Obtain Slack and Keep It

For you slack-seeking types you have to realize that you can't just search for SLACK, you have to pay FOR IT! That's right... pay for SLACK! But what a bargain! If you ever want to escape the vicious Killer Robot Dogs of the BACKWARDS Time Universe, you need several special items. What are you: An Unhuman or a Pink Boy? Let's unmask The Conspiracy. If you ever expect to escape from the dangerous G-holes that surround your mind (even now) and get your Pass-Ticket onto an Xist SectoBargeCarrier - off this doomed anti-dream world. You'll need all the information you can get your hands on!

I've quoted some of these items to let you in on this incredible deal. By now you realize this planet is doomed - all of BOB's predictions have come true for this year, and all the Pinko placid garbage of the New Age SwinoCreeps is another scam to steal your hard earned SLACK. One world government HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Those pigs. We already have a one world government. We're all just remote controlled FleshBotson this planet and zone. Jehovah-1 (The Retarded One) will have his way and control us the way he see fit! Damn IT! Don't let the Pinks, Glorps, or SwinoCreeps, or anyone else try to talk those ick, pantheistic ideas into your head: Crystal power! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Counter their twisted PINKMINDSwith some good old SubGenius wisdom. Don't let them push you around with all their Monism talk of human potential! Hit 'em with BOB!!

GET 'EM NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

The Following is Quoted from: THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL, the Church's official (and more or less annual) magazne/newsletter. It averages 100 pages of letters, artwork, reports, and clippings from hundreds of Church members all over the world!

St. Janor later explained to me what had possesed him to suddenly perform an unsanctified Launching. "After I eceived the Transmission I knew it was the time of the Launching. The Head had to beoff the earth to be photocopied by the Xists...the Arnold Palmer Head is the only living being with the skill needed to defeat the Yists. With his handica-nobody-his only possible rival would be the Zists from the Backwards Time Universe, or else Trevino. Trevino's already working with the Yists...in fact, every golfer is working with a different race of aliens. Thus every golf tournament is a universal psychic war. The Launchings are to create enough psychic energy to push Palmer to the top. If Trevino wins...you may mock me now, but you won't think it's so funny when this entire planet falls into the sandtrap. But if Earth is diven into the correct Black Hole, we'll all gain infinite Slack for all eternity. Th Yists are trying to kill Palmer but they can't because this world is stronger than the Dream World. All SubGeniuses MUST WATCH GOLF TOURNAMENTS."

- The Stark Fist of Removal

THE BOOK IS IT - The Bible of the Church of the SubGenius. The Rationales, scriptures, art personae, and pure unadulterated rants of the denomination can be found therein. You may be shocked if you dare to dive in, but you wont be bored! THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS. Countless personal Saviors!!! The SubGenius knows, bulldadaistically, that each SubGenius should do WOTAN's work exactly as He reveals it to him, and that He has wildly varying messages for different people in different stuations.

By the same token, it is madness to accept any one "personal savior" - even Dobbs - as a permanent guide. Perhaps "Bob's" greatest invention is the concept of SHORT DURATION PERSONAL SAVIORS, or "Shordurpersavs" in Tibetan. The true Sub accepts into his heart, as his own savior, anyone or anything with which he happens to be impressed at the moment. Shordurpersavs change from hour to hour, from whim to whim. It could be the hero of a movie you just saw, the author of a book, a bottle of Thunderbird, a good pal, a dog, a sex object. Not professional gurus you are locked into believing, but temporary ones according to the need of The Now. They change so fast that it never gets embarrassing; you aren't inclined to "proselytize" them off on disinteresting others who will later laugh at you; you know their effects will wear off in minutes - although the very idea is unthinkable while under the influence. One need not mention them at all - a superb Tenet, since one is sometimes deeply ashamed for having a particular, unsavory shordrpersav: some can be Personal Saviors and False Prophets at the same time. As said before, SLACK is a trickster.

- The Book of the SubGenius

After you've done all your reading, subject yourself to the mind-bending: ARISE:THE SUBGENIUS VIDEO: THE MOVIE, an "Instructional Video Barrage Tape" that employs the patented "Subiminal Hypno-Pediatrics Trance-Inducement Tone. You'll never be the same!

Here's the special info you need:

THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS - Rev. Ivan Stang, 1983, 1987; 194 pp. $9.95 ($11.00 postpaid) also available at Cody's Books in Berkeley, CA.

THE STARK FIST OF REMOVAL - Rev. Ivan Stang, Editor, $5/issue

ARISE: The SubGenius Video: The Movie $39.95 postpaid, 1987; 120 minutes

All of these items can be purchased from: THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION, P.O. BOX 140306, DALLAS, TX 75214.

Learn to release your hate!