongue gestures or moan dramatically
charged phrases like, "Oh God! It's so BIG!" or, "Yabba-dabba-doo!"
In fact, I'm normally too repressed to even say the approved midwestern
erotic phrases like, "Ouch," "Don't touch me there," and, "Quiet, the
children will hear."
You can tell when Anita starts on me, though, if you watch the video.
I'm kind of chatting away (the way I do -- in fact, the way I am now)
and suddenly I go all quiet and make an "Mmmmmmm." noise, and then catch
my breath and say, "Oh my!"
After that I am quiet for a long time, although you can tell
_something's_ going on at the other end of this person by the way I
move.
There is a bit of heavy breathing and some (very) faint moans there at
the chase scene and the exciting conclusion. And a couple of times my
eyes pop open in surprise. Funny, how I managed to look surprised with
my eyes out of focus. I mean, you can tell I wasn't looking at anything,
or even seeing anything, but I still looked surprised. And each time, I
relaxed visibly afterwards and smiled a little.
Oh, God, I almost forgot. I went slightly cross-eyed at one point. This
is really embarrassing. I had this dreamy expression and my eyes were
half shut, but if you look closely you can see my eyes are slightly
crossed. It was really comical, and I was feeling SO romantic and
squirmy at the time.
I bit my lower lip a couple of times, too. Usually I'm doing that when
I'm trying to not make any noise. Not hard, or anything. I have actually
really for real bitten myself only a couple times and that was by
accident.
At the end of the video, I have a shockingly smug and self-satisfied
look. I had no idea I ever had that expression on my face. It was
embarrassing. It is almost a smirk. My eyes were shut, and I was
smug, like a cat that had eaten a canary.
Funny how you can be so unaware of the impression you give others, how
much your face can betray you.
We watched it a couple of times together, Anita and I. She watches it
with intense concentration. She says she's watched it at home countless
times in the week since we made it. Over and over. Sigh.
So much for my first screen test.
Nurse Jones,
tried,
and found
wanton.
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