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Klones in Maturation find no Slack
If you don't care who K.I.M Gordon is, don't bother with this,
it's too long.
I decided to post this to the net, as I am being bombarded
with email about "are you that asshole Kim Gordon?"
Example:
swbatl.UUCP's message of 15 Aug 89 00:50:28 GMT
Subject: Re: BoB
Status: OR
SOmeone named Kim Gordon with slack? The Kim Gordon I know plays bass
for Sonic Youth and has no slack at all. For this reason I cast a
disparaging grimace upon your supposed Tibetan blood.
-mxr"
Get my point? So here's the story, believe it or not.
I may have to apologize for what is obviously a bad run
of genetic programming. If so, my sincere apologies.
First some background.
Between the years 1953 and 1967, a series of clone
experiments were conducted in a secret test laboratory
hidden deep within the Tennessee mountains by a group
code named "Klones In Maturation", or K.I.M. for short.
This group was responsible for the mass production of a
genetically superior intellect to be used as the "ultimate
man", who would be positioned in government's across the
globe to direct world policy in a manner that eventually
everyone would look and act like us in the States.
Well, it seems that during a very crucial genetic infusion, a
sub-routine was allowed to run overnight, and somewhere
around 3:00 a.m., a janitor only known as "Gordon", grabbed
a hold of one of the vacuum lines and proceeded to relieve
his primitive needs with a vigorous motion. Unbeknownst
to Gordon, the vacuum line was tied directly to the genetic
fusion tank already in fusion process.
Well, as the end result of the cloning's were
not quite (for obvious reasons) what the researchers expected,
the whole project was scrapped. In the meantime, there
were already 272 K.I.M. "Gordon"'s scattered throughout the
country in foster homes for further educational treatment.
As the program was (and they still didn't know why) a
complete failure and rather than risk public scrutiny, the
existing K.I.M "Gordon"'s were allowed to mature. Unfortunately,
as this was an experimental process, some of the K.I.M.
"Gordon"'s received an apparent lack of slack. Sad thing.
So, as K.I.M. "Gordon" the eldest (1953 model), I will see what
I can do to improve the "slackness" of the errant K.I.M. "Gordon"
of whom you speak. If I fail, I will revoke his name, and make
him refer to himself as "Pink-Boy, the anti-K.I.M."
I'll keep you informed.
Anybody seen my sox?
KWG
"Another great mind lost to Kodak d76"
--
Kim W. Gordon - SWBT - Graphics / Media
One Bell Center - 7th Floor Graphics Center - St. Louis. MO. 63101.
UUCP: { pyramid, uunet, bellcore }...!swbatl!kim
PHON: 314-235-5605 FAX: 314-235-5609
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