Morning Wood, The Essential Guide on Dealing With Morning Wood

Living in Pakistan has taught me one thing, Morning Wood is something that I have to deal with every morning, regardless of what my mental state is, and it’s always there, deep in covers mocking me. If you want to go technical on this, than read up on Nocturnal penile tumescence, I do agree with the full bladder scenario because like many men I have to deal with taking pee in some very hard circumstances. The problem with morning wood for me is, it comes with some very perverted thoughts, like I thought about this article while thinking of fixing the problem and I ended up taking a shower afterwards (hint: wanked + then showered).

This is guide, I will use my personal experience (to a certain degree) to guide with dealing with this curse/blessing in a more ordinary manner.

Get a Wife:

Perhaps the cure to everything except mental illness, having a wife sleeping next to you while you wake up is a blessing because your brain already knows where to use the wood. But wait, don’t go running off and buying a Russian bride, you have to learn some simple facts. Unless your partner knows you like to use up your wood in her in the morning while she is asleep, DON’T try it, unless you like getting nail marks all over you or end up not eating dinner for a day. The best course of action is to tell her what you’re going to do and make her accept the fact and then be gentle and use lube or just have gentle sex while getting the wood away. This is the best way of dealing with it but sometimes you partner might not be willing or doesn’t want it or you might smell like shit.

Hint: Giving her an incentive like cooking breakfast might get her to take your side faster!

Get a Maid:

If your wife doesn’t want to DEAL with the situation then having a Mexican maid or some hot or semi-hot maid that can KEEP her mouth shut is a real blessing. You don’t have to fake things with her. Go down while your beloved is sleeping and shag her, make sure to wear protection and then take a shower and you’re good to go. If you’re short on time, get a blowjob.

Get a Girl Friend:

You would be a fool not to test your girlfriend with MWT (morning wood test). Unlike your legal wife or your paid maid, GF’s are difficult and they might not side with you on this, use the power on incentive and tell her that taking care of your morning wood shows how much you value me etc. Make up some fine excuses but do add a bit of honesty in it, women can easily spot if their male counterparts are lying unless they’re drunk.  Again, when dealing with a partner it’s always a bit hard to get what YOU want in a timely manner. It’s not like the wood will last forever.

Wincest:

Well, you get the idea. No need to explain this.

Hump the Blanket:

Probably a messing technique, which basically forces you to rub your willy against a warm blanket while wearing something, it’s a bit interesting to do and if you’re lazy like hell, the rewards are amazing but it’s really messy and you will need to change the sheets and what not after your done and trust me you get DONE pretty fast. Don’t get in the habit of doing this; it may harm your willywonka.

Use Your Wank Hand:

When all else fails, your trusted buddy always comes through, in this case your hand. It never says No (thankfully) and it always does a proper job (unlike someone else we all know) and it never shy’s away from experimentation. Keep tissues and some lube handy and if you’re like me, make sure to UNDRESS FIRST, I know it is cold but it makes getting up and taking a shower a lot easier. You wank and use your awesome imagination to guide you through or grab your GF/Wife tits and get it done. Once you’re finished, breathe and wipe away the joy and get ready for whatever you do after waking up.

Relieving Wood Using Method 2:

Consider you’re in a tight spot and want to relieve your wood but without using the ordinary method than you’re left with some simple choices.

Breathe & Focus:

Man using this sucks but it works, just stay still and think about something else, really focus on it and after few minutes the situation down below will go away, walking it off also works. But it’s a waste of such a fine boner.

Using Totseans Certified Lube:

If you’re really, I mean really in a tight spot than using TCL is your best bet. It works in seconds and will make your cry like a baby and will kill your boner in an instant, but what is TCL, it’s called… ANY PAIN RELIEVING TUBE. Simply put, get hands on VICKS or something that resembles it (in function). It’s mostly used to cure high fever and get your nose clear. It’s pretty effective when you get a damn cold. Just apply a VERY small amount on your dick and in few seconds you will feel the world go upside down.

You will run to the washroom and get it cleaned and in doing so, all your wood worries will be taken care off.

Using the Old Fashion Method:

Pinch it, yes you heard it right, pinching the wood will also result in losing your wood, also singing your national Anthem will work but then everyone will know what you’re doing.

I am sure there are tons of other methods that you can try, from humping walls to using doorknobs or your pet… but I thought for once I should keep this as clean as possible.

Use comments/forum for suggestions.