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Kids in the Hall FAQ 1.9 3/4: Recurring Characters
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Archive-name: tv/kids-in-hall/part3
Last-modified: 1995/4/23
Version: 1.9
Posting-Frequency: monthly
================================================
The Official Usenet alt.tv.kids-in-hall FAQ List
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Part 3: The Kids in the Hall Recurring Characters, and Censored Lines
See Parts 1, 2 and 4 of this FAQ (posted separately) for more information.
Administrivia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This FAQ would not be possible without the contributions of Kids in the
Hall fans. Please see the complete list of contributors in Part 1 of
this FAQ. Thank you to all who contributed! This FAQ is maintained by
Drew Davidson ([email protected]). Please see the submission
guidelines in Part 1 of this FAQ if you have corrections or submissions.
This FAQ is written in the WWW FAQ Format by Thomas Fine. This format
allows automatic conversion from text to WWW hypertext.
[+] Indicates new or revised answers. See also summary of changes in
Part 1 of this FAQ.
Contents:
~~~~~~~
Recurring Character List
Censored Lines
Who contributed to this FAQ?
Copyright Information
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Recurring Character List
------------------------
This section of the FAQ contains a list of characters that have appeared
in more than one episode of KITH. Each character is listed by name,
with the Kid who plays him/her in parenteses. ("Not a Kid" is listed if
the character is not played by a Kid.) A short description of the
character is listed, and an identifying quote from the character. All
of the sketches the character appears in are listed, and a season number
is listed for each sketch. The sketch names and season numbers are taken
from Part 2 of this FAQ. "Listed as" in this list refers to the name
this character is listed under in the Sketch List. If "listed as" does
not appear, the character is listed in the Sketch List with their whole
name.
This section attempts to be alphabetical. Most characters are
alphabetized under their more-commonly-known first names instead of
less-commonly known last names. Related characters (or characters that
always appear together) are listed under the name of their association.
There are tons of cross references so you shouldn't have any trouble. The
cross references also have the letter under which the real entry is
alphabetized. If you have any suggestions for alternate ways to
organize this, email [email protected].
Some characters are listed with the spelling of their names as it appears
in the closed captioning ("CC Name"). Names from the closed-captioning
are probably not canonical, but are listed if they differ from the common
spellings.
(?whatever? means don't know the exact name or info might be wrong.)
+-----------------------==> SPOILER WARNING <==----------------------+
| Although an effort has been made to avoid *major* spoilers for the |
| sketches, some of the information does contain spoilers!!!! |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Sketches that are in brackets are not listed in the Sketch List. If you
can provide info for these sketches please email.
The Kids in the Hall Recurring Characters
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apathetic Cop (Kevin): a lackluster, incompetent cop
=============
Sketches: Apathetic Burgular (1)
Lackluster Incompetent Cop (4)
Armada
~~~~~
Listed as: Armada
Rod Torfulson (Bruce): drummer for Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman
============= Menderchuck
Quote: "I'm a drummer, and drummers believe in honesty."
Sketches: Rod Torfulson's Armada (3)
Rod Torfulson's Armada (4)
Armada Grows Old (5)
Herman Menderchuck (Mark): bass player for Rod Torfulson's Armada
================== featuring Herman Menderchuck
Sketches: Rod Torfulson's Armada (3)
Rod Torfulson's Armada (4)
Armada Grows Old (5)
Guitar Player for Armada (Kevin): singer, songwriter, and lead guitar
======================== for Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring
Herman Menderchuck
Sketches: Rod Torfulson's Armada (3)
Rod Torfulson's Armada (4)
Armada Grows Old (5)
A.T. & Love
~~~~~~~~~~
Danny Husk (Scott): businessman at A.T. & Love; former porn star ("Blade
========== Rogers")
Sketches: Fire at Business Meeting (1)
Surprise Party (1)
Men's Nipples (2)
I've Been Kidnapped (3)
Flying Pig Remeniscing (3)
A.T. & Love's Danny Husk -- Porn Star (3)
Don't Blame the Clown (3)
New Development in the Sauna (3)
Car Stalled (4)
Warrior-Within Weekend (4)
Meeting of the Ontario Dental Association (4)
Stump Hand Waiter (5) [???]
Brown Stuff (5)
Bye Stan* (5)
Danny Husk Sweats (5)
Wrote the Report Naked (5)
A.T. & Love Boss (Dave): businessman at A.T. & Love
================
Sketches: Who's to Blame!?! (2)
A.T. & Love's Danny Husk -- Porn Star (3)
Don't Blame the Clown (3)
Warrior-Within Weekend (4)
Brown Stuff (5)
Danny Husk Sweats (5)
Wrote the Report Naked (5)
A.T. & Love Buyout (5)
Bingo the Clown (Not a Kid): businessman at A.T. & Love
===============
Sketches: Don't Blame the Clown (3)
Wrote the Report Naked (5)
Axe Murderer (Dave)
============
Sketches: Substitute Axe (3)
Traveling Blade Sharpener (4)
Axel -- see Humanoids for Humanism (H)
====
Bad Doctor -- see Doctor (D)
==========
Chris Belamy -- see Businessmen (B)
============
Paul Bellini (Paul Bellini): always appears wearing only a bath towel
============
Sketches: Touch Paul Bellini (2)
Touch Paul Bellini Winner (2)
Tammy -- The Pickle (3)
Spot Bellini Contest (4)
Spot Bellini Contest Winner (4)
Bauer at Kyle's (4)
End of the Beginning (5)
Burial (5)
Bigot Cabbie (Mark): prejudiced cab driver
============
Quote: "Get out of my cab you Serbian bastard!"
Sketches: Bigot Cabbie -- Blue Jays (3)
Psycho Cabbie (3)
Bigot Cabbie -- Chinaman (4)
Christine and Raj Switch Tables/Bigot Cabbie (4)
Kathie & Dry Cleaner (5)
Virgil Black -- see Confidante to the Stars (C)
============
Brent Sudelman -- see Brent Sudleman (S)
==============
Brett Sudelman -- see Brett Sudleman (S)
==============
Bobby & Family
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bobby Terrance (Bruce): teenage guitar player rebel wannabe
==============
Listed as: Bobby
Sketches: Stop the World -- We Broke Up (1)
Death of Rock (1)
First Poem (1)
Bobby vs. Satan -- Guitar Fight (2)
F-ing Good Ham (2)
Looking for Pot (3)
Doug Terrance (Mark): Bobby's Father; trucking company owner
=============
Listed as: Bobby's father
Quote: "You're gonna tell me that, when over 20 women have called me
lover, and I have 'clove unto them' as the Bible said? I've
read the Bible, Stan. I'm well-read. I look good in red.
I pay my taxes on demand. I shook Pierre Treudeau's hand back
in 1981 and that's the same hand that's holding this phone!"
Sketches: Stop the World -- We Broke Up (1)
First Poem (1)
Truck Owner (1)
Plunger Salesman (2)
Trucker Businessman (2)
Bobby vs. Satan -- Guitar Fight (2)
F-ing Good Ham (2)
Doug's Mistress (2)
Jean Terrance (Dave): Bobby's Mother
=============
Quote: "'Soon' isn't marked on the clock, Bob."
Listed as: Bobby's mother
Sketches: Stop the World -- We Broke Up (1)
First Poem (1)
Bobby vs. Satan -- Guitar Fight (2)
F-ing Good Ham (2)
Doug's Mistress (2)
Bower (Scott): long haired pot smoker
=====
CC Name: Bauer
Sketches: Theo the Teacher (2)
F-ing Good Ham (2)
Looking for Pot (3)
Bauer at Kyle's (4)
Brad (Scott): occasional character; blown by Leslie the Vampire Fag
====
Quote: "You owe me fifty bucks you faux French fag!"
Sketches: Leslie the Vampire Fag (1)
The Darcy Pennell Show* (1)
Leslie the Vampire Fag (2) [???]
Phone Sex (2)
Don't Call Her 1 (3)
Brian -- see Fran & Family (F)
=====
Bruno Puntz Jones -- see Fiore (F)
=================
Buddy Cole (Scott): gay bar-owner
==========
Listed as: Buddy
Sketches: Buddy on a Desert Island (1)
Buddy's Bar -- Canadians (1)
Buddy's Bar -- Race Relations (1)
Buddy's Bar -- Dinosaurs (1)
The Kaffuffle* (2)
Buddy's Bar -- Sappho Sluggers (2)
Wood Nymph (2)
Buddy's Bar -- Who's Gay (2)
Buddy in Prison (2) (2 sketches in show)
Buddy's Bar -- AIDS (3)
Buddy's Bar -- Paris (3)
Buddy's Bar -- Drugs (3)
Buddy's Bar -- Tammy the Pop Star (3)
Chalet 2000* (4)
In the Old Days/Buddy's Bar (4)
Buddy at the Cemetary (4)
Buddy -- Virtual Reality (4)
Buddy's Bar -- Montreal (5)
Wedding at Buddy's (5)
Meet Your New Male Slave (5)
Buddy's Bar -- Closure (5)
Businessmen
~~~~~~~~~~
Gerald (Bruce): businessman, does business with Gerald (Mark)
======
Quote: "Listen, Gerald, I'm going to put you on hold for a minute to
gain power."
Sketches: Relationship Negotiations (1)
Businessmen Networking (1)
Businessman in a Slump (2)
Businessmen (3)
Gerald (Mark): businessman, does business with Gerald (Bruce)
======
Sketches: Relationship Negotiations (1)
Businessmen Networking (1)
Businessman in a Slump (2)
Businessmen (3)
Chris Belamy (Bruce): businessman, repeatedly fired
============
Sketches: Firing Chris (2) (3 sketches in show)
Tarzan the Businessman (4)
Don (Bruce): a businessman
===
Sketches: Cucumber Salad on Face (2)
Awkward Talk with Father in Hospital (4)
[possibly one more ]
Danny Husk -- see A.T. & Love (A)
==========
Robert Harris (Scott): businessman
=============
Sketches: Cucumber Salad on Face (2)
Those Earrings Are Mine (2)
Truck Owner -- see Bobby's Father (Mr. Terrance) (B)
===========
Butch -- see Steps (S)
=====
Cabbie -- see Bigot Cabbie (B)
======
Cathy & Kathie & Office
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cathy Strupp (Scott): office worker
============
Sketches: Cathy & Kathie & the Temp (1)
Cathy & Kathie -- Is He or Isn't He? (1)
Kathie's Turning Over! (1)
Kathie's Dream (2)
Cathy & Kathie -- Girls' Night Out (2)
Cathy & Kathie -- Scandalous Weekend (2)
Cathy & Kathie & Decaf (2)
Tanya the Temp Leaves (3)
Cathy & Kathie & the New Girl (4)
Cathy & Kathie (4)
Kathie & Dry Cleaner (5)
Bye Stan* (5)
A.T. & Love Buyout (5)
Kathie Lassiter (Bruce): office worker
===============
Quote: "The cute as a species don't age well."
Listed as: Kathie
Sketches: Cathy & Kathie & the Temp (1)
Cathy & Kathie -- Is He or Isn't He? (1)
Kathie's Turning Over! (1)
Kathie's Dream (2)
Cathy & Kathie -- Girls' Night Out (2)
Cathy & Kathie -- Scandalous Weekend (2)
Cathy & Kathie & Decaf (2)
Tanya the Temp Leaves (3)
Cathy & Kathie & the New Girl (4)
Cathy & Kathie (4)
Becoming a Booster (4)
Kathie & Dry Cleaner (5)
Bye Stan* (5)
A.T. & Love Buyout (5)
Tanya (Mark): temp at Cathy & Kathie's office
=====
Quote: "It seems sometimes that all my life has been one big temp."
Sketches: Cathy & Kathie & the Temp (1)
Cathy & Kathie -- Is He or Isn't He? (1)
Cathy & Kathie -- Girls' Night Out (2)
Cathy & Kathie -- Scandalous Weekend (2)
Cathy & Kathie & Decaf (2)
Tanya the Temp Leaves (3)
Tanya at a Party (3) (2 sketches in show)
Kathie & Dry Cleaner (5)
A.T. & Love Buyout (5)
Elizabeth Ferguson (Dave): Cathy & Kathie's boss
==================
Listed as: Ms. Ferguson
Quote: "Did I miss the big cookie? I did so want to be here for the
big cookie."
Sketches: Kathie's Turning Over! (1)
Kathie's Dream (2)
Cathy & Kathie & Decaf (2)
Tanya the Temp Leaves (3)
Bye Stan* (5) [???]
A.T. & Love Buyout (5)
Secretary (Kevin): Cathy & Kathie's co-worker
=========
Listed as: Secretary
Sketches: Cathy & Kathie -- Is He or Isn't He? (1)
Kathie's Turning Over! (1)
Cathy & Kathie & Decaf (2)
Cathy & Kathie -- Girls' Night Out(2) [???]
Kathie's Dream (2)
Kathie & Dry Cleaner (5)
A.T. & Love Buyout (5)
Cabbage Head (Bruce): male chauvanist pig with a cabbage for a head
============
Quote: "So listen, ladies. I don't mean this to sound like a come-on
line, but does anyone here want to have sex?"
Sketches: Cabbage Head on Date (1)
Cabbage Head at a Restaurant (2)
Cabbage Head Shot (2)
Cabbage Head Talk Show (2)
Bruce's Regrets (3)
[Cabbagehead seeing Mark home after a date (pilot?)]
Channel 7 News Team (Mark & Dave): Nena?????
===================
Sketches: Making Up the News (2)
Two Clearly Insane People (2)
Crying Anchorman (2)
Cameraman Ted Riley Memorial (4)
7 at 11 News - Weatherman Is Not God (4)
Chicken Lady -- see Freaks (F)
============
Christine -- see Raj & Christine (R)
=========
Cole, Buddy -- see Buddy (B)
===========
Confidante to the Stars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weston Esterhazy (Scott): confidante to the stars
================
Sketches: Confidante to the Stars (1)
Who's Gay...* (1)
Confidante to the Stars -- Spoon-head Party (2)
Weston & Virgil in 1972 (5)
Virgil Black (Mark): friend of Weston Esterhazy, confidante to the stars
============
Listed as: Virgil
Quote: "Classic Hollywood irony -- guaranteed someone named Mr. Clean
is performing the unspeakable vice of the Greeks."
Sketches: Confidante to the Stars (1)
Who's Gay...* (1)
Weston & Virgil in 1972 (5)
Cops -- see Police Department (P)
====
Danny Husk -- see A.T. & Love (A)
==========
Darryl Vosnick (Mark) : annoyingly oblivious pinhead from Belgium
==============
CC Names: Doril, Darryl
Listed as: Darryl
Quote: "I find that very insulting. I happen to know several pinheads
and they're fully functioning members of society. So there."
Sketches: The Affair* (2) (he's married in this sketch!)
Darryl on a Date (2)
Darryl the Big Brother (2)
Darryl on a Date -- Darryl's Momma (3)
Darryl the Waiter (3)
Flying Pig 1 (3)
Painting with Darryl (3)
Darryl on a Date -- Mozart (4)
Darryl on a Date -- the Oompah Band (4)
Feelyat! (5)
Carlo the Scientist (5)
Dean -- see Will Do Guy (W)
====
Disguting Old Man (Mark): a Korean War veteran
=================
Sketches: Disgusting Old Man (5)
Don't Shut off My Cable! (5)
Doctor (Dave): a really bad doctor
======
Quote: "I figured, how far can you coast on charm? Well, pretty far,
actually!"
Sketches: Bad Doctor (2)
Appendix Scar of Hate (3)
Bruce Lookalike 2/Dad Died -- Call Mom (3)
Bad Doctor -- Confusing Names (4)
Awkward Talk with Father in the Hospital (4)
Heart Channel (5)
Prince Edward
=============
Sketches: The Kafuffle* (2)
Canada Abandons Monarchy (3)
English-Speaking Guy (Scott): thinks everybody should speak English
====================
Sketches: The Guy Who Speaks English (2)
I Speak No English (2)
Esterhazy, Weston -- see Confidante to the Stars (C)
=================
Evan (Bruce): intense guy that sells shoes and stereos for Satan
====
Quote: "Brown? I am quite well stocked in the color of cowards."
Sketches: Evan the Shoe Salesman (2)
Evan the Stereo Salesman (5)
The Fight Pickers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sid (Bruce): guy who likes to start fights + several not as a Fight Picker
====
Sketches: Stay Down! (3)
Street Fight (4) (3 sketches in show)
The Fight Pickers (4) (2 sketches in show)
??? (Dave): guy who likes to start fights
===
Sketches: Street Fight (4) (3 sketches in show)
The Fight Pickers (4) (2 sketches in show)
Fiore
~~~~
Francesca Fiore (Scott): Italian movie star
===============
Sketches: Complicated Italian Movie with Francesca Fiore (2)
The Darcy Pennell Show* with Francesca Fiore (3)
Spy Models* (3)
Mr. Tisane and the Trial (4)
Fiore Parfums Commercial (4)
Francesca in Yugoslavia (5)
Fracesca, Bruno, & the Voiceover Guy (5)
Bruno Puntz Jones (Dave): Italian movie star; Francesca Fiore's husband,
================= former lover, and future pimp
Quote: "Chit chat, whatever. Let me play my game. [spins gun chamber
and puts gun to own head]"
Sketches: Complicated Italian Movie with Francesca Fiore (2)
The Darcy Pennell Show* with Francesca Fiore (3)
Spy Models* (3)
Mr. Tisane and the Trial (4)
Francesca in Yugoslavia (5)
Fracesca, Bruno, & the Voiceover Guy (5)
Flying Pig (Bruce): entertains people in line-ups
==========
Sketches: Flying Pig (3) (4 sketches in show)
Flying Pig Remeniscing (3)
Son of Flying Pig (3) (2 sketches in show) (this is actually
the Flying Pig's son)
Fran & Family
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fran (Scott): neurotic mother
====
Sketches: Stinky Pink (1)
Pre-Vacation Family Blowout (1)
Salty Ham (1)
I Got Fired Today (2)
Sleepwalking (3) (2 sketches in show)
Fran & Judy the New Widow (4)
Times Are Changing (4)
Brian's Been Arrested (5)
[Fran & Gordon - Brian announced he was "shy" & Gordon
visualized Brian with Atilla. (pilot)]
Gordon (Bruce): Fran's Husband
======
Quote: "Fran, have you turned the boy into a fag yet?"
Sketches: Pre-Vacation Family Blowout (1)
Salty Ham (1)
I Got Fired Today (2)
Sleepwalking (3) (2 sketches in show)
Fran & Judy the New Widow (4)
Times Are Changing (4)
[Fran & Gordon - Brian announced he was "shy" & Gordon
visualized Brian with Atilla. (pilot)]
Brian (Dave): son of Fran and Gordon
=====
Sketches: Pre-Vacation Family Blowout (1)
I Got Fired Today (2)
Sleepwalking (3)
Times Are Changing (4)
[Fran & Gordon - Brian announced he was "shy" & Gordon
visualized Brian with Atilla. (pilot)]
Judy (Dave): Fran's friend; a widow
====
Sketches: Fran & Judy the New Widow (4)
Francesca Fiore -- see Fiore (F)
===============
Francois & Jacques
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Francois (Kevin): voyaguer
========
Sketches: Business-Suit Trappers (2)
Chalet 2000 (4)
Jacques (Dave): voyaguer
=======
Sketches: Business-Suit Trappers (2)
Chalet 2000 (4)
Freaks
~~~~~
Chicken Lady (Mark): a freak of nature; half human, half chicken
============
Quote: "Fresh from my body and onto your plate!"
Sketches: Phone Sex (2)
The Man Whose Nose Bleeds At Will (2)
Chicken Lady's Date (2)
Bearded Lady Marries (3)
Chicken Lady at Strip Show (3)
Chicken Lady Visits Her Old House (4)
Chicken Lady at the Mall (5)
Bearded Lady (Kevin): a freak
============
Quote: "We can drink as much as we want, we're freaks!"
Sketches: Bearded Lady Marries (3)
Chicken Lady at Strip Show (3)
Chicken Lady Visits Her Old House (4)
Ms. Ferguson -- see Cathy & Kathie & Office (C)
============
Gavin & Family
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gavin (Bruce): precocious, inquisitive child
=====
Quote: "I have a family. I have a dad and a picture of my mom. When
my mom died, to overcome the grief, my dad bought me a hamster.
I named it 'mom,' and it died."
Sketches: Gavin and the Chair-Painting Guy (2)
Gavin (2)
Gavin Pricing Meat (2)
Gavin's Love (3)
Gavin's Mother's Funeral (3)
Gavin -- Door-to-Door Missionaries (4)
Gavin at the Police Department (5)
Danny Husk Sweats (5)
Gavin's Mother (Mark): Gavin's mother; now deceased
==============
Sketches: Gavin (2)
Gavin Pricing Meat (2)
Gavin's Love (3)
Nick (Kevin): Gavin's father
====
Listed as: Gavin's father
Sketches: Gavin's Mother's Funeral (3)
Gavin -- Door-to-Door Missionaries (4)
Sheila (Scott): Gavin's new mother
======
Sketches: Gavin's Mother's Funeral (3)
Gerald -- see Businessmen (B)
======
Gord -- see Money Momentum (M)
====
Gordon -- see Fran & Family (F)
======
Gunfighter (Dave): a gunfighter in the modern world
==========
Sketches: Hired Gun Concession Stand (1)
Gunfighter (1)
Running Faggot Song (1)
Guy in Line (Kevin): guy entertained by the Flying Pig
===========
Sketches: Flying Pig (3) (4 sketches in show)
Flying Pig Remeniscing (3)
Son of Flying Pig (3) (2 sketches in show)
Head Crusher -- see Mr. Tyzik (T)
============
Mr. Heavyfoot (Dave): French; has heavy feet
=============
Quote: None (never talks)
Sketches: Mr. Heavyfoot Runs a Marathon* (2)
Mr. Heavyfoot Test Drives a Car* (2)
Mr. Heavyfoot Kicks a Ball* (2)
Mr. Heavyfoot Has a Date* (2)
Mr. Heavyfoot on the Moon* (2)
Mr. Heavyfoot Puts on his Pants* (3)
Mr. Heavyfoot Hates the Movie* (3)
Hecubus -- see Pit of Ultimate Darkness (P)
=======
He's Hip, He's Cool, He's 45 (Bruce): 45-year-old hip guy
============================
Listed as: He's 45
Quote: "Listen, you wanna smoke a doobie with your old man?"
Sketches: He's 45 (3) (3 sketches in show)
He's 45 (4) (3 sketches in show)
Herman Menderchuck -- see Armada (A)
==================
Hookers -- see Whores (W)
=======
Humanoids for Humanism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Listed as: Humanoids for Humanism (unless one appears individually)
Shona (Bruce): member of Humanoids for Humanism; shot Cabbage Head
=====
Quote: "Isn't that just like a man?!"
Sketches: Animal Rights Commandos (2)
Buddy's Bar -- Sappho Sluggers (2)
Humanoids for Humanism Meeting/Cabbage Head Shot (2)
Sperm Bank I (5)
Ozone (Scott): member of Humanoids for Humanism
=====
Quote: "Are we to abandon our simian brother, just because he throws
food and has a tri-colored ass?"
Sketches: Animal Rights Commandos (2)
Humanoids for Humanism Meeting/Cabbage Head Shot (2)
Sperm Bank I (5)
Axel (Mark): member of Humanoids for Humanism
====
Sketches: Animal Rights Commandos (2)
Humanoids for Humanism Meeting/Cabbage Head Shot (2)
Sperm Bank I (5)
Husk, Danny -- see A.T. & Love (A)
===========
Idiot Boy (Scott): a boy named "Idiot Boy"
=========
Skecthes: Barbershop* (1)
Idiot Boy at Work (5)
It's a Fact Girl (Not a Kid): reveals various facts
================
Sketches: It's a Fact (in numerous episodes)
The "It's a Fact" Girl and the Queen (2)
Jeff -- see Money Momentum (M)
====
Joe -- actually Sid. See Sid & Sharisse (S)
===
Jones, Bruno Puntz -- see Fiore (F)
==================
Joselyn -- see Whores (W)
=======
Kathie -- see Cathy & Kathie & Office (C)
=====
Myra Ketchell (Bruce): woman with red beehive hair
=============
Listed as: Myra
Quote: "No rest for the wicked."
Sketches: Making Potato Salad (3)
Out of Body Experience (4)
Laura (not a Kid): Bobby's on-again, off-again girlfriend
=====
Sketches: Stop the World -- We Broke Up (1)
First Poem (1)
F-ing Good Ham (2)
Lex -- see Will Do Guy (W)
===
Leslie the Vampire Fag (Mark): a Vampire Fag
======================
Sketches: Leslie the Vampire Fag (1)
Leslie the Vampire Fag (2)
Lilly -- actually Sharisse. See Sid & Sharisse (S)
=====
The Losers (Mark & Bruce): really competitive guys
==========
Sketches: The Losers (4) (3 sketches in show)
Manservant Hecubus -- see Pit of Ultimate Darkness (P)
==================
Maudre -- see Whores (W)
======
MC Simon Milligan -- see Pit of Ultimate Darkness (P)
=================
Melanie (Mark): teenage girl with braces
=======
Sketches: Crazy Love* (1)
Pick-up Artist with Tarantulas (1)
Melanie's Date (2)
Impatient Guy in Line (2)
Melanie goes Rollerblading (4)
Menderchuck, Herman -- see Armada (A)
===================
Milligan, Simon -- see Pit of Ultimate Darkness (P)
===============
Mississippi Gary (Mark): blues singer; dated Kathie
================
Quote: "I got the blues so bad, I be lyin' there my eyes be poppin' wide
open I gotta call up a friend say 'buddy, get on over here,
shut my eyes for me, I got the blues.'"
Sketches: Kathie the Mean Mistreater (1)
Blues Man Heckler (2)
After-Death Experience (3)
Money Momentum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Listed as: Money Momentum Guys
Gord (Bruce): Money Momentum; also sold Gimmel-100;
==== Gezbo the Video-Selling Clown
Quote: "The Gimmel-100 is the greatest keyboard ever made. It does
everything but pay for itself."
Sketches: Money Momentum (2)
Gimmel-100 Salesmen (3)
Gezbo the Video-Selling Clown (4)
Poreef (5)
Jeff (Mark): Money Momentum; also sold Gimmel-100;
==== Gezbo the Video-Selling Clown
Quote: "Ahh, but you *have* to buy it. You *touched* it."
Sketches: Money Momentum (2)
Gimmel-100 Salesmen (3)
Gezbo the Video-Selling Clown (4)
Poreef (5)
Murray (Not a Kid): ever-present guy in the stereo store; appears in other
====== sketches too
Quote: None (never talks)
Sketches: Evan the Shoe Salesman (2)
Stereo Bargaining (3)
Gavin's Mother's Funeral (3)
Evan the Stereo Salesman (5)
Heart Channel (5)
Myra -- see Myra Ketchell (K)
====
Nena & Husband
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nena Spudniak (Mark): ????
=============
Listed as: Nena
Quote: "Let's skip the sex and get straight to the guilt."
Sketches: Surprise Party (1)
Pie-Eating Contest Love (1)
The Friendly Couples (2)
First Date (2)
Cameraman Ted Riley Memorial (4) ??
Parents who Find their Son's Pot (4)
7 at 11 News - Weatherman Is Not God (4)
The Beard (5)
Heart Channel (5)
?Murray Spudniak? (Scott): Nena's husband
================
Listed as: Nena's husband
Sketches: Pie-Eating Contest Love (1)
The Friendly Couples (2)
Parents who Find their Son's Pot (4)
Nick -- see Gavin & Family (G)
====
The "Nobody Likes Us" Guys (Kevin & Dave): pouting guys that nobody likes
==========================
Listed as: Nobody Likes Us Guys
Quote: "Nobody likes us."
Sketches: Think I'll Go Eat Worms (1)
You Don't Like Us (1) (2 sketches in show)
"Nobody Likes Us" Guys on a Date (1)
Nurse Unloop (Scott): a compassionate nurse, Dr. Unloop in a season 5 show
============
Sketches: Head Crusher in Physical Therapy (2)
Horny Patient (3)
Hillbilly's Problem (5)
Heart Channel (5)
Officer -- see Police Department (P)
=======
Ozone -- see Humanoids for Humanism (H)
=====
Darcy Pennell (Kevin): host of "The Darcy Pennell Show" talk show
=============
Sketches: The Darcy Pennell Show* (1)
The Darcy Pennell Show* with Francesca Fiore (3)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Listed as: Pit of Ultimate Darkness
MC Simon Milligan (Kevin): host of The Pit of Ultimate Darkness; master of
================= funk... and EVIL!
Quote: "Today we will look at the evil you kids can have on a rainy
day. Did you know you can summon up the powers of darkness
in the comfort of you own home? It's true. All you need is
common household baking soda, some white vinegar, and...
GOAT'S BLOOD. You might want to get your mom to help you with
the slaughter of the goat."
Sketches: Pit of Ultimate Darkness (1) [???]
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hypnosis (2) (2 sketches in show)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Evilness (2)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness on a Date (3)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hecubus Fired (3) (2 sketches in show)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Employee-Employer Exchange (4)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Multiple Personalities (4)
Manservant Hecubus (Dave): Simon Milligan' EVIL assistant
==================
Sketches: Pit of Ultimate Darkness (1) [???]
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hypnosis (2) (2 sketches in show)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Evilness (2)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness on a Date (3)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hecubus Fired (3) (2 sketches in show)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Employee-Employer Exchange (4)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Multiple Personalities (4)
Police Department
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Listed as: Police Department
Police Officer (Bruce): from Police Department
==============
Sketches: Police Department (in numerous episodes)
Police Department -- Car Chase (2)
Whores (4)
Steps* (5)
The Hit* (5)
Band Killer (5)
Police Officer Anderson (Mark): from Police Department
=======================
Quote: "OK, to the best of your ability, could you give me a
description of myself running naked through the woods?"
Sketches: Police Department (in numerous episodes)
Police Department -- Car Chase (2)
Whores (4)
Steps* (5)
The Hit* (5)
Band Killer (5)
My Gazebo! (5)
Preacher Character (Mark)
==================
Sketches: Preacher Character Sermon (1)
Sex Girl Patrol (4)
Prince Edward -- see Prince Edward (E)
=============
Psycho Cabbie (Scott): a psychotic, smoking cabbie
=============
Sketches: Psycho Cabbie (3)
My Pen! (3)
The Queen (Scott): The Queen of England
=========
Sketches: The Kaffuffle* (2)
It's-a-Fact Girl and the Queen (2) (3 sketches in show)
Canada Abandons Monarchy (3)
Stay Down! (3)
Tammy -- The Pickle (3)
Chalet 2000* (4)
The Queen at Tea (5)
Raj & Christine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raj (Scott): Christine's bohemian friend
===
Sketches: The Thrift Shop (3)
Christine and Raj Switch Tables (4)
[one where she moved in with him and they annoyed each other?]
Christine (Mark): Raj's bohemian friend
=========
Quote: "We need to get an exorcist in here and this time I'm
*serious*, OK?"
Sketches: The Thrift Shop (3)
Christine and Raj Switch Tables (4)
[one where she moved in with him and they annoyed each other?]
Really Bad Doctor -- see Doctor (D)
=================
Rednecks (Kevin and Mark): two rednecks from New York
========
Sketches: Hardboiled NY Rednecks (4)
Can I Turn on the Radio? (4)
Riley -- see Steps (S)
=====
Rob Torfulson -- see Armada (A)
=============
Robert Harris -- see Businessmen (B)
=============
Rudy Crud -- see Whores (W)
=========
Satan (Mark): the front man of evil, the devil himself
=====
Sketches: Evan the Shoe Salesman (2)
Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Evilness (2)
Bobby vs. Satan -- Guitar Fight (2)
Looking for Pot (3)
Bruce's Regrets (3)
Evan the Stereo Salesman (5)
Santa (Mark): jolly old Saint Nick
=====
Sketches: Chalet 2000* (4)
Santa Claus Visits Childless Couple (4)
Sharisse -- see Sid & Sharisse (S)
========
Sheila -- see Gavin & Family (G)
======
Sid & Sharisse (formerly Joe & Lilly)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sid (Bruce): Sharisse's small common-law husband-to-be; real name is Sue
=== (see also under The Fight Pickers (F))
Sketches: Stay Down! (3)
Sid & Sharisse (3)
I'm Charging You (4)
Sid & Sharisse and the Pizza Guy (4)
Street Fight (4) (3 sketches in episode)
Fight Pickers (4) (2 sketches in episode)
Sid & Sharisse's Wedding (5)
Sharisse (Mark): Sid's common-law bride-to-be
========
Sketches: Stay Down! (3)
Sid & Sharisse (3)
I'm Charging You (4)
Sid & Sharisse and the Pizza Guy (4)
Sid & Sharisse's Wedding (5)
Sid's Friend (Kevin): Sid's best man
============
Sketches: Stay Down! (3)
Sid & Sharisse's Wedding (5)
Simon Milligan -- see Pit of Ultimate Darkness (P)
==============
Jerry Sizzler (Kevin): one of two clearly insane people;
============= real name "Jean Pierre"
Listed as: Jerry & Jerry Sizzler
Quote: "Sisters! We're a couple of sisters!"
Sketches: Two Clearly Insane People (2)
The Phone (2)
Two Clearly Insane People Rob a Bank (2)
One Clearly Insane Person (3)
Jerry Sizzler (Dave): one of two clearly insane people
============= real name "Mr. Lister"
Listed as: Jerry & Jerry Sizzler
Quote: "Sisters! We're a couple of sisters!"
Sketches: Two Clearly Insane People (2)
The Phone (2)
Two Clearly Insane People Rob a Bank (2)
One Clearly Insane Person (3)
Shirling Guy (Mark): exhibition shirling organizer; collector of bad art
============
Sketches: Exhibition Shirling (3)
Cheap, Crappy Art (4)
Shona -- see Humanoids for Humanity
=====
Slimy MC (Bruce): the slimy MC guy
========
Quote: "One hand clapping against the other makes a very nice sound for..."
Sketches: Two Clearly Insane People (2)
Chicken Lady at Strip Show (3)
Smitty -- see Steps (S)
======
Spudniak, Nena -- see Nena & Husband (N)
==============
Steps
~~~~
Listed as: Steps
Butch (Scott): gay man from "Steps" (aka "Butchie")
=====
Quote: "I'm not a *complete* slut!"
Sketches: Steps* -- Gay Marriage (4)
Steps* -- Hot (4)
Steps* -- Gay Pride (5) (3 sketches in one show)
Steps* -- Coming Out (5)
Steps* -- Movie (5)
Steps Guys at Home (5)
Steps* -- AIDS (5)
Smitty, Jason Smith (Kevin): gay man from "Steps"
===================
Listed as: Smitty
Sketches: Steps* -- Gay Marriage (4)
Steps* -- Hot (4)
Steps* -- Gay Pride (5) (3 sketches in one show)
Steps* -- Coming Out (5)
Steps* -- Movie (5)
Steps Guys at Home (5)
Steps* -- AIDS (5)
Embarrasing Dinner (5)
Riley (Dave): gay man from "Steps"
=====
Quote: "Butchie and I are reclaiming our self-loathing."
Sketches: Steps* -- Gay Marriage (4)
Steps* -- Hot (4)
Steps* -- Gay Pride (5) (3 sketches in one show)
Steps* -- Coming Out (5)
Steps* -- Movie (5)
Steps Guys at Home (5)
Steps* -- AIDS (5)
Street Singers (Bruce & Mark): a couple of street singers
==============
Sketches: Street Singers (3) (2 sketches in show)
Starving Street Singers (5)
Brett Sudelman (Mark): talent agent
==============
Listed as: Sudelmans
Sketches: The Agents (3)
Sudelmans (4)
Agents in the Bar (5)
Brent Sudelman (Scott): talent agent
==============
Listed as: Sudelmans
Sketches: The Agents (3)
Sudelmans (4)
Agents in the Bar (5)
Tammy (Bruce): pop star; discovered by Buddy
=====
Sketches: Buddy's Bar -- Tammy the Pop Star (3)
Tammy -- The Pickle (3)
Tammy Video -- Ain't Gonna Spread for No Roses (4)
Tanya -- see Cathy & Kathie & Office (C)
=====
Terrance, Bobby & Family -- see Bobby & Family (B)
========================
Terrier (Not a Kid): a dog (Bruce's?)
=======
Sketches: Terrier Song (3)
The Dog for Whom I Feel Nothing (4)
Chalet 2000* (4)
Do Re Mi Song (4)
Heart Channel (5)
Thirty Helens (Not a Kid): a crowd of women named Helen; usually agree with
============= each other; some last names are Roritor, Morrisey,
Vernando, Bryant, and Fournier
Sketches: 30 Helens Agree (in numerous episodes)
Thug (Dave): a not-too-bright criminal
====
Sketches: Seven Things to Do Today (4)
The Hit* (5)
Mr. Tisane (Kevin): the wimpy tea drinker
==========
Sketches: Wimpy Tea Guy (3)
Mr. Tisane and the Trial (4)
Mr. Tisane's Tea Problem (5)
Torfulson, Rob -- see Armada (A)
==============
Truck Owner -- see Bobby's Father (Mr. Terrance) (B)
===========
Tucker (Mark): dim-witted goofus, also Chicken Lady's biological father
======
Sketches: The Mouse (3)
Pitiful Mechanic (4)
Chicken Lady Visits Her Old House (4)
Alien Anal Probe (4)
Hi-Tech Car Alarm (5)
Two Clearly Insane People -- see Jerry Sizzler (S)
=========================
Mr. Tyzik (Mark): head crusher; crushes people's heads with his fingers
=========
Quote: "What's this? A priest! Deity or deities, forgive this
abuse of your earth-bound ambassador, but my calling is very
specific. I'm creshing your head! I'm creshing your head!"
Sketches: I Don't Have Enough Money to Pay for This Cab (1)
Businessman Head Crusher (1) (2 sketches in show)
Head Crusher Outside Club (1) (2 sketches in show)
Head Crusher Duel (2)
Head Crusher in Physical Therapy (2)
Girls! Girls! Girls! (3)
Bruce's Regrets (3)
[something in the pilot? (pilot)]
Nurse Unloop -- see Nurse Unloop (N)
============
Virgil Black -- see Confidante to the Stars (C)
============
Weston Esterhazy -- see Confidante to the Stars (C)
================
Whores
~~~~~
Listed as: Whores (unless one appears individually)
Maudre (Scott): a whore
======
Sketches: Whores (in numerous episodes)
Lady is a Tramp (2) (3 sketches in show)
The Whores & Rudy & the High School Diploma (4)
Jocelyn (Dave): a whore
=======
Sketches: Whores (in numerous episodes)
Looking for Pot (3)
The Whores & Rudy & the High School Diploma (4)
Rudy Crud (Kevin): Maudre's and Joselyn's pimp
=========
Listed as: Rudy
Quote: "OK, let's get the whoring started!"
Sketches: Lady is a Tramp (2)
The Whores and Rudy (4)
The Whores & Rudy & the High School Diploma (4)
Whores (in numerous episodes)
"Will Do" Guy
~~~~~~~~~~
Dean (Kevin): the king of empty promises
====
Quote: "Slipped my mind. But I feel awful about it. I'll tell you
what I'll do. I'll bring you the movie tomorrow, plus I'll
buy you one. Do you have The Godfather?"
Lex: "No. So you'd really do that?"
Dean: "Will do."
Sketches: King of Empty Promises (3)
The "Will Do" Guy in Prison (4)
Lex (Dave): Dean's pathetic friend
===
Quote: "I could never survive in prison. I could never... I can't
pee in front of other guys."
Sketches: King of Empty Promises (3)
The "Will Do" Guy in Prison (4)
White-Haired Criminal (Bruce): white-haired criminal; took Danny Husk
===================== hostage
Sketches: Wanna See a Dead Body? (3)
I've Been Kidnapped (2)
------------------------------
Censored Lines
--------------
*** WARNING: This section contains adult language. ***
This section of the FAQ contains lines and/or scenes that have been
censored from The Kids in the Hall by Comedy Central and/or CBS. Sketch
names are from the sketch list in Part 2 of this FAQ. The character
and/or Kid that said the line is listed in parentheses.
Leslie the Vampire Fag: (Leslie/Mark) "...the occasional blowjob."
Leslie the Vampire Fag: (Brad/Scott) "...and then tries to blow me."
Leslie the Vampire Fag: (Leslie/Mark) "You come, don't you?"
Paranoid Undercover Extraterrestrial: (Alien Leader/Kevin) "Oh shit!" (at end)
Obnoxious Golf Guy: (?/Dave) "I'm just not good at small talk, you prick."
F-ing Good Ham: (Bobby/Bruce) "It's really fucking good."
F-ing Good Ham: (Bobby/Bruce) "I told my parents to fuck off."
F-ing Good Ham: (Bobby/Bruce) "It *was* fucking good ham."
Drag Revolution: (Scott/Scott) "and I'll turn your dick into pate" (quoting
drag queen)
Two Clearly Insane People: (Jerry Sizzler) "prick" (many places)
Not Allowed to Smoke in the Subway (?/Mark): "...I wasn't for chrissakes!"
Not Allowed to Smoke in the Subway (?/Mark): "What's up your ass"
Not Allowed to Smoke in the Subway (Tony/Scott): "*You're* up my ass."
Life-After-Death Guy (?/Kevin): "...tits in my story..."
Blonde Mechanic: (Mechanic/Kevin): "...when your car's fucking ready you're
gonna fucking know, OK?"
The Real Buddy Holly (Buddy Holly/Kevin): "Get out of my way you fuckin'
peasant. You fuckin' piece of shit."
The Real Buddy Holly (Buddy Holly/Kevin): "I'm fuckin' Buddy Holly..."
The Real Buddy Holly (Buddy Holly/Kevin): "....top of the fucking world..."
The Real Buddy Holly (Buddy Holly/Kevin): "...??? get in the bus..."
The Real Buddy Holly (Buddy Holly/Kevin): "Let's get fuckin' flying."
The Real Buddy Holly (Buddy Holly/Kevin): "You fuckin' La Bamba spic."
The Friendly Couples (Nena's Husband/Scott): "I want you in me."
Trucker Businessman (Bobby's Father/Mark): "...god damn..." (many places)
Gimmel-100 Salesmen (?/Bruce): "...one fucking sale."
Open Letter to Wheel Stealer (Bruce): "...some sort of prick?"
Sick of the Swiss (Ed/Scott): "Move over America, there's a new asshole
on the map."
Darryl the Waiter ("hearing impaired friend"/-): [flips off Darryl]
Salty Ham (Gordon/Bruce): "...goddamned bastard brine."
Wedding Reception (part 2) (?/Kevin): "...sustained flirtation. [crowd
reacts] We'd get really close, and we'd almost get there [moves
finger toward "o" made with other hand], but then she said 'I don't
want a relationship.' Who wants a relationship? [penetrates hand with
finger] And then when I look the other way, she met another finger
[holds up middle finger]. Fine. Now she's marrying that finger.
Fine. But hey, I'm a reasonable man and I will allow this celebration
of love to continue, but under one condition..."
The Agents (Brent/Scott): "I'm in your fucking DNA!"
The Agents (Brent/Scott): "No, you fucking love it!"
Charged with Being an Asshole (Bruce): "...were you ever fucked over by
the accused?"
Charged with Being an Asshole (Woman): "An asshole."
Guy that Wants to Get Beat Up (?/Dave): "asshole"
Guy that Wants to Get Beat Up (?/Mark): "asshole"
One Clearly Insane Person (Jerry/Kevin): "Oh shit!"
Her "God" Spot (?/Kevin & Mark): "fucking morons" (instead of "complete
and total morons")
Bearded Lady Marries (Bearded Lady/Kevin): "...this goddamned dress."
Theo the Teacher (Steven/Kevin): "...please don't scream 'bullshit' at me."
Theo the Teacher (Steven/Kevin): "This is bullshit, Theo."
Mississippi Gary Life After Death Song (Gary/Mark): "Can't get laid
without a ho'" [unconfirmed]
Obfuscator Boyfriend (Bruce): "Fuck!" [near end]
Why Did They Have to Take the Word "Gay"? (Mark): "cunnilingus" [twice]
Sid & Sharisse and the Pizza Guy:
Sharisse (M): "Yeah, you stupid fuck!"
Pizza Guy (K): "Oh, shit!"
"Detective Peter Prince" (Mrs. Gold/Kevin): "The only thing your good for is
fucking."
Whores & Rudy & the High School Diploma (Scott/Maudre): "If Rudy passes,
we'll beat the shit out of you."
Having Your Period?:
Scott: Arlene, with the big tits.
Mark: I wish my girlfriend had tits like that.
Bruce: I wish *I* had tits like that.
Apollo the Rude (Tony/Kevin, Apollo/Mark): "Asshole" [many times]
The Doors (salesman/Bruce): "Jim fucking Morrison told me!"
Painting with Darryl (Cameraman/-): "I said, 'I thought they were pricks.'"
Fly on Face (Graham/Mark): "I remember thinking, 'Well, fuck you,'"
Convenience Store Worker (Clerk/Bruce): "Fuckface."
The Phone (The Sizzlers/Kevin and Dave): "Prick." (several times)
The Test-Tube Baby (Test-Tube Baby/Dave): "My life is shit because I'm a test-
tube baby."
On Censorship (Farmer/Dave): "That's not just any bad man. That's Hitler, and
he's fucking your donkey." [The "Hitler Blanks a Donkey" segment]
On Censorship (Ballplayer/Dave): It's over the radio, so there's no real way
to tell what he said, but he was bleeped twice. [The "Homerun" segment]
Teddy Bear Picnic (Son/Scott): "He told me a story that I think is utter
bullshit."
Teddy Bear Picnic (Son/Scott): "Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit."
Cathy & Kathie & the Temp (Kathie/Bruce): "The shit is going to hit the fan."
More to Come!
>From [email protected] (Kurt Schroeder):
HBO showed an episode that had the Dr. Suess Bible in it. There was
a sketch called "Fuck the Bank" that you never see on Comedy Central
and on CBC it was done as "Screw the Bank".
>From Tom Walsh:
In Spy Models, Mark (as the general) uses hijo de puta, Spanish for SOB. It
made it past the censors. Also, in One Clearly Insane Person, "prick" makes
it past the censors several times.
--
Who contributed to this FAQ?
Many people have graciously contributed to this FAQ. Please see the
complete list in Part 1 of this FAQ.
If you have any information, additions, corrections, comments,
submissions, suggestions, requests, ideas, or complaints about this FAQ
please send email to the FAQ maintainer [email protected]
(Drew Davidson).
------------------------------
Copyright Information
Copyright 1994-1995 Andrew B. Davidson and the individual contributors
listed in Part 1 of this FAQ. Distribution PROHIBITED except under the
terms listed in Part 1 of this FAQ.
------------------------------
End of alt.tv.kids-in-hall FAQ Part 3/3
***************************************
--
--
Drew Davidson \\ We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we
Raleigh, NC, USA \\ can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this
\\ is what annoys me.
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