There are certain things that I like about Pakistani Women and they’re tons of things that I hate about them. I am sure it’s Universal in some way. Pakistani girls are great for raising children, you sleep with them, get them pregnant and you’re set for life because you know for a FACT that no matter what happens you will always be in control. Even if you leave her and marry another girl, she will still raise YOUR child on her own. That’s one of the key problems that irritate me about girls.
Listen, I know as a woman you can’t leave your child but where does it say that you have to destroy your life just to raise your ex-husband kid that betrayed you and left you without a second glance. Sure, you can say it’s your leverage and if you give him the kid that means he wins but think about it, if you have the kid and raise him, he wins ANYWAY and you destroy yourself. The girl that I fell in love with had 3 kids and she basically fought her husband to win their custody, she later told me she wanted to prove everyone that she can do it but I knew that was a lie. She just couldn’t live without them but just for their sake she literally killed her life.
Even after telling her that in future she will regret it (she does now) she didn’t take action against it. Now, her ex-husband is fucking his other wife and having fun while she rots in her own private hell. And that simple fact makes me rage like a maniac. Now, the same situation is about to happen to someone close in the family and like a typical Pakistan women, she has decided to keep the baby and plans to live on her own and be independent. I didn’t talk to her or talk her into things, I am sure I would have to convince her in some way sooner or later.
But it’s amazing how illogical things are. My Dad basically told my love that she is an idiot for keeping the kids and I told her the same thing. When the guy that fucked you and left you dry, doesn’t give a fuck about them, it’s not your job to destroy yourself. In order to teach him a lesson, you should have left the kids in his custody. Would that hurt you, yes it will hurt. You will cry every day, you will miss them but in doing that you secure their future. Listen we’re all humans and guys aren’t that reliable, they will exploit girls in any way they can, sure you get lucky with someone awesome as me but that’s a rare exception.
Women of Pakistan, you get quality education thanks to your family, you are taught since the very start to be independent and when the time comes to prove that you can do it, you run off or act like total idiot. If you believe in your own Religion (Islam) then why are you worried about your child safety? According to Islam, the children wellbeing is up to Allah. So, why can’t you trust HIM or why can’t you take the logical stance.
If the man is trying to run away, shackle him down with a kid, that’s something girls do here but once he is shackled and breaks off, why do you take all the chains off and drown yourself in sorrow. You know for a fact that living with kids in a Country like Pakistan is close to being a whore in the eyes of men (not kidding). They will harass you and they will try to bed you in any way possible and you will live a life with the knowledge that you messed up and no one would seriously try to marry you. Unless your rich and you will always know he married you for the money.
My girl told me something that I don’t think I will ever forget. She said that her father begged her to drop the kids and live alone, leave them otherwise she will live life in hell. She ignored him, didn’t listen to him at that point and now she regrets it. She wishes she could have changed things. But she was stubborn as usual.
Same goes with my Dad, he basically told my family members the same thing; if you’re going to marry with someone on your own, don’t expect us to bail you out. It’s your decision; it’s your life and deal with it. Frankly I was the lucky one thanks to Totseans especially TDR and Jugg, who gave me sound advice. Sure my Dad helped as well but he wasn’t that practical with things.
Look, there is no point in going on with life if you don’t have any self-respect for yourself. The reason I had to back out of love was simple, that girl that I lost my heart to wasn’t thinking logically, she wouldn’t listen to me and even if I made the jump, my life and her would be hell. And that’s another reason why girls should drop the kids with their dads if they’re breaking up.
If you’re a girl with kids, your chances of finding Mr. Right pretty much go out. You will have to work extra hard to find the right person and even then it’s a long shot. I am not kidding, after three kids a girl is basically used up, and in this age after one you can see the girl body reacting. The tits go down, the weight go up and you can see them transforming into a Maid that can only take care of kids. Sure, they’re good with dealing with kids, they can cook and always try to keep you happy but there are other issues as well.
It’s different in the Western Countries, I talked to my friend in Germany and she said it’s normal for girls to have kids and hook up with other guys but it’s not normal in Pakistan and this thread is about Pakistani girls and girls around the world living in an Islamic society. Its gamble with life, you find someone and you just have to take a big risk. It can either work or it won’t work. Love has nothing to do with it, if you have love and can maintain it, it’s a bonus but at the end deep understanding between the partners is what makes or breaks a marriage.
People rush to marry in an instant, I know how close I came to committing and it was only my questioning self that saved me from doing something that might end up really bad for me and my family.
LISTEN, if you’re a girl and you are with a child and you have a vague sense that the guy you’re living with is going to fuck you up in future, start preparing for the worst. I know you love your child but you can have more, hell some girls I know have 11 children. But think about it, the guy in this relationship is free from any responsibility. You feed him (child), you stay up all night looking after him and you brace him every day and while he does whatever he wants. There is no justice in this.
THINK LOGICALLY, always put your emotions aside, they never work. I learned the hard way and I am thankful for it, I am pretty great on the Internet but my IRL personality needs to change and I am working on it. Drop the kids, single women can’t work and manage alone, a guy can manage because he can hook up with another girl or at least when you dump the kids on HIM, he will understand what he did and there is a chance that he will drop down. Kids are an ideal weapon and as a woman you should be able to use them. That doesn’t mean you’re bed or the worst mother of all, I am sure I can find plenty of girls that are worse than you but this is about your children future.
All men aren’t the same, but Pakistan men are the worst. As soon as they sniff white they will leave you behind with the kids and won’t come back. This brings me to another point. DON’T EVER FUCKING HAVE KIDS WITHIN THE FIRST TWO YEARS OF A MARRIAGE. Girls here usually go down the baby route in first few months and that’s something I hate with all my heart. You barely even got to the point of building a relationship and you already went ahead and brought another life into the mix.
Girls say that they didn’t know what was going on, he jumped on top and then left me. What the fuck is wrong with you? There is Internet and TV ADs, hell you can even talk to a lady health worker. In short, there are plenty of ways of educate yourself about your body, there are pills. Even if the guy is trying to have a child that doesn’t mean you should go along with it. Remember once you go fat, unless you’re really hard worker or blessed with an amazing body, it’s a bitch to recover. Unless you’re planning to move into the Western society or you’re already independent women that can earn money and can take care of the expenses.
Guys prefer girls who lose their shape because they know that there is nothing to worry about, the wife is a done deal. She will always remain in his control; the fact the he doesn’t raise the kids or helps you out when they’re born should be enough for YOU. Look, read the newspapers, check the Internet blogs. It’s filled with stories about relationships. Kindly educate yourself, if you’re a girl thinking about getting hooked, THINK AGAIN.
The world is a bitch to live in; settling down with someone isn’t that easy anymore. Times have changed and this society is weird. Either move to a Country where you can have some freedom of thought and life or start blending in. Pakistan is a ruthless Country for single mothers trying to survive on their own.
I’m confused by this post. If you love this girl, why don’t be with her? Why is it a problem that she has children? You are angry with her because she loves her children? Because she wants to be with them? That is confusing to me. Mothers love their children. They want to be with them. Children love their mothers and want to be with them.
Why would her children stop you from being with her? From loving her? She sounds like a good mother. She’d be a good mother to your children too.People all over the world date, love and marry people who have children from previous marriages. I’m not sure of the religious issues. Does your religion prevent you from loving someone who already has children? Or is it a cultural issue?Pardon me if I sound ignorant… but this doesn’t make sense to me.
I’m confused by this post. If you love this girl, why don’t be with her? Why is it a problem that she has children? You are angry with her because she loves her children? Because she wants to be with them? That is confusing to me. Mothers love their children. They want to be with them. Children love their mothers and want to be with them.
Why would her children stop you from being with her? From loving her? She sounds like a good mother. She’d be a good mother to your children too.People all over the world date, love and marry people who have children from previous marriages. I’m not sure of the religious issues. Does your religion prevent you from loving someone who already has children? Or is it a cultural issue?Pardon me if I sound ignorant… but this doesn’t make sense to me.
It’s mostly a cultural issue, even though the religion
permits it, the society would always question it. Also, the sad fact is, she is
worried about what people will think. I know this whole post wouldn’t make
sense and it shouldn’t if you’re a mother but it’s more like a wish. There is a
strong belief here regarding children, their safety, their upbringing and their
future is left to ALLAH. I have seen families with children and little or no
money to feed them & whenever you ask them what they’re going to do, they
will just say “Allah brought them here; he will take care of them”.
So, with that mentality you know things aren’t going to work out. Plus there
isn’t any organization here that activity monitors child abuse or equivalent to
West Child Social Services. I know things are changing in Pakistan but the
process will take years.
In the West being with someone with children is a non-issue, you can stay
together without marrying and no will bother you but here you can get into a
lot of trouble. Also it’s not uncommon for their biological father to kidnap
the kids and kill your family, considering his attempts in the past it’s only
logical that he will try to harm her again. You can easily payoff money and get
someone killed. If you belong to a village then they will do it for you in the
name of your family honor.
For me that was one of the key issues, safety for her family and my family. I
know love is important but I also know that certain things must be taken
seriously. There is no way we can be together in Pakistan and for her to leave
this place she needs to make a choice. If she leaves this place and tries to settle
someplace else, I will of course follow her but as long as she is stuck here, I
can’t make my move.
Love is blind, if your kid is the worst guy in the World a loving mother will
love him, you could kill people day and night and your Mother will just look
over it. That’s where the problem lies, even though you can see and sense that
something will hurt your children in the future you won’t take proper action
and most of the women here are powerless as well in their minds. They’re not
bold enough to take the steps needed to fight the system. I have a big family and I fear that some time
in future something like this could happen to my family as well.
And I know they will not listen to me even though I would be
trying to help them, but they will just raise the kid and simply give in to the
society and will always be in that unwanted dark place where all the dreams are
dead. I will always support them but
sometimes I wish they could just see the reality and understand how the world
operates. The weak always get taken down, only the strong survive.
In the end it’s all about education, women here get quality education but they
never implement it in their real life, they will always follow Islamic teaching
even though their Husband will ignore the rules. As a guy I know for a fact
that I can have my way with wife and still go unchallenged, I also know if we
have a child (this is an example) I can get the custody of it even though she
is the one who raised it.
I mean we’re living in a corrupt society with unconventional
thinking. It’s really a messed up place. So, my only valid advice for anyone
looking for real freedom is to get out of the system and break free.
Now your frustration makes much more sense.
I can’t imagine how hard it would be to love your children and know that being with them may mean your own death and theirs. It is a horrifying choice. Especially if an ex-husband is that violent. Leaving them behind would be impossible. It would be like betraying your children. Yet keeping them would put them in danger too.
And it is a horrible situation for you that you cannot be with someone because of the danger to your life and your reputation.Being angry at the women who are put in such horrifying situation—facing the loss of their children or the loss of their honor/lives—doesn’t make sense to me. Either decision would be like losing a piece of her soul. Each woman will have to make the decision that would do the least damage to their spirit. I understand that your anger comes from knowing that her decision will negatively impact her life and yours. It’s anger at the situation. I understand that her choice would be difficult, painful and frustrating from your perspective. Truthfully, I’d be more angry at the men who allow the problem to continue. Men often respect other men much more than they respect women’s voices. If the good men would come together to stand up for women, things might change. I bet there are lot’s of good men like you, who don’t know what to do. If these men come together to talk about it they may realize that they are not alone. Eventually they could come together to call for change. Legislation and prosecution of the men who behave so abominably would be a start. But you are right, it would take time. The situation sounds similar to the civil rights movement in America. Fifty years ago a black person couldn’t drink from the same fountain or walk on the same sidewalk with a white person. Black people were treated horribly, often without consequence. Everyone just accepted that this was how life worked. And if a black person tried to stand up for himself, sometimes his own people would get mad at him for stirring up trouble. But then one sweet black lady decided to sit in the white section of the bus. And then some students decided to sit in the white-only cafeteria. People came together in groups to say they wanted change. They marched. It had never happened before. It was shocking and uncomfortable to the society. There were riots and people were killed. But things changed. Slowly. Today we have a black president.In some ways, your lady is like the lady who sat in the white section of the bus. I hope that Pakistan will see such a shift in consciousness so that in the future, people like you and your love will have an easier time.And I hope you and your lady find a solution that works for both of you.
Thanks for the honest response. I wouldn’t mind leading the front but to be honest whenever religion is involved your chances of any success are limited especially if you consider we’re talking about Islam here. We both have decided what to do and we have been doing it almost two weeks. We moved on, before any major damage occurred we realized what was at stake and backed off. Trust me I am mad at Pakistani men, I consider them the lowest form of men.
But again, I am just trying to draw some light to the situation, it’s painful to see that I am living in such a backward place, even though they have Internet and TV, they’re still mud people inside. I guess if they read other books and actually tried to understand things, we would be living in a different world.
I know the change will come sooner or later, already Karachi which is considered a Mega city is leading the front in Fashion but it’s also a hub for crime. So, yeah unless the people of this Country actually learn from the West (the west as I see it, open, knowledgeable and conscious off their actions) (not the sex induced culture). Seriously, it’s funny that instead of adopting some great Western habits, we actually focus on Sins.
Oh well, We can wish all we want but in the end, someone has to take action. Due to some very realistic reasons, I can’t be that voice in Pakistan. Unfortunately my brain works and I know it’s pointless to waste my life for a lost cause. I am calling it a waste because if you read Pakistani newspapers you will get an overview of what’s going on. People get killed for far less in Pakistan. All it takes is my bad luck and some pissed of Pakistani to get me killed.
I can’t imagine what it must be like. And forgive me if my suggestions were presumptuous. I get frustrated with my own country and wonder how I can change anything, yet I’m not living under fear or oppression.
Change is always slower than we’d like. Fortunately, cell phones and the internet seem to be speeding things up. People can’t completely live in their own little world anymore. Other options, ideas and ways of living are being opened to the world. Look at us. Two people from different countries and cultures, exchanging dialog and getting a deeper understanding of problems and solutions.
It seems like you are doing your part by making the world aware of the issues through this blog. That takes courage too. Everyone does what they can.
I hope that things get better for you.
🙂
Thanks, well to be honest I was lucky with the Internet. I
was part of a community (still am) which is different from other societies; I
have been exposed to extreme content, something that normally people would run
away from. Oh this isn’t really a blog; it’s a portal (CMS) for the Totseans
Community which is based on TOTSE (The Temple of the Screaming Electrons). You
usually see me writing or posting stuff because well, we’re going through some
change. TOTSE has a legacy of its own, after its fall we basically merged with
the Internet, users went on with life and the few left moved to different
communities.
In reality I am different, I am not something that you will find anywhere (especially
in Pakistan), I became different thanks to this Community that I love so much,
I know change is hard and it takes time but on the Internet it can be done in
matters of minutes. That’s why we created this place.
It’s a long and quite interesting subject. You can read about it here:
http://www.totseans.com/about-us/
we did went through different phases, the original community hates anything
social especially Facebook, twitter etc. This is the only project from the
Totse in existence that’s connected with the social network, is always
changing, developing itself and aiming for something real.
I will say I wrote a lot of messed up stuff in the past (Let’s just say things
that we’re really negative), especially after losing TOTSE, I mean it was my
support pillar and for a while most of us just didn’t knew what to do and
finally after 4 years, we finally decided on what to do. We lost a lot of
support but change isn’t easy. Especially if you consider you’re dealing with
people who have spent most of their lives with something that they thought
would never die.
So, we (Totseans.com Community) decided that there is always a need for a place
where people can share stuff, learn and get real help. And that’s why we built
this place again; we built it two times already. It was totse.info before, we
pulled in traffic, we had porn and drugs sections and it had complete free
speech, you could use racial terms and anything would go but after getting
users and dealing with crap we decided that we’re just cloning a concept that
wasn’t successful in the past (I mean the TOTSE that we love did die) and I
kicked everything off and started from scratch. Totseans.com was launched in Dec
2011 and we went from climbing to the top and actually winning the race for
traffic to sitting at the bottom.
The change did come with a prize, in order to completely
bring a new concept I had to let go of people, I had to clean the house and it
was hard but I knew it was for the best. So, we started again, the drive was
lost, I was busy with work and after trying and finding our way, we went back.
Then I gave it another go (this time), and everything
worked. We got the new theme in place, the users were back and we’re slowly
climbing on top. We have tons of things planned, we mostly work whenever we can
and we all do this because we believe in each other and the funny thing is, we
do this because we love doing it. (Everything is free here)
The reason I gave you a small background about my life is
simple, I want you to see what drives me, I want you to understand that I am
different because I basically interacted with people who were real and honest,
who cared and respected me. That’s the reason I am different and that’s the
reason why I always try my level best to bring happiness in this world. And
that’s another reason why I can’t risk my life by doing stunts because people
value me, they love me and they know how vital I am to them.
So, it’s mostly for their sake that I keep on driving ahead.
I do get misrepresented on Twitter a lot, like I always follow adult stars and
models because I know in my Country they’re always viewed as the lowest form of
womanhood (in short they’re called whores and I will quote “these girls who
show off their bodies will burn in hell”) and that’s why I always try to cheer
them up and support them because I want to show them that there are still
people in this world that will not judge them for what they’re doing.
Wow, I didn’t want to write this much but I seldom get to
share stuff in this manner. The community already knows this, and I can’t
express things on twitter (180 Char limit) and no one likes using Skype with a
random guy. In reality I do hate using twitter but it’s the only way I can
connect with the world and spread some love.
Thanks for reading it, I would welcome you to join the
community but it’s not essential. If you need anything just ask. I honestly
love helping people out It’s one of the few things that make me happy. This
little community is my real home; it’s my source of power and motivation. I
honestly want to share it with everything so they can feel the same way as me.
Again thanks for reading and responding. My English isn’t that good but I do keep
working on it.
Some times 😀