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  • Grandpa Buddha’s Apple Pie

    Ok before you try this recipe you need to realize, I hate pie, mainly because of the crust. So I played around and eventually came up with an awesome crust. Make it and let me know what you think.

    Apple Pie.

    Ingredients for crust:

    • 2½ cups flour
    • 1 cup butter (real cold, not frozen)
    • 1 teaspoon salt
    • 1 teaspoon sugar
    • 8 tablespoons water

    Combine flour, salt, sugar
    Cut in butter
    Dough should look gravelly, make sure to keep the dough cool at all times, if it starts to get warm, the butter will melt, so stick it in the fridge a few times as you are working it.
    Knead in water.
    Separate in ½
    Chill

    Ingredients for filling:

    • ½ cup butter
    • 3 tablespoon flour
    • ½ cup sugar
    • ½ cup brown sugar
    • ¼ cup water
    • Apples (I usually just buy a bag of granny smith)

    Peel core and slice apples (I usually vary the slices from a quarter inch or so to pretty thin), Roll out half of crust to about ¼” thin, and cover bottom of pie pan, fill the pie crust with the sliced apples, this is an apple pie so I usually use an excessive amount, mound the apples up pretty high since they will cook down a bit, roll out the top crust and slice into 1″ wide strips, you’ll need eight of these long enough to go across the pie. Lay them out evenly on the pie, 4 one way 4 the other, and weave them together (if you don’t know what I mean, google it). Now in a saucepan combine butter, flour, sugar, brown sugar, and water, bring to a boil stirring constantly. Pour over entire pie, if need be use a brush to brush it on to all the top crust, the rest should end up in the pie. Now grab a handful of sugar, and sprinkle it over the top of the pie, kind of thickly.

    Bake at 425° for 15 minutes then reduce heat to 350° for 35-45 minutes.

    Eat
    ?????
    PROFIT!!

    If everything was done right, it should come out looking something like this. (actual pie I just made)

    The outside edge isn’t that dark, just bad lighting.

    Discuss http://www.totse.info/bbs/showthread.php/17758-Grandpa-Buddha-s-Apple-Pie.

  • Chocolate Mousse, No Cheats

    Chocolate mousse is fucking awesome, and even if dinner for your friends is roasted chicken and two veg, you can class up the whole affair by finishing with this. It is also a very romantic dish, especially when you rub it all over your… ahem.. nevermind. As usual, read the whole thing first, and set your game plan in order.

    You will need

    Equipment

    • 3 stainless steel bowls, standard type, about 12inches diameter, with a depth of 5 inches, or whatever you have.
    • A pot about 1/2 the diameter of one of the bowls
    • A hand mixer, or a whisk (one of those french things that looks like a fucked up antenna) and a lot of patience.
    • 4 martini glasses or similar elegant presentation vessels.

    Ingredients

    • 4oz (110g) decent chocolate, semi sweet, or bitter sweet. The only things on the ingredient list should be cocoa solids, cocoa butter, sugar, and maybe some lecethin and preservatives.
    • 2 tbsp unsalted butter, fuck you if you use margarine and the whole thing goes haywire.
    • 2 eggs
    • 1/8 tsp cream of tartar, found in the baking section of the grocery store.
    • 2 tbsp sugar, and 1 tbsp sugar (department of redundancy department strikes again)
    • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
    • 1/2 cup heavy(whipping) cream.

    Pre Show
    If the chocolate is in big chunks, put it in a plastic bag and bash the fuck out of it. If it is already in chips, they had better not be some no name brand shit.
    Make a double boiler(cook lingo for indirect heat) by putting about 2 inches of water into the pot and bringing it to a boil, then turning it down again so it is hot but not boiling, if it is boiling you will get hard bits in your chocolate as you melt it.
    Separate the eggs, do this by cracking the egg into your hand with the yolk intact, and allowing the clear part to run through your fingers into one of the bowls, save the yolks for throwing at traffic.

    The show

    This is a pretty tight operation, so make sure you have about 20 minutes to devote to it. Have all the ingredients and the hand mixer ready, as well as a rubber spatula

    Melt the chocolate and butter together in a bowl set on top of the hot water, be patient, and don’t be tempted to turn the heat up. Stir constantly until the chocolate and butter are liquid and mixed well. Take the mixture off the heat and proceed.

    Whip the egg whites, cream of tartar, and the 2 tbsp sugar in the second bowl until they form soft peaks. If you are using a hand mixer this is about 2.5 minutes, if you are using a whisk(god help you) about 7, with good effort. Soft peaks mean, the mixture is white, and when you pull the beater out, the resulting “peak” slumps a little.

    Whip the cream, the other tsp of sugar, and the vanilla in the third bowl to the soft peak stage as well, if you are using a whisk, put the egg bowl in the fridge so as it does not degrade.

    Now comes the tricky bit, add a small amount of the melted chocolate and butter and stir it in GENTLY, you went to a lot of trouble for those bubbles, don’t break them. Once a small amount of the chocolate has been introduced to the eggs, raising their temperature slightly, the eggs are ‘tempered’. Now pour that into the bowl with the melted chocolate and butter(scrape out the bowl). Fold the two together. Folding, means you are taking the rubber spatula, moving it down the side of the bowl to the bottom, and then back up through the middle, each time you do this, rotate the bowl 1/8 turn in the political direction of your choice, conservatives to the right, liberals to the left. (communists do not eat chocolate as it offends their principals, but they are excellent bakers)

    When the mixture is mostly brown(like my neighborhood), fold in the whipped cream, and continue folding and thinking about politics until the mix is uniform in color, and not a second more. The object is to retain as many of the bubbles in the whipping cream and beaten eggs as possible, be gentle and patient, much as DFG would be with a small child he intends to molest later.

    Pour the mix into the martini glasses and set it in the fridge to set for at least an hour. Chocolate fucking nirvana. Garnish with a splash of your favorite liquor, and some whipped cream.

    C/O
    “must write guide, bzzzzzz, publish or perish, bzzzzzz”

    Discuss http://www.totse.info/bbs/showthread.php/13911-Chocolate-mousse-no-cheats.

  • How to Get High From Household Items

    How to Get High From Household Items

    Kids don’t do anything stupid. DO NOT FUCKING TRY ANYTHING LISTED HERE. IF YOU DIE, it’s not my fault. Blame Darwin.

     

    This guide will tell you a few ways to get high off of household items. Not all of these ways are fun or safe but they will get you high if your desperate and can’t get anything else.

    DXM
    DXM is the main ingredient in most cough medicines such as Robitussin, zycam, coricidin and other cough and cold medicines. DXM is in the same class of drugs as Ketamine and PCP.

    Avoid medicines with guaifenesin in them because they will usually make you puke. Also be very careful if you choose to use coricidin because it contains antihistamines which can cause seizures or heart failure.

    Dose
    DXM highs vary and are measured by a series of “plateaus”. A first plateau will give you a high/drunk feeling while a second plateau does the same thing only more intense with some close eyed visuals. Third and fourth will cause you to experience hallucinations and profound Dissociation. Below are what each dose will give you. Keep in mind this will vary based on tolerance and body weight.

    First and second Plateau- 200 – 400 mg
    Third Plateau-500 to 800mg
    Fourth- 800 and up

    A further tips
    From my experience with DXM taking a small dose of benadryl or dramamine a half hour before tripping works wonders for the nausea.

    If you want to increase the buzz weed is perfect. Be careful because it will increase the high in a drastic way.

    Diphenhydramine
    Diphenhydramine or DPH is a deliriant found in Benadryl and Unisom. It’s in the same class of drug as Datura which is also legal. Most people find the high from this drug to be extremely unpleasant and scary.

    The hallucinations you get from it are impossible to distinguish from reality. Seeing spiders and shadow people is a very common hallucination. It’s often compared to a “waking dream”.

    Because the visuals are so realistic it can cause unpredictable behavior and can be terrifying to people not expecting it. Keep in mind DPH can also be deadly at a high dose or cause seizures.

    Dose
    IF it is your first time doing DPH your dose should only be about 300 mg’s to get the full “trip”. Adjust this according to size and tolerance.

    Dramamine
    Dramamine is another deliriant usually sold as anti nausea pills. The high is almost identical to Dph but is less potent.

    Nitrous Oxide
    Nitrous oxide or laughing gas is found in wipped cream cans or you can by it legally at most head shops. As far as I know it is the only safe inhalant. Like DXM it is a dissociative even the the high only lasts for a minute.

    Ether
    Ether is another semi safe inhalant and you can find it in starter fluid. Keep in mind the stuff in starter fluid is not pure so use it with caution. Like with Nitrous Oxide the high is short lived but intense.

    Other Inhalants
    Another way to get high is off of other aerosals such as keyboard duster and spray paint. Model glue and gasoline are 2 other examples. This method of getting high is incredibly dangerous and can kill you the first time you do it. It can also lead to permanent brain damage if used often.

    Codeine
    Codeine is an opiate found in some cough syrups and is also used as a painkiller. In America it is prescription only but in some country’s like Canada it is sold over the counter.

    Alcohol
    If you are underage and can’t by alcohol you can either get a friend to buy it for you or shoplift it. You can also use things such as vanilla or peppermint extract which you should have no problem buying or stealing from the grocery store.

     

    Discuss

  • How to Ingest Pills Intravenously

    How to Ingest Pills Intravenously

    How to:
    Ingest Pills Intravenously
    Intravenous use of pills
    DISCLAIMER:
    THIS GUIDE DOES NOT SUGGEST OR CONDONE IN ANY WAY INTRAVENOUS DRUG USE. FURTHERMORE TOTSE.INFO AND ALL MEMBERS THEROF TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE USE OF INFORMATION CONTAINED WITHIN THIS OR OTHER ARTICLES.

    So you’re ready to take the leap into intravenous ingestion of pills. First things first, this can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.

    What you will need:

    • Pill
    • Small metal basin (bottom of a soda can, spoon)
    • Syringe (your best bet is a 1cc allergy syringe)
    • Water
    • Filter (cotton from a qtip or unused cigarette works well)
    • Fire (preferably from a lighter, candles work, avoid matches)
    • Paper (nothing too thin)
    • Hard, flat surface
    • Hard object (not a penis)
    • Small Razor (no required but recommended)
    • Belt (any long chord will do as long as its durable)

    Step 1: Research
    Play it safe. Before doing anything make sure that you know exactly what you are going to be shooting up. You don’t want to overdose so research the pill. You want to know exactly how many milligrams there are and what your drug of choice will do to you considering the kind of high you will get and especially the come-down. Do your research! When you are confident about what you know and your safety with it you are ready for the next step.

    Step 2: The Pill
    Take your pill and break it as much as you want over the paper so that you don’t lose any. Now fold the paper securely with the broken pieces inside. Make sure it is a secure fold so that no powder or pill pieces can escape. Now place the folded paper on your hard surface and use your hard object to pulverize the pill inside. Be careful not to rip the paper and spill its contents. Continue to do this until the pill is broken down to a fine powder, as fine as you can manage. It isn’t necessary but you may want to use a small razor to chop up the powder.

    Step 3: Cooking


    Set the paper aside for now. Take your syringe and fill it up with water. Empty that water into your basin(if you are using a spoon you need to bend the spoon so that it will rest on the flat surface without spilling). Take another .5cc and add this to the basin because you’re about to simmer your pill and much of the water will turn to steam. One your basin is filled with water unfold the paper carefully, leaving one crease and pour its contents into the water. Now carefully and steadily hold the basin over a candle or an ignited lighter. In a moment the brew will come to a simmer. You may want to stir it a little which is okay but not necessary. Don’t boil your mixture or it will start popping and you will lose much of it. It shouldn’t take any longer than 20 seconds depending on the thickness of the metal basin. Once finished simmering slowly and carefully place the basin on the flat surface. You’re ready for the final step.

    Step 4: Clean Injection
    You’ve almost got everything ready. It is time for the filter. Simply place your cotton filter into the basin so that it soaks up a majority of the liquid. If you are using a clean cigarette cotton you should rip it in half first. If you are a q-tip take the cotton off both ends and mesh it together. You don’t want a big filter. Half the size of the basin is too big. Now pierce the needle of the syringe into the filter and draw. Certain pills will cause the liquid to draw slowly but do not get discouraged. Once you have filled your syringe set it aside. Loop your belt (or tie your chord) around the upper part of your arm, where your bicep is. Tie it very tightly so that your veins are poking out. Make the hand of that arm into a fist and pull it forward a few times if you can’t see your veins. After this if you still can’t see them… good luck. There is a very prominent vein on your arm at the crease of your elbow. This is the same vein that doctors use for setting an IV. This vein is your best and safest bet. Take the syringe and push the needle tip into this vein carefully. You want to come at it from an angle so that the needle doesn’t just puncture through but instead enters the vein. You will likely hear/feel a second pop when you have succeeded. If you think you have it in draw a little into the syringe. When you do this if you draw blood then you’re good to go, if not then try again. You may not want several needle marks on your arm so if you don’t get it right the first time you can wriggle the needle around without removing it and try to catch the vein. Once you are sure you have the needle in remove your belt (chord) and push in the plunger. Now just sit back and relax as you enjoy your instantaneous intravenous high.

    Discuss http://www.totse.info/bbs/showthread.php?t=10696

  • Vietnamese Salad Rolls

    These are a favorite of mine in the summer, very little heat is required, and they are nice and light so you don’t feel all stuffed after eating them, of course you’re hungry again 2 hours after eating them, but whatever, grab a burger. They are also good party/bbq appetizers as they can be made up to 24 hours in advance.

    Salad rolls are typically served with 2 different sauces, one is thin but strong sweet/sour sauce with some chilli’s and fish sauce, the other is a Vietnamese mod of Chinese Hoi Sin sauce. I usually make both.

    Sauce 1.

    • 1/2 cup white vinegar.
    • 1/2 cup water.
    • 1/2 cup sugar.
    • 1 tablespoon sambal olek, or chilli garlic sauce, or 2 tbsp crushed dry chillis.
    • 2 tablespoons vietnamese fish sauce.
    • 2 tbsp fine diced onion.
    • 2 tbsp fine diced red bell pepper.

    Place all ingredients in a pot and boil at high heat until the mixture has reduced by 1/3, strain and set aside to cool. This smells VERY funky while cooking, the fish sauce is like liquid anchovies, don’t worry, it tastes good.

    Sauce 2.
    If you can find Lee Kum Kee, Vietnamese style hoi sin, just use that, it comes in a squeeze bottle as opposed to the jar normal hoi sin comes in. Otherwise;

    • 1/3 cup Chinese hoi sin.
    • 1/4 cup sugar.
    • 2 tbsp water.
    • 2 tbsp ketchup.
    • 1 tbsp Vietnamese fish sauce.
    • 1 tbsp soy sauce.
    • dash rice wine vinegar.

    Stir the ingredients until the sugar dissolves,
    top with crushed peanuts.

    For the salad rolls, you will need.
    4 ‘cakes/bricks’ Chinese rice noodles. I have tried a lot of different rice noodles for this recipe, and the ones that come in the package in pic #1 work the best, use what you can find, you want about 4 cups of rehydrated noodles when you are done.

    A pack of Vietnamese rice sheets, get the square ones if you can, they are way easier to work with, don’t buy the small ones, unless you want tiny salad rolls for appies.

    • 100 g mung bean sprouts.
    • A head of iceberg or leaf lettuce.
    • 20 medium size prawns, cooked and cut lengthwise, or 40 small cooked prawns from a ‘shrimp ring’, tails removed in both cases.
    • OR
    • 1/2 a chicken, deboned, deskinned, and shredded. I like using chicken as it is a little more filling.
    • 100 g Thai Basil, Thai basil smells like basil and anise, you can use regular fresh basil if you can’t find it.
    • 1 bunch cilantro.
    • 1 bunch green onions.

    Pre show;

    Rehydrate the rice noodles by submerging them a pot of boiling water that has just been taken off the heat. You don’t want to cook them, the rice starch is already cooked. It will take about 20 minutes for the rice noodles to break apart and get flexible. You need to drain off the water and let them cool as soon as they are ready, don’t run cold water over them as this affects the texture, just let them cool in a wide bowl like the one in pic#1, tossing them a bit once in a while.

    Pluck the leaves off the Thai basil and cilantro, and chop the green onions coarsely. Rinse the mung bean sprouts well, unless you like to shit a lot.

    Tear or chop the lettuce into pieces.

    The show; (sorry I should have had pics for most of this, but it was not until this point that I thought ‘hey, I should post this method’)

    Make sure you have a large, clean, piece of countertop to work on. Take one of the rice sheets and run it under hot tap water on one side, moving it so the water gets on every bit, it will start to curl, but quickly flip it over and run the hot water on the other side, it will uncurl. The rice sheet will be a little pliable now, just lay it down flat on the counter and do 2 or 3 more.

    Now start with the ingredients;

    If you are using prawns, lay them down first, it looks nice, if you are using chicken the ingredients can go down in any order.

    The one on the left has the chicken and herbs, the one on the right has the rice noodles added. Treat this just like a burrito or wrap, too much and it’s gonna bust. I add the lettuce in the middle, but whatever, have fun, just get a nice bit of all the ingredients in the middle of the sheet, with some room at the ends.

    When you try to fold the rice sheet over, as shown below, you will notice that the rice sheet is stuck to the counter, just peel it up gently, fold the bottom over the filling, and roll it back a bit to tighten it up. Then fold the ends in as shown below. This takes a bit of practice, if you tear it or it looks like shit, just cut it open and put the filling on the next rice paper. Don’t be tempted to oil or spray the counter, if the rice paper gets oil on it it will not stick together properly. If you happen to have a fresh washed cotton or linen sheet handy, put the rice sheets on that and it will not stick as much.

    Now roll it up like a nice big doobie, remember the rice sheet will stick to anything, so be careful.

    Repeat 10 times, and you’re done. This method is a lot of work, and a little tricky, but the results are worth it;

    I can pull off the method in about 40 minutes, but I am the culinaryoverlord, and I make this once a week at least in the summer, so allow 1.5 hours. And yes, I am aware that it looks like a plate of albino cocks.

    C/O
    “11 hours at work today, why the hell am I even thinking of food?”

    Discuss http://www.totse.info/bbs/showthread.php?t=16737