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Some really bad pickup lines
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
PICKUP LINES!!!
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"That dress looks good on you,
but it would look better on my bedroom floor."
Hey, want to go get a pizza, beer and then fuck?
"Hell no!"
What's wrong, don't like pizza...
There's the old classic from the movie Fletch:
(to girl in towel): Excuse me, could I borrow your towel? My car just
hit a water buffalo.
"Your face or Mine??"
Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?
Him: I like nothing better.
Him (at night): Would you like to have breakfast with me?
Her: Sure.
Him: Shall I phone you, or nudge you?
The best pickup line I witnessed was a friend of mine who walked up to
a young lady in a club and asked "Are you ready to go home now?". They left
together.
"Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you."
"Hey, you don't sweat much for a fat girl."
That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?
If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?
"Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"
friend asked for a match:
"How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?"
"Take off that dress and fuck my brains out you cave newt."
"Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?"
"I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out."
"Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist."
"Let's take a shower together --you smell."
"I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatoraid"
"Kiss me you fool, fuck me you harlot."
"I've got an itch, honey. Lower. lower. in. out."
"If I was elvis, would you screw me?"
"Do you want to see something swell?"
I want to thank you for [insert any event here],
Grab your ankles bitch!
"Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?"
My favorite line was on taxi a while ago:
"You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book...
So what's one more??"
Latka Gravis
"Hey baby...infect me!"
"Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?"
"Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess
your weight."
"If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me."
"Want to see my stamp collection?"
"Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
floppy."
``I wanna floss with your pubic hair.''
``I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?''
``Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?''
``I'd look good on you.''
``Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you
knew...''
Is that a double ended dilldo shoved up your cunt
or are you just glad to see me?
Is that a tic-tac in your pocket
or are you just glad to see me?
At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and say
"wanna roll?"
"Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about
the first thing that pops up?"
"Excuse me, have I fu**ed you yet?"
"Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us"
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair ........
II'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something else.
Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms? (sure to get responses)
Funny you should mention that, I was a gynacologist once.
Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
Hey! Ya wanna try out my new "Home Artificial Insemination Kit"?
Your place, or mine?
Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you?
She: Uh...no....
Irish: Well, do you want some?
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
"Say, didn't we go to different schools together?"
"Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masterbate
and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?"
I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said
"Smile if you want to sleep with me", and then watch the victim
try to hold back her smile...
1. "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"
2. "Is that a false nose?"
3. "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno."
4. "I'm drunk."
5. "Hi, my friends call me Creepy."
6. "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?"
7. "I just threw up."
8. "You're ugly but you intrigue me."
9. "I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed
like that."
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