I Am A BAD American
by George Carlin
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary, with a bad comb-over, who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than
working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put
your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God.
Hillary Clinton is a carpet-munching lesbian.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpson's, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now,
when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the
desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-fuck-up already.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson
preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of
the problem and not the solution.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running
from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are
breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you
deciding who should be running the most powerful nation the
world for the next four years.
I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap
or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people
should be targets.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should
be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.
I believe that it doesn't 'take a village' to raise a child, it takes two
parents.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.
I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the
mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
I believe if she has her lips on your "naughty bits" , it is sex, and
it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the
United States.
If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
If you, too, are a BAD American, please copy this to everyone you know.
We need our country back!
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