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Camera Obscura
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
Subject: RICHH: CAMERA OBSCURA
Disclaimer: The following story contains naughty bits. If
you are under 18, or if this has somehow wandered onto the K12 net,
STOP READING NOW. Do not, I repeat, do not email it to all your
friends. And for God's sake do not make a printout of it and
distribute copies all over your school. I mean sure, it'll be cool
and all, and you'll probably have lots of new friends, and you'll
probably even get lots of dates which will lead to numerous nights
of hot, sticky backseat passion, but like, you could get in big
trouble. Cause I know a kid who did it and sure, it was cool
for awhile, but all the new friends he made weren't like *real*
friends. Plus like, it's all fully and legally copyrighted and
if you think you're so tough now, let's see how you feel after a
few months in the joint sharing a cell with a disgruntled former
Kinko's employee with something to prove. Copyright prison--you
wouldn't last a day.
We were at Josh's, for a change. He was excited about some
"new thing" he had made and wanted to show us all. Karen was
standing, barefoot on the back of the couch, which she'd pulled
away from the wall. She was practicing entrechats.
Among other things.
Stag leaps, split leaps, whatever came to her. She'd
sprinkled thumbtacks(the really short kind) upside down on the
floor behind the couch for incentive and she wore this cobalt blue
Lycra leotard that was one size too small for her. I think she
might have even pushed some mousetraps down into the cushions too.
A full pirouette. Not bad. Apparently the years of ballet and
gymnastics classes hadn't been a total waste. A tinsica.
Interesting. Everyone had gathered into the living room.
"You gonna miss or what?" said Maria, chewing on a tear
jerker.
"I wouldn't hold my breath on it," she said, doing a side
aerial and wobbling a little, sticking her butt way out to keep her
balance.
"Cool," said Howard. "You'll get extra marks from the German
judge for the thumbtacks."
"Not to mention the blowjob," said Maria.
"Hey, I'm no Katarina Witt!" said Karen, "But I'm close."
"You give better head," said Howard and Maria at the same
time.
"All right," she said. "I need quiet for my next trick. The
very challenging front aerial. She moved back to the edge of the
couch and glanced over at the sea of tacks behind the couch. She
took a few quick short steps then bent forward and kicked her legs
up behind her, her back arching, her legs coming around.
Too early.
Her feet landed all right, but her hips and torso were too far
behind her and it was instantly clear that she was about to fall.
None of us were near enough to do anything about it. Josh,
however, had ben raised better than the rest of us, and he sped
over as quickly as he could.
But what we all remember most was the moment, just as she
began her descent down towards the floor behind the couch, when she
looked over at us. She bit her bottom lip and opened her eyes
wide--she wanted to see everything.
Even though we were ready for it, the scream was quite
frightening. I guess we were expecting something higher-pitched
but this seemed to come from some deeper place.
"Holy shit, Karen," said Josh, bending to help her. "Don't
move. What a fucking mess."
"Take em out. Just take em out."
We were all there by this time and saw what Josh had meant.
She hadn't missed a single tack. We pushed the couch out of the
way and gathered around her, each of us finding a different part of
her body to de-tack. The ones in her ass and waist were easy. As
were the ones in her upper arms.
"Ellen," said Josh. "Go grab some spoons, wouldja? And a box
of Kleenex."
Spoons. Good idea. Some of the tacks just wouldn't come out.
These were the ones that had pierced her pelvis and the back of her
head. And the backs of her heels. And the heels of her hands.
She really hadn't missed a spot. We used the spoons to pry out the
last of the tacks. Karen didn't say anything during the whole
procedure, but was really rushing on the whole thing,
hyperventilating and opening and closing her hands, even before
they'd been de-tacked. Finally, they were all out. We managed to
stand her up and peel off her leotard. We stretched her out flat
on her stomach on the couch. Her whole body looked like some
bizarre connect-the dots and big bruises were starting to well up
on her lower back.
"We missed one," said Maria, who had found another in to the
hilt behind Karen's knee. She pulled it out a little and said,
"That was not the brightest thing to do--you know, Sweetness." On
'Sweetness' she pressed the tack back in and Karen screeched.
"I know, I know."
Josh had dug up some rubbing alcohol and some cotton swabs.
"No betadyne?" Josh, said Maria. "Alcohol'll sting like
hell."
"Betadyne'd stain the couch."
"Good point." Maria finally twisted out the last tack and
soon we were cleaning up the wounded Karen with the cotton and
alcohol. Karen bit into the arm of the couch and dug her right
hand deep into the cushions.
Bad idea.
*SNAP*!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
We just had to laugh.
Amazingly, she hadn't done any serious damage to herself. The
leotard was a mess, so she threw on a pair of Josh's sweatpants and
a 'Film Threat' t-shirt and we reconvened in the living room.
"Rich," said Ellen, taking a joint from Josh, "Truth here:
did your dad ever give you any advice...about women? Something
all-encompassing, something that only someone like your dad--"
"I remember one thing very well. He said, 'Son, if you can
make a big girl feel small, and a small girl feel tiny, then you've
got something.' I never forgot that."
I was pelted with a corn chip.
"Howard?"
"He never told *me* that," said Howard
"Maybe he expected that *I* would," I said.
"So why didn't you?"
"I forgot."
"Well, How? Any other pearls of wisdom?"
"Lemme think. Ok, he said. 'Howard.' He always calls me
that. 'Howard, middle management is a one-way ticket to despair
and regret. Build something with your *hands*. Something someone
*needs*.'" Howard turned his head and looked up. "I never forgot--"
Howard was pelted with the whole bag. Josh got up to put on
some music.
[ You been bad
Don't do what I say.
You don't listen.
And you never obey.
Try to teach you.
But you just won't be good.
You won't behave the way
A big girl should.
It's time to give the whip a crack.
I'm gonna have to send you back to
Bitch School.
Bitch School. ]
"Hey, is this the new Spinal Tap?"
"Yup."
"Is there gonna be another movie?"
Shrug.
Maria said, "Ellen, all my mom ever told me was to make sure
that whatever boy I was with, to make sure he cleaned under his
fingernails."
"All the time? That's pretty harsh."
"Just if he was going to put them in me."
"She didn't say that."
"It's what she meant. She went on and on about UTIs and all
sorts of things. I think she got a UTI when she was young. Her
blood pressure dropped a way lot and she nearly died."
"Yow."
All the guys stole glances at our own and each other's
fingernails.
[ You're a beauty.
You're the best of your breed.
You're a handful.
And I know what you need.
You need training.
Gonna bring you to heel.
I'm gonna break you with my will of steel.
Discipline's my middle name.
And no one comes back the same from
Bitch School.
Bitch School.
No more sniffling strangers, or running free at night.
You think my bark's bad, honey - wait till you feel my
bite. ]
"Oh, I hope there's another movie," said Karen. "Spinal Tap
was a *piss*!"
[ You got problems.
You whine and you beg.
When I'm busy,
You wanna dance with my leg.
I'm gonna chain you.
Make you sleep out of doors.
You're so fetching when you're down on all fours.
And when you hear your master,
You will come a little faster, thanks to
Bitch School. ]
"Cool tune."
"The video's a piss. At the end they're all talking to some
record executive, I think, explaining how the song is really about
*dogs*. They keep saying, 'I don't know how the lyrics could be
misconstrued...'"
"Heh."
"Maria," said Ellen. "Tell me about the 'Day of the Many
Orgasms'."
"Hee."
"Maria blushed. "Ka-ren..."
"Just tell her. I don't know why you should be so
embarrassed. I mean, it *was* your idea."
"Oh it was not. You little--"
"Yes it was. Howard."
"Don't look at me."
"Rich."
[ There's a pulse in the new-born sun;
A beat in the heat of noon;
There's a song as the day grows long,
And a tempo in the tides of the moon.
It's all around us and it's everywhere,
And it's deeper than Royal blue.
And it feels so real you can feel the feeling! ]
"It just kinda happened. Can't really say *whose* idea it
was. Well, we had talked about going to Great Adventure or
Hersheypark for a while. Or maybe even driving out to King's
Island, though that was a little ambitious--for us. So it was
early last fall, when it was still hot enough to do the flume ride.
We all headed out to Great Adventure. Maria wore some kind of--
what was it--a unitard?"
[ And that's The Majesty Of Rock!
The fantasy of Roll!
The ticking of the clock,
The wailing of the soul!
The prisoner in the dock,
The digger in the hole,
We're in this together...and ever...
In the shade of a jungle glade,
Or the rush of the crushing street,
On the plain, on the foamy main,
You can never escape from the beat.
It's in the mud and it's in your blood
And its conquest is complete.
And all that you can do is just surrender. ]
"On the plain," sang Howard. "On the plain, on the foamy
main."
"Wearing?" said Maria. "Just an old leotard. And boxers, I
think."
"Ick."
"Taking a fashion cue from Karen, eh?"
"Ha. It was comfortable."
"Karen wore cutoffs and some old old old t-shirt."
"It was mesh."
"Oh fuck. You're right. It was a mesh Notre Dame deal."
"And what else?"
"Sneakers."
"And...?"
"Oh yeah. And Ben Wa balls. Maria too."
"Mine're better, though."
"Look, sweetness," said Maria. "I'm not going to spend eighty
bucks just for--besides, I know where you keep em, anyway."
"She's got you there."
[ To the Majesty of Rock!
The Pageantry of Roll!
The crowing of the cock,
The running of the foal!
The shepherd with his flock,
The miner with his coal,
We're in this together...and ever... ]
"Ben wa balls?" said Ellen. "Do they really *do* anything?
How do they even work?"
"Well," said Karen, "Your mileage may vary, but for my
money...they work--big time. The kind Maria has are the kind you
could buy downtown at the Pleasure Chest or Adam n Eve, or Doc's.
They're a little bigger than marbles, made of brass I guess--"
"I guess."
"And they're each like half-filled with mercury."
"That stuff's deadly--"
"The balls are sealed. Relax. So now picture this: You take
the balls, right, and you slide them in..."
[ When we die, do we haunt the sky?
Do we lurk in the murk of the seas?
What then? Are we born again?
Just to sit asking questions like these?
I know, for I told me so,
And I'm sure each of you quite agrees:
The more it stays the same, the less it changes! ]
"...the less it changes. Hey, you know," said Howard, "this
album rocks."
"It does."
[ And that's The Majesty Of Rock!
The Mystery of Roll!
The darning of the sock,
The scoring of the goal!
The farmer takes a wife
The barber takes a pole.
We're in this together...and ever... ]
"All right," said Ellen, "wonderful--I can just see trying to
explain *this* to my ob-gyn. Well you see, Doctor, we were playing
full-contact labyrinth and..."
"Full-contact *naked* labyrinth."
"Is there any other kind?"
"They don't get *lost*," said Karen. "Trust me."
"So why the mercury?"
"All right, picture this: imagine you're in a rocking chair,
okay...? Now, the mercury in the balls is going to stay level with
the ground. So when you start rocking...the balls spin."
"Eep."
"BaRANGus!"
"Yup. They move when you move."
"So what's so special about *yours*?"
"Well, for one thing, they're *bigger*. And instead of
mercury, they have ball bearings inside. I always imagine little
hamsters running around in little wheels. They just *feel* better.
More vibrate-ey."
"So you wore ben wa balls to Great Adventure?"
"Yes," said Maria, "And what else? Karen wore this. I
didn't"
"And a butt plug."
"What kind? Say it without laughing."
"A triple-ripple butt plug."
"Ha."
"Wow. You were set."
"You don't know the half of it. I was just about to get my
period too."
"HeLLO."
"Yeah. I think you hear me knockin'. Now, I mean, amusement
parks turn me on anyhow. I mean, the rides, all the high school
kids and the adolescents and the hormones all floating around--
plus, you're all wired from soda and junk food--I just get nuts."
"Which ride was the--which one felt best."
"Oh God--Lightning Loops. Runaway Train lasted longer but
Lightning Loops you go through this big loop completely upside
down--then you do the whole ride again, backwards."
"Holy--"
"Yeah, the guy bitched at her because she wouldn't get out."
"I'll bet."
"All the roller coasters were great. The spinny rides I
didn't like so much. The flume was cool. And Free Fall was
intense."
"You should have seen her when we left. Me and How had to
carry her to the car. Maria wasn't real energetic either."
"That was the best," said Maria.
Josh lit up a joint and took a hit. "So come on," he said "I
wanna show you the 'new thing'.
"Well," said Karen. "What's the deal?"
"All right. Follow me." He showed us into a room adjacent to
the guest bedroom. No furniture. Just a few black throw pillows.
The walls were covered with some sort of black felt, the window
with black trash bags.
"Black carpeting??!! Where the fuck--"
"Never mind. Sit down. Over here. Get comfy." There were
a pair of black speakers against one wall.
"Wow. Darkness is like, such a rush, you know."
"Ha ha."
"Whaddayathink?" he said. "Smiths? Cure? Floyd?"
"Oh, put on some Floyd," said Maria.
"Good call," said Josh. He slipped out and was back in a few.
[ Lime and limpid green, a second scene
A fight between the blue you once knew
Floating down, the sound resounds
Around the icy waters underground ]
"All right," he said, once we were all settled back against
the one wall. Check this out." He closed the door and moved a
black felt snake up against the crack and soon we realized what was
up. Across from us, on the wall, was a slightly fuzzy upside-down
projection of what was taking place in the world outside. Josh had
made the room into a 'camera obscura', by opening a small hole in
the trashbag covering the window.
[ Jupiter and Saturn, Oberon, Miranda and Titania
Neptune, Titan, Stars can frighten
Lime and limpid green, a second scene
A fight between the blue you once knew
Floating down, the sound resounds
Around the icy waters underground
Jupiter and Saturn, Oberon, Miranda and Titania
Neptune, Titan, Stars can frighten ]
"This is my new exotic room."
Ellen said, "It's wild. We'll smoke a joint, come in here,
and watch the world go by. You lose all track of time. Shit, I
gotta be downtown. See you all later."
"Bye."
She kissed Josh and was gone.
[ Blinding signs flap,
Flicker, flicker, flicker blam. Pow, pow.
Stairway scare Dan Dare who's there?
Lime and limpid green, the sounds around
The icy waters under
Lime and limpid green, the sounds around
The icy waters underground ]
Josh got up, whispered something to Karen and Maria and they
disappeared with Josh out of the room. Soon he was back.
"All right," he said, covering the hole on the window, "check
*this* out. All of you, switch around, so you're sitting over
here." We moved so we were all sitting against the wall across
from the window. Above Howard's head, Josh untaped a piece of
black-colored tape from the wall, exposing a tiny hole. On the
wall across from us was the most bizarre-looking thing.
Apparently, Karen was suspended upside-down in the adjoining
room, in gravity boots, from some gallows-like suspension thing
he'd put together. She was naked. And she knew how we were
seeing her, because her hands were at her sides, and with her hair
so short there were no real cues that she was upside-down.
Maria was standing behind her, holding a cat o'nine tails.
She held it between Karen's legs and just ran the tips back and
forth over her. Karen asked her for a shoe. Maria handed it to
her and she tossed it up and caught it. Of course, it looked like
she was throwing it down towards her feet and it was floating back
up into her hands. This was the silliest scene. Karen heard us
laughing and started cracking up herself and Maria started pushing
her so she swung from the boots.
Maria ran from her room into ours to see what Karen looked
like, swinging like that. She cracked up too.
It was the most bizarre-looking thing.
Then, Karen pulled herself up and slipped out of the boots.
RICHH
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