Totse News
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Totse.info just Launched a new News Service. Since CNN and BBC are quoting tweets and making a story out of it, we at the headquaters of Temple decided to start our own News Agency. We bring you factual data and to point news.
You can catch all the latest news on @Dfg twitter account. We might link to full stories if the new arises.
Current Headlines:
Stay tuned for more Totse News. Each news item will get a new post in this thread.
You can catch all the latest news on @Dfg twitter account. We might link to full stories if the new arises.
Current Headlines:
RT @Dfg: New Species of Butterfly discovered. in Africa, Researches found it while treating patients. Apparently it lives in the rectum - Totse News
RT @Dfg: Police found Sleazy Pictures on Ryan Dunn recovered Cell Phone, Video of their final moments also recovered. - Totse News
RT @Dfg: Update: Ryan Dunn was caught sniffing coke in the recovered videos. More details here: http://bit.ly/jKcNtI - Toste News
Totse News Launched. #Wikileaks Team praises the concept. http://bit.ly/kD1Z3K
Stay tuned for more Totse News. Each news item will get a new post in this thread.
Comments
The meeting talked about bring peace to humanity and finding creative ways of boning young children. In the talks, drugging little children and brainwashing were most discussed topics. After the meeting, a dance show was organized in which young girls were seen dancing. Most of them were currently studying in various Islamic Schools.
Human rights group strongly opposed this meeting by not allowing clerics to video tape the girls.
In a shocking discovery made through Sally Facebook (The Dog). 3 Students were suspended from their school when videos of their loving making to Sally were leaked by their mates on Facebook. Each of the boys had active girlfriends but still managed to have an affair with a real bitch.
The videos show boys doing threesome and gang banging the dog. Police officials who later admitted to jerking off to the videos were horrified. "It was just... too hot for us".
The boy’s identities are kept hidden but a simple Google search can reveal everything about them. Sally is being held captive under the care of police officials. According to them, she gives awesome blowjobs. One official even quoted that his wife is no match for Sally.
Meet Suzan, the 25-year-old stripper whose boyfriend left her for another woman. She was detained by Child services after her toddler was found a Strip joint. The child was reported in by the hunter who worked late night shifts.
According to the police reports, Suzan dropped her baby intentionally and then left the joint with another man. She later confessed she wanted to kill him but couldn’t do it. Child services are now moving the child to foster care.
According to local Child Services, more and more children are being abandoned by their parents.
Researches in Iran finally found a solid way to get laid. Ashaq and Monib worked for 6 months on this project. They tried many known tactics to get laid. According to them, booze and money worked but both of these methods didn’t guarantee better success rates than other methods.
According to their research, clubbing the woman in the head and dragging her by the hair into your car worked all the time. Since they start of their project they have successfully fornicated with various women.
According to Iran Woman rights, the rate of reported rape victims has risen in the past 6 months. Ashaq and Munib both concluded that their research was a success. They were nominated for various prizes in Iran.
Following this story, women in Iran has started covering their heads and wearing helmets.
It was shocking, one LulzLizard who recently joined the IRC said. We didn't know what happened. We just logged in and then a massive amount of fail happened. My input box wasn't responding.
Another User who seemed shaken confessed." I felt the world was ending, I literally shat brix".
LulzSec DDoS'ed their own IRC Channel by inviting users to join the chat via URL, Bots and humans all flogged to the link thinking it would be the best thing ever.
Some users expected Goatse and Rick Roll. According to our reports they saw someone say FREEZE and don’t move this is the FBI and after that everything just crashed.
Users were warned by Totse News staff to wear condoms before joining the chat.
Link to Chat: http://t.co/1XLL1Jj
It took 3 hours and 15 minutes along with countless social engineering attempts. But we finally got it. The group who calls themselves as Miley Number Fan was able to track down the famous Miley Cyrus sex tape.
According to our sources who got a private preview, it showed Miss Cyrus doing a strip dance and then humping some unknown guy. The tape is considered underage porn and hence can’t be distributed to various porn channels.
But the Group vows that it will be leaked and then everyone can see how much of a whore Miley Cyrus is. The fan told us in private that they did a jerking marathon on which lasted a full day. Pictures after the break.
Between the Border of Afghanistan and Pakistan in a small village, a young girl named Afzia was charged by the local Jirga for refusing to make a sandwich. The husband in question asked his young wife to make him a sandwich. Upon hearing those words she lingered and didn’t do anything.
Kamran, who wedded this girl, got angry and bitched slapped her thinking it just might do the trick. Later when nothing worked, he asked help of the Jirga. According to their decision, the girl must stay with leader or a week and after that she can go to her husband.
In a secret interview she confessed she had to lay with the leader named Abbas and was forced to watch American cooking shows. Kamran said as long as the bitch can make the damn sandwich, I am happy.
Few hours ago thanks to various sources, we have some concrete evidence that points to Hulu LLC plans to sell. A buyer approached them with an offer they could not refuse. Hulu is a video steaming website. In the past it has made much success. But thanks to more restrictions and competition it isn't doing well.
According the deal a test porn category was added. Websites like X-Art are willing to stream their content. Users fear it will turn into another porn streaming service.
Parents on the other hand support this new addition. 12-year-old Ricky supports this addition and he plans to watch all the clips. Currently the category can be viewed by anyone.
Trolled
Surprisingly no riots were seen and the even the fundamentalist groups didn’t protest this decision. The Government is funding programs that will make new workers enter this lucrative business with ease. According to PEMRA we might see new reality shows in future. Plans are already underway for the Pakistan Whores; a new reality show that follows Girls Gone Wild format.
Yawn
Judge Northwood said in a press conference, that everyone is a pervert and the best punished is to hit it where it hurts. A pervert can live through to 2 years of jail time but if he is forced to confront his greatest weakness he slowly loses his mind and caves in.
Child Services are protesting against this ruling saying it's just a cheap solution to a much bigger problem. According to Child Services coordinator Lise, we should be focusing on lowering the age of consent and letting young girls whore themselves for money. Lets face it, they already do this on the Internet, why not sell it.
Officials tried to open the door but it locked, after 30 minutes Inspector Gengi got an approval for search and the door was taken down. Police officials had to use masks fearing it might be a poison. The basement entrance was discovered by sheer luck since it was hidden behind a cupboard.
The body of Lee was found in a leaking tank, police had a hard time going through the evidence and there was little left of Mr. Lee body. Apparently Mr Lee was conducting illegal experiments on Animals and dead bodies. He had containers filled with different fluids and he a large collection of fetuses of animals and humans alike.
According to the research papers, Mr Lee committed Suicide in his own tank after failing to clone himself. Doctors believe that Mr Lee was suffering from Spectralopia. Mr Lee doesn't have any family members but he did enjoy playing drums.
Spectralopia is quite common and useless old men with nothing else to do than kill themselves, people with his syndrome usually die or just bitch about everything.