|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Starpimp Enterthighs
Filename: p.112
Category: Star Trek (tm) parodies
Title(s): Starpimp Enterthighs
Author(s): Jace Hoppel
Newsgroup: rec.arts.startrek
Poster: Jace Hoppel
Date posted: 1990 06 ??
First date published: 1990 06 ??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
These are the voyages of the starpimp Enterthighs. His 5 year mission,
to explore strange new whores, to seek out and find new ways of molestation,
to boldly come until all women are tired and sore.
Starpimp Enterthighs IOU-2BL0WZ
Captin Lurk - [always looks around for women to rape...anything to rape....
He is stubborn, peverted, a homosexual, and loves it all...
He only rapes women when noone can see him... secretly lusts
Blowman Janice Ram]
Mr. Spook - [His talk resembles that of ally-gang or beach-combing surfer.
He dreses wildly wearing a mo-hawk and chains.... off days
He wears grass skirt and flower shirt... has special ability
"The Phulkin' Mouth Meld".... will cause the person to tell
all...comes from the planet Phulkin' ]
Dr. McToy - [Aka "Boner".... this man LOVES to play with himself. He shoves
any object within his reach up his dairy-air and smiles at the
feeling. Plainly put.... he is one sick puppy.]
Mr. Snotty - [Is a high class brown nose. VERY boring and talk endlessly
about nothing. Is easily distracted and is VERY excentric
He listens to classical music constantly and has the engines
attuned to a different tune each day.]
Mz. Ohurry - [Well...what can I say....she's a lusty wench and wants it
BAD. Her biggest desire is to bag a babe.... like spook
or Lurk. She talks like a wench constantly...]
Mr. Jackoff - [Always smiles....always tired...and almost completely blind.
He has a habbit of shorting out his board everyday to to
"external" fluids. Palms VERY harry....[wouldn't know why]]
Mr. Tutu - [Feminist...and I mean feminist.... wears a tutu all the time
and slurs his S's [ex: sorry=thorry].... yes...he's gay...
secretly lusts for McToy]
Nurse Shackle-[Likes Leather...uses whips, chains, handcuffs...other objects
of pleasure. She secretly lusts for Mr. Spook.... and desired
desperately for a Phukin' Mouth Meld.... she has hand-cuffs
with Spooks name on it...]
Janice Ram - [Janice is the Blowman for Lurk. She does all the running around
and basically everything else Lurk asks of her.... and he asks
a LOT. Secretly lusts for Lurk and wants to have his bastard
child.....like a lot of others...]
Computer - [The computer is a whino and resembles one at all times...
IE. How it runs the ship, how it runs the lift.... and how it
runs everything else....let alone how it talks...]
--------------------------------
"Starbate 4833498759872.139847. This is Lurk commanding Enterthighs. Our
mission takes us into an unknown territory in the Phlem Sector. Star
Fleece has given us a priorty one blow-job telling us that the Kling-ons
are joining forces with an unknown species. Our job is to find out this
species and stop the Kling-ons from joining.... and, as usual, it's me
that has to do everything.... uh, scratch that last part from records."
Spook: Yo, dude-man... like, scanners have picked up da' unknown life forms on
these here machine-like devices.
Lurk: Are they female?!?
Spook: Unknown Sir. But does it matter?
Lurk: <clears his throat and looks dissapointed>...guess not.
Boner: Dammit Jam...uh...Jim, can't you think of anything else?!?
Lurk: Ahhhh....ohhhh....ahhhh.
Boner: Uh, nevermind.
Tu-Tu: Uh, thir... thannerths have pithed up thome alien vethels thir.
Lurk: Identify spook.
Tu-Tu: He'th kinda green... hath pointy-cute littl' erthz....
Lurk: No you idiot, SPOOK... identify the life forms.
Spook: Like, they're female sir.
Lurk: <eyes brighten and pants rip> Ahhhhhhh!!! Jackoff, full warp...
Computer: Uh...hic...pullllottting corrrssss sssssiirrr...hic...
<a whine-like noise rises in volumn as the ship blasts off....in reverse>
Lurk: <looks as if his world will end>... no, blast-it!! the OTHER front...
Computer: Duh...hic...ooooohh...ssssorrrrryyy ssssirrrrrr....hic...
<ship jolts to a stop...rights itself...and blasts forward...faaazooom!>
Lurk: <looks like he's in some sort of pain>...hurry spook...where are they?!?
Spook: like, um, 1 mega-sector ahead...give or take a microinch....
Lurk: Snotty, I want warp 200 or you're fired.
Snotty: Capt'n, I'm giving it all she's got without dulling the metallic
finish!!
Lurk: Which is?!?
Snotty: We're pushing warp 1.5... and <sounds ready to cry>... the Silver is
tarnishing!!
Lurk: I said WARP 200!!! They're getting away!!!
Snotty: <Pouting and downhearted>...aye sir...sigh...<pulls a lever straight
down... ship blasts off into nether-space.>
Tu-Tu: Thir, we're catching them!!
Lurk: Ready transporters, I'm going over there.
Boner: Dammit Jam, uh...Jim... you're not doing this again!!
Lurk: Dammit, Boner, I'm in command and it's my decision!!
Boner: Yes, and your decision has made bastard children faster the the
sitcom goes throughs thecurity officers!!!
Lurk: <pants rip further>... enough of your illogic... I'm going over there
NOW!! <Rushes into the lift grabbing himself in pain>
Spook: Hey, like... looks like the big boss man is doing it again.
Boner: Dammit, I told him to use objects to release the stress, it works
for me...<so saying, grabs the starbate recorder and crams it up
his anal cavity... and smiles with satisfaction>
Tu-Tu: <Sighs>... lookth like their doing it again...
Jackoff: <Doesn't answer...just sits, smiles, and shortly shorts out the board.>
<meanwhile... on board the enemy vessel Butt-Pirate Scab>
Comander Wetwhip: What is the status of that enemy craft?
Subcomander Screw: Sensors report it traveling sir.
Comander Wetwhip: No you idiot, is it advancing or what?!?
Subcomander Screw: What???
Comander Wetwhip: You have disoboyed me for the last time, this deserves
punishment. Assume the position <drops pants>
Subcomander Screw: <Looks ashin... pulls out Lasher, and kill himself>
Comander Wetwhip: Damn, that's the third one today. Why do they kill
themselves??
Lt. Comdr. Forku: Probably saw what happened when Cadet Bodysmear was
"punished". Never saw someone explode from pressure
before.
Comander Wetwhip: <Looks proud> They are weak, underserving of the Butt-Pirates
Subcomander Blowu: <takes the now vacant science station> Scanners show
a large group beaming over. <looks horny>
Comander Wetwhip: <Rips pants> Maybe these will prove a challange.
<With enormous smile, runs to lift holding himself>
Lt. Comdr. Forku: <looks upset> I wonder when we can challange these aliens?
Subcomander Blowu: Probably after the Comander is through with them.
<Looks stressed> but no one is ever left by then.
<Back on board the Enterthighs>
Lt. Chi-O: <readying to teleport the boarding party> I read an enormous
life form on board that ship sir.
Lurk: <Pants finish ripping and nearest wall is knocked down> Good!!
<smiles to himself> Maybe I'll find a challange!!
<Rushes in to join Boner, Spook, and 6 Thercurity> Beam!!
Lt. Chi-O: <pushes the display and with a sound similiar to a tornado
warning, Lurk and the rest, flicker and dissapear>
<Back on board the Scab>
Comander Wetwhip: <looks ashin after enormous battle> It..<pants>...looks...
like you have... beaten... me... you have proven yourself...
<groans>...worthy.
Lurk: <not even sweating> Shut up and bend over.
Comander Wetwhip: <Looks frightened, closes eyes, bites lip, leans over>
Lurk: <Grunts heavily> Ahhhhh <you hear an explosion> Damn. It never changes.
<looks at remains hanging from him before wipeing it off> I may have
been worthy to you, but you wern't worthy to me. <Get's Boner and
Spook off the ground and shakes them to consciousness.> What happened
to you guys(?)?
Spook: He...<gasps>... like, has an enormous swinger and like, overwhelmed
my nerve grab.
Boner: <just smiles>...he was better then the Romulan Ale Bottle.
Lurk: Where is thurcurity?!? <look around the room and fastens his eyes on
six bloody corpses>
Spook: Like, they couldn't take the giddiup doode.
Lurk: Let's go on. There must be more. Beam over 100 thurcurity and my
command crew. I WANT...um...this ship...ya...ship.
Boner: Ya, you want the ship. <under his breath> more like the crew.
<In the transporter of the Scab>
<a few minutes later, a whine is heard and Spook, Jackoff, Tu-tu, Shackle, Ohurry, Janice Ram, and dzens of Thurcurity are breamed aboard.>
Lurk: Ok. My plans are simple. We come in peace, so take no prisoners.
<Smiles smugly as he strokes his swollen spike>
Spook: But like, yo dud man supreame, would not them Starfleece Regs say not
to do da stuf?
Bones: Ya, but when has Jam...Jim ever listened to Starfleece before?
<grabs an enemy lasher and decides to try it. You hear a sucking noise>
Tu-tu: Letth take thith thip thir! <puts hand on waist, and leaps with grace
into the next compartment.>
Ohurry: <in a sexy voice> Ya ready Jackoff darling?!? <winks>
Jackoff: <just smiles and moans with extacy>
Lurk: Good, it's time we take this ship!! <grabs himself in pain and runs out
to the next compartment with a moan> Everyone follow me!!
<everyone grabs themselves and runs out with a moan. Boner rolls his eyes>
<On the bridge of the Scab>
Lt. Comdr Forku: Subcommander!! They have vanquished our leader <Looks shocked>
and now they are heading this way!!!
Subcomander Blowu: Grab a detatchment of hinchmen armed with #90 lashers and
follow me!!! <runs out into the lift looking shaken>
Lt. Comdr Forku: <fondles the hinchmen until Blowu comes back and slaps him
across the broad side. Then they all follow Blowu> Sorry
sir! We'll vanquish them sir. But how will we handle the
one that defeated the leader?!? <looks like in severe pain>
Subcomander Blowu: We'll jump him together, even our departed leader couldn't
take 100 at once! <looks triumphent>
<they run out to engage the Enterthighs personel>
<back to Lurk and his gang looking for fresh subjects>
Lurk: <throws away yet another corpse> These beings are weak!!
Boner: <looks ashin> Dammit Jam...uh..Jim!! Who could stand up to you during
one of your mood swings?!?
Lurk: <Smiles, looks smug, and pulls another sucker...uh...enemy toward him.
You hear a gasp and an explosion.>
Spook: <Covered in red gore> Jimbo, you must control them passions dude!!
Lurk: <just gives Spook a lusty look and Spock shuts up>.
<They run into the next room... the entertainment area.... and run into the
vast enemy>
Subcomander Blowu: <Points at Kirk> He is evidently the one that destroyed
our leader! All personal jump him!! <procedes to leap on
Lurk along with 50 hinchmen.>
Lurk: AHHHHHRRR!! <drops his pants and moves arms in an outstreatched position
as 51 people pummel him with their bodies>
Boner: Jam...uh...Jim! You ok?!?
Spook: Looks like Jim needs our help. <goes into meditation, lights some
insence, and begins a Phulkin' Mouth Meld on the nearest ones>
Boner: <Drops his pants and begins to sit on peoples heads...with immense
pleasure of course>
Jackoff: <Gets tangled up by two individuals and wacks them across his head>
<he groans with satisfaction.>
Tu-tu: <gets abused but seems to be on the ...ahem...top of the situation.>
Thercurity: <gets erradicated by the hinchmen in mutual bliss>
hinchmen: <ditto>
<You see a blinding light as someone is transported down from unknown origins>
Beastly Crusher: Duh, hi guys(?). I was just solving the meaning of the
universe when I saw the fun game you guys were playing. Can
I join in? I got permission from my mother!!
<Subcomander Blowu and Lurk look at him together, look at each other, then in
one blinding flurry, everyone on the ship, Butt-pirates and Starfleece alike
obliterate the brat>
Subcomander Blowu: Are there more like that whelp around?!?
Lurk: <sweating and breathing hard from the 30+ hinchmen that died>
Unfortunately yes. They hide these individuals in a series called:
Star Slack: The Next Regurgitation.
Boner: You don't mean! <looks back from one to another>
Spook: Like, doc-man, they be corructomundo. There be a new, more shocking
enemy boss.
Lurk: That settles it. Subcomander Blowu. Would you like to ...join...in
a partnership?
Subcomander Blowu: <smiles a knowing smile> I agree totally Lurk. Together
we shall erradicate these whelps!!
<they both bend over to "seal" the bargan...which in itself is quite disgusting>
<The Enterthigh officers and remaining thurcurity beam back aboard the
Enterthighs and with the help of the Butt-pirates, look for the newest ship,
The USS. Analprise.
----------------------------
Stay tuned for: Parody II - Whipping the whelps.
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
