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uXu Issue #114
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Elite Modemtraders ] [ By The GNN ]
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
ELITE MODEMTRADERS
by THE GNN/DualCrew/uXu
"I despise you.
I despise your order, you false-propped authorithy.
Hang me for it!!!"
(Louis Lingg, 1898)
Aspects upon the "elite modemtrading scene".
It is easy to build castles made out of air and if you get several other
people to do it - the castles turns real! For several years the "scene"
was a place made for the people who got some kind of programming, drawing
or musical skills. However, this also got the attention of the unlucky
ones who because of the lack brainpower or intelligence could not do
anything at all.
These were the so-called "swappers". However, let us not call these
people unnecessary for the "scene". They had a key-function in spreading
the demo productions. Spreading by mail is a rather tough work and it
costs money. But it sure have a certain charm and the swappers were in
harmony with the rest of the "scene".
Now we live in a modern age and the swappers have gone modern too, with
high-speed modems. But something else has happened. The "swappers" have
turned "elite". Yes, now even swappers are ranked as high as the
programmers if they manage to constantly "upload" several megs of wares
(not demos, since the swappers now are free to spread anything). They do
not even have to be a member of a famous group (even if it helps in the
case of looking good) to be "elite".
Still, there is no need for intelligence. Uploading is easy and only
requires a big ass to sit on for hours and hours.
We all know how people in cars behave. Even the smallest little man or
woman can be tough and show people the finger. Why? Easy, they are
"untouchable" in their car. So are "elite modem swappers" too. They may
bitch and whine about anything, no one can come and get them through the
telephone line!
This is why almost all of the "best" uploaders are only misunderstood
kids who now have the chance to "be something". An "elite" modemtrader can
be incredible tough via the boards. He can tell everybody how good he is
or he can get others (preferably in worse groups) how ultimate "lame" they
are.
The "elite boards" consists of special rules, almost like rites. Some
bizarre examples: 1) It is not good to download anything at all. Of
course, we wonder how anyone can upload without downloading? 2) Those in
"better groups" does not have to work as hard with uploading as the others.
They simple are Better, which reminds us about the society in India with
castes. 3) No one questions the fact about the ridiculous modemtrading.
Opponents are not met with the traditional "big mouth talking". Silence is
the defense. Why is there no answers to these behaviours? Simply, because
there is no good arguments for the business and "modemtraders" are often
not bright enough to communicate on a normal level.
The "elite" modemtrader is unique. He is a megalomaniac who has built
enormous castles out of air. He actually believes that he is "something"
in this world. He is also very sensitive for jokes about himselves. Which
leads us to the story about something called
THE UTOPIA PHANTASY ELITE BBS
I am The GNN and I am active in an elite-group. I like the demo-scene
but I despite the modem-traders. As we know, elite-boards are interesting
ones to call in psychological research purpouses. The lack of intelligence
and humor are outstanding and the only messages written are often so-called
BBS-ads together with "Lamers! Old stuff! CREDZ removed!". The ads
always contain the same message, preferably "ELEET, HOT WAREZ, BIG HD,
INCREDIBLE SYSOP". The same BBS-ad could be posted a dozens times a day,
simply because the sysop BELIVES that everyone will call it then. But I
find it only to be disturbing. Shocking. Boring.
I realised that the only way to strike back is to create an OWN BBS-ad!
So I did, and I terrorized the poor suckers. The birth of the elite board
UTOPIA PHANTASY and its divine sysop COOLFIX was a fact. Many (too many)
bought the story and called desperately to the numbers I gave them. After
a while they understood that they had been fooled and got real angry.
Ha! You will not belive what some people told me to do with all these ads
and messages when I told them the truth!
I enjoyed that circus, from beginning to the end. Now you can read the
ads that got so many elite-d00dz crazy. Feel free to call the numbers if
you want, but do not expect to find a HOT'N KEWL ELITE BOARD there.
Each ad is separated by a "(---)".
(---)
It's time to discover what the word BBS really means....
+=0=0=-=========================================================-=0=0=+
A cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc\ ccc\ A
M c THE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .c | c. c | CaLL ThE T
I cccccccccccccc. ccccccccccccccccccccccccccc | c. c | UtOpiA A
G \____________c. c\ ________________________\| c. c | PhAntAsy! R
A ccc\ c. c | ccccccccc\ ccccccccc\ c. c | ccccccccccc\ I
\ ccc\ c. c | c. c | c. . . . c | c. . . . c | c. c | c. . . . . c | \
P c. c |c. c | c. c | c. . c | c. . c | c. c | c. . c | M
C c. c |c. c | c. c | c. . c | c. . . . c | c. c | c. . . . . c | A
\ c. c |c. c | c. c | c. . c | c. ccccc\ | c. c | c. cccccc. c | C
S c. cccc. c | c. c | c. . c | c. c\ ____\| c. c | c. c\___c. c | \
N c. . . . c | c..c | c. . . . c | c. c | c. c | c. c | c. c | N
E cccccccccc | cccc | cccccccccc | cccc | cccc | cccc | cccc | E
S \_________\| \___\| \________\| \___\| \___\| \___\| \___\| S
P-H-A-N-T-A-S_Y P H A N T A S Y P-H-A-N-T-A-S-Y
sysops: coolfix/billygoat/bapp and reveny! co-sysops: wanted!
+=0=0=-=========================================================-=0=0=+
.: OnE TERAbyte ON-LINE! :.
.: 14 eXA-BYTeS OFF-LINE! (On-Line upon Request!) :.
All users gets an ratio of 10/1 on FIRST CALL!
(No LAME validation required!)
<*> -( O2O-91OO11 )- <*>
--------------------------------
(*) AMIGA 3000T (*) 19-nodes Ring-Down! (*) 24 H/DAY (*)
(*) H/P/A/V/ES/Ca/F/U/C/K/U/P/N/T AREA (*)
(NOTE: Foreign users call +46-8-7918462 instead, and use FREE CaLLBaCK)
+=0=0=-================================-=0=0=+
ChAt with The friendly Sysops and GET: CaLL
FuckING
* Virgin Calling-Cards (new every third hour) NXW!
* VISA GOLD/AMPLEX PLATINA/MASTERCARD DIAMOND
* Carded stuff for sale at 5% original price
* Stuff will be carded upon request ...and enjoy!
* We have hacked axx to many mainframes and
can offer our users:
- Payed Phonebill!
- Free domestic travels!
- Payed speeding-tickets!
... and much MUCH more! ..or stay LAME!
+=0=0=-================================-=0=0=+
(---)
...the ultimate bbs...
U T O P I A
P H A N T A S Y
.:Important messages from the sysop:.
Please all non-57600 baud callers! Almost half of the NINETEEN
RING-DOWN nodes were OCCUPIED by people who desperately tried
to connect on *bullshit* rates like 14.4 and 16.8!
=*= STOP THIS! =*=
Buy a better modem from us!
IN STOCK: The *unreleased* 57600 baud USRobotics V82!
Betaprice: $12000 Our *KARDED* price: $15!
Features: * MEGA-ASL: Corrects even corrupted files.
* TeModem Protocol (TERRORMODEM TRANSFER) If the
file already exists, TeModem
KILLS it and let you have the
credz anyway!
* FakeGuard If you *by mistake* dloads a
lame FAKE, FakeGuard notices
it and loudly vomits the
disk out of the drive.
* MentholSprayer If your breath happens to be
a bit sour MentholSprayer
corrects it.
Never forget the CHARGE FREE number:
---) O2O-910011 (---
Non-Sweden Callers: 08-7918462!
(---)
___ ___ __________ ________ ________ ___ ________
/ / / //__ ___// / \ \\ \\ \
/ /_/ / / / / / \ ____\\ \\ __ \
/_______/ /__/ /_______/ \__\ \__\\__\ \__\
P H A N T A S Y
SysOp: COOLFIX
Sweden CAllERS: --) O2O-910011 (-- .:NO CHARGE!:.
FXREiGN CAllERS: --) +46-8-7918462 (-- .:CALLBACK SYSTEM!:.
SySTeM: Now 1.5 TeraBytes ON-LINE!
14 ExABytes OFF-LINE!
NINETEEN NODEs RING-DOWN! .:AMAZiNG MULTiCHAT!:.
ULTIMATE KEWL H/P/A/V/ES/T/M/O/L/I/E/S CONFERENCES!
AMIGA/PC/SNES/ATARI/NES/LUXOR/GAMEBOY/SHARP/VIDEOTRONIC2
<()> THiS WeeK! <()>
Call.
* Carded LASERVIDEO players! Right.
* $150 each - 250 pieces in stock! Now!
(Note! ALL NoN-57600 baud callers: Call AFTER MidNight!)
(---)
U- T- O- P- I- A- P- H- A- N- T- A- S- Y-
Important Message from the sysop:
I got my *NEW* 89 EXA-Byte HD today togheter with a new beta version of
the 099-TURBO card. However, when I connected them to UTOPIA PHANTASY the
system accidentaly got aware of its presence and tried to wipe out myself
and the rest of the world with the power cable. Luckily, it failed. But
the BBS will be down for a couple of days while I clean up my room and
rebuild the house... sorry about this guys. I will be more careful next
time I KARD new hardware!
/ CoolFix
(Never forget the CHARGE FREE number *020-910011* Non-Suedes +46-8-7918462)
(---)
---) UtOpIa PhAnTaSy (---
Important message from the sysop:
Some *FAG* tried to HACK the UTOPA PHANTASY this morning by using a fake
account with status 255! (everybody that calls UTOPIA PHANTASY gets status
255 but that is no excuse for violating my system!) However, the naughty
little fellow were quite surprised when the Automatic Hacker Fucker gave
him backfire and sent 230 zillons of volts into his keyboard! (Yes, Even
plastic CAN be made electrical, if you have ENOUGH power!). His lame
mother then called be up and asked why I had burned her lovley little son
into a pile of ash. I told her not to interfer in what happens in the
elite ELITE-SCENE! That made her shut her face.
So, no more hacks *please*. I hate to obliterate my *BELOVED* users.
/ CoolFix
(Never forget the CHARGE FREE number *020-910011* Non-Suedes +46-8-7918462)
(---)
_
| | |_|
|_| T O P I A | H A N T A S Y
VERY important message from the sysop:
My sleep is very uncommon these days. It happens a couple of times every
night that the phone rings and some incredible *LOSER* shouts in my ear.
The message is always the same: "You lamer! It was fun in the beginning
with all those BBS-ads and SHIT but now I begin to get tired!". I hear a
heart-crushing sob and the jerk hangs up. I laugh (It takes a big man to
cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.) but this is really
beginning to get on my nerves! I know why some people say things like
this, it is because they CANNOT CONNECT to *UTOPIA PHANTASY*, since they
own a *BULLSHIT* modem with the rates 9600, 14400, 16800 or 2400! (Yes,
even some 2400 lamers tries to call too, with a belief that their
*WELL-KNOWN* handle will get them EVERYWHERE! Ha! Fuck you! I (and no
one else) do not care if you have won the UPLOADING COMPETITON at Total
Suckers BBS!). Buy yourself a *REAL* modem instead of bothering me! Thank
you.
/CoolFix
(Never forget the CHARGE FREE *O2O-91OO11*. Foreigners: +46-8-7918462)
(---)
...it is good to do it in a bar...
>---------------------------------------------------------<
| |
| |
| ** **** ***** ***** ** ***** |
| ** ** ****** ******* ** ** ** ** ** |
| ** ** ** ** ** ******* ** ******* |
| ******* ** ******* ** ** ** ** |
| ******* ** ******* ** ** ** ** |
| |
| P H A N T A S Y |
| |
| |
>---------------------------------------------------------<
...it is better to do it in the USSR...
.:UTOPIA PHANTASY:.
()() O2O-91OO11 ()()
(Non-Swedes Callers): ()() +46-8-7918462 ()() Ultimate CallBack
SysTem!
(Calls You before You Call!)
Now Features:
* Improved H/P/A/Q/W/E/R/T/Y/F/J/LH/G/E/Lc/O/U/%/!/DN/*/|/ area!
All letters in the English alphabeth welcome!
* 1152OO Baud Triple (Dual Dual Dual) Non-Standard modem!
* Free DLoad! Free UPload! Free Logout!
* 2456 *HAPPY* users from over 3100 countries!
* Special WHITE ARYAN RESISTANCE area! (White Only!)
* 29 EXA-Bytes ON-line (on streamer tape).
* Special BLACK NEGRO RESISTANCE area! (Black Only!)
(---)
U T O P I A P H A N T A S Y
General information from the sysop:
Some people are having trouble when they try to join conf 65 ("Insane and
Sick Sexual Positions in HAM/GIF/IFF"). I cannot understand why. Simply
call the number to *UTOPIA PHANTASY* and wait until your 57600 baud modem
(you HAVE a 57.6 modem haven't you?!) connects. DO NOT write "n q" at the
first prompt (after the text about AmiExpress version 60.1 - beta version)
since that will get you out of the bbs quicker than a rabbit on the
freeway! If you cannot enjoy my *MASTERPIECES* of ansi art, then call
another board! *SNORT!*
After you have CAREFULLY read through the information about me not taking
*ANY* responsibility for the PIRATE software available here, complete with
a full copy of what the constitution, the police and the software companies
has to say about the legal matters - write "ok" at the prompt. No, IT IS
NOT possible to use ctrl-c and stop the vital information! I do not want
*ANYONE* to misunderstand or twist the fact about my clean conscience
concerning pirated stuff! That is why each screen of the text stays 1
minute on your monitor. Have patience, the whole information show only
takes about 15 minutes to scan thru.
Type your HANDLE and GROUP at the next prompt that says "write your
handle and group". Some people do not get it anyway and writes their real
names or some other crap. Ha. Write your password. If you have forgotten
your password, you can login under my name (COOLFIX, passw SECRET) and
check what you had. Do not look at other peoples passwords. *PLEASE*.
Remember, we are just a big *HAPPY* family at this bbs. A family that does
not have to find each others underwear in our tea.
Now you just have to go through the various bulletins that I have placed
in the login. It won't take long, it is just All-Time Top Upload, Week-Top
Upload, Top-login, Top-Logout, Top Callers, Top Non-Callers, Top Upload
between 5 pm and 4 pm on Sundays, Top Message Posters, Top Message Readers,
Top Lamers, Top Who's Who?, Top BeerCan Collections, Top Phone-Booth Users
and Top Top-lists in Sweden.
Now, about two hours later, you are in the BBS system! So, simply type
"J 65" to join area 65! It cannot *BE* easier!
/ CoolFix
(Never forget the CHARGE FREE number..eh? It seem to have slipped my mind.)
(---)
.:LooK at THIS:. .:Todays Universe First Imports!:.
Alien IV - Monastery
SexGames1993 - Sid Crow
Return of The Clone 2 - (Jesus) Christal
Remal Love - Demo by Fed up Sector
call utopia phantasy and dowload all of this
sysop coolfix
swedes 020-910011
others +46-8-7918462
__________
the /| ________ /________ \ _ ______
/ |/__ __/____ ___\ \/ |/ _ \
/| | | | | / \ / ____/| || / \ | I rather be rich
/ | | | | | | /\ | | / | || \_/ | than stupid
| \___/ | | | | \/ | | | | || ___ | - Jack Handey
\______/ \_| \____/ \_| \_|\| \_|
P H A N T A S Y
(---)
___
( ) (___)
\__/ T O P I A \ H A N T A S Y
BUSTED!
This is unfortunately true... I got a phonecall to my work this
afternoon from my neighbour who wondered why there was a dozen of heavily
armed tanks outside my house. At first I thought it was a joke but when he
claimed that a tall guy dressed in the latest body-armour fashion screamed
"Coolfix, you have ten seconds to leave the house" every fift minute I
understood that it was about *UTOPIA PHANTASY* the little intermezzo was
all about.
I got in my car and drove the five-hundred metres to my house and found
the scene to be exactly as I had believed it was. A couple of hundred
soldiers were hiding themselves behind the tanks in front of my house while
someone screamed that I should come out quickly, otherwize they would open
my front door with a missile. I would not let that happen, it might have
destroyed my collection of rare joysticks.
So, I raised my voice and got their attention of my present location,
behind them. After a few 7.62 shots had been fired against me from nervous
*JERKS* I was brutaly thrown into a vehicle made out of steel and driven to
the central police station in a speed that made the sun go slower on the
sky. The interrogation (complete with electrical shockers and alligator
clips) took about thirty hours during which I only told them that I was
innocent. The BBS had jumped into my room and connected itself to my
NINETEEN NODE RINGDOWN system. They also wondered who had been responsible
for KARDING more computer hardware than is produced in the whole world and
I simply told them: "No idea! I have not the slightest clue why all these
packages with advanced computer hardware was sent to me. I thought it was
christmass gifts from USRobotics. I know that my bank account includes
more money than usual ($95000000 to be exact) but you *just have to believe
me* on this! The reason why I own five different VISA-cards with status
'U.S.President' is because I am a collector of VISA and MC material. Like
Coke-bottles, you know."
They bought the story but confiscated the hardware. All of my 98
exabytes harddrives, my 0679 turbo-card and the A5000++. Which leaves us
with the sad fact that EVEN LEGENDS HAVE TO DIE! *UTOPIA PHANTASY* is
closed forever.
/ CoolFix
(Just forget the CHARGE FREE number will you?)
(end)
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Call a BBS that acually exists! They are rare and uncommon these days!
Non-Elite: SEDES DIABOLI +46-586-43766
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Our president may be old, but at least he's not dead.
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Underground eXperts United 1993
Call THE STASH -> +46-13-175042
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