lack of the desire for a social life/relationship
Morningside
Regular
Over the last year or so I have been having less and less of a desire to socialize with people in any way. Same with my family. I DO love and care about my family, but I don't know how to show that I do, or even how to act when I'm around them. I know they think that its because I have some sort of dislike towards them, but it isn't really the case. I haven't talked to my dad in over a year because I'm ashamed of how I am.
It's the same with finding a girlfriend. I want to get laid, sure, but being in a relationship holds little to no appeal to me anymore. I'm about a hair away from looking up craigslist hookers.
I think the reason I liked my last GF so much was because there was a sort of distance between us. I cared about her, and I hope she cared about me, but we respected each others privacy and right to live our own lives, if this makes any sense.
I'm worried now because my mom thinks I hate her because I never talk to her. I don't want to upset her because she has health problems out the ass and doesn't need the stress. Should I try to fake an interest in conversation, or should I tell her whats going on in my head?
It's the same with finding a girlfriend. I want to get laid, sure, but being in a relationship holds little to no appeal to me anymore. I'm about a hair away from looking up craigslist hookers.
I think the reason I liked my last GF so much was because there was a sort of distance between us. I cared about her, and I hope she cared about me, but we respected each others privacy and right to live our own lives, if this makes any sense.
I'm worried now because my mom thinks I hate her because I never talk to her. I don't want to upset her because she has health problems out the ass and doesn't need the stress. Should I try to fake an interest in conversation, or should I tell her whats going on in my head?
Comments
When I'm around people I don't want to offend, I'm a meek, quiet, weakling with no opinion. I pull that off convincingly, because I can put myself in that frame of mind when I'm around people I care about. Otherwise I'd be ripping into every flaw that people expose. I even try to alienate people purposely by telling them about my bad habits with needles.
However, if you want to make others feel happy and be socially accepted, put your desires or lack thereof last. Do stuff with people, even if you don't want to. Put on an act. If you ever feel that you're doing something you don't want to do, just tell yourself it's just an act (queue lame joke about winning an Oscar). Don't tell people about how you really feel, everybody will think you're screwed up.
I don't have your exact same problem, but I lack empathy and can't relate to people. I tried telling people, but they just told me I was just cold blooded. So I do roleplaying and tell people what they want to hear.
All of this takes practice. Eventually it'll almost be as if it's your real personality.
I have decided that any obligation towards friends or family only go so far as mutual respect exists, at least at some level. If things are getting tense it is probably due to conflicting lifestyles and worldviews. If you want to get allong, then you need to overlap occasionally and compromise. It only works with a give and take though. If someone is trying to dominate me one moment, then wondering why I am an anti-social asshole the next, at some point I stop giving a fuck beyond what is in my direct interest. Unfortunatly in close quarters this becomes a self pepetuating cycle, but we are only human I suppose.
I treat my mates like partners, but if you want to make things "official", you will become my worst enemy. It's like a flip. I would not hesitate to beat up a girl who got that close to me. It scares me.
That sounds eerily similar to my life, as in the only family members I have really talked to within nearly a year are my mom and step sister. How do you get into working on a boat? I've been hoping to get a factory job but that's not really happening, and being on a ship would be a welcome escape from my shithole "city."
It's not being around people per se that i have a problem with. I can be around people with no problem as long as I don't have to be overly friendly or something. I'm pretty drunk so you'll have to forgive my lack of eloquence. Working on a boat is for work, not social interaction. It would be a job, nothing else. It also affords me the opportunity to slip off to another country and disappear, if I were disposed to do so....
When I really thought about being in a relationship again I realized I could really care less if it happens. Sure sex is good, sometimes great, and the "love buzz" is a better stone than most drugs. But the commitment's, the attachments, making face time with her friends, fuck that shit. As for my family, I let them know where I am, and not much else. The only one that gets much of my time is my cousin who made me his child's Godfather, I'm gonna spoil that kid rotten. I have some long term friends, and do pretty well making connections with those around me as I make my way through life, but totse probably sees more of the real me recently than they do.
C/O
"a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped with bacon, lightly seared, and cooked at 300 for 2 hours in a pre heated oven"