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Sartre: The Tears and the Shadow
All stories on this web site are purely FICTIONAL. The people depicted within these stories only exist in someone's IMAGINATION. Any resemblence between anyone depicted in these stories and any real person, living or dead, is an incredible COINCIDENCE too bizarre to be believed. If you think that you or someone you know is depicted in one of these stories it's only because you're a twisted perverted little fucker who sees conspiracies and plots where none exist. You probably suspect that your own MOTHER had sex with ALIENS and COWS and stuff. Well, she didn't. It's all in your head. Now take your tranquilizers and RELAX.
Subject: SARTRE: THE TEARS AND THE SHADOW
Date: Tue, 25 Aug 92 03:51:57 GMT
NOTE: My site periodically lets loose the net.daemons who proceed to
wreak havoc on poor unsuspecting posts by cutting off the first few
lines. Therefore, this is just a bit of drivel to fool the pesky
little creatures into thinking that they have thwarted my efforts and
to protect my words from harm.
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Laying next to you clothed in white, your arms around me trying
to absorb the hurt and pain that's been building for weeks. We kiss.
My lips tremble under yours. You place a hand on my breast. The
sorrow inside of my heart builds. We've been lost for so long you and
I. Lost to ourselves and lost to each other. The sultry sounds of a
Phyllis Hyman ballad is heard on the cassette player in the
background. I close my eyes as they begin to water. My body shakes
as I fight back the tears that had refused to fall for weeks. I want
to scream. I want to yell so loudly that the sound fills the universe
and beyond. But I don't. I hold back the tears and the screams,
pushing them into the BlackHole from whence they came. I turn to you
and look deeply into your eyes. I hope that you see the love and
devotion that I've never stopped feeling. Not once. Not even when
you barely knew that I existed. Not even when I thought that I hated
you to the very core. No, I don't cry. I refuse to cry. There is so
little time and I've missed you so much. There is no time for tears.
Finally, slowly, we make love. "Playing" seems to be something
that's somehow not right at this point in my life here with you now.
We both love it, but we need--no -I- need--the tenderness of your
touch. This is not the time to meet as Master and slave. This is a
time for equals. This is a time to try to recapture the magik that we
once felt. God, how I've missed you. How I've longed to be one with
you. I scurry on top of you and take you into me. My body holds you
snugly never wanting to let you go. Pain. It rips through me like a
sword. My body is racked. It shudders. Tears begin to fall
uncontrollably down the white gown. Down my chest. Across my breasts
onto your body. You pull me down to lay on your chest.
"I'm sorry," I say through cracks in my voice as the sobs gather
in my throat.
"Shhh...I'm here for you now," you tell me and pull me closer.
For what seems like an eternity, you hold me in your arms,
caressing me, rocking me. We are joined. I am a part of you and you
are a part of me. Your body enveloped in the warmth and tightness of
mine. Me, held securely in your arms. This is the way that it should
be. This is right. The screams in my head have subsided and for the
first time in weeks I have no doubt that you love me. The only thing
left is the pain. Yes, the unrelenting torment of the pain.
Moving carefully, I sit up and press myself deeper onto you, hips
undulating almost imperceptibly. The tears continue to fall, for
there is pain still to be vanquished. Yet, I begin to feel the
familiar sensations of my body awakening. My hands claw at your
chest, playing with the masses of dark hair that I find so inviting.
Your eyes close and a soft moan escapes your lips. I smile. It's a
greedy, self-satisfied smile at being able to please you yet again.
Whether I am actively your slave, and you my Master, pleasing you is
something that will always bring me purpose and joy. Seeing the
expression on your face raises the ante in my body and in my soul.
The tears are flowing downward. Caressing you with the sting of many
a lonely, empty night. You push into me and I close my eyes.
Something...There's something....My eyes open. Startled, I feel an
entity lurking behind me.
"Oh God, no!", I cry inside my head. "Please, I'm begging you, go
away. Not yet. Don't take him from me yet," I plead to the Shadow.
My body meeting your thrusts, setting it on fire. Writhing on
top of you, bending down to kiss you hard and ravenously as if that
would keep you with me. The Shadow creeps up on us. So close. I
want to grab it and fling it out of the room. Out of our lives. Out
of MY life. I didn't think that sie could touch us here. Not here.
Not while we're entwined in each other. The Shadow is stronger than I
ever imagined. Sie is more dangerous than I ever believed sie could
be. Pulsating bodies, sweaty and slick. Moaning, grunting, musty
passion. Almost there...Almost...
"GO AWAY!! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! NO!!", I shout at the Shadow.
The Shadow is silent.
"What about all of those weeks and weeks of agony that you put us
through? Don't we deserve a little peace? Please, leave us alone. I
love him. Can't you see that?"
Again, the Shadow is silent.
"I'm going to come," you hiss through clenched teeth as you pound
into me from below.
My cunt muscles tighten around you, squeezing you, holding onto
you for my life's blood. I'll be damned if I'll let hir have you.
Sie'll take you and never let me have even a part of you. My cunt
grips you as the Shadow moves beside us.
"Fight, you bastard! Fight with me! Fight for me!", I scream
through gut wrenching sobs as the molten liquid of my own need escapes
from my body.
"Don't let her take you away from me. Please, mylove, don't let
hir push me aside again," I implore as you explode.
I lay on top of you, barely able to catch my breath. All is
quiet now except for the sounds of Luther on the cassette. Even the
tears are silent. The Shadow looks down on us. Sie knows that sie
has won. Sie knows how powerful sie is. I turn over and watch as you
begin to sleep. I have failed mylove and myself. I look up at the
Shadow in surrender.
"I give up. I can't fight you anymore. He is yours now. He
didn't love me enough. Take him and keep him safe, for I will always
love him."
The Shadow took him away that night. I left what was once our
bed and walked slowly, softly and with deep sorrow off into the
BlackHole defeated. I turned around to look once more. He was gone.
Forever.
Sartre
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