One of the greatest things about human interaction is the arguments. Everything is done spur of the moment, and full of emotion. It is quite easy to win if you stay composed. Most of these tips are meant for face-to-face arguments, but can be adapted to the internet.
Keep swearing to a minimum
Swearing does not advance any points and only serves to agitate your opponent further. Use sparingly.
Keep emotions boiling
The more emotions a person feels, the more prone they are to make mistakes. This is where you can swear. A ‘fuck you’ here and there will keep tensions high. Just take care to keep your own composure.
Make things up
This may not work as well on the internet, but in face-to-face arguments nobody has time to check your facts. Be as detailed as possible (but not outrageous) to intimidate your opponent with your intelligence. Something along the lines of: “In 2006, over 50000 cats died due to vegetarians feeding them only vegetables.”
Pay attention and point out any weak points
Your opponent will be making many mistakes in their argument. Point them all out and they will weaken with every point. If they give a statistic, refute that statistic with your own ‘correct’ statistic.
Non sequitur
If you have nothing to say, make nonsensical statements to confuse and intimidate. “My cat learned to drive after I gave it ten pounds of turkey.” This will cause your opponent to pause for a moment and allow you recover and think of something to say.
Comebacks
A well-delivered comeback can single-handedly end an argument. Someone says, “Your mom is a bitch.” You say, “At least I have a mom.”
No mercy: An eye for an eye
Even if someone’s mom just died, if they insult your mom, you have all the right to insult theirs.
Tell long stories
Long stories that are interesting will keep your opponent shut up and occupied. You can even twist the story to change the entire topic of the conversation.
Use big words
Big words that you know. If your opponent does not know the word, they will most likely not ask what it means and try to get around it. This will weaken them and if they use it incorrectly, you can pounce. If they ask you what it means, you can rip on them for being ignorant and stupid.
Walk away
Sometimes your opponent’s argument is so stupid, hypocritical and/or fail that it’s not worth aruging. A simple “Fuck off” and walk away will do the trick.
End of argument
You will know the argument is over when your opponent starts to make nonsensical verbal sounds and eventually ceases to talk. Perhaps they will even cry. Leave with an intimidating statement. I personally like “That’s what you get” or “Don’t ever try that again.”
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