First of all, I just improvised my seating arrangement and it's a more comfortable than before. Although my neck might hurt but my back is in peace. For some reason I switched into the forever alone mode while tweeting and all the hate and unwanted rage just surfaced from deep within. The frustration of not finding the right girl for me, the frustration of thinking of life would get more messed up even if I commit and then bitter experience with girls online and IRL and the ugly truth about vanity and crazy bitch syndrome (which is quite common).
Look, I am not an asshole. I have this ability that helps me too amplify your qualities. I am just a like a device that you add-on to your main hardware to upgrade or extend its range. The problem is I can't really change that but here is another problem, I am good at evolving (in different areas). I get over things in a second. One day I am deeply in love with you & then something happens and everything is gone. The same thing happened with that girl, as soon as I committed and my mind made its decision every single feeling was gone, vanished into thin air. That really scared that shit out of me. I couldn’t get that feeling back again.
It's the same with family. I can love them one day and then next day, it's gone. It keeps coming and going based on their action but they're family and you can't replace or change them (yet). Same applies to all Internet interactions however unlike my IRL self, my Internet self is loyal and remains committed. It's down to earth awesome. Yeah, you can say I suffer from multiple personalities but it was something that I setup myself (back in the totse.com days). The problem occurs when my Internet self gets hurt or gets abused or taken advantage off. Plus the sheer frustration of being labeled the bad guy based on some random tweets is really fucking irritating. It's irritating enough that I might actually plot a long scheme that might hurt that person in a big way but again, the other nice guys always holds me back.
So, far my interaction with girls is limited mainly because I don't fancy Pakistani girls anymore and they're quite irritating and will get in my work. Plus it doesn't help the girls I see are crazy. The good ones are married and have kids and the bad ones are just roaming around. I quote the example of that nutcase adult fetish model who labeled me without even listening. I guess it's her attitude problem but that paints a very clear picture. Most of these girls have the same issue. EGO, they think that is guys are drooling over them they're just queens or something. They will treat you like shit and all their interactions would be fake (made up responses with no real feeling or thought).
Normally I am immune to this because I love trolling them from time to time but it does hurt because I just keep crossing out another potential candidate. In short, most of the women I have seen in my life are damaged or have some really big issues. I can coup with it but it makes me wonder, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE NORMAL GIRLS? Or am I too fucked up for any normal girl because that's fucking insane. In the end, I just tired. I am fucking tired of this bullshit. From now on, I have decided to stop giving a fuck about girls. I normally treat them as men but I still give them special attention but now it's gone.
It's gone for good. I will be starting University soon & I will be able to get some tail but I have decided to fuck that as well. In short, women are off limits now. I am better alone; I don't need to pretend to give a royal fuck about them anymore. Forever alone works for me.
P.S: I still fancy South Korean girls mostly the singers but that’s something else. They might be real assholes IRL but they’re hawt. They’re small too, something I don’t really fancy but still better than what I normally see.